True Reflections: Scars Saga 3
by SweetSunnyRose
Summary: Tensions are mounting. A second war is imminent. After a vicious attack, Katherine struggles to maintain the illusion. With the final battle looming nearer, ones True Reflections must shine through. Part 3 to the Scars Saga including Scars, and Perfect Illusion.
1. Prologue: Year at a Glance

**Well... Here it is. Part 3 to the Scars Saga. I hope enjoy.**

 **Prologue:**

 **Year at a Glance**

 _ **31 October, 1994**_

"This is madness, Dumbledore. You're not really going along with this, are you?" I asked.

I was in the Headmaster's office along with McGonagall, Snape, and Mad-Eye. The champions for the Triwizard Tournament had been selected, and Harry was among them. Bagman and Crouch had insisted that the Goblet of Fire constituted a magical contract, despite the fact that Harry was underage. After Bagman had finally trotted off to bed, I stuck around to try and convince Dumbledore to not let Harry compete.

"You heard Barty, Katherine," McGonagall said.

"Yes, but this is Harry we're talking about. He's fourteen; he hasn't even taken his OWLs yet. He's not ready for something like this."

"Then Potter should have considered the consequences more carefully before entering his name," Snape drawled.

"If Harry said he didn't do it, then he didn't do it," I replied through my teeth.

Snape snorted. "He is his father's son."

"You know his mother had _something_ to do with it. You do realize how _it_ works don't you?" I spat, my eyes darting downward with purpose before flashing up to meet his steely gaze once more.

"Katherine!" McGonagall scolded in a tone that said she would have deducted points from my house if possible.

"Sorry, Professor," I mumbled in her direction.

"What's it to you?" Mad-Eye asked from his corner. "Why are you so concerned with the boy?"

"Why am I so concerned…?"

I hadn't informed Moody of my true relation with Harry; there didn't seem to be a need to. I was never particularly close with Mad-Eye. I'm not sure that anyone apart from Dumbledore was, but I did respect him. And I think he held some respect for Kate as well. However, Sirius seemed to think it best to limit how many people I told. After all, the illusion kept me hidden from Peter all these years.

"Because, Professor Moody, I've known the boy his whole life. I've watched him grow like a mother would. He's spent weekends and summer holidays at my place. I think of him like family."

Snape gave an indignant huff before addressing Dumbledore. "Despite her…familiar objections, Ms. _Porter_ has failed to realize that if Harry did not put his name in the Goblet…"

"…Which he didn't."

"..then the only way to figure out who is behind it is to let the events unfold…for the time."

"What?" McGonagall gasped. "And do nothing?"

"Yeah, and if Harry happens to find himself in mortal danger you won't break your back to save him, will you?" I snapped in Snape's direction. For a second I thought I saw the twitch of a smirk.

"I agree," Dumbledore began slowly and I turned my attention back to him. "…with Severus, Ms. Porter. I can assure you, however, that we will work diligently to find the culprit and to protect Harry."

I saw the firm resolution in the Headmaster's eyes, and I knew I would only be wasting my breath to try and reason with him.

 _ **24 November 1994**_

Dragons! The first task was dragons! If I had known that Harry would have to get a golden egg from a nesting dragon, then I would have given him extra homework as a pretense to helping him.

After fifteen grueling minutes, in which my nerves ate at my cuticles until they bled, Harry grabbed the golden egg and tied for first place with Krum.

 _ **26 December 1994**_

I secured my charmed scarf around my neck a little tighter as Jonathan and I trudged through the snow to Hogsmeade.

"I really like her, Mum," Jonathan said.

I smiled. "Oh? Well she is quite pretty."

"It's more than that," he insisted. "She's smart; she's fearless, and not just on the Quidditch pitch either. I see that same fierceness in her every day, lurking inside her eyes, daring anyone to force it out of her. And…yeah, she was beautiful last night. Did you see her, Mum?"

"I did, and I'm happy for you, Son. And I'm really glad you finally told me. Now, just remember to always be a gentleman and treat her with the respect she deserves."

"Don't worry, Mum. I won't ask her to go behind the greenhouse shed." I could hear him rolling his eyes.

"I better not find out you've asked her to go anywhere else either. Believe me, I know all the good corners, crevices, tapestries, and hidden rooms to…hide in."

"Hidden rooms?"

"Oh yes; your father and I did quite a bit of exploring in our…"

"Eww! Mum, stop! Please! I do not need to know about any…exploring you and dad did."

I laughed as we passed into Hogsmeade.

Remus was waiting for us in the village. He pushed off the sign post he'd been leaning against and made his way over when he saw us. It had been four months since I last saw him, so I took the time to observe him. His hair was a little lighter and grayer than I remembered. His face looked a little thinner, as though he'd had to skip a meal or two. The new cloak he wore, a Christmas gift I'd helped Jonathan pick out, partially hid his tattered clothes. But, he still carried himself with the same respect and dignity he always had.

"Hey, Dad; happy Christmas," Jonathon greeted as he and Remus exchanged a hug.

"Happy Christmas, Jonathan. Thanks for the cloak."

"You're welcome. Does it fit alright?"

"Yeah, it's fine. Thank you."

When Remus turned his eyes upon me, my heart gave an involuntary flutter.

"Katherine," he greeted with an almost forced kindness.

"Remus," I replied. "Happy Christmas."

"And you as well." Then he held out a small wrapped parcel to me. "This is for you."

I smiled and took the gift with one hand while the other sunk into my pocket.

"Thanks, but I thought we decided not to exchange gifts."

"It's from Padfoot," he replied softly, leaning towards me.

"Oh…" My smiled waivered slightly and I released his gift I had hidden in my pocket. It dropped back into the depths of my cloak like a gold brick.

"So you've…you've heard from him then?" I asked.

At the end of summer I had dropped Sirius off at Remus' cottage, hoping he would stay there. Evidently, Sirius had other plans. He didn't stay more than a week before taking off to who knows where.

"Very little, but yes," Remus replied.

"And is he well? Is he staying safe?"

"As safe as he ever was."

"That's not very reassuring."

Remus smiled genuinely. "No, I don't suppose it is."

"So, what did he get you?" Jonathan asked, breaking the slight tension that had arisen between Remus and me.

I carefully opened the small package and laughed out loud as the bag of candy fell into my hand.

"What's so funny about a bag of _Swedish Fish_?" Jonathan asked, a confused look on his face. Remus on the other hand was smiling.

"This is so typical of him," I said.

"What? Lame gifts?"

"No…Sirius and I never gave each other a gift that was…well...serious. We've always exchanged gag gifts. And since becoming Animagi, our gifts have related to our animal form somehow. I bought him dog biscuits on year, which he ate…without being in his dog form, mind you."

"I remember he gave you cat-nip in seventh year," Remus said with a laugh.

"Merlin! Yes! I forgot about that. That stuff was potent too. I was strung out for like a week."

"It's a good thing we didn't have class that week."

"Ugh! Could you imagine the look on McGonagall's face if I walked in to transfiguration strung out on cat-nip?"

"She might ask for your supplier," Jonathan quipped.

Remus laughed in a manner than penetrated my core and tore at my heart. His laughter was a sound that I duly missed. We hadn't spoken to each other since August when I picked Jonathan up before the World Cup, apart from the three owls it took to set up this meeting. The distance between us was greater than it ever was, and I missed him terribly. I still thought about him often. I wondered if he ever thought about me.

"Well, I… I guess I'll leave you to it then," I said. "Remember he has OWLs this year, so he needs to be back at reasonable time."

Remus nodded.

"Mum, it's Christmas."

"And how much homework do you have to finish, Mr. Prefect?" I asked pointedly. "Have fun." I turned and walked away.

"Mum, wait!" Jonathan called. "You don't have to leave, you know. You could stay with us."

I looked towards Remus to read his response. It didn't take long. I would have loved to stay and spend time with both of them, like a family, but it was clear to me that Remus didn't want me there. Of course, he'd never say as much in front of Jonathan. I looked away from Remus and fought to keep the hurt at bay as I tried to smile convincingly at Jonathan.

"What? And intrude on guy time? I think not. Besides, now I have to make a trip by the Pet Shoppe for a gift. I'll see you later."

I risked another look at Remus, and received a tight lipped smile in return.

 _ **24 February 1995**_

For the second task, the champions had to search the depths of the Black Lake for something that was taken from them. Harry had to find Ron. He was the last to emerge from the lake, but was still awarded second place for his "Moral Fiber." Apparently, he was the first to find the hidden hostages, but remained behind to make sure all of them were rescued.

As nerve-wracking as I found the tournament, and as much as I wished he wasn't participating at all, I was still very proud of Harry's achievements so far.

 **26 May 1995**

Sirius sent me a letter from wherever he was hiding.

 _Be careful! I know about Crouch going mad on the grounds, and I urge you and Jonathan to keep a close eye out. Something is stirring out here. I know Leo can sense it too. It's beginning to feel like it did before. I wish I could be there to hex anyone who so much as looked at you wrong…I owe it to James. Don't protest; I do. Stay safe and watch over our boys._

 _Sirius_


	2. The Final Trial

**Ok, so the I know the Prologue is short and there's not much to go on. So here's chapter 1 for you. Enjoy! (And thanks for all the alerts and favorites already!)**

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

 **The Final Trial**

 _ **24 June 1995**_

"Molly! Bill!" I greeted each with a hug, which Molly returned enthusiastically. "It's so great to see you both here. Harry will be thrilled!"

"Where do you think he is?" Molly asked as she looked over my shoulder towards the door.

It was the day of the last trial and tradition allowed for the champion's family to visit. I invited the Weasleys on Harry's behalf, but only Molly and Bill were able to come. We had gathered in a small room just off the Great Hall.

"I'm not sure…" I said. "You know, let me go see if I can find him. I'll send him in and catch up with you later."

"You could always stick around," Bill said. I didn't fail to notice Molly's amused smile.

"I wish I could, but I have an exam to get to."

"It's the middle of the day."

"I didn't say it was my exam. I'm helping to administer the Transfiguration NEWT; we can't administer our own you know."

I waved farewell and stepped back into the Great Hall. I spotted Harry at the oak doors and called out to him.

"Did Professor McGonagall tell you about the Champion's visitors?" I asked as I met up with him.

"Er—yeah, but I didn't think…"

"…that the Dursleys would come? No, I don't suspect they would. That's why I didn't invite them. I did take the liberty of inviting a few other people though; they're in there waiting for you."

"Oh…ok. Thanks."

"Sure, before you go in there, however. I…I just want to say how proud I am of the way you've handled yourself in this competition. You've shown enough poise to satisfy Lily, and enough daring nerve that would have James beaming with pride."

"Oh! Er—I…thanks."

"You are quite welcome. Though, of course, I didn't need the Triwizard Tournament to know all of this." I winked at him and he smiled.

"Also, this is from Remus," I continued as I handed him a sealed letter. "I invited him as well, but he seemed to think it best not to come considering most people's attitude towards his… _condition_ … I really hate calling it that, but…" I finished with a noncommittal shrug.

"Now, I really must be going, or I'm going to be late and McGonagall will be cross. Best of luck tonight, Harry."

 **XXX**

That evening I sat with Molly and Bill in the stands surrounding the Quidditch pitch, which now encompassed a massive maze. We carried on in conversation as we waited for the Champions to finish the final task. Every now and then we would catch a glimpse of different jets of light when one of them would cast a spell inside the hedges. But other than that there really wasn't much else to do.

Suddenly a great 'ohhh' spread over the crowd. Red sparks had been fired straight into the air. Someone had decided to leave the maze.

"Who do you think it is?" Molly asked.

"I don't know, but I kind of hope it's not Harry," I confessed. Both Bill and Molly looked at me. "What? It's true. Look, I'm the last person who wanted him in this thing to begin with, but…Well…he's come this far. It'd be nice if he took home the cup."

"I have to admit," Molly began, "that would be nice."

"Here they come; it's…"

"Fleur Delacour," I said with a sigh.

"I thought you didn't want it to be, Harry," Bill said.

"I didn't, but….I was hoping the only female competitor wouldn't finish in last place."

I saw the corner of Bill's lips rise in a smile, but his eyes were focused on Miss Delacour. I can't say I was disappointed though. Bill's a great guy, and we got along well enough, but there was no extra _something_ between us. It was fun to play with Molly though, and as long as we flirted Molly didn't nag him to cut his hair or remove his earring.

"So, Bill, will you be returning to Egypt after all of this?" I asked.

"Yeah…I think so, probably," he replied, pulling his eyes off of Fleur.

"You know, I've always wanted to see the stars in Egypt. I bet they're quite the sight."

"Oh! They're unbelievable." His lips quirked a little. "If you find the time to make it down this summer, I'd be happy to give you and Jonathan an exclusive tour."

"That sounds great, but I was thinking perhaps I could leave Jonathan at the Burrow and we could make that a one-on-one tour."

Bill's smirk grew. "Yeah. And Mum could start planning the wedding."

"Oh stop!" Molly said; Bill and I laughed. "You think I don't know you two are taking the mick on me?" Then she crossed her arms over her chest and pouted.

"Oh Molly," I cried as I lay my head on her shoulder. "You know I don't tease to be cruel."

"I know." She still sounded like she was pouting. I looked back over at Bill to see that he was looking elsewhere once more.

"Besides, I think Bill may be more into blondes." I nodded my head towards Bill who was watching Fleur. Molly's frown deepened.

"What if she's not good enough for my Bill?"

"She…" I stopped suddenly and looked back at Molly. "You think…"

"Well of course you're good enough, Katherine. You think I was pushing this simply because you're my friend?"

I was speechless. How was I supposed to respond to that? Fortunately, I was saved the trouble when another gasp went over the crowd. More red sparks had been fired into the air. The entire crowd was on the edge of their seat as we waited to see who would emerge.

It was Viktor Krum. Suddenly the Hogwarts students erupted into cheer as they realized that one of their Champions would be the victor.

 **XXX**

After Krum returned, the atmosphere around the maze was electric. We knew we were going to have a Hogwarts Champion; we just didn't know who it would be. Everyone was jittery with anticipation. Even the students from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang were excited to see who would emerge with the cup.

We waited for over an hour. The sun had long descended and the stars were prominent in the sky. There was a slight chill to the air, but nothing a light cloak wouldn't solve. Molly, Bill, and I tried to continue on in conversation, but with each passing minute our anticipation grew. Until at last there was a flash of light and two young boys appeared before the maze with the cup in hand.

The crowd erupted with a roaring cheer.

"I don't believe it! He did it! _They_ did it, together!"

"That's so typical of him though, Molly. I'm not surprised at all," I said.

My voice faded out in the end. I'd kept my eyes on Harry. Something wasn't right. He was slumped over on the ground, face buried in the grass, clutching the cup for dear life, and Cedric didn't appear to be moving at all. The knot that had begun forming in my stomach at the World Cup was back with a vengeance and heavy as a boulder.

"I have to get down there."

I stood and squeezed by Molly on my way out. I pushed through the crowd of students, keeping my eye on Harry the whole time. Dumbledore, Fudge, and a few others were crowded around Harry and Cedric blocking them from the general view. When I finally hit the grassy pitch, I took off running towards the cluster. Harry's wails became more prominent the closer I got.

I skidded to a halt on my knees, staining my pants with grass. Harry was still slumped over Cedric despite all attempts to move him. I placed my hand on his back and leaned forward. As I did I got a clear view of Cedric; I knew the blank look in his eyes instantly. Harry was clutching onto Cedric's dead body.

"Harry… Oh, Harry…come here," I said softly, pulling on his shoulder.

Harry looked up at me, his face stained with dirt and blood. His eyes red with tears. An intense pain like none I'd felt before, swept over me at the sight of his grief, and I had to fight against my own tears. Suddenly, he let go of Cedric and the cup and threw his arms around me. I cradled him to my chest and rocked him gently.

I murmured comforting words into his hair while I kissed the top of his head. Harry, meanwhile, balled the back of my robes into his fist and sobbed into my chest. His shoulders shook with every breath and he muttered incoherently. The crowd around us was starting to grow as people became curious as to what was going on. I could hear whispers and screams spreading like fire.

"He's dead… Cedric's dead…"

I knew I had to get Harry away from prying eyes. I threw my arm out to grab Dumbledore's.

"I have him. He doesn't need to be around this right now," I said.

Something in my look must have told him that I wouldn't budge from this because Dumbledore didn't protest. He gave a short, quick nod and turned towards the approaching Amos. I dug my hand into my robes for my wand and cast a disillusionment charm over us and cast us in a sphere of silence. No one would hear or see us leaving.

"Come on, Harry, up you go. Shh, now; I'm here. I'm not leaving you. Let's go, come on."

I gently coaxed him to his feet and led him away from the hovering crowd. Their screams and whispers were becoming more frantic as word of Cedric's death spread. I led Harry back towards the castle. His tears began to subside, but he continued to shake and mutter.

"I had to bring him back… He asked me to bring his body back… I couldn't leave him there…"

"Of course not, Harry. You did the right thing. You brought Cedric back to his parents."

Most of our trip consisted of similar phrases. I wished so much to be able to hold him and kiss away his pain like I had before.

 _ **Summer 1985**_

 _It was a bright, sunny day in Little Whinging. Many of the mothers had gotten together to take their young children to the play park. I promised Jonathan we could go too if he promised not to showcase his "special talent." Petunia was there, most likely to catch the latest gossip; she'd brought Dudley and Harry along as well._

 _I sat at a table with a few of the other moms and watched Jonathan and Harry play together. It seemed a part of their subconscious remembered the close bond they used to share. I was just thinking how perfect the day would be if Lily were sitting next to me on the bench instead of Mrs. Bradshaw, when suddenly a cry pierced the air._

 _All the mothers turned their head in the direction of the cry, but I was the only one to stand up. I'd recognized Jonathan's cry of "Mummy" over the cries of Harry. I hurried over to them and found Harry clutching at his elbow, his glasses askew._

 _"We was just playin', Mum, and, and, and Harry fell," Jonathan rattled off in a single breath._

 _"Aww, Harry, shush now. It will be all right," I cooed as I dropped to my knees in the sand. "Can I take a look?"_

 _"It hurts real'y bad," he cried._

 _"I'm sure it does, but you know, I happen to have a secret. My kisses, are magical. They can take away your pain. Just ask Jonathan."_

 _Harry turned his eyes up to Jonathan. "Is it true?"_

 _"Yeah," said Jonathan. "They make me feel better all the time."_

 _"So, Harry, can I have a look?"_

 _Harry nodded and held up his elbow. There was a little red mark, but the skin was hardly broken._

 _"Pwease make it better, Ms. Por'er," he said, tears still leaking from the corners of his eyes._

 _I held his little arm in both of my hands and gently pressed my lips against the tiny scratch. Then I cast a silent healing spell and the scratch vanished._

 _"There now, Harry, how is that?" I asked as I used my long sleeves to wipe away the lingering tears. I still preferred long sleeves over short to hide my arms._

 _"Wow! It's so much better! Thank you Ms. Por'er," Harry exclaimed._

 _"You are so welcome." I gave him another quick kiss to his forehead. "Oh and Harry, let's keep my magical kisses a secret between you, me, and Jonathan. Ok? I don't want all the little boys to know."_

 _"Ok! I promise I won't tell no body, not even my Aunt Petuney." He giggled._

 _"Good. Now you two get back out there have some fun."_

 _I smiled as they ran back off, as though nothing had happened. Lily may not be around to give Harry magical kisses, but I had to believe that she would be glad that I was._

 _ **24 June 1995**_

I pulled Harry a little closer and kissed the top of his head again.

"I wish my kisses really were magical," I murmured into his hair.

"You can keep trying. My head doesn't hurt as much now."

I smiled faintly and kissed his head again as we continued to walk. Once we were in the castle I began to lead him towards my chambers. We weren't far along before I heard the _clunk clunk clunk_ of Mad-Eye's wooden leg behind us. I glanced over my shoulder, but I didn't see anything but an empty corridor. The _clunk clunk clunk_ was still there however.

"Harry, wait," I whispered softly as I pulled him to a stop.

I could feel the tiny hairs on the back of my neck rise and my ears perked. Something was off. The clunking stopped when we did. I knew I heard Moody following us, but if he was…then way was he invisible? Suddenly the empty corridor began to shift, or rather the light refracting off a once invisible body changed as the disillusionment charm faded. Mad-Eye was now clearly standing in the hall behind us, and he was staring straight at us.

"It's his eye," Harry said.

"What?"

"His magical eye can see through my cloak, so maybe it can see through your illusion too."

Before I had a chance to respond, Mad-Eye began walking towards us. His magical eye stayed locked on us. He came right up beside us and paused only for a moment.

He whispered, "Follow me," before walking on once more.

I wasn't entirely sure what to do, but I figured Dumbledore must have sent him after us. So I followed.

He took us neither to the hospital wing, nor my personal chambers. He led us instead, to his own office. I of course hadn't been in there since the day Remus left. The two offices were as different as could be. Remus' had an open, inviting feel with unique and interesting creatures. Mad-Eye chose to keep his office cluttered and packed with various Dark Wizard detectors of different sizes. I found it slighting daunting.

"You can drop the illusion now, Professor Porter," Mad-Eye said, his magical eye still looking right at me.

The whole situation still had me uneasy. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off; the leopard inside was pacing back and forth. If it came down to a fight however, I would need my wand and pulling it out to drop the charms was as good a reason as any to get it in my hands.

As soon as the charm was down, Mad-Eye grabbed Harry by the shoulder and roughly pushed him into a chair. Then he shoved a large goblet into his hands.

"Drink this, Potter," he commanded.

"And what is 'this'?" I asked, taking the goblet from Harry.

It was very unnerving how Mad-Eye's magical eye was the only one to look my way.

"Pepper-up Potion," he said gruffly.

I gave the goblet a sniff before handing it back to Harry with a nod.

"It will clear your head a little," I said.

Harry drank it slowly and I could see his eyes clear as they become more focused. He took a few deep and steadying breaths.

"Now, what happened out there, boy?" Mad-Eye asked.

Harry looked up at me before answering. "He's back. Voldemort…he has his body back."

"He…how?" I asked shakily.

"The cup was a portkey," he answered. "It took me and Cedric to a graveyard where Wormtail was waiting with Voldemort. Wormtail killed Cedric and then he made a potion that gave Voldemort his body back."

I was too caught up on the fact that the cup was a portkey to take notice of the part about Peter. I knew the cup was supposed to be a portkey; it was designed to transport the winning Champion back to the start of the maze on contact. So, whoever placed the cup in the maze was the one who had tampered with it. I was trying to recall who took the cup down that morning.

"Were there others?" Mad-Eye asked.

"What?"

"In the graveyard, were there others?"

"Oh yeah, Death Eaters came, loads of them."

"How did he treat them? Did he forgive them?"

Suddenly it was like a bell went off in my head ringing loudly. I had a very clear image of seeing Mad-Eye hobble his way across the ground with the cup in hand that morning. My heart beat wildly in my chest, but my course of action was clear.

In one swift motion, I fired a couple of spells at Harry that sent him flying across the room away from Moody's grasp and enveloped him in my protective shield. Then I aimed my wand at Moody. His shoulders sagged and he slowly turned my way, his wand at the ready.

"I knew I should have cursed you in the hall," he said.

"Yeah, you really should have."

"What are you doing?" Harry asked, his voiced muffled behind the shield.

"Someone really should have warned you though," I said, ignoring Harry's confusion. "I consider Harry to be one of mine, and I won't let you take him without a fight."

"Well I don't really need to take him anywhere…anymore. He's served his purpose. I just need to kill him now, but first…"

He fired a spell at me I barley managed to dodge. I fired one of my own which he deflected easily. Our exchange was brief. It was a tight space without all the gizmos and gadgets, and he clearly had the upper-hand as he wasn't afraid of a spell ricocheting and hitting Harry's shield.

In the end that's what did me in. It was one spell, intentionally cast in Harry's direction that I threw myself in front of. I felt a searing pain as my body began to convulse throwing me into a shelf on the wall and sending all of its contents tumbling down on me. There was a muffled cry before everything went black.


	3. Side Effects

**Chapter 2**

 **Side Effects**

 _ **November 1979**_

 _There was a gentle knock on the door, and I glanced at the clock on the wall. She was five minutes late. Then again, she did have James with her so she did pretty well to arrive as early as she did. Still…to be safe._

 _I juggled a barely sleeping child in one arm and held my wand ready in the other. I silently approached the door and peered through the tiny hole. I saw a beaming Lily as a grinning James kissed her cheek. Satisfied I put my wand away and reached for the door knob._

 _It wouldn't turn._

 _"You have to ask the question, Kate," James said._

 _I sighed and rolled my eyes. Of course he had charmed the door not to open unless I asked a question._

 _"That phrase alone proves you're my brother, James. If you were a Death Eater, I'd be dead already."_

 _"Precisely. Now ask the question or we leave and you never get to come out of there."_

 _"James, stop being such a toe-rag," Lily said._

 _That was definitely them, but I knew James wouldn't let up. So I asked my question._

 _"Who was dad's favorite son?"_

 _"Sirius Black," James replied._

 _The door knob gave a little click as it turned and I swung it forward. I greeted Lily and James each with a kiss and a one armed hug._

 _"You really need to ask a question every time one of us visits, Kate. We could have been imposters," James insisted._

 _"It's nice to see you too," I replied._

 _Jonathan started fussing, so I bounced him on my shoulder._

 _"Aww, don't fuss little one," Lily cooed. Then she held out her arms. "May I?"_

 _"Oh please." I passed him over and shook out my arm. "Here, take this too. He ate not too long ago, so consider yourself warned."_

 _Lily cooed and bounced Jonathan, and in no time she had him gurgling and slobbering all over her, a true sign of his affection._

 _"Well, look at that, Lils; you're a natural. You'll have no trouble at all with ours," James said._

 _"James!" Lily scolded._

 _My eyes darted between the two in confusion._

 _"I told you, you had to be delicate about this. I had a whole speech planned and you've just ruined it."_

 _"Wait, what's going on?" I asked. Lily looked a little sheepish as she bounced Jonathan, but James was smirking broadly._

 _"Oh!" My eyes widened with a sudden understanding. "Lily, are you…"_

 _Lily nodded slightly. "You're going to be an Aunt."_

 _I was amazed and so very, very happy. "This is perfect! Now Jonathan can have a brother to grow up with!"_

 _"You're not upset then?"_

 _"I told you she wouldn't be, Lils," James said confidently._

 _"And rob you of this feeling?" I asked. "Never! Look, I…I know I was delicate before, but having Jonathan has changed everything. You'll understand when you hold your baby for the first time. There's nothing greater."_

 _I wept joyfully as I gave them each a great hug._

 _"Now, tell me," I continued. "Has the morning sickness started?"_

 _Lily groaned. "God, yes."_

 _I smiled. "Well I have good news…it does pass. A few weeks of misery and then the real fun begins…the bloating, the heartburn, tender breasts, body aches, swollen feet…"_

 _"Merlin, Kate! You make it all sound so…" James began, but Lily and I both cast him a look that shut him up instantly._

 _"But that too passes, and you realize in the end that it was all worth it."_

 _Lily smiled as she held Jonathan up and kissed his forehead._

 _"I can hardly wait," she said._

 **XXX**

 _ **24 June 1995**_

There were angry, shouting voices that drew me from a sleep I desperately wanted to go back to. My whole body ached and my head felt like it was deep underwater; and immense pressure was pushing in on both sides. I opened my heavy eye lids slowly, and found that I was in the hospital wing. The curtains were mostly drawn, but Jonathan was standing at the open end looking towards the door.

A door slammed and the voices that followed were softer but more urgent. A short while later, a set of feet retreated away from me and the door opened and closed again. People were slowly leaving. If I wanted to know what was going on I'd have to act soon. So I pushed myself up with a groan and the room began to spin.

"Mum!" Jonathan said as he stepped back into the curtained space.

The curtains beside the bed were soon thrown back. I caught a brief glimpse of Harry lying in the bed nest to mine, Molly's red hair, and Dumbledore's stern look before a giant black dog jumped into my lap and assaulted my face with his tongue.

"Down boy! Down!" Molly swatted at the dog as she rushed to my side.

"Ugh! Padfoot, I really wasn't looking for a dog bath," I said as I pushed him down.

"Miss Potter, how are you feeling?" Dumbledore asked.

I didn't answer immediately as I continued to scratch Padfoot behind the ear. A soft hush fell over everyone as they realized he had called me Potter and not Porter. I slowly looked up and met his steely gaze.

"Like I've been hit with the Cruciatus and had a wall collapse on me," I answered with a half shrug. "So, you know, nothing new."

I could feel Jonathan's eyes on me, and I knew he wanted to ask me to explain. I didn't give them the chance to however.

"That was Fudge I heard slamming the door, wasn't it?" I asked.

"Indeed it was," Dumbledore replied.

I already knew by everyone's grim looks what must had happened.

"He's not going to make this easy for us, is he? He probably thinks Harry made everything up, because what fame obsessed boy wouldn't? Never mind the fact that another innocent boy is dead or that Moody went mental."

"Ah," Dumbledore held up a finger. "Correct on all accounts but the last. It wasn't Alastor Moody; it was an imposter. Barty Crouch Jr."

"Well that makes more sense. And the real Mad-Eye?"

"In bed recovering, just there, I believe." Dumbledore pointed to a curtained enclosed bed across the aisle from me. I looked to where he pointed and nodded. The simple motion made the room summersault, and I grabbed my head in an attempt to steady it.

"As you should be, Miss Potter."

"I want to help," I said weakly. "What can I do?"

"You have already done it. You kept Harry safe. We will talk more once you have fully recovered. But first, I think it time two of our number meet face to face."

Then Dumbledore looked directly at Padfoot and said, "Sirius, if you will please."

There was a slight pause before Sirius shifted and Snape sneered.

"What is _he_ doing here?" Snape hissed with a nasty snarl.

"He is here at my invitation," Dumbledore replied. "As are you, Severus. I trust you both. It is time for you to lay aside your old differences and trust each other."

I didn't think it at all likely that the two of them would ever trust one another. Dumbledore too seemed to realize this.

"I will settle for a lack of open hostility. You will shake hands. You are on the same side now. Time is short, and unless the few of us who know the truth stand united there is no hope for any of us."

With a great reluctance they shook hands and quickly let go.

"That will do. Now, Fudge's attitude changes everything. We must move swiftly. Sirius, I need you to leave at once. Alert the old crowd and lay low at Lupin's for now. I will contact the two of you there."

Sirius nodded but turned to look at me. He was hesitant to leave me in my state.

"I'll be fine, Sirius," I said with less conviction that I would have liked. "You're the one the ministry is after right now, so you be careful."

"As careful as I always am." He smirked.

"No! Be as careful as I usually am."

"Moony and I will be in contact soon."

There was a moment of silence between us, in which both of us refused to say goodbye. Then he transformed once more and headed for the door. In the meantime, Dumbledore had given orders to Snape and he left as well.

After they left, Dumbledore only stayed around long enough to tell Harry and me that we should both get some rest. I waited for Harry to lay back in bed before doing so myself. My head wasn't long on the pillow before darkness slowly took over once more, this time in the welcomed form of sleep.

 **XXX**

I stayed under observation in the hospital wing for a few days. The dizziness lasted for nearly two days and Poppy refused to let me leave until I could walk the length of the hospital wing without swaying.

Moody-Crouch had hit me with the Cruciatus Curse. Though I was knocked unconscious by the collapsing shelf, my body remained under the curse until Dumbledore released me. None of us really knew how long that had been. As such there were a few unforeseen side effects. A part from the dizziness and the overall aching (my shoulder had been dislocated from my seizing and the position in which I landed) there were a few mental things too. Most noticeable was the spacing out. I could be in the middle of a conversation with Poppy and then completely lose my train of thought. It was both annoying and disheartening.

Another concerning side effect, was my inability to maintain the illusion. The curse had disrupted the illusion so when I awoke in hospital I was actually Kate, not Katherine. I was so disoriented at the time that I didn't even notice the change. It was a struggle to reapply the illusion, and even more of a struggle to maintain it.

None of this really changed anything though. I would have suffered the Cruciatus a hundred times over if it meant protecting Harry.

On the day I was finally released, I was called into Dumbledore's office. Moody-Moody was there waiting for me with his wand drawn. Moody's wand in my face startled me enough to make the illusion drop.

"As I informed you, Alastor, Professor Porter has no ill intent," Dumbledore said calmly. "Now please, put down your wand."

Mad-Eye held his wand steady at my chest, refusing to yield. I knew I could never reach mine in time. My heart hammered in my chest. The blood ringing in my ears made me feel dizzy.

"It's a trick, Albus," Mad-Eye insisted. "She's supposed to be dead."

Dumbledore sighed. "Miss Potter, would you so kindly show Alastor here, that you are indeed who you say you are?"

My leopard form was the only way I knew how to prove to Moody that I was Kate Potter. The problem was, I didn't know if I could concentrate enough to transform. I felt like I was going to be sick all over Dumbledore's office. If I couldn't clear my head enough to put the illusion back in place, how could I pull off the transformation successfully?

"I…I don't think I can, Professor," I said weakly.

I was getting dizzier by the moment and my lungs were beginning to restrict. I dropped to my knees as the walls began to cave in on me.

"Miss Potter? Alastor, put that away!" Dumbledore commanded in a tone that even Mad-Eye wouldn't defy. "Miss Potter? Miss Potter…"

"I…I…"

I had to stop this. I had to be stronger than what I was. I searched my mind desperately for that sense of calm. I tried thinking of anything I could to relax. The moments were all fleeting; I couldn't grab onto them.

Then, from a memory tucked far away, came a sky full of stars. It wasn't really a sky though, but a room that could show me any sky I wished to see. I could feel his fingers entwining with mine and I turned my head to the side. A pair of soft green eyes were staring back at me.

 _"It's alright, Kate. You can do this," he said._

I squeezed his hand and focused. The vision of a leopard filled my eyes. Slowly my bones began to slide into place; my skin grew thicker and my hair shorter. As my hands curled into paws my breathing steadied. The sky and the stars slowly receded, but his face and his presence remained.

When the transformation was complete, I turned my yellow eyes up to Dumbledore and Mad-Eye. The latter finally put away his wand. I lingered for a moment as Leo until I could be certain that I wouldn't freak out once returning.

"Are you satisfied, Alastor?" Dumbledore asked. "Professor Porter is our very own Kate Potter."

"I…" Mad-Eye faltered. "Why?"

I changed back and re-applied the illusion. "You just witnessed why. My little family reunion in sixth year left me with claustrophobia and panic attacks."

"I never noticed anything of concern."

"That's because it wasn't an issue while I was active in the Order. It wasn't until I got pregnant and Remus and I…fell apart, that James insisted I leave the war and go into hiding. I couldn't dodge the killing curse with a broken heart and a swollen womb. But being confined, even in a roomy Muggle flat, didn't suit me well. Katherine Porter and my clandestine trips out were the only ways I managed to survive."

"Well…it's a brilliant bit of charm work."

"And completely useless for spying. I can't generate multiple faces, only the one. And it took me years to perfect this one."

There was a slight pause before I asked, "How did you know?"

Mad-Eye's normal eye flickered towards Dumbledore while his magical one stayed on me. Then he leaned towards me and pointed towards said eye.

"This allows me to detect certain magical charms. It can see through invisibility cloaks, and around you I detect an aura of concealment.

"An aura of concealment? What does that mean?"

"I can see that there is some magic of concealment at play around you, something hiding what you truly are. And now that I know what the truth is, I can see through it."

I thought about what he said for a moment and nodded.

"And your eye…does it work the same for any who wear it, or is it only for you?"

"The eye works regardless of the user, though the user may not always comprehend."

Now I understood why Dumbledore had wanted to see me.

"So Crouch… he would have seen this aura too?"

They both nodded.

"And if he figured it out…if he pieced it together, then he…"

I stood up suddenly to pace and took a few deep breaths.

"Do we…do we know if he figured it out?" I asked. "I mean there's a chance he didn't, right? I—I didn't really know Crouch well, only as a Slytherin in passing, but he—he wasn't very clever, was he? A bit mad even, in the end especially. Right?"

"He was clever enough to elude his father and throw off the Imperious Curse," Mad-Eye said.

I felt my stomach drop a little. "But even if he figured it out, there's no guarantee that he told anyone. Do we even know if he was in contact with anyone while he was here? Maybe he wasn't."

"We know that he was in contact with Voldemort by means of Peter Pettigrew," Dumbledore stated matter-of-factly.

"How? How can you be sure of that?"

"He was informed on Crouch's escape. He was told he'd come here to warn me."

"So there are records then?"

"No," said Mad-Eye. "Crouch was good. He destroyed any correspondences he received. And," he cut across me. "We have already sent a team of Aurors to the Crouch residence, but the files there were all burned as well."

"But we… we still don't know…if he figured me out. We still don't know."

"No, we do not," Dumbledore said. "But it is a possibility you must consider. If he discovered who you are, he may have informed Peter."

"And Pete could find out where I live easily enough. I mean, he lived in Ron's pocket for three years. And Sirius…Sirius is convinced that if Pete found me he'd…he'd want to hurt me."

"Sirius Black?" Mad-Eye asked.

"Yes, Sirius Black. He's not the mad mass murderer everyone thinks he is. Turns out it was really…P-Peter…"

An almost overwhelming sensation of nausea rushed over me. I sat abruptly and placed my head in my hands breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth. It was a technique I learned while pregnant and suffering from morning sickness.

The possibility that Peter may know of my illusion was startling and frightening. I didn't want to think Peter was capable of hurting me or Jonathan, and yet he had betrayed James and Lily to Voldemort and he was responsible for ending Cedric Diggory's life. Cedric, who was only two years older than Jonathan.

I wasn't sure what to do with this new information, but I knew, that for now at least, I couldn't return home to Privet Drive.

* * *

 **Well, there you go. Hope you enjoyed it. Where will Katherine and Jonathan go if they can't go home? Thanks for all the alerts and reviews so far! I love 'em!**


	4. Temporarily Homeless

**Chapter 3**

 **Temporarily Homeless**

I'd written to Sirius first thing upon returning to my chambers, and he agreed. I shouldn't return to Privet Drive that summer. But Privet Drive, as dull as it was, was my home. So I wrote to Remus as well in hopes that he would say Sirius and I were overreacting. No such luck. He agreed with Sirius. Of course, his concern was more for Jonathan than it was for me.

Still…I was temporarily homeless.

 _ **29 June 1995**_

I dropped the latest letter from Sirius and Remus on the bed before scooping up a pile of clothes and packing them away in my trunk. I was trying to convince them to let me return home first, but they were being very adamant that I not.

The knock on my door came as a welcomed relief.

"Harry, come in," I said as I ushered him into the room. "Please excuse the mess. Packing is taking a little longer this year."

"I haven't even started," Harry said.

"I can't say I'm surprised. James was always a last minute packer too, only he was less of a packer and more of a throw-everything-in-and-hope-to-Merlin-it fits kind of person. You'd be surprised how many times we came back to school and he'd have a shirt washed and folded on his bed that he'd left the previous term."

Harry smiled faintly.

"You didn't come to discuss packing techniques though. So what can I do for you?" I asked as we sat down in the lounge.

Harry had a couple of false starts before asking, "Why did you do it? Why did you take the curse for me? You knew what it was, right?"

I sighed. "Yes, I knew what it was."

"Then why did you do it?"

"Why does there need to be a reason, Harry, other than the simple fact that I love you? You've always been more than just James' son or more than my nephew to me. I have always tried, to the best of my ability given the circumstances surrounding us, to treat you like my own son. And what's more, no fifteen year old should have to know what the Cruciatus Curse feels like. No adult should have to know either."

"Well, you were too late for that," he said after a slight pause. "Voldemort had already used the curse on me…in the graveyard, after I refused to bow to him. He tried to make me with the Imperius Curse, but I threw it off."

"You threw off the Imperius Curse when Voldemort cast it? Not one of his followers?"

"No; it was Voldemort. He wanted to do it himself. He told the others not to help."

"Just when I thought I could be any more impressed with you."

"What do you mean?" He asked, scrunching up his face.

"It is no easy feat to throw off the Imperius Curse, let alone for it to have been cast by Voldemort."

"I'm sure you can do it; you're brilliant at magic."

I smiled slightly. "I'm flattered at your confidence in my skills, Harry. At one point yes, when I was much younger, I could throw it off. But that was when Moody was the one casting it. He thought it necessary that we know what it felt like should we encounter it on our missions. But I never had to fight against it when Voldemort was on the other side. Now…now I feel so broken I don't think I could fight against a first year."

"Broken?"

"The danger with the Cruciatus Curse is with the mind. It doesn't leave a physical scar, but a mental one."

Harry's brow creased a little in wary.

"It's alright, Harry. You weren't in the graveyard long enough for the curse to have caused any permanent damage with you."

"But you weren't under the curse that long either."

"Perhaps not this time alone, but that was not my first experience with it."

"You mean, you've been under it before? When? Who did it?"

I don't know why I decided to tell him, but I did. "Do you remember early on last school year, when Remus took your class to the staffroom for the boggart lesson?"

"Yes."

"And do you recall seeing what mine was?"

"Er—not really. I guess…I guess it sort of looked like a person in hooded robes."

There was a second's pause before Harry continued.

"It was a Death Eater?"

"I…" I hesitated. "Yes," I replied firmly. "It was a Death Eater. I was held captive by him for a time, and the Cruciatus was a particular favorite of his."

"How did you escape?"

"With help from The Order."

"The Order?"

"The Order of the Phoenix, it was a group Dumbledore formulated to fight Voldemort last time, and it is being re-established now. I managed to get a message out and they came to rescue me."

"Were my Mum and Dad there? As a part of your rescue team? Were they there? Were Sirius or Remus?"

"No. They were too young to be in The Order yet. Dumbledore wouldn't allow us to join until we left Hogwarts."

"But that means you were…" His voice trailed off, and he looked a little paler.

"Still in school?" I nodded. "I was seventeen. I missed a whole month of school. Mum and Dad, Dad in particular, wanted to keep me out for the remainder of term. They said I could start a fresh in September, but I refused. Fortunately, it was only sixth year and all sixth year is to prep you for seventh and NEWTs. I worked hard that summer, studying with Remus and Lily to catch up, but I think that was one of the best summers I can remember."

I was thoughtful for a moment, as a few memories form that summer flashed before my eyes.

"I…I'm sorry," Harry said.

"For what?"

"I never knew."

"That's nothing _you_ should apologize for. I've never been one to talk about it, not even with the boys. Remus knew more of it from the sleepless nights we shared in the common room, but I still didn't tell him everything. Maybe if I had things would have turned out differently for both of us. Mind you, Jonathan doesn't know about any of this either, and I'd like to keep it that way. It's not that I'm trying to hide it from him, I just…he's very protective of me, Harry. He gets that from his uncles, I suppose; it would only upset him if he found out, and there's nothing he can do about it any way. Why burden him?

"I did learn something from my silence however. I didn't have to do it alone, and neither do you, Harry." I reached over and took his hand. "Remember that. You are not alone in this. You have your friends. You have me. So please, use us; we want to help you."

"What if I can't be helped?"

I couldn't help it; I laughed a little. It was so like something James would have quipped. And to my relief, Harry smiled a little too.

"Then perhaps we can help each other."

Harry's smile faded as easily as it had come.

"I couldn't help Cedric."

My smile faded too.

"Cedric's death wasn't your fault, Harry."

"But he was only there because I insisted we take the cup together."

"Cedric's death resulted from a decision you made, but that does not make it your fault. I know too well the guilt you feel, Harry, for I have felt it too. The Death Eater that held me captive…before The Order arrived, I managed to escape the cell he had me in. A duel ensued. I knocked him out, but we set fire to the house in the process. I could have left him there; I could have let him burn, but I didn't. I rescued my own tormentor.

"Then, on the way to Azkaban, he escaped killing the two Aurors that were with him. Then he went on to kill many of my good friends. For years I carried the weight of their deaths on my shoulders, so believe me when I say that is no way to live. Now, I know it won't be easy, but you must let go of that guilt. Cedric's death was no more your fault than my friends were mine."

Harry was crying. I could tell he was trying to fight it, but the tears were leaking from the corners of his eyes. So I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close. I brushed his hair back and kissed the top of his forehead. And I held him until his shoulders stopped shaking. Then I dried his eyes with my sleeves when he pulled back.

"I…I'm glad you're here, Mmm…" he croaked after a while. "I'm sorry; it feels weird to call you Miss Porter now."

I could feel a lead weight drop to the pit of my stomach.

"That…that's alright, Harry. You can call me Professor. I'll understand."

He nodded contemplatively. The he said, "Do you think…may I call you Kate? I think it's what my dad would want."

Suddenly it felt like I was flying. I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face or the tears that sprang into my eyes.

"Y—yes," I said weakly with a nod. "Yes, if you'd like. Nothing could make me happier. And I'm sure James would agree."

Harry smiled again and I hugged him again.

Our moment was interrupted by a knock and Jonathan calling, "Mum?"

"Come in Jonathan," I said, and the door opened.

"Oh!" Jonathan said upon seeing Harry. "Am…am I interrupting?"

"No," I replied with a shake of my head. "I think we're all right here. Harry?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "We're all right."

And I knew we were at last.

"Oh…well, I… Everyone is gathering in the Great Hall, but I didn't see you in there, so I came to find you," Jonathan said.

"Right. I was just packing the Muggle way, but…" I waved my wand and my possessions began packing themselves. Meanwhile, the three of us left for the Great Hall where instead of the traditional leaving feast, there was going to be a memorial for Cedric.

"Mum, can I go back to Dad's some this summer? And maybe Harry can come too; I'm sure Dad won't mind," Jonathan said, looking at Harry.

"I…I don't know, Jonathan. This summer is going to be different."

"Different how?"

"We…We're not going back to Privet Drive, not yet at least. You're going to the Burrow tomorrow, and I'm… I'm going to Yorkshire for a bit."

"To Dad's? You're going to stay with Dad?"

"And Sirius," I added quickly. "Just for a bit. We have some things to discuss"

"What about me?" Harry asked.

I sighed; I knew he was going to ask, and I hated the answer I had to give.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I advocated for you to go to the Burrow as well, but Dumbledore seems to think it best that you return to Privet Drive. Just for a short while; I promise. I will write to you frequently, and I will get you out of there as soon as I can. All right?"

Harry nodded slowly. "Yeah, all right."

I gave them each a hug and a kiss before we entered the Hall.

 **XXX**

It was late the next evening when I finally arrived outside the small cottage in Yorkshire. He must have been watching and waiting, because not long after I apparated, Sirius came bounding down the front steps. He nearly knocked me off my feet as he threw his arms around me.

"Please, just don't lick me in the face again." I moaned into his shoulder.

"Oh? But I can lick you elsewhere?"

"Try and see what happens," I warned in a dangerous tone.

"Er—maybe later. Let's get you inside for now." He charmed my trunk to follow us along. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine. Just tired. It's almost exhausting to keep this illusion up now."

"So then don't."

I looked sideways at him. "But I thought it was the only thing hiding me from Peter."

He pursed his. "It is. When you're out and at school of course you have to use it. But when you're home, let it go."

"This isn't home, Sirius."

"Aw, come one. It's not _that_ bad here."

Sirius comment wouldn't have been bad, if Remus hadn't decided at that moment to open the front door and help us. It was clear by the way his brow furrowed that he had heard.

I blanched.

"I didn't say that," I insisted. "I merely said…"

"…It's not home," Sirius finished. "She said it's not home."

I knew he was only trying to help, but often times that's when Sirius did the most damage. Remus didn't acknowledge it, however, which only made me feel worse.

"Come on; I'll show you where you'll be sleeping," Remus said sullenly. That's when I knew for sure that my coming here to stay was Sirius' idea, and not Remus'.

Remus grabbed my floating trunk and steered it into the first bedroom on the right. There was a large bed, big enough for two that took up almost the entirety of the space available. A tall wardrobe sat in the corner and there was a solitary table by the bed. The lone window looked out into the front yard.

As I looked around the room, there was something strikingly familiar about it. I had been in there a year prior, but that wasn't it. It wasn't until Remus spoke that it came to me, as forcefully as a slap to the face.

"It was a good bed. I didn't see the reason in getting a new one."

The bed frame was _ours_ , the one _we_ picked out and bought together for _our_ bedroom. The matching wardrobe and the table when with it. After fifteen years, he was still sleeping in the same bed. I didn't know if I should pity him or adore him for hanging on to something of _ours_ all this time.

Then a thought struck me that was both infuriating and nauseating. How many women had he shared this bed with over the years? Just because I had never been with anyone else, didn't mean the same applied to him.

I had to fight to keep the emotion out of my voice when I spoke.

"This is your room?" My voice squeaked despite my efforts.

"Yeah." He sounded affronted.

"And where will you sleep?"

"On the couch," he said quickly. "I wouldn't think of suggesting otherwise."

"No," I said adamantly with a shake of my head. "No. I won't sleep here. I won't throw you out of your own bed."

"It's fine, Kate. I don't…"

"No it's not fine. I refuse to let my staying here be an imposition for you."

"It won't be," he said after a pause. "Besides, if you think I'd let you take the couch you're mad. My Mum raised me better than that." He crossed his arms over his chest defiantly and leaned against the wooden frame.

I bit my bottom lip to stave off the threatening tears. "Please, Remus, I can't sleep in this bed."

His eyes turned a little sympathetic and a little hurt as he stood up straight again. "I guess you can bunk with Sirius then. But it's a single bed."

"Then he can curl up at my feet."

Remus smirked ever so slightly before leaving the room and taking me two doors down to the second room.

Later that evening, after a quick meal of breakfast (and after flooing a message to Jonathan via Molly that I had arrived at the cottage) Remus, Sirius, and I sat down to the talk about our current situation.

They wanted my account of what happened. Sirius had heard the story from Harry, but Harry had been running on pure adrenaline at the time. So I told them what I could. But to be honest, looking back on the duel was like looking through warped glass. Shapes were fuzzy and stretched. And once the curse hit me I couldn't recall anything. Even the part where I came to in hospital was only a vague dream.

"And since then, you've been having trouble…concentrating?" Sirius asked and I nodded.

"Yeah. It's like a constant struggle to stay focused. Poppy thinks it's just like an injured muscle that I have to work to get back to full strength. And it is getting better, I think…slowly. But I've been getting these massive headaches ever since, and Moody's….the real Moody's wand in my face again was all it took to crash the illusion."

"Now that's the part that I don't fully understand," Remus said. "His eye could see through the illusion?"

"He said it was more like he could see the….magic around me. He couldn't detect quite what it was, which is what had him so paranoid. He knew something wasn't right though, so he ran to Dumbledore claiming there was still a spy at Hogwarts. I think the only reason he didn't hex me beyond recognition is because Dumbledore was holding him back."

"And your leopard convinced him you were who you said you were."

I nodded again.

"But his eye works for any who wear it?" Sirius asked. "So Barty Jr. would have seen it too."

"But he may not have been able to interpret it properly."

"I don't care if he could interpret it. If he suspected something was off he would have kept his eye on you and reported anything back to Voldemort."

"And Peter could have pieced it together on his own," Remus added.

"Not likely," Sirius scoffed.

"He became an Animagus the same as you, Sirius. Our biggest mistake in school was underestimating him."

"I don't think we should be so quick to assume Peter would want to hurt me if he found me. I mean, this is Pete we're talking about," I said.

"Yes, it is," Sirius said, his voice laced with anger. "The same 'Pete' who betrayed James and Lily to Voldemort. The same Pete who lied to both you and Remus and kept you apart. The same Pete…"

"The same Pete who gave up a night with his best mates to spend it with me!" I said, raising my voice over his. "He brought me sweets from the kitchen, and we stayed up all night playing Muggle card games we didn't know the rules to so we made them up as we went along, all so I wouldn't have to face the first night alone! The same Pete who chased after me and sat with me in park while I cried senselessly."

I could feel my control over the illusion sleeping.

"The same Pete who crashed at my place for a week after Jonathan was born. We tried together to figure out what each cry meant. Was he wet? Was he hungry? Was he tired? …. The same Pete…"

"…Who blew up your flat not knowing you weren't in there!" Sirius shouted over me and the illusion dropped. "He thought you and Jonathan were inside and he directed his wand right at your flat and blasted it and all evidence of your life there away. And he did so with a sickening grin on his face. The same Pete who most recently killed a seventeen year old boy without a second thought. What if that had been Jonathan?"

"Sirius," Remus warned, but he didn't listen.

"He already tried to kill you and Jonathan once, so yes, Kate, I think we can assume he'd try to do so again! Stop being so naive about this!"

The air was leaving my lungs quickly; the walls were beginning to close in.

"I need air," I said, barely audible, before quickly exiting through the back door in a near panic.

I sat on the cool, damp grass and pulled my knees to my chest. There was no garden outside, just an expanse of forest. The sky was clear, and the moon was about a week away from being full. There was a gentle wind blowing sporadically from the northwest, bringing with it the scent of the forest. I had to focus on details such as these to steady my rapidly beating heart and to gain some control over the intake of air. My face was soon tight and my eyes stung with tears.

After a while sitting outside alone, soaking in the fresh air, I heard the door open and close behind me.

"You were mighty quiet in there," I said. "Then again, you never were one for shouting matches. You were always more of a storm off in silence type."

There was a heavy sigh, but Remus didn't sound angry when he spoke.

"That's because I knew shouting never accomplished anything."

"Except sore throats and headaches." I rubbed my temple for emphasis.

"I may not have much here, but I do have some Muggle pain pills. They're not as effective, but they're…"

The word was left unsaid: cheaper.

"I…I know you don't want to accept it, but Peter's not the same boy we were friends with in school," he said gently.

My tears began anew and I brushed them away with my sleeve.

"He's changed, Kate. Please…trust us. We only want what's best for you…and for Jonathan."

We stayed in silence for a moment. I was crying softly, but he made no move towards me.

"I, SIRIUS ORION BLACK, AM A COMPLETE AND UTTER IDIOT!"

I nearly jumped out of my skin as I leapt to my feet and whirled around to face him. He had his wand to his throat and he was using the amplifying charm.

"I have also been called a prat, a prick, a twat, a…"

"Toerag," I finished for him. He smiled.

"Ah! James was always the toerag. I'm sorry, Kitty-Kate. I went out of line. I shouldn't have… I didn't mean to upset you. Please forgive me." His eyes turned round and doleful.

"Don't give me the puppy-dog-eyes; they've never worked on me. And don't call me Kitty-Kate. I never liked it."

"Please say you forgive me. Or do I need to shout it louder?" He placed the tip of his wand back to his throat but I quickly grabbed it.

"Don't! The neighbors might hear."

"There aren't any neighbors around to hear. That's kind of the whole point," Remus said.

"Still," I snatched Sirius' wand. "There's no need. Of course I forgive you."

Sirius smiled widely and wrapped me in a crushing hug. I inhaled the scent of dog as I buried my face in his shoulder.

"Wait a minute," I said suddenly as I pulled back. "Is this your old wand? How did you get it back?"

Sirius grinned as he took his wand back. "It appears some idiot at the Ministry forgot to snap it after they arrested me. And then the Ministry had a little…"

"…Mishap," Remus suggested.

"Right, a mishap and they misplaced it."

I groaned. "Please don't tell me you two broke into the Ministry and stole it."

"Alright… We won't tell you if that's what we did."

"Ugh! I can't deal with that right now. I'm going to bed." I began heading inside.

"I'll be right in, I just need to discuss a few things with Moony," Sirius said.

"Oh no, you're not sleeping with me. You can sleep on the couch."

"But you told Moony I could curl up at your feet."

"I only said that so he wouldn't make me take his bed. But you are not sleeping in the same room as me."

"Why not? We did as much all last summer."

"Yeah, and I'll never make that mistake again; I learned my lesson. Padfoot snores and kicks in his sleep. Now, good night."

I could still hear Remus laughing at Sirius' expense after I'd closed the bedroom door.


	5. Tense Encounters

**Chapter 4**

 **Tense Encounters**

The next few days were rather... I suppose you could say, tense.

 _ **1 July 1995**_

"Where's Remus?" I asked, looking around the near empty cottage.

"He left for work already," Sirius replied lazily from the couch.

"Oh…right. I forget sometimes that not everyone has the summer off. So… What would you like for dinner tonight?"

Sirius shrugged. "I'm not sure what you'll find in there. We haven't gone to the store in a while."

"Well, let's take a look then."

I opened the fridge to find a carton of milk that was quickly approaching its expiration date, a few slices of cheese, some wilted lettuce, and an egg. I didn't fare much better in the cupboards. They were comprised mostly of dust. I turned to look at Sirius; he shrugged.

"He usually eats something at work."

"And what about you?"

"I've been perfecting my hunting skills. I managed to catch a hare two nights ago," he said proudly.

"Guess I'll be going to market then. Where's the nearest grocer?"

"Down the road about five miles, but you can't go there."

"Why not?"

"Er—because, uh…"

"You are not keeping me locked in this house all summer. We need groceries. And if I know you, then the hare you caught probably had a lame leg."

"That's irrelevant."

"You can't count on your prey being lame every time, Sirius. Now I'm going to market; I'll be back in an hour. Please don't tear the house down while I'm gone."

Two minutes later, after apparating under a disillusionment charm to the nearby village, I entered the small grocery store. I began making my way down each aisle. We needed pretty much everything, but I refrained from filling the basket. I knew Remus would take offense if his cupboards were filled when he got home.

I was walking down the fifth aisle when I saw a familiar lanky frame. He was stooped over unpacking a box, and placing the items on the shelf. My breath caught in my throat leaving me immobile for a moment. I contemplated backing out of the aisle quickly so he wouldn't see me, but I was making ziti for dinner and I needed the shells.

As I was debating, he looked up and looked my way. He was struck with the same paralyzing surprise I suffered from. His back went rigid, his eyes wide, and I could see little white lines across his jaw from where he had locked it in placed. I had to move forward now; to back out would be to insult him. A customer coming from the other way and politely moving by him, stirred him from his trance. He quickly placed the two boxes he was holding on the shelf before stooping to pick up two more.

I quietly made my way forward. I could feel the air thickening as I approached. He never stopped stacking the shelf, trying his best to act normal. As was I.

I stopped beside him and opened my mouth to speak, but nothing would come.

"I…" I tried to keep my voice even and steady. "I'm making ziti with meat sauce tonight; any requests for tomorrow?"

He sighed. His shoulders slumped. "You don't have to…"

"We have to eat, Remus." I stopped his argument short.

He sighed again and shook his head. "Whatever you'd like to make is fine."

I nodded silently. I suppose I shouldn't have expected much. I turned and faced the wall of shelves before us.

"I need the pasta; which one do you recommend?"

"I… I don't eat it much, but… the _All Grain_ is good for its price." He pointed to a blue and white box on the top shelf that had little wheat stalks on it.

"Do they have a whole wheat version?"

"Uhm…" He looked around the shelf. "Yeah, here."

"Thanks."

As I took the box he offered me, our fingers brushed. I felt a little jolt and looked up at him. Our eyes made contact for the briefest of moments, but he quickly dropped his hand and looked away as he went back to work. I tried not to make my disappointment known.

"I…I saw a produce section on my way in. I was thinking of making a salad and maybe some bread to go along with the ziti."

"The ziti will be enough for me. I don't typically eat much."

"Yes, but if I make more, then you can bring some for lunch tomorrow. Do you work tomorrow?"

"I do."

"And perhaps an inexpensive red?"

"I don't drink."

"Maybe not, but if I have to live with Padfoot all summer again, then I will _need_ to drink a bit."

He smiled slightly. "It's too bad James isn't around to manage him anymore."

"James never managed him. He instigated things half the time."

"And Sirius instigated it the other half."

"And I suppose you sat idly by and watched them?"

"Not always." His smile turned into a smirk and my heart flooded with warmth.

There was the sound of a squeaky cart behind us and I turned to see another employee making his way toward us. Remus stooped over and went back to work. Our moment was over.

"What time do you get off?" I asked.

"Half five," he replied.

"Then dinner will be ready at six."

I moved on as the other employee came up behind us. I could hear him begin a conversation with Remus in a voice that really wasn't all that soft.

"Oi, Lupin, was that your bird?"

"A temporary house guest," Remus replied with a sigh.

"So…she's not yours?"

There was a pause and then a very stiff, "No."

Another pause and then, "Do you mind if I?"

I decided I didn't want to hear Remus' response, so I quickly moved on.

 **XXX**

A few days later, Remus had the day off so Jonathan came over to visit. He wasn't our only visitor though.

 _ **5 July 1995**_

"I'll get it," Jonathan said at the knock on the door.

I turned to Remus. "Were you expecting someone?"

"No," he said perplexed.

An instant later Remus, Sirius, and I legged it towards the door with our wands drawn. I pulled Jonathan back and stood shoulder to mid-arm with Remus; Sirius pushed Jonathan back further and stood slightly behind us. His wand was aimed through the small space between me and Remus. We all three looked into the face of our old Headmaster.

"Mum, what are you doing?" Jonathan asked.

I didn't answer, but instead asked Dumbledore, "What did you give me for my seventeenth birthday?"

Dumbledore leveled his eyes with mine. "Well, as Ms. Porter didn't exist at the age of seventeen, I didn't give her anything. However, I gave Kate Potter a bag of tea and a licorice stick," he said. "…Following a conversation we had about a month prior in the Hogwarts kitchens on the too-sweetness of toffee tea."

Remus glanced sideways at me, but didn't lower his wand.

"Pete was there when I got the tea and licorice," I said. "But he wasn't in the kitchens. It's him."

We lowered our wands together and stepped aside. Jonathan was watching us with wide eyes.

"He could have been an imposter under the influence of…"

"…Polyjuice Potion," Jonathan said, finishing Remus' explanation. "Yeah, I get it, I just…" He paused, and it was obvious he found the possibility of a Dumbledore Imposter unnerving. He covered it with a smirk and cheeky reply.

"So, Professor Dumbledore, do you give a gift to every student when they turn seventeen? Because, you know, I'll be seventeen in two years."

Dumbledore smiled for the first time since arriving. "I regret, Mr. Porter, that I do not. Your mother was a particularly special student at the time."

"At the time?" I asked, trying to mask my unease.

Dumbledore turned his eyes to me. They were twinkling with mirth, but hiding a serious determination. He was here on Order business.

"Jonathan, floo to the Burrow," I said.

"What? But I just got here."

"Jonathan, go to the Burrow now and tell Molly that the Headmaster is here."

"But…"

"Listen to your mother, Jonathan," Remus said. My eyes flicked up to him for a moment, before quickly looking away.

Jonathan huffed. "This is so unfair." He stalked to the fireplace, and a moment later it roared to life with his departure.

"Can I get you anything, Professor? Some tea perhaps?" I asked.

"No thank you, Ms. Porter. I don't suspect this will take long. Mr. Lupin, may we have a word please?"

Remus glanced in my direction for the briefest moment before nodding at the Headmaster. We all knew what Dumbledore had come to ask, and I hated it immensely. Sirius placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it lightly as Remus and Dumbledore headed out the back door.

"He'll be all right, Kate," Sirius said. "He can handle it."

"Maybe, but I don't think I can."

The fireplace roared to life behind us. Sirius and I turned to look and saw Bill emerge.

"Katherine? Are you all right?" he asked, approaching us.

I nodded and swiped at my eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just…Jonathan?" I fibbed lightly.

"He's fine. He's at the Burrow. Mum's got everyone out de-gnoming the yard again, so they can't listen in."

"Good. Good." I nodded. The last thing I needed was for Jonathan to hear a fight between me and Remus over his mission with the wolves.

Bill looked up and eyed Sirius with caution. I was sure by then that he had heard the truth about Sirius, but I knew it must still be a shock for him.

"Oh… uhm… Sirius, this is Bill Weasley, Molly's eldest son," I introduced. "Bill, this is Sirius Black, he's…"

"…Not the mad mass murderer the Ministry thinks he is," Bill finished. "So, I've heard.'

"Well… he's not the mass murderer at least, but I'm afraid he is a bit mad."

"We're all a bit mad here, my dear," Sirius said with a grin. He was trying to distract me from what Remus and Dumbledore were discussing, and I was happy for it.

"So, Katherine," Bill began. "How long have you been here?"

"Oh, umm… Nearly a week now," I replied.

He was confused. I'm not entirely sure what made me do it, but I decided to explain Kate and the illusion to him. Mind you, it was the shortest explanation I'd ever given. I waited for him to be repulsed or affronted, but he was neither. He was actually rather…unfazed. It was a reaction I didn't know how to respond to and I stood there for a moment just gaping at him.

"Did you think I'd be mad?" he asked.

"That's been the general reaction so far, apart from your parents."

Bill shrugged. "You did what you had to in order to protect your family; I can respect that. It's admirable, and quite frankly a brilliant display of your remarkable skill."

My time must have been near at hand, because I felt the prick of tears at his words. He stepped forward and put one arm around me in a hug. We may not have felt a romantic spark between us like Molly had hoped, but we were fast becoming friends. I knew that his hug was only meant as a friendly gesture.

Of course, it was during our small friendly embrace that Remus walked back in alone. I heard the door close behind him and looked over my shoulder at him. For a moment so brief I might have simply imagined it, I saw something akin to hate in Remus' eyes as he watched me disentangle myself from Bill's arms. Was it because he walked in to find me in the arms of another, or was it merely a lingering emotion form his conversation with Dumbledore? Either way, the look passed quickly.

"Bill Weasley," Bill said as he held out his hand to Remus.

"Remus Lupin," the latter replied.

Remus glanced my way and I swear I thought I saw that emotion again. Was he recalling the moment nearly two years ago where he thought I was engaged or soon-to-be engaged to Bill? But just like before the emotion quickly passed.

"You must be Jonathan's father," Bill said. Then he too looked at me with a rather strange look I hadn't seen before.

"How did you guess?" Remus asked.

"The boy looks just like you, Moony," Sirius said. "What did Dumbledore want?" Remus looked at us but didn't answer.

"You know what he wanted, Sirius," I said. Then I looked pointedly at Remus. "And he got it too, didn't he?"

Remus sighed but again he didn't answer.

"And what about your job, Remus? When you work there six days a week how are you supposed to keep tabs on the pack? Ask for time off?"

"I've already asked for too much time off," he replied sullenly. "It was almost time to change jobs anyway."

"So that's it then? You're just going to quit? Dumbledore says jump and you ask 'How high?'"

"Kate, you know why I have to do this," Remus insisted calmly.

We were right back where we were sixteen years ago, like nothing had changed. It was the same, tired argument that pushed us apart.

"Fine," I said. "Do what you want with your life. It's quite clear I have no control over it, nor did I ever it seems. I'm going to the Burrow for a bit; you can figure out your own dinner."

And then I left without waiting for protest.

 **XXX**

I ended up staying the whole night at the Burrow. When I finally returned to the cottage, Remus was already gone. I didn't see him again until four days later.

 _ **9 July 1995**_

After Sirius undid the various locks and enchantments, we pushed open the heavy door together and stepped into the stale, musky air nearly choking on the dust and cobwebs that greeted us. We lit our wands against the dark hall and took a step forward. The floorboards groaned beneath our weight.

"Who's there?" A voice suddenly called out in a nasty tone. "This is the ancient and most noble House of Black! If you be thieves, a great and terrible curse will befall you and all in your house!"

"Sirius, I thought you said this place was supposed to be empty," I said turning to Sirius.

"Sirius?" I asked.

His face had gone dangerously pale, and his body rigid. If I didn't know better, I would have said his eyes were wide with fear. I knew he was as surprised to hear the voice as I was.

" _Homenum Revelio_ ," I whispered. A little spark emitted from my wand, so I know the spell worked, but it didn't react to anything.

"There's no one else here. It's okay, Sirius," I said.

He relaxed a little, but still didn't move forward. So I reached between us and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. Then I proceeded down the dark hall. It was a narrow hall with a few doors on either side and one at the very end. To my left a long, narrow staircase wound its way upwards. To my right I same across the source of the voice.

A large, life sized portrait hung on the wall. A plump woman with yellowing skin and large, beady black eyes stared back at me. She was dressed in black, her hair pulled tightly and tucked into a black cap. A golden plaque lined the bottom of the ornate frame; swirling letters etched the name Walburga Black. A pair of deep red, moth-eaten curtains hung beside it.

"Who are you?" the portrait asked.

"It's okay; it's just a painting," I called down the hall.

"Just a painting? How dare you! Do you know who I am?" the painting screeched.

"I don't really care who you are," I replied. "But, yeah, I know who you are. You were a foul hag when you were alive, and now… you're still a foul hag who's dead."

Sirius began strutting down the hall, putting on an air of _"I don't give a bleep."_

Walburga gasped loudly. "You!" Then her face began to turn purple just as the real Walburga's would have.

"You filth! You disgrace! You blood traitor! How dare you step foot in this house again!"

Her voice was gradually getting higher and shriller.

"You're as lovely as ever, Mother," Sirius said.

"KREACHER! FILTH! BLOOD TRAITORS IN MY HOUSE! HOW DARE YOU DEFILE THIS PLACE WITH SCUM!"

She was shouting, screeching really, at the top of her lungs. Sirius and I winced against the noise and covered our ears.

"Shut up you old cow! SHUT UP!" Sirius yelled back, but the painting would not shut up.

"Help me take it down!"

Sirius and I both fought with the painting, trying to remove it from the wall. But it seemed to be no use. The more we struggled with it, the more it wailed. It woke the other portraits in the house, and they began shouting too. Suddenly I felt a couple of sharp raps to my shin.

"Ow!" I looked down to see the oldest, and most wrinkled House Elf I had ever seen. "Ow! Stop it! Sirius, make it stop!"

"Kreacher! Stop!" Sirius yelled.

"I serve only the ancient and most noble House of Black!" the elf croaked, while it persisted in punching and kicking my shins.

"I am Sirius Orion Black! I am master of this house, and you will obey me. Now stop hitting Kate!"

Kreacher stopped mid-kick and nearly toppled over from the effort it took. Then he looked up at Sirius with a scowl.

"Master Black. Kreacher is here to serve." Then he bowed so low his nose left a streak on the dusty floor.

"Stop groveling! Now how do we get this picture down?"

The elf smirked. "My Mistress placed a permanent sticking charm on her portrait so that all future generations my gaze upon her gloriousness."

"Then how do we make it shut up?" I asked, but Kreacher would not speak.

"Answer her, Kreacher!"

His eyes flicked to the two large curtains hanging on either side of the frame. "My Mistress cannot yell if she cannot see."

Sirius and I quickly reached for the heavy curtains and tugged them closed. The rods were old and rusted over, though; the curtains didn't move easily. When we finally managed to shut them, there was a brief moment where Walburga stopped shouting. The remaining portraits, however, carried on and soon the curtains snapped back and Walburga started screaming again.

"Kreacher! You lied!"

"Kreacher would not deceive Master Black."

"Then why didn't it work?"

"My Mistress hears the other portraits yelling."

"Oh you've got to be kidding me!" I said exasperatedly. "I'll deal with them; you shut her up."

Fortunately, a simple freezing charm worked on the other portraits. I made my way up the narrow stairs, with its ornate banister, stunning any screaming portrait I came across. As I rounded the third landing there was a significant reduction in noise. I took that as a sign that Sirius had managed to pull the curtains closed again. I finished my stunning before heading back down and meeting Sirius halfway.

"Bloody hell," he whispered through his teeth as he pulled his hair back. "If that woman wasn't already dead, I'd kill her!"

"I'd help you dispose of the body."

His lips twitched slightly.

"Come on. We might as well check these rooms before heading back down," I said. He nodded.

We proceeded to make our way back up the stairs inspecting the various rooms. Many of them looked the same to me: a dark hole covered in dust and cobwebs. We lingered a little longer in one of the bedrooms and I didn't have to ask whose it was. The walls were covered in red and gold banners and Muggle band posters. It was Sirius' old bedroom of course.

We gradually made out way back down. We tiptoed and held our breath as we passed by the covered portrait of Walburga Black. Our inspection of the house ended in a downstairs kitchen and dining area. There was an abnormally long table that stretched at least ten feet, covered in dust. A series of cauldrons hung above the table; like everything else in the house, they were covered in dust and cobwebs.

A chair scrapped loudly across the floor as Sirius pulled it out. Our eyes flew to the door way and we froze in waiting. But there was no wailing from above. Sirius plopped into the chair, his face long and sullen.

"Pity," I said softly. Sirius looked up at me, his brow now furrowed in confusion.

"It's a shame, really," I continued. "We'll have to tell Dumbledore we struck out. I mean, this place is completely uninhabitable. I'm afraid to bring the kids in here; they might catch some incurable disease. This place simply won't do. It's…"

"…Perfect," Sirius said sullenly. "It's the perfect place to house The Oder."

In truth it was rather perfect. It was in a central location, already hidden from Muggle view. It was large with nearly a dozen sleeping rooms. And the dining area would comfortably fit every Order member in one sitting. But I knew what coming back here would mean for Sirius. I didn't want to return to my childhood home (fortunately I couldn't because it had been destroyed by fire) any more than Sirius wanted to return to his.

"It doesn't have to be?" I tried.

"Yeah, Kate, it does, but thanks. The Order needs a regular place to meet, and giving them my house will likely be the only useful thing I can do."

I pulled out a chair and sat beside him. "It's not the only useful thing you can do, Sirius. I…I wouldn't have made it through this past week if it wasn't for you. Any time I felt myself slipping away, you pulled me back in. You've helped me keep my sanity."

Sirius smirked as he took my hand. "What a pair we make, the mad leading the mental."

"Journeying down the rabbit hole is more fun together anyway. This place will need a lot of work though; it may be a while before it will be safe to sleep here."

"Fair point, and for now, I've had enough. Let's get back to the cottage. What are you making for dinner tonight?"

I shrugged as we began making our way back up the few stairs to the hall. "What would you like?"

 **XXX**

We decided I wouldn't cook at all. Instead we swung by and picked up a couple of pizzas. We happened to walk through the front door the moment someone was leaving the bathroom. It was Remus; he was back, and he had just showered.

Literally. _Just showered._

His hair was damp and lying flat against his head. Tiny droplets of water gathered at the tips before slowly trailing down his lanky frame. He wore nothing but a towel around his too thin waist. And he stood stock still, as though petrified at the sight of us.

An insatiable heat flared up inside me. I remembered what it was like to run my hands over his chest. I remembered how it felt to tangle my legs with his. And I remembered how it delighted us both as I traced his scars with my lips.

I too was frozen in place as memory after memory of us together bombarded my mind. Leave it to Sirius to act before we could.

"Merlin's Beard, Moony! Put some clothes on before you blind us all," Sirius said.

Remus snapped out of it and rolled his eyes. "You're one to talk. I saw your shiny bum more times than I cared to in school."

Then he moved forward and disappeared behind his bedroom door. My breath slowly came back to me as Sirius placed a hand on my shoulder. He smiled at me in sympathy before tugging me into his chest, where I wept softly. Remus was home, he was safe, but he felt as far away as ever.

* * *

 **A/N: Anyone else like the idea of a _just showered_ Remus in nothing but a towel? Yeah... I thought so. I played with that scene for quite a while in my head, trying to figure out when, where, how long, if Sirius was going to be there... Overall, I am pleased with the final outcome. Adds tension without being too heavy, and Sirius, Merlin I love him more and more each time I write a scene with him.**


	6. Migraine

**Chapter 5**

 **Migraine**

 _ **2 August 1995**_

I paused my scrubbing to nurse a festering migraine. Sirius and I had informed Dumbledore of the status of Grimmauld Place immediately, and, of course, the Headmaster was enthused at the prospect of establishing headquarters there as soon as possible. So, Molly and I returned with Sirius and the kids the next day to begin cleaning. We started in the kitchen. Even with the nine of us, Hermione was visiting Ginny, it was a two day process.

After that we began tackling the bedrooms. We scrubbed and wiped away the layers of dust. I bought all new linen sets as the ones there were moth eaten. Once the rooms were habitable again, Sirius and I moved in. Molly and the kids followed soon after. And since he had quit his job to join the pack and could no longer afford trivial things such as food, Remus moved in as well.

Remus, though, was in and out all the time on Order business. The uncertainty of his return was an all too familiar feeling. It damn near broke me every time he left, resulting in many sleepless nights curled up in bed next to Padfoot waiting for his return. And when he did return, we carried on in silence, unable to confess our fears to one another for fear of starting another argument.

With three weeks of that, it's no wonder I suffered nearly a daily migraine.

Sirius saw me rubbing my temple so he moved in closer to me.

"Perhaps you should go have a lay down," he said.

I shook my head but immediately regretted it as a wave a nausea washed over me.

"Come on, up you go."

Sirius took my arm and gently pulled me to my feet.

"You won't help anyone if you spew sick all over my diligently cleaned curio."

Sirius carefully led me up three flights of stairs to my room. Then he helped me into bed, slipping of my shoes and pulling the light duvet over my shoulder. His fingers trailed lightly over my cheek as he brushed my hair behind my ear.

"How long have you been holding it?" he whispered.

I didn't need to ask what he meant to know he was referring to the illusion. At the cottage I could drop the illusion any time I felt the inkling of a headache. Now, staying at headquarters with Order members in and out all day, many of whom didn't know, I kept the illusion up despite the headaches.

There had been a few slips, and a few convenient confessions. The twins and Ginny had been let in, much to their amusement, so now the whole Weasley family (with the sole exception of Percy who wasn't on speaking terms with the rest of them) knew the truth. Tonks had been at dinner one night when the headache had been unbearable and the illusion slipped. Sirius and I chose to tell Kingsley a few days later, but everyone agreed that Mundungus should never be told.

"I…I can't remember," I replied faintly.

"Kate… let it go." He stroked my hair gently. "Let it go and sleep for a few hours without the stress of holding it."

"I…"

"Let it go."

The illusion dropped and the headache dissipated instantly, but I was lost to sleep anyway.

 **XXX**

I awoke a few hours later feeling better than I had in a week. I knew it must be near dinner time so I applied the illusion with ease and made my way down to the kitchen. As I came to the landing above the kitchen door, I found Jonathan, Fred, George, Ginny, Hermione, and Ron all leaning over the rail with something like a plastic ear covering their real ear. The faux ear had a long flesh colored string hanging from it and another ear was dangling at the end by the Kitchen door.

I leaned on the rail next to Jonathan with my chin in my hand. One by one they looked my way. Hermione turned sheepish and tried to discreetly remove the ear like she hadn't been participating. She nudged Ron and Ginny; they too removed their ears looking equally guilty, but not ashamed of their actions. Jonathan looked inquisitive and I knew he was trying to determine my reaction. Fred and George were beaming with pride and looking completely unabashed.

"What are these?" I asked.

"Extendable ears," George replied.

"Care to try one?" Fred asked as he held an extra ear out to me.

"Don't mind if I do."

I took the offered ear and placed it over my own. It was really quite fascinating. I could hear what was being said behind the door as though I was standing next to it with my ear pressed against it. I could distinctly distinguish between Molly and Sirius's voices. They were arguing, they were always arguing, about Harry. I pulled the extendable ear away and handed it back.

"Nice bit of work there boys."

"Thank you, Professor."

"Carry on then."

I made my way around them and continued my progress down the stairs. I stopped about halfway to the next landing and looked back at them.

"You realize, of course," I began. "That now I have to suggest to Molly we put up an Imperturbable Charm on the door. So you won't be able to do this again."

"Naturally, Professor," George said.

"Just as you realize, I'm sure, that we'll just find another way to eavesdrop," Fred said.

I smiled coyly. "Oh, I'd be disappointed if you didn't at least try."

As I continued down the stairs I heard them both say, "We love your Mum."

 **XXX**

There were muffled, angry voices drifting through the closed door. The moment I stepped through, though, the voices stopped and Sirius leapt to his feet.

"Kate! Are you feeling better?" He grabbed my shoulders and gave me quick look over as though he expected to see signs of a continuing migraine.

"Much. Thank you," I replied.

I looked around the kitchen as I pulled away from Sirius. Molly was there, of course, looking flustered. Arthur and Bill were there too, as where Tonks and Remus. Remus appeared to have been watching me and Sirius, but he looked away the moment I caught him.

"Wotcher, Katherine," Tonks greeted. I smiled and looked her way again. "Were you feeling ill?"

"It was nothing," I said with a shrug as I sat down beside her. "Just another headache."

"Nothing?" Sirius exclaimed. "You nearly spewed all over the floor. I had to practically carry you to bed where you promptly passed out."

I caught a glimpse of Remus and saw his brow was furrowed.

"Tea dear?"

"Oh yes. Thank you, Molly." I took the offered cup graciously and took a sip. "I only meant, Sirius, that it was nothing I haven't already dealt with this summer. There were no new developments. I love you, Sirius, but please stop being such a worry-wart."

I hated sounding so stubborn; I knew Sirius was only trying to look out for me, and I loved how protective he was being. It was almost as though nothing had changed. But I didn't want Remus or Jonathan to think there was anything to about.

"Worrying, after all, is the number one reason for gray hairs," Bill said. I had noticed that he seemed to be quite fond on his long locks.

"Yeah, or you'll end up looking like me," Remus said, indicating to his own head of spattered gray hair.

"A little gray's not so bad," said Tonks. "I think it adds distinction."

The corners of Remus mouth twitched into a familiar smile as he looked across the table at her. I suddenly felt queasy again, but it had nothing to do with a headache this time. When did this start?

"Distinction? Bah! It shows your age, Moony, nothing more. I'll never be that old," Sirius teased.

"You're actually older," Remus pointed out.

"That's rubbish."

"No. It's simple maths," I said. "You're four months older. But don't worry, that's why the Muggles invented hair color. Why do you think you don't see any gray in my hair? And it's not because Jonathan and Harry have never done anything to cause them."

"You use the Muggle hair color? But how do you make it last?" Tonks asked.

"A sealing charm; it's simple, but quite affective. I haven't touched it up in over a year now. But you know… I think it's time for a change. Oh! Do you think if I gave you the money, you could pick up a box for me, seeing as how I'm under house arrest?"

"Sure." She smiled. "What color would you like?" Tonks fingered my hair. "I think maybe a…"

"Nothing too extreme."

She frowned. "Where's the fun in that?"

"It may not be fun, but here's the thing. If I were to go with say… bubble-gum pink," my eyes darted up to her own pink hair, "and it doesn't work out, then I can't simply scrunch up my face and change it."

"You mean like this?" She scrunched up her face and proceeded to change her hair from pink to purple to blue to orange.

"No one likes a show off, Tonks," I said with a laugh. She smiled and settled on a dirty blonde.

"What about something like this?"

"NO!" Sirius and I said together.

"I've been blonde before. It doesn't work for me."

"I didn't think it was so bad," Remus muttered quietly.

"You were just happy to see her after a month apart. You were like a dog in heat."

"Eww!" I said. "Bad analogy, Sirius. We made it a point to avoid those five days. But, still," I rounded on Remus, "I didn't hear any complaints from you when the blonde was gone first thing the next morning. Anyway," I turned back to Tonks. "I think something a little darker."

Tonks cycled her hair through darker shades of blonde to brown.

"There! That's the shade I want." I stopped her on a dark brown that was nearing black. "That's the color I want, or as close as you can get to it."

Tonks studied her reflection in a small pocket mirror, before nodding. "Alright. I can do that. No problem."

"And when you get back we can have a slumber party and color our nails and braid each other's hair," Sirius said in a very high pitched and squeaky voice.

I eyed him incredulously, but before I could respond Tonks cut in.

"Then we'll have a pillow fight in sexy lingerie—."

There was an eruption of coughing and sputtering. I looked across the table and saw Remus truing a deep red while trying to mop up his spilled tea.

"—and you're not invited," Tonks continued.

I tried to ignore Remus' plight and smiled. "Nice one." I gave Tonks a high five.

"I thought it might muzzle him for a bit."

"Unfortunately, there's not a muzzle large enough for his schnoz."

Tonks laughed and her hair turned back to the shade of pink she had been sporting earlier. I chanced another look at Remus. He was watching us curiously; his cheeks were still flushed crimson. His eyes flicked to mine and I wasn't sure what to make of the look I saw there.

Molly walked behind Remus with a rag, apparently to help him clean up his tea. I nudged Tonks with my elbow and nodded my head towards Molly.

"We can invite Molly too. You know she can show us how it's done."

Molly turned a shade of red to match her hair as she smiled. But she didn't deny it.

"I'm going to go get the kids for dinner," she said before rushing out of the room.

Tonks and I laughed but the guys even Sirius, surprisingly, remained mute.

It didn't take long for Molly to gather the kids as they had all been in the hall. When they did come through the door, the boys all looked disgruntled. I, of course, knew why. They had all been listening on the extendable ears when Tonks suggested a lingerie pillow fight and I had invited Molly along. I don't imagine any boy would fancy the thought of their Mum in lingerie of any kind. I looked pointedly at Jonathan and rubbed my ear. He grunted and crossed his arms over his chest; the message had been received.

We were finishing our dinner when Kingsley arrived looking rather grim. It quickly became evident as to why. It wasn't so much the topic of his visit but the audience to which he had to deliver it.

Apparently, Mundungus had abandoned his post in trailing Harry. During that time Harry was attacked by two Dementors. He was fine of course; his Patronus was more than capable of dealing with a couple of Dementors. But it meant he had to perform magic, and as luck would have it, he wasn't alone when the Dementors attacked. Dudley was with him.

As such, Harry was expelled from Hogwarts for performing magic while underage and in the presence of a Muggle. I could have strangled Mundungus when he arrived the next day. Unfortunately, all I was allowed to do was charm his pipe so that every time he lit up he received a mouth full of bubbles.

On the up-side, Dumbledore had been informed immediately following the incident and managed to convince the Ministry to hold a hearing for Harry. So, for the time being, Harry was not expelled but under suspension until further notice. What's more, plans were being discussed to finally remove Harry from Privet Drive and bring him to headquarters—I'd been arguing for just such action since Sirius and I moved in, but _Dumbledore_ thought otherwise.

 _ **6 August 1994**_

I was pacing around the kitchen while trying to help Molly with dinner. I was on the verge of being a nervous wreck, and I had a constant prickling in the back of my head. Another headache was coming on. It had been four days since Harry was attacked by Dementors and he was finally being brought to headquarters. A guard of several Order members had been sent to escort him. I wasn't among them for the sole reason that they were traveling by brooms, and well…me and flying…

Suddenly the kitchen door opened; I turned around in a flash, but it wasn't Harry. Dumbledore and Snape had arrived for the meeting. I tried to fight the grimace that had arisen.

"Professor Porter, are you feeling all right?" Dumbledore asked.

"I'll feel much better once Harry is finally here and I know he's safe." I said after a slight pause. I fought to keep the bitterness at bay. Judging by Dumbledore's raised brow, I didn't do a very good job of it. I wouldn't have said anything more if Snape hadn't said something first.

"Still angry you didn't get your way?"

"This has nothing to do with me; it's about what was best for Harry! And I don't believe it was for him to be left alone all summer with the Dursleys. He should have been brought here at the first opportunity. I hope you realize we could have avoided this whole Dementor fiasco if he had been here."

"Did you learn nothing from last year? The best way to determine who is behind the attack…"

"Oh I think we have a pretty damn good idea of who was behind it. Why don't you go ask your little puppet master?"

"How dare…"

"You know very well, Ms. Porter, why I said Harry should remain in Little Whinging," Dumbledore said, cutting off any retort of Snape's.

"Yes. I know why, but I still don't agree. He should have been here with his family, with those who love him. We're the one's that would take a curse for him, not her."

Suddenly a large twinge in my head made my knees buckle and caused the illusion to slip. Sirius caught me by the arm before I could fall and held me steady. Snape muttered something and Dumbledore started a conversation with someone else.

"Kate?" Sirius asked.

"I'm fine."

"Do you need to lie down?" He began leading me towards the door but I pulled out of his grasp.

"What I need is air."

"Fine." He threw his arms up and backed away. "I was just trying to help."

"Sirius, don't," I said grabbing at his arm. "I meant fresh air. The sky. The stars. We're lucky all I've suffered so far are headaches. But I can feel something else creeping in; I don't know how long I can hold it off."

"Kate, I…"

The kitchen door opened and Sirius and I both turned towards it. Elphias Dodge, Dedalus Diggle, Emmeline Vance, Sturgis Podmore, Hestia Jones, Kingsley, Moody, and Tonks all began shuffling in. The guard had returned, which meant…

"Harry…"

I quickly headed for the door hoping to catch him before he got too far up the stairs. I wasn't expecting someone else to come through however, and I ran headfirst into a firm, but bony chest. He quickly threw an arm around my waist to keep from falling backwards. I threw my arms around him to catch myself. We ended up in an intimate looking embrace. Not surprising given our reflexes. What was surprising though, was that we didn't immediately pull away.

I looked up into his green eyes, darkened from lack of sleep and the recent full moon. My mouth went dry and my finer motor skills failed me. This was the first time we'd been this close in a while. Fortunately for me, he didn't appear to be any better off.

"Sor—sorry," I murmured, slowly pulling my hands away.

Remus cleared his throat softly and removed his own hands. "It's alright."

"You're… You were with the guard?"

He nodded. "Yes. I managed to make it back just before they left."

"Good. I'm glad he had someone there he could trust. Where is he now?"

"Molly's taken him up to his room."

"Oh… How… how is he?"

"He's… mad, but glad to be leaving finally."

I smiled faintly. "I knew he would be."

There was a brief pause as Remus and I continued to stare at each other. There were so many things I wished to say to him, if only I had the courage to say them. I'd tell him I was sorry for fighting. I'd tell him I understood why he agreed to do whatever he could to help. But mostly I wanted to tell him that I was glad he was home, and I'd ask him to stay safe.

"I…"

"Oh!" Molly gave a little start as she came around the corner nearly running into Remus' back. "So sorry, dears. Has the meeting started?"

"It just is," I said.

I glanced up at Remus once more before turning and heading back into the kitchen, another migraine coming on.

* * *

 **I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to post this week because I'm on vacation. But here you go. I hope you enjoy. Harry comes back to the party next chapter. Oh? And what's that between Remus and Tonks? Hmmm... :)**

 **Also... I wrote a little one shot featuring Kate and Remus after they left Hogwarts and before the break-up. I'm debating on posting it as it's different from my other writing. It's rated M for _very_ mature themes (cough-smut-cough). If you're interested let me know.**

 **Now...back to the lake for more writing.**


	7. The Offer

**Chapter 6**

 **The Offer**

"I'm telling you, if my Mum said she was going to put an Imperturbable Charm on the door, then she did. You won't be able to hear anything," Jonathan said distractedly as he flipped through the book, _Charms for Defense and Deterrence._

The book had been his father's once, but he'd given it to Jonathan as a Christmas gift. It had been misplaced, however, in the fallout of that same Christmas. Somehow it made its way back into Remus' possession and he'd only recently returned it to Jonathan. Now, Jonathan wasn't usually one to read on summer holiday, at least not in the presence of others, but there really wasn't much else to do in the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black but clean and Jonathan was sick of cleaning.

"Wait, I… I've got something!" Fred said.

Jonathan glanced at his best friends but refrained from getting excited. He knew there must be some mistake.

"I hear it too!" George said. "No…wait…"

"…it's only Harry."

"He's being too loud. He's interfering."

Fred and George glanced at each other before looking over to Jonathan and grinning.

"No. Don't…" Jonathan tried protesting, but it was no use. With a loud crack the two twins had disapperated, leaving Jonathan alone in their room.

"They've got to know how unfair that is."

Of course they knew. That was precisely why they did it, because they could and he couldn't. Jonathan couldn't wait for next summer when he and Katie could get their apparition license; then they could meet up whenever they liked. They wouldn't have to wait for their parents to be available. There would be nothing stopping them, except…perhaps a war…

Jonathan briefly considered just staying put where he was. He knew the twins were only trying to goad him into following them; why should he give in? But then…Harry was his friend too. So he set aside his book and made his way downstairs. He met Ginny on the landing outside Ron and Harry's room.

"Why do I smell dungbumbs?" he asked.

"Well…"

"Never mind. Forget I asked."

Ginny closed her mouth and grinned.

"You're a Weasley."

Ginny crossed her arms over her chest. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means your brothers are Fred and George. After six years of friendship you'd think I'd know better than to ask."

"Fair point."

"Ladies first," Jonathan said, allowing Ginny to enter the room first.

"Hello, Harry," she greeted then she looked towards her brothers. "It's a no go with the extendable ears. The door's been imperturbed."

"Why do you say that?" Fred asked, dejectedly.

"Because I've been chucking dungbombs at it and they just soar away from it."

"Do I have to say it?" Jonathan asked smugly.

"Oh shove off!"

They all sat down to talk about the Order, or what they knew of it at least…which wasn't much. They talked for a good while before they heard someone coming up the stairs. Fred and George quickly disapperated once more, taking the extendable ear with them. A moment later, Mrs. Weasley entered the room to tell them dinner was nearly ready and they could go to the kitchen now.

There was a resounding crash as Tonks knocked over the large umbrella stand. The portrait of the late Mrs. Black awoke and filled the hall with piercing screams. It was a long struggle before Remus and Sirius managed to close the curtains again.

Jonathan followed Harry and Sirius into the kitchen where his Mum was cooking. Harry seemed almost as pleased to see Katherine as she was to see him. He quickly went over to hug her.

"Merlin's beard, Harry!" Katherine exclaimed.

"What?"

"Molly, have you see this?"

"What is it?" Harry asked again.

"You've grown, what…four inches since June? You can't do that to me, Harry?"

"Do what, grow?"

"Precisely." Katherine sighed. "But I suppose it can't be helped. No matter; it makes doing this—" she kissed his forehead, "—much easier."

"By the end of the year, he'll be taller than you though," Molly said. "It won't be so easy then."

"Stop! I don't need to hear such things, Molly. Go on and have a seat, Harry. You've had a long flight. But from the rest of you, I want movement. We need plates, silverware, goblets…"

Katherine dished out orders and everyone but Harry and Sirius went to work. Jonathan gathered the plates with his dad and together they set enough for everyone.

"Has she always been this bossy in the kitchen?" Jonathan whispered for his dad alone to hear.

Remus smiled faintly. "Yes, but she'd describe it more as strong-willed."

That was the most Jonathan could get out of Remus about Katherine. They'd been living under the same roof all summer, but Jonathan noticed they barely spoke to each other. And when they did speak they were overly polite as though the slightest misstep would result in catastrophe. And now that Bill was having secret snogging sessions with Fleur Delacour, Jonathan didn't think it likely that his mum would get with Bill.

It's not that Jonathan wanted his parents to get back together—they'd been apart his whole life so he never knew differently—he just wanted them to be happy. And Jonathan noticed that every time his Mum looked at his Dad, which she did quite frequently, her eyes would droop with sadness. It was the same for his dad especially in those rare moments his mum didn't have the illusion up. Jonathan felt like he was the only thing that linked them together anymore, like he was stuck in the middle. He hated being in the middle.

Jonathan wasn't alone in the middle, however; Sirius was right there with him. This didn't comfort Jonathan as much as it should perhaps. He couldn't help it, he actually tried not to, but Jonathan held a bit of resentment towards Sirius. He supposed it was because on some sub conscious level he blamed Sirius for his Mum's sadness when he was little. It was a ridiculous notion he knew. It wasn't Sirius' fault. If anything it was Pettigrew's. But Pettigrew wasn't around to take the blame; Sirius was.

It seemed Sirius may have felt the same, that he alone was responsible for Kate's sadness. So Sirius did everything he could now to make up for it. He was always at her side, even while they were cleaning. If they weren't together it was most likely because Katherine was sleeping off another headache.

Jonathan noticed his Mum got a lot of headaches lately. It worried him a little. He tried to talk to his Dad about it, but he could see how it upset him. So Jonathan stopped going to him about his concerns. Jonathan couldn't bring himself to talk to Sirius about it, and Mrs. Weasley had enough problems of her own to take on Jonathan's too. So Jonathan kept his concerns to himself. Not the healthiest perhaps, but it's what you did when you were stuck.

 **XXX**

There was a nudge to my knee beneath the table.

"Earth to Mum," Jonathan said teasingly.

I gave a little start and looked around. Several pairs of eyes were watching me with different reactions. Harry was smiling; Ron was still shoveling food into his mouth while looking my way. Hermione looked like she was trying to piece together a puzzle. Jonathan was curious, and Remus, as usual, was a mixture of concern and something indecipherable. I tried to smile convincingly.

"Sorry, I was thoroughly immersed in my dinner. This is one of my best recipes I think. It's the coriander; it gives it that extra…something."

In truth, I'd spaced out again. I had no idea how much time had passed, nor what the topic of conversation had been.

There was a silent pause before Sirius piped in. "Coriander, you say? It's good."

"It's delicious, Katherine," Molly said.

"Yeah, the best I can do is beans on burnt toast," Tonks added. "With varying degrees of burntness."

I forced a small laugh for Jonathan's sake. I could tell he wasn't satisfied with my explanation.

"Did you want something, Jonathan?" I asked.

"Actually, Tonks asked you a question," he said with a nod of his head.

"Oh?" I turned my head towards Tonks on my left.

"I was just wonderin' if you were considering Dumbledore's offer."

"Oh, um… I'm not sure…"

"What offer?" Jonathan asked.

"Well, he… uh… He asked if I would be interested in taking the vacant Defense position."

"Brilliant!" Harry exclaimed.

"Wicked!" the twins said together.

"What did you tell him?" Hermione asked.

"Yes, of course; she'd be great at it," Ron said.

"Actually…" I began but Harry cut me off.

"You said no?"

"I didn't say anything. I asked him if I could have some time to consider it."

"What? But why?" Jonathan asked.

"Well, for one because it would be in addition to the Astronomy classes I already have. So that's a whole other set of lesson plans to make, homework to assign, and exam papers to grade."

"You wouldn't have to give us homework and exams," Ron muttered. Nearly everyone at the table laughed.

"It's your O.W.L. year," Bill said. "You're going to have homework."

"Loads of it," Tonks added.

"So you'll have two classes to teach. Big deal. You did it before when Dad was there," Jonathan said.

"That was completely different. He made all the lesson plans, he graded all the homework. I simply deciphered his notes and went with it."

"But the second class is just Astronomy…"

"Don't say it…" Remus whispered.

"…they're only stars."

There was a deathly silence. Eyes were flicking back and forth between us.

"Only stars? Five…years… in my class, and that's all you have to show for it? Clearly I have failed you as a teacher. I should speak with McGonagall and insist that you take private lessons with me for the next two years. … _Only stars_ …"

"The stars are a bit of a touchy subject for her," Sirius said.

"Touchy subject?" I rounded on Sirius, but Jonathan intervened.

"I only meant that you've taught Astronomy for five years now. You're lesson plans for it are already made; you teach the same thing each year."

"I…do not," I faltered slightly. He looked skeptical. "Alright, fine. _Most_ things are the same, but I do change my lessons a bit. Somethings work well, others don't, there are new discoveries, new techniques I apply…"

"Okay, so maybe you change a few things, but most of the work is already done. And the rest of it is easy…"

"Easy?"

"Mate, you might consider stopping before you dig a hole you can't climb out of," Fred said.

"I think that's the smartest thing I've ever heard him say," I said, pointing down the table.

"Oi!"

"I said 'said' not 'did.'"

There was a slight pause for consideration, and then Fred and George both shrugged and nodded.

"I think what Jonathan is trying to say, Ms. Porter," Hermione began. "Is that your lessons—apart from any new techniques for modern developments—are already established. And I'm sure that you could probably teach the class with your eyes closed. So for you to take on the Defense lessons too, it really wouldn't be too much for you. Most people probably couldn't handle it, but you're not like most people."

"Yeah… what she said…I think," Jonathan said.

"A little too much flattery, Miss Granger," I said.

"Perhaps, but was it too much to be ineffective?" she asked.

I didn't respond.

"Come on, Mum. I think you'd be great at it; you've been there. You've been in a war before, so you know what you're doing. And I know you enjoyed the classes you covered when Dad was teaching. Think about it, Mum; you could be our second best Defense teacher." Jonathan finished with a very Lupin smirk.

I couldn't help it. I laughed and glanced towards Remus; he was smiling, almost proudly. When he caught my eye he didn't turn away.

"I think the challenge has been made," he said shrugging one shoulder.

I shook my head in disbelief. I really didn't know what to say. Everyone was watching me, waiting for a response.

"I'll… consider it," I said at last.

This seemed to appease the kids enough that they smiled and backed off. Molly got up to fetch her rhubarb crumble and some custard, and everyone fell into other conversations. I continued to ponder the offer made by Dumbledore. In all honesty, the prospect excited me a little. But I was also terribly frightened and doubted whether I could do it given my current mental state. With all the headaches I'd been getting, I wasn't sure I could handle the added strain of another course load.

 **XXX**

Voldemort. His name had a way of changing the atmosphere of a room drastically. Conversation could go from being lighthearted and filled with smiles and laughter, to a pressure so intense you could feel your bones condensing.

That's what happened after the crumble and custard were gone. Molly got up to herd the kids off to bed, but Sirius stopped her. When he made a comment to Harry about how surprised he was that Harry hadn't asked about Voldemort.

An argument soon erupted between my two best friends, as it often did when the topic of Harry came up. They both wanted what was best for Harry, but they couldn't agree on what that was. In the end, against Molly's wishes, it was decided that Harry would be told some of the actions being taken against Voldemort; mainly that the Order was trying to convince as many people as they could that he had returned. When Sirius had said enough, Molly ushered the kids off to bed as originally planned.

After Molly disappeared with the kids, I started clearing away he dirty dishes and carried them to the sink. Sirius followed me over and turned the water on. He bumped his shoulder playfully against mine as the sink filled with soap suds.

"I couldn't help but notice that you remained mum on the subject of Harry and the Order," he said.

I shrugged my shoulder as I instructed the dishes to scrub themselves. I turned my back on them and leaned against the counter.

"That's because it would have been hypocritical of me to voice my opinion," I said.

"Hypocritical? How so?"

"Because I believe, as you do, that Harry should have been told about Voldemort and the Oder, but as a mother I wish to keep Jonathan as far away from the war as possible. I know it is unreasonable of me to wish for both Knowledge and distance."

"Unreasonable…maybe, but it's understandable, I suppose." There was a slight pause before he said, "They're a lot like us, aren't they?"

I didn't have to ask to know that he was referring to Harry and Jonathan being like the five of us. "Too much like us, I think. You know, Mum and Dad performed a minor miracle keeping us out of the war as long as they did. It was all around us, but we didn't see it; we didn't pay attention to it like we should have perhaps. It had little affect one us…but when it did hit us, we were as eager to fight as Harry is.

"But we had no idea what we were doing, no idea what we were undertaking. Sometimes I wonder if we had known more, if we had _understood_ more…then perhaps we would have held on…"

A bit of movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention. I looked over towards the table to find Remus and Tonks together. It looked like she had just tripped and Remus threw out a hand to catch her.

"…a little tighter to the things that mattered most…"

I continued to watch the two of them. They were deep in conversation. Tonks was laughing; Remus was smiling, his hand still on her arm.

"…and maybe he wouldn't have slipped away."

Remus shifted slightly, like he was about to look over at the sink. I turned my back quickly and tried to act like I wasn't just watching him. A few hasty tears dropped to the sudsy water below. I could feel Sirius shift an arm beside me as he waved. Then after a brief pause he whispered to me.

"They're gone."

I reached up and brushed away the rest of my tears with a shaky hand. I think Tonks fancied him; if not completely now, then she soon would. I couldn't blame her, of course. I understood why. What reason was there not to fancy him?

But did he like her back? That, I couldn't tell.

"You know…" Sirius began. "She's my cousin. I could talk to her…"

"No," I said softly.

"I would be discreet about it. Moony'd never know…"

"No!" I said more firmly, reaching out to grab his arm. "Sirius, you can't."

"But…"

"He deserves to be happy. That's all I ever wanted for him."

"What about your happiness, Kate?"

"Promise me, Sirius." I bit back tears. "Promise me you won't intervene."

He didn't say anything.

"Promise me."

"Alright, I promise I won't say anything to her."

"Nor to him," I added pointedly.

He sighed. "Nor to him."

Satisfied, I swiped my hand across my face one final time.

"I'm heading up to bed, now." I stuffed my hands in the back pocket of my jeans and took a few steps towards the door. Then I stopped and looked back at him.

"I'll leave the door cracked for you tonight. Just close it behind you when you come in."

Sirius nodded. "I will."

I know I said I'd never make the mistake of sleeping with Padfoot again, but as it turns out…it was the only way Sirius and I managed to get any sleep at all.

* * *

 **Ok, so this last little bit really pulls at my heart strings. Poor Kate. She loves Remus so much, she's willing to let him be happy with another woman if its what he wants. And all Sirius is trying to do is look out for his sister to ensure her happiness while remaining (somewhat) neutral with his best friend. Ugh!**

 **And how cool would it be if Kate took the Defense the position? I mean, no Umbridge? Who wouldn't want that...**

 **On another note entirely, I think I am going to post that one shot I hinted at in the last author's note. It's not up yet, but I'm going to try and get it out later this weekend. Please note that it will be rated M for sexual content, some of it explicit. So, if that's not your cup of tea then please don't read it. However, if you don't mind the occasional smut, then by all means be my guest. It will be entitled _House Hunting_.**


	8. The Birthday Episode

**Chapter 7**

 **The Birthday Episode**

 _"He got off. He got off…"_ Ginny and the twins sang together as they danced around the small kitchen.

Arthur and Harry and just returned from the Ministry. Harry, as Ginny and the twins were declaring with such enthusiasm, had been cleared of all charges. Everyone was celebrating in their own way, and Harry for the first time since arriving nearly a week ago looked genuinely happy. Arthur couldn't stick around for long because he had to go deal with an exploding toilet. Once he left, we all sat down for lunch.

"So, Kate, I think you're the only one who hasn't congratulated me," Harry said, almost smugly.

I smirked and sat back in my chair as I crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm sorry… _James_ … Were you expecting praise?"

Harry smiled.

"You know, that's just the sort of thing James would have said."

"No, James would have been more smug when he said it, and he would have ruffled his hair," Sirius said as he demonstrated.

"Oh, and don't forget the snitch. He'd have one hand in his hair and the other playing with his snitch…"

"…and looking around to see if Evans saw."

"She, of course, would be pointedly ignoring him."

"Who?" Harry asked.

"Your mum, Lily," I said. "James tried for years to get her to go to Hogsmeade with him, but they didn't have their first date until seventh year."

"And if she didn't say yes then, I was going to kidnap her and make her agree to go," Sirius said.

"Right, because that would have helped."

"Why wouldn't she go with him?" Harry asked.

"Because, as I've said before, James was an arrogant prick and Lily, though she fought it for years, eventually grew to be as mad about him as she was about her," I answered.

The conversation paused for a moment as we all fixed our plates: bangers and mash with pea soup and pumpkin juice. I learned across the table towards Harry.

"I am glad you've been cleared, obviously, but I was never worried to begin with."

"You didn't think they'd expel me?"

"Well…no. I mean with the way the Ministry has been behaving lately, they very well may have. But you see, if they did, Padfoot and I had a plan." I pointed my thumb at Sirius who sat beside me.

"Yeah, you see if they had expelled you then _we_ would have kidnapped _you_."

"Kidnapped me?"

"Why not?" I shrugged. "I've always wanted to visit Mahoutokoro. I hear the air smells like Japanese cherry blossom and moonflower. Can you imagine how fragrant that would be? Or Uagadou, their Astronomy department is bar-none."

"What's a Mah-hoot-tomo… or Why-ga-something?" Harry asked.

"Mah-hoot-o-koh-ro and Wag-a-do."

"They're other wizarding schools," Sirius replied. "Personally, I voted for Castleobruxo."

"You were only interested in creating mischief with the Caipora."

"So? Your point being?"

I looked back at Harry. "We hadn't really agreed on the location. We thought perhaps you and Jonathan could help us decide. It'd be nice, though, wouldn't it? The four of us…starting a new life together…forgetting the old one…and all the heartache associated with it…"

Even I noticed how the tone of my voice changed. It took on this airy, breathy quality. I allowed myself a moment to envision what that new life would be like. Sirius and I would raise Jonathan and Harry together, the way it should have been. Just as Sirius' face was being replaced by another, there was a nudge to my knee and the whole vision slipped away. A pair of green eyes staring back at me were the last to fade.

I shook my head and smiled. "Of course that's all Hogwash now. You weren't expelled, thereby free to return to Hogwarts. Which, as we all know, is the best wizarding school to attend."

I'm not entirely sure if Harry bought that or not, but he smiled regardless.

 _ **12 August 1995**_

 _(early morning hours)_

"Raise your end a little higher, Tonks," I instructed.

I was in the newly cleaned drawing room decorating for Jonathan's birthday. Sirius, Remus, and Tonks were helping me, and Molly was down in the kitchen baking breakfast and a cake.

"That's perfect. Thank you."

Remus and Tonks sealed their charm in place before stepping back to inspect their handiwork. A banner now floated freely about three feet from the ceiling, the words _Happy Birthday Jonathan_ flashed in various changing colors. It billowed as though in a steady breeze while fireworks erupted on it.

I heaved a sigh. "I can't believe he's sixteen already. I swear, it's like he was only six yesterday."

"That's because yesterday he was blowing bubbles in his pumpkin juice," Tonks said. She was sporting short blonde hair and blue eyes today.

I laughed. "That is very true, Tonks. I don't suppose anyone knows where he got that from, huh?" I looked pointedly at Remus.

"Why are you looking at me? I was never that immature," he defended.

"Ha! Bullocks."

Remus chuckled.

"I don't know, Leo. Moony may have a point there," Sirius said, taking a break from charming balloons filled with self-cleaning confetti (the confetti disintegrated entirely after an hour). "You're not as innocent in all that as you like to believe. Or do we need to remind you of that little stunt you pulled in seventh year?"

"That was completely different," I defended.

"How so?" Remus asked.

"What did you do?" Tonks inquired.

"She hit Snape with some kind of jinx that…what did it do exactly?" Sirius asked

I rolled my eyes and turned to Tonks. "It gave him menstrual cramps and sealed his mouth shut anytime he tried to tell someone about it. So he couldn't complain to Slughorn or Madam Pomfrey to tell them what was wrong. He simply had to grin and bear it like a woman. I think the cramping lasted for two weeks before fading."

Tonks pulled a face that was a mixture of pain and admiration.

"And it was never proven definitively that _I_ was the one who jinxed him. I knew how not to get caught."

"Did you?" she asked.

"Damn right I did, and I'd do it again if pushed to it. Though, instead of menstrual cramps I might do labor pains; they're much worse. But I was bitter and hormonal at the time…"

"Hormonal? I'd say it was more like horny," Sirius muttered.

"Yes. It was. And I was on my period that week, so I could do nothing about the horniness. Snape just had the misfortune of catching me on a bad day as he took the last ferret in Transfiguration, knowing full well that my hand was already reaching for it when he snatched it out from underneath me. I was forced to work with a bird, and the damn thing bit me like a hundred times."

"So you gave him menstrual cramps for two weeks? I love it," Tonks said with a laugh.

I shrugged a shoulder. "It seemed fitting since I had to suffer them that week."

"You surprise me, Katherine. You seem all sweet and innocent…"

Sirius barked a laugh.

"…but then I hear about your days at school and I'm forced to re-evaluate you."

"I'll take that as a compliment. Thanks."

"She often got away with things at school too, especially seventh year," Remus said.

"Well that's because by seventh year all the professors liked me more than they liked the rest of you."

"You can't argue with her on that. She was always the favorite," Sirius said.

"Well, given the other choices, I can't blame the professors for that," Tonks quipped, to which Remus laughed and Sirius stuck out his tongue.

 **XXX**

We continued to decorate for maybe another twenty minutes while the kids were all still asleep. Apart from the banner and balloons we had streamers and mini Quidditch figurines flying about and playing a game. There was a table set aside for food and one for presents. Remus and I had actually gone in together for a set of books this year. It struck me as I placed our wrapped gift on the table, that this would be the first birthday of Jonathan's that we would celebrate together.

Tonks had gone down to the kitchen to see if Molly needed help with anything. She was just returning with a tray full of breakfast burritos when she tripped over the rug. Her arms shot out and burritos went flying. She grabbed her wand and tried to freeze them in mid-air before they could hit the ground, but her wand tangled up in the streamer. She tried to yank it free which only served to tangle it further. When she did manage to free her wand she ended up pulling the whole line of streamer down. Trying to avoid the falling streamer, the little figurines zoomed about the room colliding with balloons and making them pop and colliding with the banner so that it too fell. And it fell on top of the present table where I was still standing.

I'm not really sure what the cause of it was, maybe it was just all the stress I'd been under from the headaches and being locked in a house for nearly a month, but with the banner falling on me and balloons exploding all around me something inside me snapped. It's like I was back in that basement bedroom with walls that burned if you touched them. The balloons exploding around me were my own spells bouncing back at me. My lungs constricted and I was suddenly seized by terror.

The room was filled with the desperate screams of a young girl before the last burrito hit the floor.

 _"Let me out! NO! Let me go! I want to go home!"_

 _I attempted an escape through the open door before his spell could collide with me._

"Kate? Kate what…"

 _He wanted me to stop but I wouldn't listen. I would never listen to the lies he spewed. I pushed him aside, not even taking the time to relish in the moment where my elbow collided with his eye, and made for the door. I'd never made it through before. Usually his spell hit me at the top of the stairs and I fell down as wave after wave of unbearable pain washed over me. Not this time._

 _Stairs._

 _Up or down?_

 _Down._

 _I ran down the stairs. I had to get out of here. I had to get home. Mum and Dad would be so worried._

 _Mum._

 _Dad._

 _James._

 _Remus… Remus was dead. Dead. My heart nearly burst through my chest at the thought. I'd never see him again. I'd never hold him again. Never kiss him. Never tell him how much I've always loved him._

 _No! No don't think about that. Think about his strength. Think about how much he must love you. You were doing this for him, because of him._

 _I had to escape._

 _Suddenly she started yelling too._

"FILTH! BLOOD TRAITORS! SCUM!"

 _I was almost there; freedom was so close. I reached for the handle on the front door. My fingers brushed over the golden knob but then something pulled me back._

 _"No! No! I want to go home! Let me go!"_

 _I fought against him. I punched and I kicked in desperation. But he would not release me. Slowly the distance between my hand and the door grew as he dragged me back._

"Kate, stop. Please, it's me. It's Remus. Please stop."

 _"You won't get away with this! He'll stop you! They'll find me and he'll stop you! James! James, please!" I cried. Tears spilled from my eyes._

 _"Sirius! Sirius where are you? Why haven't you come for me? Remus…Oh Remus…dead. I—I'm so sorry."_

"I'm here, Kate. I'm not dead; I'm right here." He pulled my head into his chest where I was met with pine and mint chocolate.

 _"Remus? Remus, you're here?"_

"Yes, yes I'm here." He ran his hand over the back of my head.

 _"Oh Remus, you came back for me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I wept into his chest. I could feel the tell-tell sign of a spell washing over me. My limbs suddenly became lethargic, and my eyelids heavy. A woman was still screaming somewhere._

 _"I think…I think I'm dying, Remus."_

"You're not…"

 _"Does it hurt? Tell me, did it hurt when my mother killed you?"_

"Kate, you're not dying." It almost sounded like he choked on a sob, but ghosts can't cry. "Shh, now. It's just a sleeping charm. Sleep now, Kate."

 _"No!" I clung to his neck a little tighter. "No. I don't want to leave you. Please promise me you'll never leave me. You'll never let me go. You'll stay with me…always…please promise me…"_

"Kate, I…"

 _"Will you be there? In my dreams, will I see you again?"_

"Kate…"

 _"Remus, I… I lo…"_

I could fight it no more. Sleep or death, I wasn't sure which and it didn't matter so long as he was there with me, overtook me at last.

 **XXX**

"Kate?" Remus called down to the woman in his arms.

There was no response.

"Kate?" He gave his arms a little shake, but still she did not stir.

He could feel her heart beating through his chest. It was the rapid beating often associated with the flight or fight response and not the sort inspired by other, more pleasant, activities. At least he knew she was alive; the spell had simply taken hold. It would have acted much sooner, but she had been fighting it.

Remus was fighting too, fighting the urge to give into the overwhelming emotion that threatened to break through. He had almost lost the battle when she'd asked about dying. It was then that he realized she was trapped in a distant nightmare. She thought he was dead, that James and Sirius were planning her rescue.

Had she cried out for them often in her days of captivity? She never really talked to them about what happened. She'd told them she'd been put under the Cruciatus Curse a few times, but she never mentioned the frequency, the duration, nor the circumstance surrounding each time. Did she blame James and Sirius for her long imprisonment? Did any part of her blame him?

He did.

Remus waited to be sure the charm was in full affect and he waited until the others managed to silence the wailing portrait, before slowly rising to his feet. Kate was still in his arms. He had managed to pull a struggling Kate into a side room to shield her from the prying eyes of the others. Now he gently carried her through the doorway back into the main hall. It was empty apart from Sirius who stood at the kitchen door, the fresh makings of a black eye creeping in, and…Jonathan, who sat on the steps.

Remus froze at the sight of his son. His hair was disarrayed and his eyes were swollen and rimmed in sleep. Remus knew Kate would not have wanted Jonathan to see her like this, and he was suddenly very glad that he had decided to take her into the room; so at least he missed the worst of it.

With a quick glance at his mother lying in his father's arms, Jonathan moved aside, allowing Remus to move by him as he carried a sleeping Kate up to her room. It wasn't until they were alone again and she was tucked beneath her sheets, that Remus gave in to the emotion and allowed his silent tears to escape.

 **XXX**

Remus sat alone in the confines of his dark room. They had tried, but Jonathan didn't much feel like partying after the events of that morning. Events Kate was still sleeping off. Unable to bear the look of disappointment in his son's eyes, Remus had isolated himself. In the seclusion of his room, he opted to wallow in self-loathing.

The sound of his door clicking open made him look up. In the dark he couldn't see the face, but he could see that it was the outline of a woman. He could tell by the shape that it wasn't Molly. And he could tell by the faint "ow" as she stubbed her toe that it was Tonks.

"Wotcher, Remus," she said moving forward tentatively. "Oh! Whoa!" She kicked the air before her and nearly tripped.

Remus reached for his wand on the nightstand and cast them in a pale yellow light.

"Thanks," she said as she moved forward with more confidence. "Wotcher?" she asked again.

Remus shook his head. "Nothing. I'm sorry, Tonks, but right now I wish to be left alone."

"So we're back to 'Tonks' now? What happened to 'Dora?'"

Remus furrowed his brow as she sat down on his bed. He'd called her Dora a little while ago, only because he'd silenced the "Nympha—" just in time. One only made the mistake of calling Tonks "Nymphadora" once before learning to regret it immensely. After his slip, she confessed how only her father called her Dora, and for some reason Remus had taken to calling her that ever since.

Tonks mis-read his furrowed brow, however, and she quickly stood back up.

"Besides, we've got a new mission and I volunteered us for it."

"Tonks, I…"

"You can't sit in here and wallow in a private pity party for the rest of your life, Remus."

Remus looked up at her. He hated being called out on his pity parties.

"You don't understand, Tonks."

"I understand more than you think I do, Lupin," she said pointedly. If he was going to insist on using her surname, then she would use his. At the hurt that flashed across his face, she softened her tone; her hair lengthened a little too.

"Look, Sirius told me."

"Told you what?"

"He told me about Katherine, about Kate I mean. I know she was kidnapped and held captive during your sixth year. And I know that you were with her when she was taken. And I know that you blame yourself for what happened to her, for what's still happening to her. You tell yourself that if only you'd moved a little faster, fought a little harder, then she wouldn't have been taken. She wouldn't have been tortured. And she wouldn't be suffering the panic attacks now."

Maybe she did understand.

"But it doesn't work that way, Remus. I may be young, but I'm not daft. If you had fought harder you would have been see as a threat, and you would have been killed. And Jonathan wouldn't be here today. Is that really what you would wish for?"

"No. No, of course not." Jonathan may have been a fairly new addition to his life, but Remus wouldn't trade him for anything.

"Good. Then get up off your arse and come with me. Let's put an end to this war before what happened to Kate happens to another."

Remus gripped his wand tighter and rose to his feet with new determination.

"What's the mission?" he asked.

"Trailing Malfoy. After Harry and Arthur's run in with him yesterday, Dumbledore wants eyes on him at all times. We've got the first watch."

"Brilliant. Let's go."

* * *

 **This just makes me cry a little. :'( But _House Hunting_ is available for your reading pleasure.**


	9. It's Not Fair, but it's Life

**Chapter 8**

 **It's Not Fair, but it's Life**

I let the cool night air wash over me as I stepped out onto the tower. It was two days after my panic attack and I was back at Hogwarts. I'd arrived less than an hour ago and after a check in with Poppy, the first place I visited was the Astronomy Tower.

My eyes were still slightly heavy from Remus' sleep charm, and my mind was over crowded with thoughts. I needed to clear it. The only way I knew to do that was through star gazing.

I looked up at the clear night sky. And of course, the first constellation I spotted was _Canis Major_. I was immediately filled with sadness and regret.

 _ **12 August 1995**_

 _(late evening hours)_

 _"I can't stay here, Sirius," I said softly, my voice hoarse._

 _Sirius looked up and I was struck with how much pain was carved in his eyes. It brought tears to my own._

 _"We knew this day was coming. We knew I'd have to return to Hogwarts."_

 _"I know. I just thought we'd have more time together," he said._

 _He sat down next to me on the bed, sullen and somber. After my panic attack I'd slept nearly the whole day thanks to Remus' charm. I was mortified that Remus had been the one to stop me from leaving. I don't remember anything I may have said, but for some odd reason the words "I love you" were fresh on my mind. Merlin! I really hoped I didn't tell him I loved him._

 _Sirius was no help. He said Remus had pulled me aside into one of the front rooms and silenced the door, so no one else could hear my screams. I guess I was glad for that, but I was still ashamed of my weakness and had not left my room since waking. In fact, Sirius was the only one I had allowed in to see me. Remus, of course, was gone; I'm sure he had left at the first opportunity. And Jonathan…_

 _Jonathan…_

 _"Maybe," Sirius started, breaking me from my thoughts of Jonathan. "Maybe now that it's been let out, you'll be fine. Maybe you don't have to leave."_

 _I started shaking my head before he even finished. "It's like having to pee when you've had too much to drink. Once you break the first time, it's harder to hold off a second time."_

 _"What if…"_

 _"It's been a month since I've seen the stars, Sirius. Did you realize that? They were always more than just stars to me, and it's been a month since I've seen them."_

 _There was a short pause as though he was thinking. And then…_

 _"What about the Burrow? We could move there. They don't really need me here, and it's in the country so you could see the stars every night."_

 _"Sirius…" I choked on my tears. He really wasn't making this easy. "If I could hide out all summer at the Burrow, then I'd already be there."_

 _There was another stretch of silence. We had considered the Burrow as Headquarters very early on in the summer; however, Peter knew where the Burrow was. The risk was too great._

 _"I don't want to be like them," I said after a while. Sirius looked up, his brow furrowed in confusion. I'm not sure when I'd first started thinking about Frank and Alice, but once I did I found I couldn't stop._

 _"Like who?"_

 _"I don't want to wake up one morning and…and not recognize my own son. And I feel…" I was beginning to lose the battle against my tears. "I feel like if I stay here, then that's the path I'm heading towards. You don't know…You don't know how hard it is to keep fighting it. Even now…I can feel it creeping in again. But I can't…I can't leave if you're not all right with it."_

 _There was more silences as Sirius stared at me. Then he stretched an arm behind my head and brought my forehead down to his lips. He left them there for a while before moving his arm down my back and hugging me close. I clung to his shirt as I wept._

 _"I'll talk to Dumbledore and Mad-Eye. We'll work out a transport for you. Don't worry about me Kitty-Kate. I'll just bug ole' Moony."_

 _"Don't call me Kitty-Kate."_

 **XXX**

Sirius had put on a brave face and a smile when I left Grimmauld Place, but I could still see the pain in his eyes. It felt like I was betraying him by leaving.

I moved the large school scope around as my thoughts drifted to Jonathan. After Sirius left my room, I finally allowed Jonathan to enter.

 _ **12 August 1995**_

 _(late(er) evening hours)_

 _Jonathan walked in slowly, head slightly bowed, brow furrowed, lips pushed together, and hands stuffed in his pockets. If I had to compare his demeanor to anything, I'd say he looked like a dog with his tail between his legs. The thought made a small smile spread across my face. He reminded me more of his father every day. And surprisingly_ _ **that**_ _thought made me smile more._

 _I patted the space beside me on the bed as he came forward. There was a moment of silence as we both sat there, unsure of how to begin._

 _"I'm sorry I ruined your birthday," I said._

 _"Mum, you're my…Mum. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have a birthday. Ergo, you couldn't possibly ruin it."_

 _I laughed softly. "Ergo? Since when do you say 'ergo?'"_

 _He shrugged one shoulder. "There are a lot of old words like that in the book Dad gave me a few years ago."_

 _"Speaking of books, your father and I picked these out for you." I handed him his birthday present._

 _"Wait. Do you mean to say you and Dad actually talked… together?"_

 _"Oh shove it! We're not that bad, especially when it comes to you. We discussed a few ideas, and then I gave him the money and he picked them up. Now go on and open them."_

 _Jonathan ripped into the stack of books and read each title out loud._

"Things that go bump in the night and whether or not to bump back: a guide to spirituous apparitions."

 _He gave the book a quick look over, flipping through the pages and nodding in appreciation. Then he moved on to the next book._

"Spectral Detection: detecting and identifying spectral entities."

 _Like the first he looked it over and flipped through it before grabbing the final book._

 _"_ The Winchester Guide to Proper Salt Usage. _Oh wow! The Winchesters are world renowned! Thanks Mum!"_

 _He leaned over and gave me a big hug._

 _"Thanks, but that one was your father's idea. I think Lyall may have helped with it too."_

 _"Cool. I'll…I'll be sure to owl him and thank him. Maybe Harry will let me use Hedwig."_

 _"It might be safer if you just give it to your dad to pass along. We don't want owls in and out."_

 _Jonathan nodded. He took a moment to flip through his books some more. I thought he was content to simply sit there with me. Instead, it appeared he was building courage._

 _"Mum… what happened to you?" he asked. He kept his eyes trained on the book in his lap. I looked away and wiped my eyes._

 _"Nothing," I said. "I just had a panic attack this morning."_

 _"Yes, I know that, but…why? What happened to you to cause you to have them? I tried asking Mrs. Weasley, but she wouldn't say. And Dad left with Tonks earlier, so..."_

 _There was a pause as I couldn't bring myself to answer him._

 _"I've read about them, you know, at the Muggle library back in Little Whinging."_

 _I whipped my head around to look at him. "What?"_

 _He nodded. "I wanted to know more about them, to see if there was a way to stop them. The book didn't really say, but it said they were usually a result of some traumatic experience. And well…yours seem to be brought on by enclosed spaces. So it made me wonder what happened… This... this morning you were yelling 'let me go' and you called out for your Mum and Dad…"_

 _There was a pause as though he was debating asking his next question._

 _"Mum…were you…were you held against your will at some point?"_

 _I couldn't answer immediately. The emotion was too thick in my throat. I suppose I knew this day would come eventually, but still…_

 _"Yes," I croaked at last._

 _Jonathan sat up straight. Maybe he was relieved to finally be getting an answer. Maybe he was surprised he guessed right. Maybe it was a bit of both._

 _"I was seventeen. His name was…is… Antonin Dolohov, and he's my birth father…"_

Jonathan's eyes had slowly grown wider and his face whiter as I told him about Dolohov and my kidnapping.

 **XXX**

 _ **31 August 1995**_

Two weeks. Two days. That's how long it had been since Remus last saw Kate.

After trailing Malfoy for a while, in which he and Tonks discovered nothing they didn't already know, Remus left to go spend some time with William. He wouldn't exactly consider William a friend, at least he wasn't a friend like James, Sirius, and Peter had been his friend. But he was more than just an acquaintance. Remus was trying hard to bring William over to the Order without actually telling him anything _about_ the Order. It was a hard task and so far, unsuccessful.

After another failed attempt, Remus returned to Grimmauld Place. Kate was already gone. Jonathan and Sirius were both rather sullen for it. Remus, however, was quite glad; at least now she would have a chance to stargaze.

Two weeks and two days had passed. So when Remus and Tonks walked into the kitchen on the third day he was not expecting to see Kate there. Even more so, he was not expecting to see her looking so…vibrant.

As she threw her head back and laughed, truly laughed like she used to, at something one of the twins had said, Remus noticed the color on her cheeks had returned. He wasn't quite sure when he first noticed it was missing. Her eyes too seemed to shine brighter. And with the way her hair, dark again and much closer to her natural shade, fell over her shoulder Remus had the sudden urge to run his fingers through it. The illusion wasn't currently in place so she was more like the Kate of old than Katherine.

Remus felt a pang in his chest as he watched her from the doorway. She hadn't yet noticed his arrival, but when she did she offered him a soft smile. His heart skipped a beat at the simple, meaningless gesture.

"Wotcher, Remus," Tonks said behind his back.

 _Watch her_ was correct, Remus thought as he moved forward into the kitchen.

"Katherine! What are you doing here? I thought you were back at the castle," Tonks said as she moved forward.

"I am," Kate replied. "But tonight we're celebrating our two newest Gryffindor Prefects."

"Oh, so Hermione and H…"

"Ron, of course" Kate said quickly, pointing to the scarlet and gold banner. "Who else? McGonagall informed me this morning after the staff meeting, so I arranged a trip to Diagon Ally for _emergency supplies_ and met up with Molly. I'll have to return tonight."

"I'm free tonight I can go with you if you like."

Remus snapped his mouth shut. He had just been about to offer the same thing, but Tonks had beat him to it.

"Yeah, alright. Thanks."

Remus was spared the mortification of having to explain his sudden actions by the entrance of Kingsley. It wasn't long after, that Molly entered, followed quickly by the rest of the kids. They each took a moment to greet Kate with smiles. With the arrival of Mad-Eye, Arthur, Bill and Mundungus the party could officially begin.

"Dung is here," Bill announced as he came down the kitchen stairs first.

"Bugger the blundering git," Kate murmured before slipping on the illusion.

Remus frowned slightly at the departure of Kate and the arrival of Katherine. It's not that he had anything against Katherine, it's just that…well, she wasn't Kate.

"I think a toast is in order," Arthur said, raising his glass. "To Ron and Hermione, the new Gryffindor Prefects."

There was loud cheering and clapping before everyone took a sip. Tonks announced to their small group that consisted of Hermione, Ginny, Harry and Jonathan that she was never a Prefect. She said Professor Sprout thought she lacked the ability to follow the rules enough to be a Prefect. Sirius barked a laugh when Ginny asked if he had been one.

"I was in detention with James too much to be considered. Moony was always the good, studious Prefect."

"Guilty," Remus shrugged with pride. "McGonagall and Dumbledore hoped that I would exercise some control over my friends. I need scarcely say that I failed dismally."

"What about you, Mum?" Jonathan asked.

Katherine cast a quick eye towards Mundungus. He was deep in a whispered conversation with Fred and George at the far end of the table.

"No. I wasn't a Prefect," she said at last. Then she looked to Harry and smiled. "Lily was, and I was more than happy to let her have it. She was quite competitive when it came to marks. And I preferred living to the murder in my sleep that was sure to come if I beat out her for Prefect."

"Not to mention I think McGonagall was a little worried that your influence as a Prefect might undo my work to reign them in," Remus said teasingly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Simply that you were quite encouraging of our early pranks."

"You even went as far as to make a few suggestions," Sirius added.

"I have no idea what you two are talking about." Katherine smirked as she raised her glass to her lips. "I was a good girl."

"Bullocks."

Remus didn't know where that sudden burst of confidence came from, but he was rewarded well when Katherine snorted into her drink. She quickly had to cover her mouth to keep from spitting out her butterbeer. Then she flicked her eyes to the side to look at him. Her eyes roamed over him with that same smirk playing on her lips and laughter in her eyes. His chest had sudden, violent palpitations. He was sure if they were still together he would have shoved her against the wall and attacked those coy lips.

Merlin! Where had those thoughts come from? As if he needed further proof that the moon was only three days away. Remus took a hasty sip of his drink and tore his eyes away from her.

The party carried on. People broke off into small groups and discussed various things. Katherine and Tonks were talking; Remus didn't want to know what about. Sirius was talking to Mad-Eye. Remus suspected he was trying to work out a way to accompany Harry to King's Cross the next day. And Remus found himself, strangely, in a conversation with Hermione concerning Elf rights.

"…It's the same sort of nonsense as werewolf segregation. It all stems from this horrible thing wizards have of thinking they're superior to other creatures," Hermione argued.

"I agree, Hermione, but you can't force people to change the way they think. These views have been instilled in them for a very long time, and sometimes they just can't help it. Take me for example," Remus said. "I'm an accepted member of the Order. I am respected and trusted, but I'm also a werewolf. And because of that I wouldn't be invited to dinner at the homes of more than half the Order members. The only ones who might, are in this very room now."

"But that isn't fair. You work as hard as anyone else, harder even I bet."

"No, it's not fair, but it's life. I had to learn to accept that long ago."

The party went on.

A little while later Remus found himself standing with Kingsley and Katherine.

"Why didn't Dumbledore make Potter a Prefect?" Kingsley wondered aloud.

"He'll have had his reasons," Remus replied simply

"But it would've shown confidence in him. It's what I'dve done, 'specially with the _Daily Prophet_ having a go at him every few days."

"Yeah, but it could have done the opposite as well," Katherine said. "The _Prophet_ could have used it as more fuel. Fudge would find a way to spin it and say that they were in cahoots together. I think it would have drawn more unnecessary attention to Harry. Besides, I think Ron needed the vote of confidence more."

Kingsley considered her words for a moment before nodding his consent. "I could see that."

Then he made his parting and moved on to join another group, leaving Remus and Katherine alone. Things were fine between them...until they both seemed to realize that they were alone and taking far too long to say something. Remus was the first to cave.

"So—er—" he gave a little cough. "—how long were you back at Hogwarts before climbing the tower?"

Katherine smiled slightly. "Thirty minutes maybe, less than forty. I went straight to Madam Pomfrey and told her about the headaches. She gave me a tonic to try, and then I went up."

Remus smiled. "And how long did you stay up there?"

"All night."

"All night?"

"I slept up there, well…Leo did. It was a beautiful night. I feel much better; I haven't had a headache since. It's so strange being there this early, though. It's quiet…too quiet."

Remus laughed.

"It's like the calm before storm."

"Or the calm before the big prank?"

"Precisely. When James and Sirius went silent, you knew something was about to explode."

Remus smiled. This was easy, like talking to an old friend. He missed when things between them were this easy. Remus had early intentions on asking Kate about her episode before leaving, but he knew to do so now would ruin the easy moment. And he didn't want the moment to end.

"How are the lesson plans coming along?" he decided to ask instead.

Katherine's mood shifted instantly and she frowned bitterly. "They're not."

"But I thought you said you were going to take the position."

"I did, and I was. I began making a preliminary outline for each year soon after arriving. I even showed them to Dumbledore. He liked them and gave a few suggestions. So I went back to work on them some more. Then _she_ happened."

"She?" Remus asked with a raise of his brow.

"The Ministry found out and they created _Educational Decree Twenty-one_. Which states that all Professors at Hogwarts may only instruct a single subject."

"So you had to choose."

Katherine nodded.

"And you chose Astronomy."

"Of course I did," Katherine replied even though she knew he hadn't meant it as a question. "Which left the Defense position open once more. The Ministry then followed up with _Educational Decree Twenty-two_."

"What does that one do?"

"In the event that the Headmaster is unable to find a suitable candidate, then the Ministry shall select one."

"You're joking."

"If only that were true, Remus."

"Who did they select?"

Katherine bit the inside of her cheek as though fighting off bile, and took a swallow of her butterbeer before answering.

"Delores Umbridge."

Remus paled, his muscles locking in place. Remus knew Umbridge to be a foul, bigoted hag with a strong hate towards anything classified as a half-breed. Werewolves like him, were such beings. After his own experience at teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts, Umbridge had written a law, which passed unanimously, preventing werewolves from obtaining well-paying jobs in the wizarding community. This law is what forced Remus to seek minimum-wage jobs at Muggle establishments.

Katherine looked up at his silence and saw his clenched jaw and white face.

"Yeah…my thoughts exactly," she said. "I've only have to sit through one staff meeting with her, and already I want to rip that pink bow from her head and shred it."

"Kate…" Remus whispered. Katherine looked up again, surprised by the near tenderness in his voice. "You have to be careful. I know what she's like, and I know what you're like. Please, don't do anything foolish."

"Foolish? You mean like defending you?"

"Exactly like that. You and Jonathan both, you have to be careful. Don't make things difficult for you on my account."

"I've never thought it fair the way others treat you or the way you treat yourself."

"It's not fair, Kate…but it's life. Now please, promise me you'll be careful."

Katherine seemed to study his face before replying. How many promises had they made to each other over the years? How many had they kept?

"Promise me," he said again. _"Promise me you'll never leave me,"_ her desperate, panic induced words echoed in his mind. And for a moment he saw that same plea flash in her eyes.

"I promise I'll try," she said at last. "That's all I can offer, Remus." She smiled faintly. "Now, where's Tonks? I think it's time I head back."

She finished off the last of her drink and set the glass down on the table, before going off to find Tonks. Remus wanted to reach out and stop her. He wanted to pull her back and ask her about… anything, just so he could have a reason to talk to her some more. Instead, he simply watched as she walked away. And he watched as Tonks joined her side.

Before leaving, Tonks turned and gave him a small smile, and he found himself returning the favor.


	10. The Inspection of Professor Porter

**Chapter 9**

 **The Inspection of Professor Porter**

 _ **27 September 1995**_

"Umbridge is a…" My words trailed off into nothing as McGonagall gave me the warning eye.

We were sitting in the staff room. It was just the two of us, but with Umbridge you really never knew. School had been back in session for over four weeks now, and the old hag had already managed to make an enemy of every staff member. Even Snape seemed displeased with her. I think the only person who was on her side was Filch, the caretaker. He hated children so much I wondered why he ever agreed to work at a school, but at least they shared that trait I suppose.

Really Umbridge managed to step on toes on the very first night. She interrupted Dumbledore's speech during the welcoming feast to announce to everyone that she was here as a spy for the Ministry. She, of course, didn't say it quite so plainly as that however.

The students were no fonder of her than the Professors were. Harry received a week's worth of detention on the first day of classes for speaking the truth concerning Voldemort's return and Cedric's death. He was given lines. In my opinion, lines were worse than cleaning because they were so monotonous. At the start of the second week, Harry did the same thing again and received another week of lines.

Also during the second week, the Ministry came out with Educational Decree Twenty-three. Umbridge was made "High Inquisitor" which gave her the authority to inspect and observe every professor in order to determine their effectiveness. What the Ministry was really trying to do was find a reason to eliminate those they saw as a threat.

"…Peach," I finished. McGonagall eyed me carefully.

"Well, I can't argue with you on that, Katherine," she said. "Still, you must be careful. You don't want to be caught saying such things aloud."

"I know. I know. I'm just… I'm on edge today. I received a note this morning. She's observing my class tonight."

"Which one?"

"Fifth year Ravenclaws and Gryffindors."

"Then be extremely careful. Don't let her goad you into anything. Perhaps you should go back to your chambers for a bit and relax. You don't want any headaches springing up in class, and trust me, she could make them."

"Yeah… I think I may take dinner in there too."

I made my farewell and left. My headaches had been much better since arriving at school. They didn't come on as frequently nor as strong. It helped that I kept the illusion up everywhere _but_ my chambers; there I was free to be Kate. Moments of intense stress could bring them on though.

 **XXX**

I watched as the last of the sand fell through the neck of the hour glass. It let of a warm glow and a light hum.

"Alright, time's up. Quills down," I called over the classroom.

There was a chorus of moaning and groaning.

"You can sing all you want, but that won't change the tune."

I gave my wand a little flick and all the mock NEWT exams flew into the air and stacked themselves neatly in my outstretched palm. Another flick and they disappeared into a secure drawer in my office next door.

"Now, I still have ninety seconds with you, so…your homework."

There were more groans so I spoke louder.

"You are to each write an argumentative essay on the following prompt: Should Pluto Remain a Planet? You will either argue for or you will argue against. And you will provide your reasoning. I want two rolls of parchment due on my desk at the start of class next week."

"Are they really considering demoting Pluto?"

"Yes; the astronomical community has begun debating the matter. However, you know how my lot are easily distracted by pretty lights in the sky…" there was laughter throughout the room, "…so it may yet be a decade before we reach a conclusion. You do not have as long, unfortunately; you only have a week."

I could hear the patter of feet in the corridor so I moved towards the door."

"Alright, lads and lasses, I will see you next week. Fifth years," I called out into the hall, "Up top!"

My sixth years began filing out of the classroom while my next class began assending the tower. My heart suddenly gave a little jolt as I looked up and down the hall. It was time for my observation, but the hag was nowhere in sight.

Just as I began to think that perhaps I'd be spared another day, Umbridge turned a corner. The click-clack of her little pink suede, kitten heel caught the attention of some of the students. I could feel the hair on the backs of their necks stand on end as she approached. Hermione cast a quick glance my way and I tried my best to put on a brave smile.

 _"Hem, hem…"_ Umbridge gave a little cough as she stepped in front of the tower door.

Now, I'm not very tall. There are very few people (apart from the younger years and even fewer of them these days) that I have to direct my eyes downward to in order to look them in the eyes. Umbridge, however, was one of the few.

"Good evening, Professor Porter," she said in a nauseatingly sweet voice. "Did you receive my note containing the time and date of your inspection?"

 _No,_ I thought bitterly. _I just assumed you, being the evil little hag that you are, were out to dredge up dead bodies or something._

"Yes," I said with a smile that nearly killed me. "We will be up on the tower tonight. Would you like to go up first?"

Her great round eyes flicked to the spiraling stairwell, she faltered only slightly before squaring her shoulders and walking primly up the stairs. I took a deep breath to center myself before following along.

"Oh! Mind the vanishing stair, just there," I warned. The last thing I needed was for her to deduct points, or whatever it is she does, for a vanishing stair that I had no control over. Fortunately, she bypassed it safely.

As we reached the viewing deck, the mild chatter of the class faded away. I was a very proud professor when I saw that they had already begun to set up their scopes and empty star charts. I crossed my fingers in hope that tonight's lesson would go smoothly.

"Alright, class, I want your homework. Go on, get it out."

While they all shuffled briefly around in their bags for their homework, I turned to Umbridge.

"Would you like for me to draw you up a chair, or… how does this work?" I asked.

"Oh, don't mind me Professor. You just go on about your class as normal. If I have any questions, I'll ask. You won't even notice I'm here."

 _Not likely_ , I thought. The constant hammering in my chest and my sweaty palms were reminder enough of her presence.

"Very well then… Mr. Finnegan," I called out as I began to collect the homework assignments. "Give me four satellites of Jupiter in the Carme group."

The boy smiled confidently before easily answering. It may come as a surprise, or it may not considering his little crush, but Seamus was probably my best student (apart from Hermione).

"Herse, Taygete, Kallichore, an' Arche."

"Very nice. Miss Padma, give me four more please."

"Aitne, Kale, Isone, and…Kalyke."

"Good. Mr. Boot, please give me the remaining named satillites."

"Umm, let's see… there's Chaldene, Erinome…Eukelade…Pasithee…and…"

"Come on, there's one more moon in the Carme group," I said. "Who can name it?" I looked around a bunch of stumped faces. Hermione and Seamus were the only ones with their hands in the air.

"Yes, Miss Granger, please enlighten us," I said.

"The last moon in the Carme group, is…Carme."

There were groans all around. I groaned along with them.

"Yes, I know! It's obvious right? Remember, each of the groups, with the exception of the Galilean group, has a moon which shares its namesake. I expect you all to get a least one moon named for each group on your OWLs."

With all the homework collected, I vanished them to the same secured drawer in my office.

"Alright, now I…"

 _"Hem, hem."_

There was a resonating silence following the little "cough." I slowly turned around to face her. She had that same, sickening smile.

"Yeeess, Professor?" I asked slowly. "Did you have a question?"

"No."

There was silence.

"Alright…." I began to turn back to my students when she spoke again.

"I was just wondering, wouldn't it be best if they remembered every moon for their OWLs and not just one?"

I blinked in the silence that followed.

"Well, yes, of course that would be ideal and the wish for any professor. However, the OWLs don't require them to name all sixty-nine satellites, only a certain percentage. So long as they can list certain, defining characteristics of each group and name five or six moons in each, then they will receive full credit for the question.

"I see."

We locked eyes for a moment.

"Was there anything else?" I asked. She looked down to her clipboard and jotted down a few quick notes before replying.

"No. Carry on."

"Riiight…" I turned back to the class and did my best to shake her off. "Now, I want you to break into small groups, no less than three no more than five. Get started on your star charts. We are continuing our focus on Jupiter. I'll be around to each group shortly."

I gave them a moment to split into groups and begin working before I began my rounds. Now I never liked to start at one end and work my way down the line like some Muggle factory drone. I jumped around. I found it was a better way of keeping them on their toes because they never knew when I was going to stop by and see them.

Sometimes, I made a little game of it. I would head straight for one group, see them all tense up as they knew I was coming for them, only to swerve at the last moment and stop at a group completely unprepared. It was fun. Tonight I didn't do that. I continued to bounce around like normal, but I kept it simple. Umbridge followed my every move. She was like a silent shadow…only not as silent. She never actually said _anything_ but she was constantly making little squeaks and popping noises.

It was really hard to say how things were going. And of course I couldn't ask the kids how she acted in other observations, because she never left my side… like a shadow.

She was an over-sized, not-so-silent, pink shadow.

That is until I reached my last group. I'd saved Harry, Ron, and Hermione's group for last by mere happenstance. She seemed to be waiting for it. I suppose it's no great secret that my son was friends with the three of them, nor that we had a personal relationship outside of school. I guess she thought having them as a primary audience would be the best way to throw me off.

 _"Hem, hem."_

I took a deep breath before turning around to face her.

"Yes, Professor?"

"I was wondering if you might clear something up for me."

"Sure."

I assumed she was going to ask a question about the lesson, or perhaps even anything remotely related to astronomy. I couldn't have been more wrong if I tried.

"What is your… _relationship_ ," she said with a grimace, "…with one Remus John Lupin?"

Whereas before the question there was the continuous scratching of quills on parchment, after the question you could hear a pin drop to the grounds below it was so silent. Everyone was waiting for my answer. From the corner of my eye I could see Harry. It looked like he wanted to speak out on my behalf, but I cast him a quick warning look which told him not to.

"I'm sorry, Professor, but I don't see how _any_ of my _personal_ relationships have any relevance to this class."

"Oh, you're quite right, Professor Porter. However… the Ministry wishes to ensure that all professors are not only knowledgeable in their subject, but are also of a sound mind and of good character. After all, the minds of young children are very impressionable. I imagine two of their professors having an illicit affair would be quite devastating to their development, especially given his uh… _condition_."

I laughed loudly to cover my complete mortification.

"Wow, Professor! You make it sound so…scandalous! But I can assure you, there was no affair between Professor Lupin and myself…illicit or otherwise."

"No?" She looked down briefly at her clipboard. "I happen to have on good authority that the two of you were seen in each other's company quite frequently. Is this not true?"

I took in a deep breath and released it slowly through my nose.

"It may very well be, but a good friendship does not an affair make. I happen to share a drink with Professor McGonagall on occasion, I've had private tea with the Headmaster numerous times, Professor Flitwick and I like to discuss the intricacies of the more complex illusion charms, Professor Sprout has an eccentric and witty personality that I adore, and as far as I'm concerned there is no better healer than Madam Pomfrey. I have a friendship with each of them, but I can assure you, I'm not having an illicit affair with any of them either."

I was quite proud of my answer, and desperately trying to steer her away from the topic of Remus.

It was no good.

She blinked and said, "I see," before jotting something down on her clipboard.

"And tell me, were you aware of Mr. Lupin's… _condition_ …before it was revealed to the Ministry?" she asked.

 _Long before_ , I thought.

"Yes. The Headmaster informed the Heads of House before the start of term."

"But you are not a Head of House, so why then did he inform you?"

 _Crap!_ I obviously couldn't tell her the real reasons why Dumbledore had told me. One, she couldn't know about my history with Remus, or primarily, that Jonathan was his son. Two, I didn't want to imply that Remus needed help doing the job; he was more than capable.

"I…suppose that's a question you'd have to ask the Headmaster," I said.

"Hmm…" There was more note jotting. "And at any point did you ever feel _un-safe_ around Mr. Lupin?"

"No. Never. Quite the opposite actually. I found him to be quite _skilled_ and _talented_."

"I see…"

"And I really don't understand these silly prejudices everyone has against those infected with lycanthropy. We no longer judge a person by the color of their skin, and force them into menial servitude. We _women_ are no longer subjugated and thought to be the lesser sex; we are no longer restricted to house work and are free to be career women if we choose. Why then should a good, honest man be shunned for a condition of which he is a victim? A condition which renders him no less capable than any other man or woman.

"Perhaps if the Ministry worried a little less about trivial restrictions, and focused more on providing aid to those who need it then we might have more success in erasing senseless stigmas."

Too late I realized what I had done. I really should not have said anything about the Ministry. Her sickeningly sweet smile turned almost triumphant. While she scribbled furiously on her clipboard, I finished my approach to Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

"Four largest satellites of Jupiter and a defining characteristic for each, please," I said sharply.

It was an overly simple question and I didn't even care that Hermione was the only one to begin spouting off the answer. I wasn't even paying her much attention, certain she knew the correct answer. I was staring at the stars over her head trying to force myself not to cry. I refused to lose it in front of students. I did, however, hear when Umbridge finished with her clipboard and asked another question. Granted, it wasn't really a question.

"I see here that you applied for the Defense Against the Dark Arts position this year."

"No," I said.

"No?"

"No. That is incorrect."

"You didn't apply?"

"No. I did not. Dumbledore approached _me_ and _offered_ me the position, to which I accepted until a trivial restriction prevented me."

"Ah…"

Scribble. Scribble.

"One final question if you will. You have been in your current position how long now?"

"This is my sixth year."

"Very well…" she made a note. "Thank you, Professor Porter. This has been most…enlightening. You will have the results of your inspection in elven day's time."

"Terrific," I replied with no enthusiasm.

Finally, with a resounding click-clack she left me alone with my students. It was too quiet for them to be working, but before I could tell them to get back to work my little hour glass began humming. Almost immediately they all began shuffling for their bags.

"For homework," I called over the noise, "…finish your star charts."

"Finish our star charts? That's it?" Ron asked doubtfully. Their homework assignment hadn't been that light since their first term of first year.

"If you like, Mr. Weasley, I can…"

"NO!" Ron said quickly. My lips twitched into a very small smile.

"Then good night."

The class began filing out, a hushed murmur amongst them. Seamus and Dean, who had been nearby during the exchange, stopped to tell me I was brilliant. I heard a few of the girls whispering my praise for my stance on women's rights. Harry, Ron, and Hermione stayed behind for whatever reason. I gave a little start when I turned around and saw them there. We stood in silence for a moment before I spoke.

"I would appreciate it if you lot didn't…"

"…tell Jonathan?" Harry finished for me.

"Yeah," I nodded and bit my lip to push back tears. "Though…he probably already knows."

"I'm sure no one's made it to the common room yet," Hermione reasoned.

"No, you're probably right about that, but that boy has ears like his father." I sucked in a shaky breath. I placed my hands on my hips to hide the fact that they were shaking.

"I think Professor Lupin would be pleased with your response," Hermione said.

"I'm afraid you're quite mistaken in that respect, Hermione. He'd be rather disappointed in me right now."

"How come?" asked Ron.

"Because I did precisely what he warned me not to do. He wouldn't be surprised perhaps, but he'd be disappointed. It's the Potter Curse."

"The what?" Harry asked with a smile.

"We tend to speak our mind. Your father had it; your mother had it. It's why I wasn't surprised when you get a second week's worth of detention for the same thing. I was surprised you didn't get a third."

"Yeah...well…"

"Please don't call Umbridge a liar tomorrow just to get a third week," I said lightly, but I caught them exchanging a look that spoke volumes. "Is everything all right?"

"Yeah," Harry replied quickly.

"No it's not," I said with a sigh. "You lot are hiding something."

"Why do you say that?" Ron asked.

"Because I grew up with James, Sirius, Remus, and P…" I hesitated. "And I know when something is being hidden."

They remained silent, but from the way Hermione was eyeing Harry, I knew she was trying to make him talk.

"But don't worry; I won't be the 'uncool' aunt and pry it out of you. But you know you can come to me with anything, right?"

"Yeah… I know," Harry said.

"Alright, well… it's late. You lot should head back. Oh! Hermione, do you have a bit of parchment and quill I can borrow?"

"Uh—yeah, here you go," she offered it over after fishing through her bag quickly. I wrote a quick note for the three of them.

"In case Filch or the Hag are lurking… I did not just say that."

"Say what?" Ron asked.

"Exactly. Good night you three."

"Good night."

"What didn't she say?" Ron whispered as they descended the stairs.

I smiled as their steps faded out, but it quickly turned into a frown as I looked back at the stars. Dark clouds had begun to roll in.


	11. Words with Minerva

**Chapter 10**

 **Words with Minerva**

Eleven straight days came and went with no word from Umbridge.

We did, however, have the first Hogsmeade weekend. Nothing too exciting happened…except that Harry started a secret defense club in order to teach his peers defensive magic. I found out through the vanishing parchment that Sirius and I shared. (The message would appear on my bit of parchment and then vanish after an hour.) He found out through Mundungus who had been in disguise at the Hogs Head where Harry held the first meeting.

Umbridge had spies in Hogsmeade too, because immediately following the first meeting Educational Decree Twenty-four was issued. This decree banned all student groups unless they were approved by the High Inquisitor. Even the House Quidditch teams had to seek permission to form. Despite her obvious attempts, however, I knew this would not prevent Harry's Defense group from meeting again. I only wished there was some way I could help.

Eleven school days passed since my inspection and still there was no word.

I was trying not to let my irritation over the silence show, but it was getting harder each day. I was certain the waiting was her way of making us as miserable as possible in an attempt to throw us off balance. I distracted myself from the agony by working on my project for Harry. I'd decided to finish my lesson plans of the defensive magic lessons I was going to teach. And I'd give them to Harry to use should he decide to.

Finally! After three weeks, the results of my inspection were returned. And I was furious! However… not entirely surprised.

 _ **21 October 1995**_

 _"Professor Porter's knowledge of her subject is sufficient…"_

"Sufficient? Really? I could name and locate the stars like the back of my hand," I said irritatedly, but I pushed on before McGonagall could say anything.

 _"…The lesson holds a moderate structure, but at times it appears Ms. Porter is too friendly with the students…"_

"Why? Because they laugh and actually enjoy my class?"

McGonagall opened her mouth to speak, but I pushed on.

"Oh! Wait, this is the good part…"

 _"…The real troubling concern stems from Ms. Porter's avid support of such dangerous creatures as werewolves. Her association alone with one Remus Lupin, a known and highly suspect werewolf, makes for great concern. But it is rumored amongst the students that her relationship with the_ _ **creature**_ _extends far beyond that of a platonic co-worker, and perhaps goes so far as to be an_ _ **illicit affair**_ _…"_

I cast a quick glance in McGonagall's direction and she quirked a brow.

 _"…If questionable character alone were grounds enough for dismissal, then immediate termination would be recommended. However, since one must consider the acclaimed growth and increase in acceptable OWLs and NEWTs, it is recommended that Ms. Porter be put on probation effective immediately. Her continued employment will be based on further random inspections at the High Inquisitor's pleasure…"_

"So she doesn't even have to tell me when she's coming for an inspection anymore. She can just turn up! This is rubbish. I have never been so insulted. ' _Questionable character_ …'" I muttered as I tossed the parchment on the table.

I picked up my glass, took a long drink, and then sat back in my chair with my arms folded over my chest. McGonagall, however, sat primly in her chair, slowly nursing her drink, and brow still quirked. After receiving the result of my inspection, McGonagall and I had set a "date" to share a drink and discuss the results.

"May I speak now?" she asked.

"Oh, sorry, Professor."

At that she set her glass down and rolled her eyes. "For Merlin's sake, Kate; you are sharing a bottle of merlot with me in my chambers. I think you can call me Minerva now."

I couldn't stop my smile. "And how would you feel about Minnie?"

She didn't say anything. She merely gave me a look that threatened my demise should I attempt to try it.

"Duly noted," I said. "So… Minerva," I tired awkwardly. We both cringed slightly at the unfamiliarity of it. "What were you going to say?"

"Well… first off, these allegations of an illicit affair…?" She trailed off.

"Are just that. Allegations. And false ones at that. I swear, Remus and I never did anything inside the castle."

She raised her brow as though to say she believed otherwise.

"Apart from a…good snog in our school days. We never went further… I may have slept in his bed a few nights, but I swear it was sleeping. And it was…" My voice faded slightly. "…It was the only defense I had against the nightmares. Dreaming that the man you loved was dead, wasn't so bad when you woke up and found him lying next to you. And the nights I had to do it alone, I woke the other girls up screaming if I didn't place a silencing charm on the curtains, but I couldn't sleep with the curtains closed. So I… I often didn't sleep at all."

Her eyes and her tone softened considerably. As usual, red wine had me blabbering my deepest secrets.

"And more recently?" she asked.

"We shared a kiss that was all. A simple, devastatingly final kiss. That was when he knew and when whatever may have been vanished."

I finished off my glass and set it down. "And that is my cue that I've had too much; I go on emotional rants."

"Well… what are you going to do about it?" she asked.

"Do about…the ranting or…"

"The inspection, Kate. What are you going to do about her?"

"Oh…who's to say I haven't already done something?" I smirked and thought back to the previous day.

 _ **20 October 1995**_

 _"Mr. Potter!" I called over the crowd. I'd just finished sealing a charm on my notes and I was eager to give them to Harry as soon as possible._

 _"Er—yes, Professor?" he asked, clearly confused. He glanced sideways to Ron and Hermione as though asking if they knew what this was about. They didn't of course._

 _"I believe you left your homework in my class the other day." I handed over a stack of parchment._

 _"Oh…no. I've got…"_

 _"Are you sure? Look close," I said, pushing the papers into his hand._

 _"Yeah…I'm pretty sure I…"_

 _Suddenly Hermione gave a little gasp. "Harry, look!" she whispered sharply._

 _At his touch the words on the paper re-arranged themselves into my detailed notes of various defensive and offensive charms and how to properly perform each one. I could see his eyes light up as he realized what I was giving him. It was quickly followed by a bit of doubt as he seemed hesitant to take them._

 _"Is that your homework?" I asked._

 _We locked eyes for a moment and I knew he was worried about getting me in trouble. But I tried my best to convey that I wasn't worried and he shouldn't be either._

 _"Er—yeah. Thanks, Professor," he said at last. I smiled and leaned in a little closer._

 _"They will only reveal their true nature to you, and should anyone else try they'll undergo spontaneous combustion. So handle with care, all right?"_

 _"Yeah. Thanks." He tucked them away inside his bag._

 _"What's going on here? Is there a problem?" the hag asked._

 _"None at all, Professor. I was just returning some homework to Mr. Potter."_

 _"Returning homework in your spare time? How generous of you?"_

 _"Yes, well, I actually like to give my students a fighting chance at success."_

 _"Did you receive the results of your inspection?" she asked._

 _"I did," I replied fighting to keep a smile._

 _"Hmm… and is there anything you'd like to say?"_

 _"Nothing I haven't already said, no."_

 _"Hmm…"_

 _"Hmm. You three should move on now. We wouldn't want you to be late for class, now would we, Professor?" My eyes never left hers._

 _"Certainly not." Her eyes never left mine._

 _I waited until they were well out of her range before saying, "Good day, Professor," and walking off._

 _ **21 October 1995**_

"Do I even want to know what you did?" McGonagall asked.

"It's probably best that you don't. Plausible deniability and all that," I replied with a smirk.

 _ **4 November 1995**_

The hag reached a new level of grimy after the first Quidditch match, Gryffindor vs. Slytherin. Gryffindor won, but there was a nasty fright afterwards. Harry and George attacked Malfoy, but it was clear from where I was sitting that Malfoy was provoking them. As such, Harry, George, and Fred received a life-long ban from Quidditch. Highly unreasonable. Yes they deserved a detention and maybe to sit out one game, but a lifelong ban?

Jonathan received a few nasty scraps too. He had been trying to pull Harry and George off of Malfoy when one of the Slytherin beaters took to beating on him. But did Umbridge ban the beater? No. I think he got a day's worth of detention while Jonathan got a week.

McGonagall tried to overrule Umbridge and re-instate Harry and the twins. She succeeded…for about two days. Then Educational Decree Twenty-five was issued, giving the High Inquisitor executive control over all disciplinary actions. Not even Dumbledore could overrule her now.

In other news, Hagrid finally returned from his unsuccessful mission to recruit the giants. He looked like he'd been in a nasty fight too.

 _ **15 December 1995**_

I was awoken by a persistent knocking on my door.

"Mum!"

"One moment, Jonathan," I groaned. I sat up and wiped the sleep from my eyes before stepping out of bed. I slipped on my dressing robe and headed towards the door. A quick flick of my wand and the bed made itself.

"What is so urgent that you had to see me at this…oh? Hermione, good morning."

"I am so sorry, Professor. I tried to tell him to wait, but he wouldn't listen," Hermione said.

"When has he ever?"

"This hour, Mum? It's nine already," Jonathan protested as he made his way in. Hermione followed, albeit, hesitantly. I stifled a yawn.

"So what is this about?" I asked groggily. "Would you like some tea or coffee, Hermione?"

"Coffee, please," she answered.

I knew Jonathan preferred tea so I started two steaming pots. Jonathan was also a bit impatient that morning.

"Where are Harry and the Weasleys?"

"What do you mean, 'where are they?' Cream and sugar?"

"Just cream please."

After fixing our drinks I passed them around.

"They're missing," Jonathan said.

"Missing? Who's missing?"

I could hear Jonathan rolling his eyes. "Harry and the Weasleys."

"I can't find Ron or Harry anywhere, and Ginny wasn't in her dorm," Hermione explained.

"Fred and George are MIA too. Lee hasn't seen them anywhere."

"We thought you might know where they are."

This bit of news was disconcerting, but I had no idea where they might be. Before I could say anything though, there was another knock on my door. This time when I answered, I found McGonagall on the other side.

"Morning, Professor, come on in. Perhaps you can help us out this morning."

"Well, I was hoping to catch you before they did, but I suppose they need to be informed as well," she began. "Last night, Arthur Weasley was attacked. He's fine," she added quickly. "He's being treated at St. Mungo's. I'm sure Molly is with him by now. Potter and the Weasleys have been taken to the safe house."

"Why did Harry go too?" Jonathan asked.

"Never you mind that now, Jonathan," I said. I knew there was more, much more, to what she had said. I also knew I'd never know it all if I didn't send Jonathan and Hermione away quickly.

"I suggest, Jonathan, that you go make sure everything is packed. We will leave first thing in the morning. Hermione, if you wish, I can see to it that you travel with us."

"Oh! Umm, that would be great. But I'm supposed to go skiing with my parents."

"Well, in that case, I hope you have a wonderful holiday."

"Hold on, you can't just toss us out like that. What am I supposed to tell Lee about Fred and George? I don't suppose I can tell him the truth can I?"

"Absolutely not," McGonagall said.

"She's right. It's best if no one knows we know. As far as Mr. Jordan is concerned, I'm sure you can think of an acceptable excuse for Fred and George. It's not like you haven't done it before."

I motioned for them to leave again. This time they did, but Jonathan went grumbling and complaining. Once they were out I shut the door and placed a silencing charm over it. Then I turned to Professor McGonagall.

"So, what happened?" I asked, taking a sip of my coffee.

"Arthur was on guard duty last night when he was attacked by a snake," she replied with a great deal more concern than she had in front of Jonathan and Hermione.

"A snake? And it wasn't your common garden snake was it?"

"No. They don't know what kind it was; it had vanished by the time the Order found him."

"How bad is it?"

She turned quite grim. "He was barely conscious when they got there. That's all we really know right now. But it looks bad, Kate; it looks really bad."

"Oh God! Molly? How is she holding up?"

"You know her; she's a tough woman."

"She has to be with a house full of boys."

"Especially boys like hers."

There was a brief pause before I asked, "Why did Dumbledore send Harry as well?"

"That's where it gets a little… strange."

"Strange?"

"Potter witnessed the attack."

"He…what? How is that even possible?"

"Your guess is as good as mine right now. I'm not sure how it could have happened either. But apparently he had a vision…"

"A vision? Harry? That's rubbish!"

"I can scarcely believe it myself, Ms. Potter, but the details he gave were too accurate to have been mere chance. Apparently he saw it in a dream. Albus is greatly concerned by it."

"Oh? He's concerned? What about Harry? Did Dumbledore even attempt to offer and explanation as to why Harry suddenly had this vision?"

Her silence and thin lips were answer enough.

"I'm sorry, Professor. I love the man, I do, but the way he's left harry high-and-dry since the maze trial is beyond ridiculous."

She heaved a sigh. "I agree with you, Kate, but he's only trying to do what he thinks is best."

"And he's failing to heed the advice of anyone else."

There was another silence.

"I don't imagine the Hag is too pleased right now."

McGonagall's lips turned upwards into a slight smirk. "She's absolutely furious that five students managed to slip out of Hogwarts before the start of holiday."

"As much as I love the idea of Dumbledore finally getting one over on her, I hate the thought of how much worse second term is going to be because of it."

McGonagall smiled grimly and nodded.

* * *

 **I know, we're flying through the school year...but that's not a bad thing is it?**


	12. Christmas at St Mungo's

**Chapter 11**

 **Christmas at St. Mungo's**

After managing to contact her parents, Hermione decided not to go skiing but instead travel with me and Jonathan to London. We left first thing Saturday morning. I thought it best not to apparate directly to Grimmauld Place. We went to the Leaky Cauldron first. From there we took Muggle transport. We arrived nearly an hour after we left, in the bitter cold and falling snow. I knew better than to ring the bell, so I simply let us in myself.

The hall was dark and silent, which was good considering the alternative, but it was cold too. So cold in fact, that we could see our breath upon exhaling. I sent our trunks up to our separate rooms with a wave of my wand. Then we made our way down the hall towards the kitchen. Sirius, Remus, Tonks, and Bill were all sitting around the table when we entered. Sirius jumped up to greet me. I hugged his neck but quickly turned my attention to Bill.

"How is he?"

"He's stable," Bill replied. "Mum's with him now, everyone else is upstairs."

"Is that code for 'go away so I can say how it really is?' If so, we're not leaving without the truth," Jonathan said as he indicated to himself and Hermione.

"Jonathan!" I reprimanded in a tired voice. Remus and Sirius just laughed.

"He's fine, really," Bill said. "He's Dad, you know. He's trying to laugh it off. It's just… there was something in the snake's venom that prevents the wounds from healing, so he has to take a blood-replenishing potion every hour. The healers are working on an antidote though."

"So he's really going to be all right?" Jonathan asked.

"Yes," Bill replied firmly.

Jonathan's shoulders relaxed considerably and he smiled, turning to me. "See, Mum, I told you there was nothing to worry about."

He fooled no one.

"Where's Harry?" Hermione asked.

"Hiding away upstairs somewhere. He's been sulking since they returned from St. Mungo's," Sirius said.

"Sulking? Why?" I asked.

Sirius shrugged. "He won't say."

I rolled my eyes at his response. "Really? And none of you have any idea why?"

"Don't worry, Professor Porter, I'll get to the bottom of it. Come on Jonathan," Hermione said as she pulled him along.

"Hey Dad," Jonathan managed to call a greeting and clap him on the shoulder before leaving.

Sirius laughed once he was out of earshot. "He worries just like you doesn't he?"

"Well he had to inherit something from me. He couldn't be a complete carbon-copy of his father."

"A what?"

"A… it's a Muggle phrase."

"What does it mean?" Bill asked.

"It just means a duplicate or an exact copy," Remus explained. "And he's not; he's a lot like you too," he added in my direction.

"Maybe, but he's more like you every day," I said. "We better hope, for everyone's sake, that he keeps your cool temper, this year especially."

Remus grimaced a bit. "Are things really that bad there?"

"Oh no. We skipped right over 'bad' at the welcoming feast and went straight to horrible. From there we quickly descended to horrendous. The downward slope is growing steeper every day. I'm pretty sure we're just a step away from straight up hell. And I tell you, I'd sure like to be the first in a long line to push her into that fiery furnace."

"What is she doing out there? The Ministry's been praising her in the _Prophet_ , but they've all been grumbling about her," Tonks said, nodding her head up towards the ceiling which I took as her way of pointing to the kids up above.

"Ugh!" I groaned and took the vacant seat next to Sirius's. "So have you been keeping up with the _Educational Decrees_?"

"Yeah, a bit. They sound like a load or rubbish to me."

"They are, but they've given her unbelievable access to make us all walk around in a living nightmare. Now the premise, as a whole, of some sort of…for lack of a better word—quality control—in our educational standards is not a bad one, and not completely unheard of, especially in the Muggle world. _However_ , the manner in which it is being executed, and in particular, the executioner is highly ridiculous."

"Executioner? You make it sound as though she's out for blood," Bill said.

"I really think she is, and she'd like mine in particular."

"But why? You're one of the best. You quickly became one of my favorite professors," Tonks said.

I smiled slightly. "Thanks."

"Wait…what?" Remus asked, nearly spitting out his drink as he looked between the two of us.

"Tonks was one of my first NEWT students when I started teaching," I explained, watching him carefully. It was evident that he didn't know about that. "I only had her the one year before she left, but she was pretty memorable."

Remus opened his mouth but no sound came out.

"We don't really talk about school much," Tonks said, as a way of explaining his apparent surprise.

No, I don't supposed they would. If I was potentially seeing someone thirteen years younger, or older, than I was, then I wouldn't want to talk about things that accentuated the age difference.

"So why is she after you?" Bill asked, bringing us back to the original topic.

I didn't answer immediately but my eyes flicked back to Remus. That one look was all he needed to know what had happened.

"You said something, didn't you?" he said with a sigh.

I looked away and leaned back in my chair. "It wouldn't have mattered much if I didn't say something; she already had her opinion of me. You could see it in her eyes. You know, Hermione actually thought you'd be proud of my little speech…"

"You gave a speech!"

"…I told her he was sorely mistaken. Looks like I was right."

"Kate…"

"Oh bugger, Remus! I tried, you know; I did. But when she started insinuating that I was some sort of slapper…"

"What!" Sirius exclaimed, sitting up and leaning across the table.

"…I couldn't just sit there quietly and take it. And, you know, you weren't the sole focus of my rant. I tried to specifically turn it away from you. But she kept pushing it back to you, like she knew. Like she _knew_ my weakness, she knew how to get to me."

"Hang on," Sirius said. "Go back to where she called you a slapper. You? Of all people?"

"She didn't say it out right, but she insinuated as much."

"How?" Remus asked, almost sounding worried at what the answer might be.

"Oh? Do you not recall either? Apparently, you and I had quite the illicit affair a few years ago. It's the talk of the school. From the way she worded it, you'd think she'd have witnesses to our 'transgressions.'"

Neither Remus nor Tonks said anything, but it was clear they were both troubled by this accusation. I focused my attention on Tonks for a moment, who was studying the side of Remus' face, and I was sure I saw hurt in her eyes. I felt I had to try and relieve some of that pain for her.

"Mind you, it was only a kiss," I explained. She looked my way. "Just a kiss that never should have happened."

"Do you regret it then?" Remus asked after a pause. Tonks looked back at him.

I hesitated. I wasn't sure how to respond or what to make of his inquisition. Finally I decided I had to answer truthfully.

"No, I don't. I do regret all the circumstances surrounding it, but the actual kiss… I think it pretty much summed everything we ever were… or ever could have been."

"So what happened?" Bill asked after a slight, somewhat awkward, pause. "With Umbridge I mean? How did the inspection go?"

I tore my eyes away from Remus to look at Bill. "I'm on probation."

"What does that mean?"

"I'm still there, obviously. I'm still teaching, but I have regular inspections now. My high OWLS and NEWTS are the only thing saving me. She's biding her time and building her case until she has enough substantial support to sack me…or until she gets sacked. I pray it's the latter, but… I just…" I choked on the sudden constriction of my throat.

Fortunately at that moment the kitchen door opened and Molly walked in. I jumped up to hug her neck, glad for a reason to push aside my own troubles and focus on hers.

 **XXX**

After a quick exchange, I ordered Molly to sit and attempt to relax while I fussed over dinner. She, of course, protested and insisted on helping…until I threatened physical restraints. I made soup, because there's nothing more comforting on a cold winter's day than a hot bowl of soup. And that night at dinner, Remus remained strangely silent.

Really he remained strangely silent the whole time I was there…at least towards me. He was fine with Jonathan, quite talkative even. He was a little less talkative with Tonks, who, I noticed, came around almost every day. I tried to push aside all thoughts of what may have been going on between them, because really it was none of my business if they were shagging or not…despite how much it may have hurt.

Jonathan and I visited Arthur one day by ourselves, but on Christmas Day we all went. Mundungus had "borrowed" a car from a friend together. While the kids were piling in, Remus leaned towards me and asked, "Do you still get car sick?" It was the first time he had talked to me without provocation since I'd arrived.

"I don't know," I replied. "I haven't been in one since."

The smile he gave me made my stomach drop.

The answer was yes. Fortunately, it was only a short trip so it didn't get too bad. But I pushed to be the first out and I leaned against the old brick building as the cold air blew around me.

As we were making our way down the magically-enhanced corridor, I gave an involuntary shudder.

"Are you all right, Ms. Porter?" Ginny asked.

"Yes. I'm just not overly fond of this place," I replied. I caught Remus' eye and I knew he understand why. Ginny, thankfully, chose not to question it.

We exchanged gifts around Arthur's bed. I laughed gleefully as I opened mine. It was a nice bottle of wine, complete with ear-muffs.

"What are the ear-muffs for, Dad?"

"It's an adult thing, Ronald; never you mind," I replied. "Thank you, Arthur. I'm sure it will come in great use."

"Molly tells me you're having a bit of a rough go at it this year."

"Did she now?" My eyes flashed up to meet Molly's for a moment. "Well, I'm ashamed of you, Arthur. It's Christmas Day; we do not discuss evil hags on Christmas."

"Katherine!" Molly scolded but the kids laughed.

"Molly!" I mimicked. "See, I can do it too. Thank you again, Arthur." I leaned in to give him a hug, and in doing so his robes slipped a little revealing his bandages underneath. He quickly struggled to cover them again.

"Arthur," Molly said in an accusatory tone.

"Molly," he mimicked. "See, I can…" Arthur stopped his words short at the look on Molly's face. "Uh—er…" he laughed nervously. "Yes, Dear?"

"They've changed your bandages."

"Er—yes, they have."

"They told me they wouldn't change them again until tomorrow. Why have they changed them early?"

"Oh! Well—uh…it's nothing really…"

"Arthur." Molly was becoming impatient and it reflected in her tone.

"Well, you see, Augustus…you remember Augustus right? He's the junior healer; funny chap really. He's half-blood, a Muggle father…"

"Arthur!"

"I'm getting there, Molly. His father is a Muggle Healer, so Augustus dabbles in…complimentary practices as well. And, I'm not sure if you're all familiar with the Muggle stiches…"

"Oh boy…" I gasped, knowing what was coming next.

"I could go for some tea," Bill said suddenly. Apparently he too could deduce what was coming. "Anyone else?"

Fred, George and Jonathan all leapt to their feet. "We'll go!"

I got to my feet too, but instead of following them I noticed that Remus had backed away and was talking to another patient in the ward. I could tell from the same sickly pallor and the fresh scars that he was a werewolf too, and very likely a new one. I debated on whether or not I should join Remus, but just when I had deiced, he walked away. Evidently the fellow didn't want visitors. I recognized the self-deprecating look in his eyes.

"What do you mean that's the general idea?" Molly said rather loudly.

Remus and I quickly left the ward together to avoid Molly's wrath and silently began making our way to the tea room. It wasn't that the silence between us was awkward or strained, but I still felt the need to fill it. Otherwise, I knew Remus might do down his own self-deprecating path.

"I can't believe Arthur sometimes… and yet, I find I'm really not _that_ surprised," I said.

Remus chuckled softly. "He does seem to have a penchant for Muggle things."

He looked sideways at me with a lazy smile. "So tell me, what's the story behind the earmuffs?"

I laughed and began to explain. From there we fell into an easy conversation. We didn't talked about anything in particular nor anything of importance. We just talked…and it was easy, and it was simple, and…it was _nice_.

We sat with the others, but the conversation remained simple and light. We found ourselves laughing easily and frequently. Jonathan and the twins of course were eager for more stories, so we divulged a little. All the while, a warm, pleasant feeling settled over me. Perhaps Remus and I were finally getting to a certain normality. Perhaps we could interact without fighting or being on edge at last. Perhaps… I could set aside these old feelings for him.

When he looked at me and smiled mid-laugh though, I thought just maybe I wouldn't need to set them aside.

We returned to Grimmauld Place almost two hours later. Waiting in the kitchen was none other than Tonks. I watched Remus from the corner of my eye as we entered. The look that crossed his face when he saw her, nearly broke me all over again.


	13. The Return of Dolohov

**Chapter 12**

 **The Return of Dolohov**

The rest of holiday was pretty lousy. Remus and I really didn't interact much after Christmas. Part of that was because of the Order. Things had gone strangely quiet on Voldemort's side and it had all of us rather nervous. Remus, therefore, was busy conducting reconnaissance missions. Tonks was likely with him.

She's the other reason Remus and I didn't interact much. Well…it was less to do with her and more to do with avoiding Remus _for_ her. I could definitely see something forming between the two of them, even if he had yet to admit it to himself, and I didn't want to interfere with whatever it may have been. It hurt…a lot, but I felt it was necessary. I really did want nothing more than his happiness. So no matter how much it may hurt and despite what I may have wanted to do, I had to put my own feelings aside and let…whatever was happening…happen.

The healers at St. Mungo's found an antidote for the venom and Arthur was released the day before we were set to return to Hogwarts. Before he arrived though, Harry received a visit from Snape. Apparently Dumbledore thought it best to give Harry occulmency lessons and it was absolutely imperative that Snape travel to Grimmauld Place especially to tell Harry while in the presence of Sirius. It was a very uncomfortable meeting to sit in on. And Sirius was very grumpy once Snape left.

By far though, the worst day of holiday was the day we left. There was a vacant, dead look in Sirius' eyes, and I hated it. Not to mention now it was back to the evil hag. And I went straight into another inspection.

 _ **9 January 1996**_

I knew it was going to be a bad day when I woke up with cramps and the world's worst menstrual-migraine. I really considered skipping breakfast entirely (and I probably should have) but I promised McGonagall I would meet her there. As such, I arrived later than I'd intended and the post came some time during my walk there. I was fine with being a little behind on the news and just reading it when I finally made it back to my room. However, when I walked by the Gryffindor table, Hermione was reading the Daily Prophet and the pictures on the front caught my attention.

"Miss Granger," I said. Hermione quickly lowered the paper and looked at me.

"Yes, Professor Porter?" she asked.

"Do you mind if I look at that for a moment? Mine's in my room still."

I couldn't make out all of the main headline because of the way she was holding it. All I could see were the words "Breakout" and "Azkaban," and the picture of Rookwood alongside some other Death Eaters. Still, my heartbeat steadily increased and I couldn't deny the knot forming in my stomach.

"Oh, uh, sure, but it's really awful." She sounded almost nervous as she handed it over.

"Well that's not really news, is it? Prophet's full not nothing but rubbish these days."

"No but…"

The rest of her words were drowned out by the drumming in my ears. I'd unfolded the paper and caught sight of the full headline.

Mass Breakout from Azkaban

Sure, that was startling but even that was lost to me as I caught the dark, hallow eyes of a man with a long, twisted face. My breath caught in my throat and my hands began to shake. The man in the picture moved into the center of the frame, a cold grimace spread across his face, as though he _knew_ _**I**_ was looking at him. Very quickly, the last time I had looked into those eyes came to mind.

 _ **September 1978**_

 _There was a flash of light and a searing pain as I cried out. My own spell hadn't been fast enough to ward off his curse._

 _"Kate!" Sirius yelled, rushing over to my side._

 _My arm was wrapped around my torso as I bent over double. My hand clutched at my side, quickly becoming sticky with blood._

 _"Shit! Kate, we've got to get you out of here!"_

 _Sirius didn't wait for me to agree neither did he give me time to protest. He wrapped my free arm around his neck and turned on the spot. Apparating with a split a side hurt like hell, but it was the fastest way to get to safety._

 _I bit down on my lip to keep from crying out as we landed outside the safe house. Sirius quickly helped me inside and to the nearest sofa. James and Lily came running through the front door just as I managed to lay on my side._

 _"Oh my god, Kate! Are you all right?" Lily asked as she rushed over. James came behind her, pulling his hair back with his hands._

 _"Yeah," I said, fighting the pain. "It looks worse than it feels."_

 _"Bullocks!" James said. "You've always been a shotty lair, Kate."_

 _Lily knelt beside me and quickly began casting healing charms. I could feel my skin practically stitching itself back together._

 _"Really?" I said, already feeling the pain subsiding a little. "I kept my relationship with Remus a secret from you for months, and no one knows I'm shagging Sirius on the side."_

 _Sirius smirked. "Spoken like a Potter."_

 _"That isn't funny, Kate," James said. "This is serious."_

 _"Actually, I believe that's me, Mate."_

 _"Not now, Padfoot!" James turned back to me. "You shouldn't have even been out there! It's too dangerous. If Mum and Dad knew…"_

 _"I have as much reason to be out there as you do!" I fired back. "You can't protect me from everything all the time!"_

 _"Well somebody should! Where was Remus? He was supposed to be with you!"_

 _"It was a battle! It got hectic and we were separated!"_

 _At that moment, Remus and Peter entered along with the other Order members who had been present. Remus took one look at me and knew I had been injured; I could see the worry and the guilt wash over his face. He took a step towards me, but James quickly cut him off. His wand was gripped tightly in his shaking hand._

 _"Where the bloody hell were you?" he shouted. "You were supposed to be with her at all times!"_

 _"James!" I called, but it was no use; he wasn't listening._

 _"You promised to protect her! You shouldn't have let her go! You shouldn't have left her alone!"_

 _"I…I…" Remus ran a hand through his straggly hair. His eyes were trained on me though, and I could see them welling up with tears._

 _"James, stop!"_

 _I tried again, but it was still no use. James continued to be irate with Remus for leaving my side. I had to stop him, I pushed myself up with a low groan. I was sore, but quickly mending. I cast a silencing spell at James. He continued to rant but even he realized that no sound was coming from his lips. He looked back at me and glared._

 _"Enough!" I said, pushing to my feet and stepping forward. "We have enough enemies out there to fight! We don't need to add fighting amongst ourselves to the list!"_

 _Remus and James cast wary eyes at each other before Remus made his way over to me. He reached out to touch me but hesitated; his hand dropped to his side. I could see the thoughts racing through his mind. I could feel the guilt rolling off him in waves. Truth is, we had a fight just before the battle started, and we had both been eager for a bit of space._

 _"Are you…"_

 _"I'm all right," I said._

 _"Oh, Kate." He wrapped his arms around me and dropped his head to my shoulder. "I'm so sorry. I didn't… I shouldn't have…"_

 _"It's ok. I know you didn't. Neither did I. It's not your fault. I'm sorry too."_

 _Remus and I embraced for a moment more before separating. I hated fighting with him, but it seemed we were doing more and more of it lately._

 _"What happened?" he asked._

 _"It was Dolohov. We were fighting. I… I wasn't good enough."_

 _"That's not true. You were good, Kate, really good," Sirius said. "It's just…"_

 _"He was better?"_

 _"That's not what I was going to say."_

 _"Am I the only one who saw what happened to Dolohov when he was fighting you?" Lily asked. She looked around expecting to find someone else who saw._

 _"I… I'm not sure. I saw something, but I don't know what it was," Peter said._

 _James came over, lips moving but no sound coming out. He glared at me again._

 _"Sorry." I removed the charm and he rubbed his throat._

 _"Thank you," he croaked._

 _"Pity," Mad-Eye murmured. "I preferred him the other way."_

 _"What did you see?" James asked, ignoring Mad-Eye._

 _"Well… from where I was standing it looked like…no it did happen…but whenever he hit Kate with that last spell he…he was affected too. It's like he was hit with the same spell, in the same spot. I saw him fall back."_

 _"What spell was it?" Remus asked._

 _"The Cruciatus Curse," I replied. Everyone looked at me._

 _"But the Cruciatus Curse doesn't leave a physical mark," Peter said._

 _"I know. But I also know what it feels like, and believe me. When it hit, that's exactly what it felt like."_

 _"But why would it suddenly leave a mark on you?" Remus asked._

 _"And why would Dolohov feel it too?" Peter asked._

 _"Unless…" Lily turned towards Dumbledore and Mad-Eye. "Could it have something to do with her last fight with him?"_

 _"I believe you may be on to something, Miss Evans. Oh! My apologies, Mrs. Potter," Dumbledore corrected and Lily blushed. She'd been a Potter for not quite a week yet._

 _"I don't understand. How do the two times relate to each other?" James asked._

 _"I believe Miss Potter can help with that," Dumbledore said looking right at me. "Do you recall all the events of that day?"_

 _I paused for a moment as said events flashed through my mind again. "It's not a time I'm likely to forget," I answered through my teeth._

 _James, Sirius, and Peter all looked at me curiously. Meanwhile, Remus' hand in mine tightened its hold. I hadn't told the three of them everything that had happened._

 _"When…when he first cast the killing curse, my…mother jumped in front of it. She took the curse that was meant for me. But I'm not sure what that has to do with tonight."_

 _"When your mother stepped in front of the curse for you, her sacrifice cast a protection spell over you," Dumbledore explained. "Normally this sort of sacrifice prevents the attacker from ever harming the intended victim again. However, it would seem that since your father is the attacker in this case, and that you and he share blood relations, then he cannot cause you harm without also causing the same harm to himself."_

 _"So if he… if he tried to hit Kate with the killing curse, then he would be hit with it too?" Peter asked._

 _"In theory, yes, Mr. Pettigrew."_

 _"All due respect, Sir," I said, "but that's not really a theory I wish to test."_

 _"Dumbledore smiled and bent his head so that he looked at me over the rim of his glasses._

 _"Nor I, Miss Potter. Nor do I."_

 _"Don't worry, Wicked Eyes," Fabian said._

 _"We'll see to it that he never gets close enough to try," Gideon finished._

 _ **9 January 1996**_

"Mum! Mum," Jonathan called, his hand on her shoulder.

After borrowing Hermione's _Prophet_ , Katherine had frozen in place. Her eyes went wide, and her face paled. When her hands began to shake, Jonathan jumped up to see what was the matter.

"Mum!"

At last Katherine slowly lifted her head. She looked right through Jonathan as she looked around for someone in particular. A moment later McGonagall stepped up beside Jonathan.

"He—he's…" Katherine stuttered.

"Not here, Katherine," McGonagall whispered softly.

"I… He…"

"Katherine, the illusion."

"Mum!"

For a moment Katherine's eyes grew wider. The prospect of her illusion slipping was frightening, but she couldn't stop it. She dropped her head into her hands; the _Daily Prophet_ fell to the floor. Jonathan scooped it up and for the first time that morning he knew what was wrong.

On the front cover, under the flashing headline, of a mass breakout, were the pictures of ten infamous Death Eaters. The first shown belonged to Antonin Dolohov. The caption beneath his picture stated that he had been imprisoned for the murders of Gideon and Fabian Prewitt, but Jonathan knew he had done much more than that.

McGonagall had begun leading Katherine out of the Great Hall. Jonathan chased after them. His mum was shaking, and he could hear her mumbling incoherently. He knew if they didn't get her away from unwanted eyes fast, she was going to have a full on panic attack like on his birthday.

 _"Hem, hem."_ Their way out was suddenly blocked by a large, pink, toad. "What seems to be the problem here?"

"Oh really now, Delores," McGonagall said with a sigh. "Can you not see we are trying to escort Professor Porter out of the hall?"

"Yes, but I demand to know why."

"Demand?"

"My Mum is sick," Jonathan said furiously. Both McGonagall and Umbridge looked at him. "We have to get her to the hospital wing."

"I'm afraid you won't be taking her anywhere, Mr. Porter. You have class in two minutes."

"I'm taking my Mum to hospital, and I don't care how many detentions I get for missing class."

Together Jonathan and McGonagall continued escorting Katherine to the hospital wing. McGonagall ordered any and all curious eyes to head to class. It wasn't until the three of them were alone in the corridor that McGonagall addressed Jonathan.

"You shouldn't have done that, Mr. Porter."

"Are you going to give me a detention for skipping class, Professor?"

"Not today, Mr. Porter."

They stopped outside the hospital doors.

"I trust that you can take it from here?" She nodded towards the doors before quickly hurrying off to teach her first class.

Late that night, Jonathan returned to the Gryffindor common room with a bleeding hand. He hadn't received a detention from any of his Professors that day, because they all knew he was tending to his Mum. When Umbridge found out though, she was furious. And she issued a detention herself.

"Here," Hermione said, pushing over a bowl of essence of murtlap.

"Thanks." Jonathan sat down and soaked his hand to find immediate relief.

"How is she?" Harry asked.

"She's back in her rooms. She's upset, shaken, but she's…" Jonathan couldn't finish his words. "McGonagall's covering for her tonight."

"What was that all about, this morning?" Ron asked.

Harry and Jonathan shared a looked. They both knew the other knew, though they'd never once spoken about it together.

"Oh sod off you ickle Prefect."

"Yeah. What's it matter what was wrong?"

"She was clearly upset…"

"…And Umbridge was being her usual vileness," Fred and George said.

"It's ok, Jonathan. You don't have to tell us anything," Katie said as she gently set her hand on top of his, before awkwardly removing it.

"No, it's alright… It was Dolohov in the paper this morning."

"Bloody git," Fred mumbled. "He murdered our uncles."

"Yeah… well…that bloody git is her father."

There was a small gasp from both Katie and Hermione. Fred and George's eyes widened, and even Ron seemed alarmed. Harry, however, did not react confirming Jonathan's suspicions that he already knew.

"He's the one who gave her all those scars. He kidnapped and tortured her for over a month, so yeah…she got a little worked up when she discovered he'd escaped Azkaban."

"Jonathan, I… I'm so sorry," Katie said, sounding close to tears.

"He's going to be the sorry one. If ever I find him; I'll make him pay for what he did."


	14. Potter Defiance

**Chapter 13**

 **Potter Defiance**

He was out! He'd escaped and now he was loose. Some may think it a bit irrational, but I feared his escape more than Voldemort's return. Of course, I'd never had any personal dealings with Voldemort, but more than my fair share with Dolohov.

With his escape came the return of my headaches. Poppy said it was just stress. I told her of course it was stress, but with Umbridge breathing down my neck and Dolohov's escape, it's not likely that I'd be stress free any time soon.

I was sure Umbridge was set on sacking me, she was just trying to find the right time and the perfect excuse. I took a little comfort in knowing that as long as Dumbledore was around, then I'd be safe. But I didn't count on having to add Jonathan's affinity for detention as one of the things I needed to worry about. He'd always gotten detention, but they were harmless, character building disciplines. Not so anymore apparently.

 _ **30 January 1996**_

There was a knock on my office door followed quickly by a request.

"Hey, Mum, do you have a moment?"

I looked up from my grading to find a rather sullen looking Jonathan.

"Yeah, of course. Come on in."

I set aside my quill and pushed aside my papers. Jonathan pulled the door to behind him enough to give us some semblance of privacy, but not so much that it shut completely.

"What's on your mind?" I asked.

"I… I was wondering… it's about Dad. Do you… do you know if he's all right?"

My throat went a little dry. "Wha—what do you mean?"

Surely nothing had happened to him and I hadn't been informed. I would be livid if that was the case.

"He hasn't responded to my owl yet. I wrote to him shortly after the start of term and he still hasn't replied. I know owls are moving slow now, but its been over two weeks. Did I do…"

"I'm going to stop you right there, Jonathan. You're father's silence has nothing to do with anything you may or may not have said or done. Alright?"

He nodded but didn't look convinced. I sighed and moved around my desk to sit in the chair beside him.

"Look, he's…he's probably just playing it safe."

"Safe?"

"He's probably trying to limit his communication with you."

"But why? He hasn't ever before."

"Yes, well that was before."

"Before what?"

"Before I was on probation."

There was a moment of silence.

"What! You're… since when?"

"Since…before Christmas."

"But why didn't you say something?"

"Because it's not your problem to worry about. Its mine."

"Why are _you_ on probation?"

"Well…" I tried to think of a way to say it without giving away information to unwanted ears that may be listening. "Two years ago, when I befriended Professor Lupin that called into question my character in the eyes of the Ministry."

"So you're on probation because…"

"I am friends with a werewolf. Yes. Do you understand?"

"Yeah…" he said slowly with a nod. "This is mad."

"I couldn't agree more. Now, as far as your father goes, I am sure he has what he believes to be very valid reasons for keeping his distance. But none of them are because he is angry or upset with you, and it's certainly not because he's stopped loving you. All right?"

"Yeah. I know that, Mum."

"Good. Now, perhaps there's something your dear ole Mum can help you with. She's a pretty capable witch, you know."

Jonathan gave a lopsided grin. "And modest too. I know, it's just that…well… it's…"

"…It's something you'd rather discuss with your father. I get it."

"But it's not because I don't love you," he mocked. "It's just…it's about Katie…"

"Stop right there. I don't think I want to know about anything you and Katie have done or are considering doing."

"It's not like that, Mum. I promise."

"I see… well… give me a little time, and I might be able to work something out for you. I'll let you know."

"Thanks, Mum. You're the best."

"Flattery, my dear, will get you… What's that on your hand?"

Jonathan had just brushed his left hand through his hair, but at my sudden question he quickly tried to hide it.

"What? Oh! It's nothing. Just a bit of dirt."

"Dirt?"

"Yeah."

"Let me see it."

"Mum, it's noth…"

"Let me see it, Jonathan."

He reluctantly held out his hand. "Please, just… don't freak out."

"Why would I fre…"

I couldn't even finish my thought. It definitely wasn't dirt on the back of his hand. No. it was a phrase, or phrases written…no, carved into the back of his hand. What the phrases said, I couldn't make out because there were several of them written on top of each other. The most recent looking of scars seemed to say something about talking back.

I took in a couple of deep, nasally breaths. My legs began to shake with fury.

"Who did this to you?" I asked, as calmly as I could.

"No one," he answered. "I did it to myself."

"You…" My eyes flashed up to his seeking to discern the truth.

"I mean… technically I'm the one that wrote it…"

"Jonathan?"

He sighed deeply and pulled his hand back. "She...Umbridge has this…special quill."

"She… She has a blood quill?" I was livid. "Those things were outlawed ages ago! She has the nerve to call my character questionable, and yet she goes around using blood quills?"

I was shaking with rage now.

"You're freaking out, Mum."

"Damn right I am."

"It's no big deal, Mum."

"It is a very big deal, Jonathan. We do not use outlawed methods of torture to teach our kids lessons." In anger I rolled up my sleeve and allowed the illusion to fade. "These were all lessons I failed to learn and I will not have you marred by the same barbarism that marks me."

"Mum, please…" Jonathan groaned as he turned his head away. "This is why we were didn't want to tell you."

"We?"

He looked back at me pointedly, as though he thought I should have already figured it out. And perhaps I had, I just didn't want to voice it.

"I'm not the only one who's had detention with her."

"Harry…"

"Among others," he said.

"How many others?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. Lee, Fred and George, and… others. We don't really go around parading it."

"I can't believe that woman. Something has to be done about this."

I glanced at the clock, I still had a few hours before class. I would finish grading later. I secured the papers back in the drawer and made to leave.

"Mum," he called.

"Yes, Jonathan?"

"You're not going to do anything…rash are you?"

"Oh course not. I'm simply going to the Headmaster to lodge a complaint."

Jonathan didn't look very reassured, and perhaps she was right not to. My meeting with Dumbledore didn't quite go as well as I'd hoped. The simple solution was to lodge a complaint about her barbaric methods and she'd be sacked. Things just weren't that simple these days, and it was foolish of me to think otherwise.

"That…woman has left a physical mark on my son. I won't stand for it." I wiped a few tears from my eyes with an unsteady hand.

"Surely, Albus, there must be something to be done about this," McGonagall said as she lay a comforting hand on my knee.

His sullen look, however, didn't appear very promising. "I'm afraid there is very little Professor Porter can do against the High Inquisitor."

"I may be a Professor, but I am first and foremost a mother. And as such, I have every right to lodge a complaint against the mistreatment of my son," I said.

"And so you have, but I fear to say you have lodged it with a headmaster who has much less control in his own school than he would like. I am, for now, as subject to the Ministry as you are. Perhaps you would like to file a complaint with them?"

McGonagall gave a 'tutting' sound. "If she went to them it would be seen as nothing more than the ramblings of a disgruntled employee."

Dumbledore shrugged his shoulders as though to say he couldn't dispute that, but that there was little else he could think of to do. Suddenly something Jonathan said in my office came to mind.

"There are others," I half whispered to myself.

"What?" McGonagall asked, turning towards me.

"There are others. Jonathan and Harry aren't the only ones to have served a detention with her. And I'm sure I'm not the only mother who would be upset by this practice."

"I would certainly hope not," Dumbledore said. "What are you thinking, Ms. Porter?"

"I may not be able to do anything about it myself, but perhaps if the other mothers knew then they might."

"How will you go about informing them though? Surely you don't propose we release private information concerning the students," McGonagall said.

"Certainly not, Professor. In fact, I need not be the one to inform them at all. But should I happen to mention to a friend of mine of the treatment of my own son, and should she inquire as to the welfare of her own children and discover it is not to her liking, and should she then inform another friend of hers, and then so-on-and-so-forth, well… I really have no control over that, do I?"

"Why, Katherine, I do believe your Potter is showing."

"Well perhaps that's just what we need right now: a little more Potter defiance."

 _ **10 February 1996**_

"She's using blood quills, Molly," I whispered softly, leaning across the table. It was the first Hogsmeade weekend of the term and I had invited Molly to the Three Broomsticks.

"What!" she whispered back in shock. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "I've seen the evidence of it on Jonathan's and Harry's hands. And they're not alone."

"Fred and George?"

I nodded. "And their friend, Lee."

"Not Lee Jordan."

"Yes. From what I hear, he was trying to stick up for them."

"Oh! I know his mother. She won't be pleased with this." Molly took a sip of her butterbeer. "Blood quills? You're absolutely certain? I thought they were banned."

"They were, over fifty years ago by the Ministry themselves when they banned all forms of Dark Magic at Hogwarts. So, _if_ the Ministry knows about his, then they're going against their own rules."

"If? Do you mean to say, you think there's a possibility the Ministry doesn't know?"

I shrugged. "An evil hag like her, it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't tell them what she was really doing."

"Katherine, we have to do something about this."

"I wholeheartedly agree, but in my current position…"

"You complaints wouldn't amount to much." Molly sat back in the booth and crossed her hands over her chest in thought. "I'll speak with Vanessa, Lee's mother; she works as a tailor for Madam Malkin. She knows many of the parents at Hogwarts. We'll make sure the Ministry hears our complaints."

Several days went by with no word or whisper from Molly. I wasn't expecting any immediate reaction as I knew it would take time for the word to spread. I just hoped the word _would_ spread. In the meantime, I managed to contact Remus through Sirius and the vanishing parchment. After telling him about Jonathan he agreed to sit down and talk to him. So I gave up my regular chats with Sirius and passed along the parchment to Jonathan.

Two weeks after the Hogsmeade weekend, another bout of Potter Defiance struck, this time in the form of Harry's exclusive interview with Rita Skeeter. I was actually rather surprised that either one of them agreed to do it, but I suppose Harry was tired of the lies the _Prophet_ was printing and Skeeter was probably just eager for a big break again. The interview, however, was published in _The Quibbler_ so I wasn't sure it was the break she was looking for. Still, the issue gained quite the popularity; all the students were passing it around, the Professors were too, despite the educational decree that banned it. Then, a little over a week later, the unthinkable happened.

Umbridge sacked a Professor.

* * *

 **Sorry for the lateness. Thursday was open house and I had to help my husband the teacher get ready. I only just realized this morning that I hadn't posted yet. Opps. And I know it's rather short, but there's still much more to come. Don't worry. Things are about to change drastically for Kate.**


	15. Retribution

**Chapter 14**

 **Retribution**

 _ **6 March 1996**_

"Did you get to read through all of the _Prophet_ this morning?" I asked McGonagall. "There was a small blurb that slipped through about…"

"Ahhh!" There was a loud scream out in the Entrance Hall that cut me off.

"What was that?"

A moment later we saw Professor Trelawney scuttle by the doors. Not far behind her came a flying trunk. There was a collective gasp from everyone present, including myself and McGonagall. Students began leaping to their feet and rushing out into the hall. McGonagall and I followed, trying to reign the crown in. We had little success as Umbridge came trotting down the stairs with an almost gleeful smile on her face.

"Nooo!" Professor Trelawney cried. "No! this can't be happening. I refuse to believe it."

"Oh? Do you mean to say that you couldn't foresee this happening? Well that's the very reason _why_ this is happening," Umbridge said mockingly. "Your appalling and fraudulent act is over."

I felt sick to my stomach. I wasn't a fan of Trelawney, but no one deserved to be treated with such blatant disrespect…except perhaps Umbridge herself.

"Bu—but Hogwarts is my h—home." Trelawney sat on one of her trunks and wept.

"It _was_ your home, until an hour ago when the Minister signed your release order. Now, I must kindly ask you to leave. You are making quite the scene."

Umbridge wasn't doing anything "kindly." It was plain to see her gloating look, as though she wasn't trying to hide it at all. McGonagall and I had both had enough and we stepped forward together.

"Must we do this here, Delores?" I heard McGonagall ask as she placed herself between Trelawney and Umbridge.

Meanwhile, I went down on my knees and tried to console the weeping woman. I awkwardly placed a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at me with eyes that looked to be four times larger than the average person's.

"There now, it will be all right, Tr…Syball." I conjured a handkerchief and used it to wipe away her tears like I used to do for Jonathan and Harry.

"You'll see… There's no need for this. You'll be just fine. You're a part of the Hogwarts family and we take care of our own."

"Sixteen years I've lived and t—taught here. Where am I to go now?"

As I sat before her, I saw the fear flash through her eyes. The same panic and fear began to rise within me as well. I knew it could just as easily be me sitting in her spot with Umbridge holding my release orders.

"I…"

Before I could say anymore, the front doors suddenly burst open. Dumbledore strode in from the grounds looking mightily fierce. He was, at the moment, not a man you wished to cross. He glanced briefly at me and Trelawney before his eyes moved to McGonagall and then Umbridge.

"Professors McGonagall and Porter, might I ask you to kindly escort Sybill back to her rooms?"

"Of course," McGonagall said as she came over to us. Together we helped Trelawney back to her feet.

"I'm afraid you don't quite understand the position I have here, Professor Dumbledore," Umbridge said. "According to Educational Decree Number Twenty-three, I, as High Inquisitor, have the power to inspect, place on probation, and sack any teacher I feel is not performing up to the standard required by the Ministry of Magic."

"Yes," Dumbledore began in a calm and dangerous tone. "As High Inquisitor you have every right to dismiss my teachers. You do not, however, have the authority to banish them form the castle. That power remains with the Headmaster."

His voice grew dimmer as McGonagall and I made our way upstairs with a still sobbing Trelawney.

"And what are you going to do with her once I appoint a new Divination teacher who needs her lodgings?" Umbridge asked.

What Dumbledore intended to do though, McGonagall and I had to wait to find out. We'd moved beyond hearing range.

Turns out, Dumbledore sought the aid of the Centaurs who lived in the Forbidden Forest. Firenze agreed to teach, but at great personal sacrifice. I hated that Firenze was now disowned by his herd, but I found his teaching at Hogwarts to be rather humorous. I really think Dumbledore asked a centaur because he knew it would irritate Umbridge the most to have to work with a "half-breed."

Dumbledore's triumph, however, didn't last long.

 _ **20 March 1996**_

There was a notice on my door when I woke up.

BY ORDER OF THE

MINISTRY OF MAGIC

Delores Jane Umbridge (High Inquisitor) has replaced Albus

Dumbledore as Head of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

 _The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Twenty-eight_

I swear, for a moment, the world stopped turning and then it began spinning out of control as it tried to catch up. I could feel a heavy black mass moving in on me. A piercing sting stung behind my eyes. My toes and my fingers began to tingle with numbness. I had to sit down and place my head between my knees to keep from passing out.

If Dumbledore was gone, what hell did that mean for the rest of us?

 **XXX**

Easter holiday came about a week after Dumbledore left, which meant it was time for my annual trip to Godric's Hollow. Dumbledore and I had a standing agreement that said I was allowed to visit one day during the holiday so long as it didn't interfere with my work (which it never did.) With Dumbledore gone, however, I couldn't simply leave like I had before. I had to clear it with Umbridge.

I knew the chance of her honoring this agreement was slim to none, and closer to none than slim. There probably wasn't much point in even wasting the time to ask. But this was James and Lily and Mum and Dad. The thought of possibly not seeing them until summer was earth-shattering. I had to at least try.

So, on the evening of the twenty-fifth (it took me all day to muster up the courage and argue with Professors McGonagall and Flitwick that it was imperative that I see James sooner rather than later) I went to visit Umbridge in her old office as the Headmaster's office was sealed against her.

I stepped into her office after being permitted entrance, and I immediately felt like being sick. The walls were covered in a ghastly pink and lined with mewling cat plates. There was an overbearing, sickly-sweet perfume in the air. I'm all for a dainty, feminine touch in decorating, but there is such a thing as too much and Umbridge passed it twenty plates and ten gallons of pink paint ago.

"Professor Porter, what a surprise," she greeted. "Have a seat, won't you? Would you like some tea?"

I was thrown off guard for a moment. The last thing I wanted to do was have tea with her, but I was almost certain that to refuse would be taken as an insult.

"Please and thank you," I replied. She poured us each a cup and went to add in sugar. "Oh! But you should know, I only take my tea black."

"Hmh." She sat back down and slid my tea across the desk to me.

"Thank you." I made a show of taking a sip but I didn't actually drink any, just in case.

"Now, how may I help you, Professor Porter?"

 _You can stay the hell away from my son, for starters._ No, Kate. Bad, Kate. You can't say that.

I mimicked another sip of tea and smiled before setting my cup on the desk. "I am sure you are well aware, from reading my file, but both my parents and my brother are deceased. We were a very tight knit family. A year after they all died, I began a tradition of visiting their grave site around the time of their death, which happen to fall around Easter.

"The Headmaster understood this and allowed me to continue the tradition. So long as it did not interfere with my work at school, and I assure you it never has, he permitted me a few hours of Easter holiday to visit their grave site. I would like to ask for a continued allowance."

There. It was said and there was nothing I could do but wait. There was a faint ringing in my ears, but she remained silent.

"How long will you need?"

"I…" I was about to say 'I understand,' certain that she was going to deny my request. But she didn't, not immediately at least.

"Only a few hours. I can leave after breakfast and return before lunch," I said.

She was silent for a moment before replying. "I'll get back to you. Anything else?"

"N—no. Thank you, Professor."

I got up to leave, thoroughly surprised. She hadn't laughed in my face, and she hadn't said no. Surprised though I was, I was not ready to believe all was well. Her smile was just a little too smug as I closed the door behind me.

 _ **26 March 1996**_

I didn't have to wait long for Umbridge's response. She met me on my way into the Great Hall for breakfast the next morning.

"Ah, Professor Porter, about your request," she began. "You may go."

"I… I may?" Well this certainly wasn't what I was expecting.

"You may," she said again.

"Thank…"

"In fact, you may go wherever you please. But you must do so by dinner this evening."

"I…"

"Your services are no longer requested here, Ms. Porter." She finished by handing over a piece of rolled parchment sealed with the Ministry stamp.

By now our interaction had gained the attention of those at breakfast, which was most of the student body. Well aware that Jonathan and Harry were among those watching, I carefully unrolled the parchment and read over the letter of dismissal…complete with the Minister's signature.

"I'm being sacked."

"And being requested to leave the premises by nightfall, by order of the Headmistress. If you do not leave quietly, then severe force will be taken." She said everything with a gloating smile on her face.

"There'll be no need for that…Professor. I'll go begin packing then, shall I?" I offered a smile of my own before turning around and leaving the Great Hall.

I went straight back to my chambers to begin packing. It's not that I was eager to leave; I just knew a torrent of tears was on its way, and I didn't want to be around the students when it broke through. Jonathan must have used every secret passage available to him and run at top speed, because he arrived only moments after I did. And he didn't wait to be let in.

"Mum!"

I gave a shaky laugh. "Thirty seconds more and you would have beaten me here."

I looked over my shoulder at him. He wasn't alone. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and the twins had come along as well. I gave another feeble laugh and hastily swiped at my eyes as I turned back around. I looked around my room at a loss.

"I don't know where to begin."

"You've been sacked?" Hermione half said half asked.

I nodded and bit my lip to keep my resolve. "Yeah…Yeah, I have."

I heard Fred and George mumble some expletives, but I chose to ignore them.

"This is all my fault," Harry said.

"No!" I turned around quickly, shaking my head. "No, Harry, it is not."

"I never should have started the D.A.," he argued.

"You did what had to be done. How can you think otherwise? What, because Dumbledore has been run out? Because he's been set free to fight with the Order?"

"And because you've been sacked because of it."

"Do you think this has anything to do with you? No. It has everything to do with me, with whom _I_ choose to befriend, whom _I_ choose to associate with. But it doesn't change a thing. I will continue to stand by Remus' side, to fight with him, to fight _for_ him until one day the world realizes that people like him are just people like us and not creatures. And I expect you to do the same. Stand by your convictions and don't give in simply because someone's ego might get a little bruised along the way."

I expected Jonathan to say something smart or witty about having one last lesson for them, but when I looked his way I could see him struggling with his anger. His look reminded me why I had to remain strong.

"Will you go back to headquarters, Professor?" George's use of the term 'Professor' almost had me breaking down and I laughed to hide it.

"Yeah, I think I might."

"No! Mum you can't go back there. Not after…" _My birthday_ he wanted to say, but didn't.

"It'll be better than going back to an empty house alone. At least at headquarters I'll have Padfoot."

"You could go to the Burrow," Ron suggested. "Mum won't mind."

"When did you start having brilliant ideas?" Fred asked.

"Sod off."

"Be nice to your brother; he's the…youngest one you have," I said.

"No he's not," Fred argued.

"There's always Ginny," George finished.

"You might want to be nice to her too," Harry said. "I'm pretty sure she could take all three of you without breaking a sweat."

I smiled in earnest despite the tears that still threatened to fall.


	16. Not Today

**Chapter 15**

 **Not Today**

I felt numb. All over…numb. From my head to the tips of my toes, numb. It wasn't the sort of heavy, oppressive numbness like something was cutting off your air supply. It was the dull, lethargic numbness. The kind where you find yourself staring at the same murky-brown spot on the wall and you don't know if five minutes or five hours have passed, and really it's only been a few seconds. At least it was better than the non-stop crying I had been doing.

I left Hogwarts in the late afternoon. Despite my insisting that they not bother with me and enjoy their holiday, the kids stayed around to help me pack. Even Fred and George proved themselves quite useful in keeping the tears at bay, and the few times a tear or two escaped they said nothing about it.

I tried to make a discreet exit, but word of my sacking spread quickly. When I went by my office to pack things there, there were a number of students waiting to see me. Many of them were there under the pretense of asking me questions about the Astronomy OWL. It was really quite a touching sentiment.

 _"Alright, now…" I said with a smile. "You all do realize that the point of a two week holiday is to relax right? Or…at least it was until we…Professors…" I choked on the word a little, "…went and mucked it up."_

 _There was laughter and Seamus asked, "Are you sayin' we don' have ter do our homework?"_

 _"N-n-n-no. That is not at all what I said. I still expect you to do all of your assignments…mine included. I'm just saying that you have two weeks to do it all so make sure you take some time to relax. And Mr. Finnegan, I still expect you to get an O on your OWL."_

 _"Anything for you, Professor Porter."_

 _"Now, Professor Sinistra will be coming back to take my place..."_

 _"…No one can take your place!" Someone called out, I didn't see who._

 _"Thank you." I smiled. "As I was saying, Professor Sinistra will be coming to fill in during my absence. She is stern, but very knowledgeable. You will learn much under her tutelage. Please…make me proud."_

 _There were murmurings and reassurances that they would. And Seamus, once again, tried to proclaim his undying love for me. I was pretty sure that now he just did it for show. Then McGonagall came by and shooed them away._

 _"You seem to be holding it together," she said._

 _"Barely," I replied, my voice cracking as though to prove it._

 _"You know this is not happening because you asked to go see him, right?"_

 _"I know." I nodded. "She would have done it eventually anyways. She's been wanting to do it since first term, I'm sure. Anyone who makes the sort of friends that I make…"_

 _"You mean the good kind? The loyal kind? The kind who deserve so much more than what they were given?" She cocked an eyebrow._

 _"I'm going to tell them you said that, you know."_

 _"And I'm going to deny it in part," she replied._

 _"They won't believe you."_

 _"They never did."_

 _We shared a solemn smile for a moment and I felt the prick of tears again. I looked down at my feet._

 _"You'll watch over them, won't you? Jonathan and Harry, I mean."_

 _"Like they were my own boys." I could hear the emotion in her voice and I looked up._

 _"That's not far from the truth though, is it? You've always thought of us as your children, haven't you?"_

 _She simply smiled in response._

While still staring at the same murky brown spot on the wall, I slowly raised the glass to my lips. The whiskey burned a path down my throat as it went.

I'd left Hogwarts and gone straight to Grimmauld Place, apparating with my trunks directly onto the front stoop. I found Sirius nursing a bottle of whiskey alone in the kitchen. He was surprised to see me, but before he could even ask what was going on, I'd dissolved into tears. He needed no other reason to push aside the whiskey bottle and tend to me.

That was several hours ago now. Night had long since fallen. We'd moved into the parlor, where there was a comfortable sofa, with the whiskey bottle to try and drown our pain. Or… at least...to numb it a bit. Then he went to take a leak, leaving me to drink alone until he returned.

The door creaked open before being shut once more, and the cushions shifted as another body sat down. It was not, however, the slightly inebriated body I was expecting.

"Did Sirius tell you then?" I asked.

There was a heavy sigh before he replied. "Yeah… he told me."

I took another sip; the ice clinking in my glass.

"Kate, I… I'm, so sorry."

"You shouldn't be; I'm not. I'm not even surprised it happened either. It just…"

"Sucks?" he offered.

I laughed dryly. "Yes, it sucks." I looked over at Remus. "It really, really, sucks." I could feel tears pricking my eyes again and looked away. Remus nodded in understanding.

"I've never been sacked before, you know. So…Merlin! I didn't realize it would suck this much!"

There was a moment of silence in which I took another small sip.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Kate, But…" Remus began hesitantly. "You say you've never been sacked, but…have you ever actually worked before Hogwarts?"

I laughed a little louder than I should have thanks to the whiskey. I laughed even louder when I looked at him. He was seriously concerned about offending me.

"Would you believe me if I said 'yes'?"

"May…be?"

I laughed again. "As a matter of fact, I have had other jobs."

"Yeah… I don't believe it," he said teasingly.

"Well believe it. None of them were as satisfying as Hogwarts."

"Now that I do believe." He looked at me with a curious smile. "So…what jobs have you had?"

"Nothing big. They were random, part-time jobs, but they were necessary. Not in the monetary sense, but in the keeping sane sense.

"When Jonathan started school, I was left in the house alone for the first time. That's when I discovered I was still prone to the panic attacks. The first year wasn't so bad because I still had Harry. Petunia wasn't as bad then. I took him to the playground; she was happy to be free of him for a few hours. The days I didn't have him, I spent shopping or around town. But then he started school, so…I needed something."

I took another sip of whiskey, grimacing slightly against the burn, before continuing.

"There was this little bakery that just opened and they needed help. I figured I knew how to bake so why not?"

"And how did that work out?" he sounded slightly skeptical.

I laughed. "It… _I_ was awful! I mean, I was…I was complete shite, Remus." I laughed again.

"I'm sure you weren't that bad."

"Oh I was, believe me. I was twenty-seven at the time and never worked a day before in my life. The little old Muggle man who owned the bakery, Mr. Gordon, couldn't believe it and he showed surprising patience with me. I wasn't nearly as good at baking as I thought I was, and I was rubbish with the money, but I was good with the customers.

"I was a mum, so I could sympathize with the mothers. I was young so I could relate to the younger crowd. And I was…pretty, I suppose, so the blokes flirted with me."

Remus chuckled slightly.

"You wouldn't believe how many chat-up lines I heard in a single day's work."

"I imagine it was probably quite a few; you were always very pretty," he said softly.

I looked sideways at him in surprise. He refused to look at me and instead looked down at his own hands in his lap, a faint tint rising to his cheeks. I was unsure how to respond and even less certain that he meant to say that out loud. In the end, I chose to carry on as though he'd said nothing at all.

"I…eventually got better, under Mr. Gordon's guidance. I picked up this great recipe for a sweet honey and orange roll that is simply divine. I can't make it as well as he could, of course, but still… I worked through the holidays, bringing Jonathan in with me on occasion, but when school let out for summer I resigned to spend time with him.

"When the next term started back up, I decided to go back to work. Mr. Gordon's wife, however, had fallen ill and he had to sell the bakery to someone else. So I didn't go back there. I heard of and assistant librarian position that opened up though….at Jonathan's school."

"Please tell me you didn't" he said.

"I did."

"Oh, Kate," Remus sighed and dropped his head onto the back of the sofa. "Why?"

"I thought it would be fine, you know, that he wouldn't mind. But I was so very, very wrong. He was at that age where it just wasn't cool to have your mum work at your school. Mind you, he was quite fine with it a few year later when I was offered a position at Hogwarts, quite insistent actually that I had to accept. But anyways…

"He tried to fake illness to get out of going to school. Having spent so much time with you lot, however, I was well aware of all the tricks and schemes to get out of class. I didn't even make it a month in that job before I left. The head librarian there recommended me for another position at a local public library so I went to work there.

"And I loved it! All the books you could read, and I did read a good number of them. But again, I resigned when school let out. The next school year I found employment at a Muggle bookshop and the year after that I worked at Florish and Blotts."

"And the year after that?"

"I went to Hogwarts." I bit my lip as I felt the faint prick of tears again. "Do you know what the worst part of this whole situation is though?" I didn't wait for him to answer before continuing. "It's not the sacking itself. I mean… yeah, it sucks and it hurts, but then I think about who actually sacked me and I realize that I don't really give a shit what she thinks of me and that makes the sacking a little less dreadful. But what really hurts, what really gets to me…is thinking that I'm here, and Jonathan is there, and I… I don't get to be there with him."

The tears were beginning to fall again.

"In all the other jobs, I… I was always home with him every night; I was always there. We…we've never gone more than a week apart without each other, and now… Now he still has three months of school left. What if… what if something happens, and I'm not there to make it all right again? Or worse… what if something happens and he realizes that he doesn't _need me there_ to make it all right anymore?"

The tears were nearly unstoppable now. Remus took the glass from my hand and set it on the table before wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me to him.

"That day is never going to come, Kate. I told you once that a boy always needs his mum. But sooner or later…sooner for Jonathan…he has to learn to take care of himself. And I know he can. You've done beautifully with him, Kate, so beautifully. You've given him everything he needs to be a good man. Now, it is time to watch him shine. You know, next year…"

"Don't say it, Remus," I pleaded into his chest. "Please, don't say it."

"He'll be seventeen…"

I groaned and pushed his chest. "I told you not to say it."

"He'll be stepping out on his own."

"No. No, he won't," I insisted as I pulled back. "He won't because I will perfect that age-freezing spell I've been working on. He'll be sixteen forever."

Remus laughed. "You wouldn't do that."

"Don't underestimate a mother, Remus."

"Don't underestimate a Potter is more like it."

I gave a little half laugh and looked up at him. I had pulled away from him, but not as far as we were to begin with. Sitting so close to him I could see the toll the war was already taking on him. His hair seemed to be splattered with even more gray than it had only a few months ago at Christmas. And his soft green eyes, eyes that were once full of laughter and mischief, now looked dull and tired. But there was something there, something hidden in his gentle smile.

I didn't have time to explore what it was though. Sirius chose that moment to return from the loo, and he plopped himself on the sofa between me and Remus and helped himself to the rest of my glass.

 _ **27 March 1996**_

The next morning was a dreary one, and not just because of the rain. I made the three of us a small breakfast of eggs and ham. We ate in silence until Sirius called attention to what had all of us so glum.

"He would have been thirty…five? Seven?"

"Six," I said. They both looked at me. "James would have been thirty-six today."

"Oh… yeah. I guess that's about right."

We went on eating in silence for a bit.

"With everything that happened yesterday, I… I didn't go see him like I wanted to," I said. "Maybe if the weather clears up today…"

"No," Sirius said firmly.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I said 'no.' You're not going, Kate."

"Since when was that up to you to decide?"

"Please don't fight," Remus said wearily. "Not this morning."

"Well then tell him not to be such a prick," I said. "I have gone to see James every year. Why should this year be any different?"

"It's too dangerous, Kate," Sirius insisted.

"You sound an awful lot like James when you say things like that you know. 'You birds stay here, let us blokes do the fighting.' How many times did I save your arse out there?"

"About as many times as I saved yours. Peter is still out there."

"I can handle Pete just fine."

"What about Dolohov, huh? Can you handle him?"

"Sirius…" Remus began but I cut across him.

"I highly doubt that Dolohov is hanging around James' gave."

"We don't really know what Dolohov is doing because the bloody Order can't find him!" Sirius said, waving his arms in Remus' direction.

"Hang on! How is that my fault?" Remus asked. "We are doing everything we can to find him, but Voldemort's hardly letting them run around freely."

"It's not your, fault, Remus, of course it's not. Sirius is just being a dick. You know… I love you Sirius, but you can be a real arse sometimes."

I grabbed my empty plate and cup, and dropped them in the sink on my way out.

I didn't talk to Sirius for the rest of the day. I grabbed a book and went to the drawing room to read while he hid away with Buckbeak. My headaches had yet to make an appearance, though it was only the first day. I suppose it helped that I wasn't using the illusion and I found that reading helped to keep them at bay. I read all day, only pausing momentarily to eat. Eventually I fell asleep.

 **XXX**

"Kate. Kate, wake up," Remus whispered quietly as he shook Kate's shoulder lightly. She opened her weary eyes slowly and looked around.

"Wha—what's going on?" she asked while rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Can you come as you are? We don't have much time."

"Why? What's happened?" She suddenly sat bolt upright. "Jonathan!"

"No! No, he's fine. Sorry. Nothing's happened. Jonathan and Harry are both fine. I just need you to come with me quickly and quietly."

Remus held out his hand and pulled her gently to her feet. Together they tip-toed down the stairs, past the troll leg umbrella stand, and through the front doors. They stopped on the stoop where Remus pulled a folded piece of shimmery fabric from his pocket.

"Sirius would kill me if he knew I was doing this," he said as he shook out the fabric.

"Why? Where are we going?" Kate asked, eyeing the invisibility cloak he held.

"You'll see. Hang on tight."

His breath caught in his throat slightly as Kate nodded and wrapped her arms around his waist. He threw the cloak over their shoulders; it wasn't as good as James' old cloak perhaps, but it did its job well enough. There was a moment where Remus smirked slightly as he looked down into Kate's bright blue eyes, and he felt a glimmer of the mischief they once shared in.

Remus took a step forward and apparated the two of them away from Grimmauld Place. After a moment of whirling and spinning in which Kate was pressed more firmly into Remus' chest, they finally landed on solid ground once more. Kate lifted her head to look around, but kept her arms around Remus' waist. The light was dull and gray, but the white marble headstone shone nonetheless. Kate gasped and quickly removed her hands from his waist to cover her mouth.

"I knew how important this was for you," Remus whispered softly. "You only have five minutes though, and then I have to get you back."

Kate nodded and looked around before slowly leaving the safety of the cloak. She went straight to the headstone marking James and Lily's grave. She dropped to her knees and began clearing away the old leaves and dirt by hand. Without her traditional bouquet of flowers, she drew one with her wand. She kept her grieving words short before moving on to the grave of her parents. Remus followed under the cloak but continued to keep his distance.

"Kate," he whispered softly when more than five minutes had passed.

Kate nodded and said her last words. She rose slowly and looked around. Remus held out his hand; she took it and Remus pulled her under the cloak once more. Once her arms were wrapped firmly around his waist again, he apparated them back to the front stoop of Grimmauld Place.

They stood there for a moment, in silence. Remus stared down at her, but Kate continued to stare straight ahead, at his chest, a few tears still falling. He slowly reached up and wiped them away. Kate slowly brought her eyes up to his again; this time he was nearly knocked off his feet by the sadness he saw there.

"Kate, I…"

"Thanks," she cut across him. "This means a lot to me." Her voice was slightly strained from the tears.

"You're welcome."

His voice was a little strained too, but why? As he kept his eyes locked with hers, the image of the girl he once loved so well rose before him. And he knew… he knew he could never be free of her. The fragments of their love would haunt him like her scars would haunt her. He wanted to say something, but he could not find the words. And before he could, Kate reached up and pulled the cloak from their heads. She pushed it lightly into his chest; his fingers tangled in the fabric like he wished they could tangle in her hair. Then she turned and walked inside.

Her message seemed quite clear: Not here. Not today.


	17. A Fireside Chat

**Chapter 16**

 **A Fireside Chat**

Sirius and I eventually apologized and things went on like nothing had happened. We were family, and sometimes family fought. Sirius showed no signs of knowing that Remus had helped me sneak out of the house, and I didn't tell him otherwise.

As for Remus…things were as confusing between us as they ever were. We were friendly around Sirius, slightly flirty when alone, but when Tonks came by there was this awkward air between us. I didn't like it. She didn't come by as often as she did over the Christmas holidays though. Remus said it was because she was working more due to the Azkaban breakout. Remus, too, was still rather busy with Order work and he was gone every few days.

Molly came by a few days after Easter with a curious proposition.

"What's this?" I asked as she handed me parchment and quill.

"I thought that since you're no longer a professor, at the moment, then you might like to join the Coalition."

"The what?" Sirius asked.

"The Coalition of Mother's Against Umbridge. We believe you could provide our readers with insight that one else can."

"I'd love too, Molly, but I'm still not sure my insights will count for much. The _Prophet_ will never print something from me."

"Who said anything about the _Daily Prophet_? After Harry's interview with _The Quibbler_ came out, I contacted Xenophilius and he's been giving us a spot. The word is really getting around now. So, what do you say?"

"Molly… I love you."

 **8 April 1996**

I was sitting at the kitchen table with Remus going over my story for _The Quibbler_. Remus was helping me refine it as we didn't want to give too much of Jonathan's heritage away.

"This is good, but I would take this part out," he said.

As he handed back what I'd written so far, his arms brushed against mine. I was too distracted by the quiver it sent up my spine or the look in his eyes to notice the fire come to life behind us.

"Kate! Sirius!

Remus and I both gave a jump of fright and whirled around to see Harry's head sticking out of the fire.

"Harry!" we both called as we hurried over.

"What is it? What's happened? Is everyone alright?" I asked.

"Er—yeah, we're fine. Sorry, I..I just wanted to talk. Is Sirius around?"

"I'll go get him," Remus said. He quickly hurried away, leaving me alone with Harry.

"You're sure everyone's all right, yeah? Jonathan is…behaving?"

"Yeah, I mean…more than he usually does at least."

"Good." I breathed a sigh of relief.

"How…how are you?"

I smiled. "I'm fine. No headaches as of yet. Molly's been keeping me distracted with a project."

"What kind of project?"

"Oh, nothing big really. It's just something to do."

Remus returned with Sirius then and Sirius knelt on the floor beside me. Remus leaned over us in the back. I was very away of the presence of his hand on my back.

"Harry! What's going on?" Sirius asked, sounding very excited to see him.

"Nothing, I… I just wanted to talk about my dad."

"Oh," all three of said as we looked at each other. We knew something had to have happened for Harry to take such a risk just to ask about James.

"I saw something in the Pensive after Snape left our last Occulmency lesson."

Only Remus corrected Harry in saying _Professor Snape_. Harry went on to describe how he saw Snape's memory of the day we took our Defense OWL exam.

 _ **June 1976**_

 _"Did you like question ten, Moony?" Sirius asked as we left the Great Hall. We had just finished our written exam for Defense Against the Dark Arts._

 _"Loved it. 'Give five signs that identify the werewolf.' Excellent question," Remus replied with a smile._

 _"D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" James asked._

 _"Think I did. One: He's sitting in my chair. Two: He's wearing my clothes. Three: His name is Remus Lupin…"_

 _ **"Four: He's really cute,"**_ _I finished in my head. My cheeks flushed lightly just thinking about him. This little crush was starting to become a problem._

 _"I got the snout shape, the pupils of the eyes, and the tufted tail, but I couldn't think what else," Peter said seriously._

 _"How thick are you, Wormtail? You run around with one every month," James said._

 _"Keep your voice down," Remus said, looking around nervously._

 _Sirius caught my eye and grinned. "What about you, Kitty-Kate? You're being quiet; not worried about the exam are you?" he asked as he threw his arm around my shoulders._

 _"Of course not," I replied, shrugging him off. "And don't call me Kitty. I'm not your common pussycat. I'm a leopard; we're fierce, and strong, and agile, and…"_

 _"Give it up, Kate. You're not coming out with us," James cut across me quickly. I'd been trying to reason with them all year just why I should go with them, but James hadn't budged. "If Mum and Dad knew…"_

 _"If_ _ **they**_ _knew_ _ **you**_ _wouldn't be going."_

 _Sirius barked a laugh. "Kitty's got you on that one, Prongs."_

 _"Call me 'Kitty' one more time, Black, and you'll see why I'll be making an O in Defense."_

 _"You wouldn't hex me," he said skeptically._

 _"Don't underestimate a leopard," I growled._

 _"Don't underestimate a Potter is more like it," Remus said._

 _Sirius laughed and held up his hands in surrender. "Good point, Moony. Alright, so we won't call you Kitty-Kate, even though I think it's cute. How about…" He paused in thought, and the smile he formed spelled trouble. "Perfect. We'll call you Leo, after that constellation you like so much."_

 _I rolled my eyes._

 _"Leo is a Lion," Peter said._

 _"So?"_

 _"So? I'm a leopard!" I shouted, causing a few heads to turn our way. "There's a difference, you know."_

 _Sirius shrugged and threw himself on the ground beneath a tree with a laugh. I hadn't really been paying attention to where we were going, but we'd made our way out to the lawns. We weren't far from the lake now._

 _"It's Leo or Kitty, Love. Which will it be?" Sirius asked as he folded his arms behind his head and reclined on the grass. James meanwhile pulled out a Snitch and began to release and catch it while Peter looked on in awe. Remus leaned against the tree and pulled out a book. I was the only one left standing._

 _"You're insufferable," I said._

 _"And you love me for it. Now, choose."_

 _I let out a sharp breath through my nose. "Fine. Leo then."_

 _"Bugger, I was really pulling for Kitty."_

 _"That's because you're nothing but a little puppy yourself."_

 _"Yeah…Oi!"_

 _A satisfied smile spread over my lips as the others laughed. Then I secured my bag on my shoulder. James saw and made the conclusion that I wasn't planning on staying with them._

 _"Where are you going?" he asked, almost missing the Snitch._

 _"To study. I have Arithmancy in the morning. You should come too, Pete."_

 _"Eh—" Peter pulled his eyes away from James to look at me. "I don't think there's much point in my studying for Arithmancy. I'm complete rubbish at it; I'll never make the OWL necessary to take the NEWT."_

 _"You are not rubbish at it," I defended. "You're just…"_

 _I trialed off as I tried to think of what to say. Remus raised an eyebrow at me and smiled. He was cute when he smiled like that. He was cute when he smiled any way, but I especially liked it when he smiled like that._

 _"I'm just what?" Peter asked._

 _"Sorry…" I said, shaking my head and looking away from Remus. "I was trying to think of a nicer way to put it, but yeah…I suppose you are rubbish at it."_

 _Sirius gave a barking laugh that was really quite unnecessary._

 _"There's still Astronomy at least. You still plan on taking that with me, right?"_

 _"Er—yeah…maybe," Peter said, giving a noncommittal shrug._

 _I rolled my eyes. "Boys. You can't get them to commit to anything but being idiots," I said. "I'll be in the library"_

 _I began walking away, and was nearly hit by Snape when he decided to stand up suddenly. I'm not sure why he was hiding in the bushes the way he was. It was a bit creepy really, but then again…it was Snape._

 _"Watch it, Potter," he drawled. Of course he would blame me._

 _"You almost hit me, Snivellus," I said. "You know, if you wash your hair once in a while, you might be able to see through it."_

 _His lip curled in a sneer as I walked away._

 _ **8 April 1996**_

"I wouldn't like you to judge your father on what you saw there, Harry." Remus said.

Harry had finished telling us what he saw in the Pensive. It was after I left for the library that James and Snape had gone at it and Snape had ended up calling Lily a rather foul and vulgar term, effectively ending their friendship.

"He was fifteen," Remus continued.

"I'm fifteen!" Harry said, almost angrily.

"Harry, your father and Snape hated each other," Sirius said. "You can understand that."

"Snape was his Malfoy," I elaborated. "Only you and Malfoy don't go around hexing each other in the hallway everyday like they did just for the hell of it."

"It wasn't for the hell of it. James was everything Snape wanted to be, and Snape was this oddball obsessed with the Dark Arts."

"James hated the Dark Arts," Remus added.

"Yeah, but… he seemed to do it just because you said you were bored," Harry said looking at Sirius.

"I'm not proud of it," Sirius defended.

"And neither was James," I said. "He considered that moment to be one of his worsts because of how it upset Lily. He was at his worst then, but he changed the next year. We all did."

We were all silent for a moment.

"Well I… I thought he came off as a bit of an idiot," Harry said.

"Of course he was an idiot. We all were! Well…except perhaps Moony and Leo," Sirius said, but Remus shook his head in disagreement.

"Did I ever tell you to lay off of Snape? Did I ever have the guts to tell you I thought you were out-of-line?"

"Well…you made us feel ashamed sometimes. That was something."

"I wasn't an idiot," I muttered softly.

Harry didn't really feel like talking about was the bigger idiot, I suppose because he pushed on with more of what he saw.

"He kept looking over at the lake where the girls were, like he was hoping they would watch him."

"That's because Lily was among them," I said.

"He couldn't stop himself showing up whenever she was around," Sirius added.

"Why did she marry him if she hated him so much?"

"I told you, Harry, sixth year changed everything for us. Between the random attacks, and my kidnapping, we became almost different people. We forged new friendships and alliances, explored our own relationships a little deeper, and discovered things about ourselves that we never thought we were capable of. Not just me, but James and Lily too. And I tell you, the joy she had when they exchanged their vows a few years later, you can't imitate that."

"Look," Sirius began. "Your father was one of the best friends I've ever had and he was a good person. A lot of people are idiots at the age of fifteen, but he grew out of it."

"Yeah…okay…" Harry said with a sigh. "I just never thought I'd feel sorry for Snape."

"I wouldn't hold too much pity for him, Harry. He seemed to be the one person who didn't change," I said. Remus gave me a sideways glance before addressing Harry himself.

"Speaking of _Professor_ Snape, how did he react when he learned you saw all of this?"

"Nothing. He just said he wasn't going to teach me Occulmency anymore."

"WHAT?!" all three of us exclaimed.

"Yeah…but I mean, it's no big deal. I…"

"Harry, you must go to Professor Snape and tell him that under no account is he to stop giving you lessons," Remus said reasonably.

"I can't tell him that."

"He's right, Remus; I'll go talk to Snape," I said.

"The last thing you need to do is cause more trouble for yourself."

"Moony's right; I'll…"

"No!" Remus said cutting across Sirius quickly. "If anyone's going to talk to him, it will be me. Now, Harry, there is nothing so important as you learning occulmency. Do you understand me? Nothing."

"Okay, okay. I'll… say something, but it won't…" Harry suddenly fell silent. "Is Kreacher coming down the stairs?"

We pulled back and looked around.

"No," Sirius replied.

I quickly turned back to the fireplace. "Harry!"

"I have to go!"

Harry pulled out of the fire. The green flames gave a final flourish before dying out completely. The three of us sat back as we continued to stare at the empty hearth.

"He'll be fine," Remus said as though he was trying to convince himself as much as he was us.

"You know," I began after a slight pause. "All three of us could go talk to Snape; that would be an unstoppable force."

Remus sighed. "We are not all ganging up on him."

"I don't know; I'm with Leo on this one. You're out numbered, Moony."

Remus sighed again as he shook his head. "You're both ridiculous."

* * *

 ***Sigh* I love seeing younger Kate and Remus, and feel like this scene with them is so cute because it's before they ever got together. I just want to thank each and every one of you for sticking with me. I love reading all your comments. I wish I could respond to them all. The next few chapters will pick up pace quickly and change things drastically. I so look forward to reading your response to them.**


	18. Enough

**Chapter 17**

 **Enough**

 _ **18 April 1996**_

"Here you go, Dearie," Molly said.

I stepped back from my telescope to accept the offered drink. I was spending a few days at the Burrow because Remus and Sirius had noticed I was getting a little…antsy would be the best way to describe it I suppose. They thought some "girl time" with Molly and the open skies would do me well. So far they were right. I could already feel the pressure slipping away and it was only the first night.

"Thank you, Molly."

"Oh, it's no trouble at all."

I followed her over to a set of chairs. I sat low in mine and looked up at the sky. It was a cloudless night, almost like universe knew I needed a sky unhindered. I let my eyes wander over the multitude of stars. I could feel the weight continue to lift off my shoulders as a clam settled over me.

A quiet sniffling drew me from my star gazing.

"Molly? What's wrong?"

Molly dabbed at her eyes. "It's Fred and George. I worry about them," she said through her tears. "They moved out last week, you know, into the little flat above the shop."

I nodded. "I heard, yeah. Look, Molly, you may not agree with their choices, but I believe they are doing what's right for them. You should be very proud; you have raised five strong, independent boys."

Molly scrunched up her nose. "Five? I have six sons, Katherine."

"I know. Ron is still learning. He had the misfortune of befriending the Boy Who Lived. He struggles to find his own strength, but I have no doubt that he will come into it soon enough."

She smiled wearily. "Oh. I thought you meant…" Her voice faded into nothing and her lip trembled.

"Percy has his own strength too. It takes a good deal of it to stand against your family. It will, however, take a good deal more for him to realize and _admit_ that he is wrong in going against this family. You must simply trust that he will find it and then you must be standing there with open arms when he does."

She nodded her head. Her eyes were full of watery tears, but they did not fall. After a moment or two, she turned the conversation to another topic.

Remus. It was a topic I really didn't want to talk about, but one I couldn't stop thinking about. Things between us were no less confusing than they were before. I don't even remember being this confused when I was trying to figure out if he fancied me in sixth year.

"Well, it sounds like he's trying to make up his mind," Molly said.

"Yeah…well I wish he'd hurry up and make it. All this back and forth is giving me whiplash."

"What would you like to happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…do you want to get back with him or just stay friends?"

"I…I don't know. We were great together, but when we fell apart we fell hard. I'm not sure I could survive another fall like that."

"Well…perhaps you need to sort _that_ out first."

 _ **22 May 1996**_

Food was flying everywhere, and I'm not sure how it got to this. The three of us were eating a peaceful dinner when Sirius realized that Kreacher was strangely absent again. So he went to pull him out of the attic conveniently leaving Remus and I to do the dishes. Next thing I know…Remus and I are completely drenched in leftovers. I'm sure he'd like to claim that I fired the first shot, but I swear, it was a preemptive strike. I saw the look in his eye, and I knew what he was about to do.

Our wands sat forgotten. Our hands scrapped the bottom of the barrel as we tried to find enough ammo. Our laughter was loud and plentiful, and I was sure that the portrait in the hall was protesting. And our feet danced in circles as we each tried to dodge the other. The floors were slick with sauce. After a well-aimed throw, a glob of pasta landed on the side of Remus' face. He let out a yelp, like a wounded dog, and went down.

"Yes!" I threw my hands in the air. "Does this mean I win?"

Remus didn't say anything nor get back up.

"Don't be a sore-sport, Moony. Come on."

Still there was nothing.

"Remus?"

I could see his feet sticking out just beyond the end of the table, but he hadn't moved since his fall. So, of course, like an idiot I fell for the oldest trick in the book and walked around the edge of the table to see what was wrong.

"Remus, are you… Ugh!"

I was pulled down towards him and had a handful of pasta shoved and smeared in my face while he laughed manically in my ear.

"No, but _that_ means I do."

I simply nodded and consented my defeat as I wiped the pasta from my eyes. Remus used the table to pull himself up. Then he held his hand out towards me. He pulled with just a little too much force though, so I stumbled slightly. His hand quickly darted to my waist to steady me.

"All right?" he asked

"Yeah." I surveyed the room around us. "Holy…Merlin! What…what happened here? I thought we were supposed to be adults."

He looked around too and chuckled. "Yeah… but that doesn't mean we have to grow up." His hand remained on my waist.

"I suppose a true Marauder never does."

He turned his eyes back to mine. A smile spread wide over his face, and he looked ten years younger. As his hand reached up to remove some pasta from my hair, my heart shot to my throat at the familiarity of the action. It wouldn't take any effort for me to push him back to the table like he had me so long ago.

Suddenly his eyes shifted, as though recalling the same memory. His hand slowly lowered from my face, but his other remained firm on my waist.

"I'm sorry," he almost whispered.

"Sorry? For what?"

"For…everything I said…for all the things I didn't say, but should have." He paused but I could tell there was more he wanted to say. My heart was racing. "I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me most."

A few tears dropped and I quickly wiped them away, smearing sauce on my cheeks like war paint.

"I had Sirius and James…when he wasn't being a prat…and I had Pete."

Remus shook his head slightly. "It should have been me."

My throat was constricting with emotion and I choked on my words. "No…it should have been us."

Something in that moment changed for us. I could feel it; I could see it in his eyes. At long last it seemed we were putting our past failure behind us. Now we could truly move on, whether as a couple or just friends, I still wasn't sure.

"Oi! What's going on here? I leave for five minutes and you've completely wrecked the place. Do you have any idea how long it took me to get this room clean?"

Sirius came in in a tirade. He went on and on about how he had to scrub every pot, pan, and cauldron. Remus and I just looked at each other, a grin slowly spreading. Without a word we each grabbed a handful of pasta and flung it at Sirius, smacking him in the face mid-sentence.

Something did change between me and Remus that day. It wasn't anything drastic; I mean, we weren't snogging on the staircase or anything. In fact, to the outside observer it appeared as though nothing had changed. But I knew… it was more like a feeling. He had forgiven me for Katherine, and I have forgiven him for not coming after me.

Things did change… it just…wasn't enough.

 _ **7 June 1996**_

"Sirius, I'm…back."

I had just returned from another stay at the Burrow, I was going about every other week, and I was trying to find Sirius to let him know that I had returned. He wasn't in the kitchen however. I figured he must be fetching Kreacher from the attic again, so I proceeded up the grand staircase.

Remus wasn't in the kitchen either, but I figured he must be on a mission. As I neared his room though, I noticed that his door was ajar. He usually kept it shut when he was out to keep Kreacher away. I thought he and Sirius might be in there for some reason, or at the very least he would know where Sirius was. Remus was in his room, but Sirius wasn't.

It took a moment for my brain to decipher what my eyes were seeing, but when it did a cold vice seemed to grip my lungs and force the air out of them. Remus was leaning casually against a writing table, his legs slightly apart. Tonks was standing between his legs and slightly leaning towards him. He held one of her hands against his chest which was clearly meant to be a tender gesture.

What really served to push the air from my lungs and make my hear ach though, was the tender way they were looking at each other. It was clear to see the admiration and adoration they had for each other. And I saw that there was no place let for me.

I stumbled, bleary-eyed, past the open door as I tried to regain control of my breathing.

 _"It should have been me."_

I came face to face to with a mass of black hair and a grinning Sirius. He smelled like gin and moth balls from the attic. His hands grabbed my shoulders to steady me. His lips formed my name but I heard no sound.

 _"No. It should have been us."_

He gently pulled me along the hall and up another flight of stairs to his room. He kicked the door to behind him and led me to sit on the bed. He pushed the hair out of my face. Then he crouched before me.

"Kate? Kate what happened? Talk to me please."

My lips trembled but I could say nothing.

 _"It sounds like he's trying to make up his mind."_

"Fine; I'll go get Moony then. Perhaps you'll talk to him."

He stood up to leave and I reached out and grabbed his shirt, yanking him back down.

"No."

My voice sounded foreign and strange, but the message was clear enough. Unfortunately, I could say no more as the tears broke forth. I fell into Sirius' arms as years of anguish escaped. He held me awkwardly and rubbed his hand over my back.

 _"I just wished he'd hurry up and make it."_

He had made up his mind, and it was her. Whatever I thought may have been brewing between us wasn't enough. It was too little, too late. Somehow I managed to convey all of this to Sirius within the hour that followed.

"Merlin, Kate… You… you fell in love with him again, didn't you?"

"Again?" I shook my head. "No, not again, Sirius. See…that implies that I ever stopped. It's always been him, Sirius. It could only ever _be_ him. I… I love him, and I always will."

I was lost to another bout of sobs, and Sirius did his best to try and console me.

 **XXX**

In the week that followed, I hid myself away in my room with the lights turned low. I knew I couldn't avoid Remus forever, and I wasn't planning on trying. I just wanted to keep my distance until I was strong enough to be around him and not break down in to an emotional wreck. Meanwhile, Sirius was left to make excuses for me.

"Sorry, mate, she's…not feeling well. Her time of the month, you know. … She doesn't really want visitors. … I'm bringing her chocolate. … True, but I can change into a large fluffy dog on command. Can you? … I'll, let her know you asked about her. … I'll see, but I can't make any promises."

There was a stream of light from the hall as Sirius entered, and then the click of the door closing again. I heard him walk softly across the room. The mattress shifted beneath his weight as he sat next to me.

"How much of that did you hear?" he asked.

"You weren't exactly whispering, were you?"

He sighed heavily. "Kate, I know you're hurting, but are you sure you saw what you think you saw?"

I groaned. This wasn't the first time he had suggested that I misinterpreted what I saw.

"Tell me again how they were standing."

"We've been over this, Sirius."

"Then just humor me."

I groaned again but described their positions anyway.

"What else could have been going on?" I asked.

"I…don't know," he sighed. "Maybe you did see it. Maybe you didn't. I don't know. But I do know that she hasn't come around here since, and all Moony seems to care about is you. He won't stop asking about you, and frankly it's getting a bit annoying. If he asks to come in again, I may just let him."

"You'd really suck as a guard dog then."

I watched as the corners of his mouth lifted into half a smile.

"Talk to him, Leo, or just…let him do the talking. Let him explain."

"I will. I just… I'm not strong enough yet."

 **XXX**

I really didn't feel strong enough until five days after the incident. And it's not that I really felt strong, we just had an Order meeting and Dumbledore was coming by. I didn't want everyone else to know how weak Remus made me.

Remus somehow knew I would make an appearance at the meeting; I have no doubt that a little mutt told him as much. So he was waiting for me at the foot of the stairs. He looked both hurt and angry.

"We need to talk."

"We have a meeting," I said as I tried to walk around him. He stepped in front of me.

"They can bare a few minutes without us. Besides, you know nothing gets done until Dumbledore arrives."

Unfortunately he had a point. I knew there was no way around it. I nodded reluctantly and followed him into a side room. I could do this. I _could_ do this.

"Why have you been avoiding me?"

"I…"

"And don't tell me you've been on your monthly all this week."

"Oh? And why is that? It's possible you know."

"For five days?"

"Do you want a detailed analysis of my flow, Remus?" His eyes widened in horror and I pushed on to make my point. "You wanna know how the first day is mostly false alarms and spotting, but by the middle of the third day it feels like a hippogriff is sitting on my lower back while my ovaries tie themselves in knots?"

"No. I…"

"Or how about by the fourth day I've eaten so much chocolate and salt—because I really get a craving for salty foods—that I am almost painfully constipated. Not to mention that I swell like a puffer fish so that nothing fits the way it's supposed to."

"Kate, please…"

I sighed. _And then there's the mood swings._

"I thought it was only three days long."

"Yeah…it used to be. Boy I miss those days. My body isn't exactly what it used to be twenty years ago, but hey… I have hips now, even if sometimes it's too much hip."

"Your hips are fine, Kate."

We both fell silent for a moment. There was that playful flirtation again. It's like we just couldn't help it. Somehow we always fell back into it.

Remus sighed. "So maybe you were on it, but be honest with me…was that the only reason?"

 _No you prick, that's not the only reason. It's because I love you and I want to be with you, but I can't be with you if you keep going back to her._

I didn't get to answer or have to struggle to find some reason I could actually say. The door creaked open and Tonks stepped inside.

"Wotcher," she said. Remus gave an exasperated sigh.

"Dora, now is not a good time."

"I know, sorry, Remus, but you two really need to get in there. It's about the kids."

"We'll finish this later," I said to Remus before turning my attention to Tonks. "What's going on with the kids?"

"Potter and Granger have gone into the forest with Umbridge and they haven't returned yet."

"Why did they go into the forest?"

"Well, from what I gather, Potter was caught using Umbridge's floo to contact Sirius."

I nodded, and I could see Remus nod his head too. I guess Sirius had filled him in as well. Harry apparently had a vision that Sirius was being tortured by Voldemort at the Ministry. After Harry got word to Snape, Snape contacted Sirius to ensure that he was not being tortured.

"Well Potter and Granger convinced Umbridge to follow them into the forest after being caught. I don't know how."

"That doesn't really answer the question, Dora."

Tonks shrugged a shoulder.

"It was Hermione's idea," I said. "I'm sure of it. They couldn't very well tell the hag that they were trying to contact Sirius, so Hermione made up a story or something."

We made our way to the kitchen where Snape's head was still floating in the looking glass. We entered just as the other Order members, Mad-Eye and Kingsley, agreed to go to the Ministry to look for Harry while Snape searched the forest.

"There is one other thing," Snape said slowly. "Potter and Granger are not the only students missing."

"Who else is missing?" Kingsley asked.

I met Snape's eye and I knew what he was going to say.

"The two Weasley's, the oafs Longbottom and Lovegood, and…"

"Jonathan."

* * *

 **Whew! Please don't hate me. And Talk about whiplash...you better buckle in because I'm considering posting the next few chapters rather close together. It's going to be a ride. I know a lot of you are curious as to how Kate will influence the Ministry battle, but remember...there were quite a few Death Eaters present... As with most of this story, the action will be more book-like than movie-like.**

 **I'd love to know what you all think so don't hesitate to tell me!**


	19. At the Ministry

**I did say I would post early right...? Here you go.**

* * *

 **Chapter 18**

 **At the Ministry**

"There is one other thing," Snape said slowly. "Potter and Granger are not the only students missing."

"Who else is missing?" Kingsley asked.

I met Snape's eye in the looking glass and I knew what he was going to say.

"The two Weasley's, the oafs Longbottom and Lovegood, and…"

"Jonathan," I finished for him. He gave a slight tilt of his head in confirmation. I was mad, really mad, and I think it was pretty evident. I stepped closer to the looking glass and spoke with that low, threatening tone that all mothers have.

"I swear to you, Severus. If anything happens to those kids then I will hold you personally accountable."

"Then I suggest you hurry," he said with a sneer before his face vanished from the glass.

"He's right," Mad-Eye grumbled. "We need to hurry. Potter, channel that rage into something useful."

I turned my glare towards him and slipped into the illusion effortlessly.

"Good. Black, somebody needs to stay behind to tell Dumbledore where we've gone."

"Kreacher!" Sirius shouted. An instant later there was a 'pop' as the house elf appeared. "Stay right here and when Dumbledore arrives tell him everything that happened tonight. Understood?"

"Of course, Master Black." The elf bowed so low his hooked nose swept the floor.

"Right then. Basic defense circle outside. We'll apparate together to the atrium. Wands at the ready," Mad-Eye commanded.

We needed no other instruction. We made our way to the front door, and then one-by-one or two-by-two we made our way out to the grassy lot across the street. We formed a tight circle, shoulder to shoulder, each facing a different way. And we waited for Mad-Eye to give the all clear.

"Now."

As a single unit we apparated together arriving in the atrium of the Ministry. The golden fountain stood just before us. Our wands were poised, ready to fend off a barrage of spells that never came. Again we waited for Mad-Eye as his eye roamed over every inch of the atrium.

"It's clear. Get to the nearest lift."

We made our way over to the lifts methodically and swiftly. Kingsley and Mad-Eye entered the lift last while I stood in the back between Sirius and Remus. As the lift jolted into motion, I swayed on my feet. Remus placed a hand on my far shoulder to steady me, then he leaned down towards my ear.

"He'll be fine. They both will be."

I nodded but said nothing for fear my voice would betray me. The lift rattled to a stop a short while later and the automated voice spoke in a clear voice.

"Department of Mysteries."

"Am I the only one to find that voice really annoying?"

"Not now, Nymphadora," Mad-Eye barked.

"You're not alone," Kingsley said softly.

"Thank you!" Tonks whispered back. "It's like no one can be that chipper all the time."

"Quiet!" Mad-Eye ordered. "Remember, keep constant valiance."

We kept quiet after that as we followed Mad-Eye and his eye. He led us through a series of unmarked doors. In some rooms there were clear signs of a struggle, including one with several overturned desks and a whole cabinet of busted time-turners. We found no Death Eaters, however, and more importantly no children. Then at last we came upon a room that had some familiar faces.

"Ginny!"

"Professor Porter!"

I ran to where she was sitting against a wall next to Luna Lovegood. Hermione was slumped on the floor next to them seemingly unconscious. Ron was laying nearby with something like tentacles wrapped around his body. Remus dropped to his knees beside him. There was no sign of Jonathan, Harry, or Neville.

"Where are the others?" Tonks asked Ginny.

"They went through there." She pointed to a door on the far side of the wall with a grimace. "The Death Eaters all followed Harry. They want the prophesy he has."

"On me," Mad-Eye said. "Potter? Lupin?" He wasn't turned towards us, but I knew his magical eye was.

"Go on. I'll be right behind you," I answered. Remus had managed to disentangle Ron and so he left with the others. I turned my attention back to Ginny and Luna.

"Are you girls all right?"

"I'm quite fine, Professor," Luna replied, though she was rubbing the back of her head as she did so.

"My ankle's broken, but I'm all right," Ginny said.

I inspected her ankle quickly. "Can you feel this?"

"Yes!" she cried.

"Good, it's a simple break then. Madam Pomfrey will be able to fix it in a jiffy. In the meantime…" I created a little splint for her.

I moved over to Hermione. I checked for a pulse and upon finding one I tried to wake her.

"Hermione? Hermione, can you hear me?"

"She's been like that ever since we found her," Luna said.

"What do you mean, found her?" I asked.

"We got separated leaving the room with all the prophecies. She was with Harry and Neville when it happened," Ginny replied. "I think Neville said Dolohov hit her with some spell…"

"Dolohov? He's here?"

Ginny nodded. "It's okay, Professor. We'll be fine. Go on."

I levitated Ron closer to the girls before encasing all four of them in my shield charm. Then I headed for the door the others had disappeared through. I hopped it wasn't another maze like the ones before.

Fortunately, I stepped into a room with amphitheater like seating. The stone steps led down to a dais on which stood a stone archway covered by a tattered black curtain. I really didn't have much time to take in more than that because spells were flying everywhere.

I had to duck quickly upon entering and shield my head as a shower of stones rained down on me. Looking back up I caught a glimpse of Tonks dueling Bellatrix and Kingsley pairing off with Rookwood and Rodolphus. Another stray spell headed my way and I quickly side-stepped it.

"Kate!"

I looked over and saw Harry and Neville; the latter seemed to be suffering from the tarantallegra jinx. I quickly cast the counter-jinx for him.

"Better?" I asked.

"Yeb, bank you."

"Get back to the others, Harry. Stay near Ginny and you'll both be safe. Now go!"

Harry nodded and turned like he was about to leave, but then he looked back at me.

"Kate, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, Harry. We'll sort this out."

"I couldn't stop him!" he continued.

"What?" Even though he was shouting no more than five feet from me, it was difficult to hear him over all the action around us.

"Jonathan! I couldn't stop him. He went after Dolohov!"

My head whipped around the room desperately looking for my son. Sirius was now dueling his cousin, and Tonks was laid out on a step unconscious. Remus was fighting Malfoy nearby. And… there he was. Jonathan was facing off with Dolohov.

I took off sprinting in their direction. I leapt from step to step, firing spells and casting shield charms as needed. Still, Jonathan stood his ground. I'm sure if I hadn't been so worried, horrified, and slightly angry with him being there and fighting Dolohov in the first place, then I would have been impressed with his dueling skill.

Dolohov, though, was the veteran fighter and eventually his speed tilted the duel in his favor. Jonathan jumped out of the way to dodge one spell, but Dolohov anticipated the direction and had already fired a second spell. I knew that Jonathan wouldn't be able to block it in time, so I threw a shield charm his way and then flung a blasting spell at Dolohov that knocked him off his feet.

"Mum!"

"Jonathan! Are you..." I didn't finish my question, but my eyes quickly looked him over. Seeing no visible or immobilizing wound, I urged him to leave.

"Get back to the others. I'll take it from here."

Too late I noticed Dolohov stirring in the corner of my eye.

"Mum, look out!"

Jonathan pushed me aside just as I cast my shield charm. The charm blocked most of the spell's affect, but Jonathan was still knocked aside. He landed roughly on his right shoulder and dropped his wand.

"NO!"

I threw a barrage a spells at Dolohov, buying me precious little time.

"Jonathan!" I looked over my shoulder towards him. He slowly sat up and grabbed his wand again, but I could tell his arm was causing him pain. I turned my attention back to Dolohov.

We squared off for a moment, sizing each other up. He seemed to accept me as his next opponent, and he fired a few silent spells my way. I blocked them easily enough and sent back my own.

"Don't I know you?" he asked before firing a few more complex spells.

"We're not here to socialize." I countered with my own, matching his speed.

"I do know you." His eyes flicked off in the direction I last saw Remus. "You're the wolf-lover. Tell me, how are the fleas?"

His spells became increasingly more complicated to dodge. Somewhere in the distance I heard the manic cackle of Bellatrix.

"How was Azkaban? Fancy a return?"

I continued to match his pace, and it became clear that this angered him. He soon forwent the banter and focused solely on casting curses as quickly as he could. I was beginning to lose my advantage. It was almost all I could do to simply block his spells. And Jonathan, having recovered from his fall enough, came forward and tried to help.

"No! Get back!" I tried pushing him away.

Dolohov always knew how to exploit a weakness however, and mine was plain to see. And Jonathan was stubborn. He would not keep out of the fight; he simply moved further away from me so that I couldn't push him aside anymore.

That's when Dolohov struck. He bombarded me with a string of spells that I could barely keep up with, and the he fired one at Jonathan. Having little option left to me, I acted on pure motherly instinct and I threw myself in front of Jonathan. The spell caught me in the left shoulder and I could feel it tear through skin and muscle.

"Mum!"

Jonathan shouted as I cried out and fell to my knees. There was an echoing cry as Dolohov dropped to the floor too; we clutched at identical wounds. I could feel my clothes already becoming soaked with blood.

"What is this?" Dolohov asked angrily. "This isn't possible!"

Someone approached from the side, and I looked up to find Remus. He summoned Dolohov's downcast wand without a sound and summoned ropes to bind his limbs. I looked around the room and saw that the battle was over.

There was a group of bound Death Eaters in the middle of the room. Malfoy and Grabbe were among them, but many, like Bellatrix, had escaped capture. Kingsley was watching over those captured while a bloody Mad-Eye lifted Tonks onto a stretcher. Neville was looking on. Sirius and Harry were nowhere in sight.

"You!" Dolohov suddenly said.

I turned my attention back to him. His eyes were flicking between myself, Remus, and Jonathan. I knew he was piecing it together.

"It can't bet. You're…" His face twisted in disgust.

"Can you stand?" Remus asked me gently. I nodded and he helped me up using my uninjured arm.

"And you mated with it!" Dolohov continued. Then he spat at our feet. "You disgust me. You filthy piece of…"

Remus flicked his wand and Dolohov was hit with a muting spell. Then he carelessly levitated him over towards the other captured Death Eaters. Remus, Jonathan, and I slowly made our way over as well.

"Where's Harry?" I asked.

"He's with Dumbledore," Remus replied after a slight pause. There was a raspy tone to his voice.

I nodded. _Sirius must be with them too._ I thought. _He wouldn't leave Harry's side now._

"She needs to be taken to St. Mungo's," Mad-Eye said as he pointed his thumb towards Tonks.

"I'll stay and keep watch over them until reinforcements arrive," Kingsley said.

"We need to get the kids to the castle. Madame Pomfrey can sort them out," I replied, grimacing slightly with the pain.

"I'll go with you," Remus said softly. I cast him a curious look; something was wrong. Were Dolohov's insults having that big of an effect of him?

"Here are the wands I collected." Remus held out a stack of about four or five wands towards Kingsley. One of them was Dolohov's and another was familiar to me.

"Why do you have Sirius' wand?"

Remus looked at me, his eyes slightly red, as he re-pocketed his and Sirius' wands. A flare of pain shot through my arm and my vision blurred with the pain. It must have shown in my face.

"We need to get you to Madam Pomfrey. Come on." Without saying anything further, he gently guided me up the stone stairs.

Mad-Eye led us back to the room where Ginny and Luna were waiting with a still unconscious Hermione and a dazed Ron. Remus conjured another stretcher for Hermione while Jonathan and Neville helped Ron along and Luna assisted Ginny. We followed Mad-Eye back to the lifts and filed inside.

I had to lean against the wall and close my eyes to fight off the pain surging through my left arm.

"Well, that was fun," Luna said.

"Fun? You think almost getting killed is fun?" Jonathan said. There was a slight pause before he continued. "Not that we were ever in any real danger of being killed, Mum, I swear."

I knew he was trying to make light of the situation, but I couldn't respond for the pain throbbing in my arm and making me slightly nauseous.

"Mum?" he said again when I didn't reply.

"I'mmm fine, Johnathan," I said weakly. I could feel Remus shift next to me before he placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Kate? Kate, look at me."

"…Fine, Remus…I just…" I opened my eyes halfway. "Pain…it hurts…"

"And your arm is still bleeding."

"Won't….stop. I'm tryin…" I showed him my hand that was now covered in blood.

"Then use me if you need to."

He tugged me forward slightly and I fell into his chest. He knew his scent always seemed to relax me. And somehow breathing him in helped to dull the pain slightly.

"I always thought they made a good pair," Luna said. "Some things are just meant to be together."

No one said anything response; no one could say anything to that.


	20. Stay

**Chapter 19**

 **Stay**

I only had a few precious moments in Remus' arms before the lift came to a stop, jolting my arm and sending a flare of pain. I whimpered softly. There was a crowd of people in the atrium as we left the lift. They were standing on the other side of what used to be the fountain. It was mostly demolished now; the giant wizard was beheaded.

The crowd turned our way. There were a few flashes of a camera, but the crowd was held back by a line of Aurors and Ministry officials. One of them met us with the Centaur's golden arrow.

"Kinsley's in the death chamber with a bunch of Death Eaters," Mad-Eye said.

The wizard nodded. "A team of Aurors just left for him. I've been instructed to set up a portkey to take you back to Hogwarts."

"Give it to them. I'm taking her to Mungo's."

The wizard nodded as Mad-Eye left with Tonks, heading towards the crowd and the fire places. The wizard then held out the arrow towards us. Remus took it silently and instructed all the kids to grab hold. Then he took Hermione's hand placed it on the arrow, keeping his hand on top of hers. I was the last to grab hold. A moment later we were all pulled forward and whisked away. The pain in my arm was intense and almost enough to make me pass out. Only Jonathan, Remus with Hermione, and Luna were able to remain standing when we arrived in the middle of the Hospital Wing.

Madam Pomfrey jumped from the bed she was prepping. "Oh! Albus warned me. Still… well come, come. Don't doddle there. Everyone to a bed."

"I feel all right, Madam," Luna said.

"I'll be the judge of that. Now into bed. Oh! What happened to her?" Poppy asked when she saw Hermione.

"Dolohov," I said with difficulty.

"You too I take it?"

I nodded and made my way over to a bed. After he placed Hermione down, Remus and Poppy came over to me.

"Kids first," I said when she tried to examine me. "Katherine! I can see how weak you're becoming from the blood loss."

"Kids first," I insisted.

She sighed and handed a bowl and rags to Remus. "Stop the bleeding and clean the wound. I'll be over as soon as I can."

She pulled the curtains to around us as she left. For a moment Remus just stood there, with bowl in hand, staring at me. Jonathan stood just a little behind him.

"Right. Well… Shall I go see if she has a robe you can slip into, or…"

I was already shaking my head no. "'S'no good. I can't move my arm enough…to remove my shirt. You're gonna…have to cut it off."

"Right. Erm… Well…" He set the bowl down on the table and conjured a pair of scissors, but he hesitated before beginning. "Are you sure?"

"The shirt is ruined anyway; you can never get blood out."

He placed the blades at the bottom hem of my shirt and began snipping.

"I…I don't think I want to see this," Jonathan said.

"Go help Poppy," I instructed.

"Right. Good idea, Mum." He left quickly, the curtain swinging closed behind him.

Remus continued his progress up the center of my shirt. I was looking at anything but him. And I was trying to counteract the pain by breathing deeply. I took in a sharp intake of air as I suddenly felt something cool between my breasts. At first I thought it was the metal blade but then I realized it was his hand.

"Sorry," he murmured.

"It's alright. Your hand is just a bit chilled."

With a final snip the scissors cut through the collar of my shirt. I tried to ignore the way Remus' fingers felt running over my skin as he helped me remove my right arm. Then he turned his attention to my left; removing that arm was going to be a little trickier. I didn't fail to notice the way his eyes seemed to move slower as they passed over my black leopard printed bra.

"Nice spots," he said softly.

I wanted to reply with something witty and playful, but pain shot through my arm as he gently touched it and I grimaced instead. He gently slid my elbow out of my sleeve followed by my wrist, leaving only my shoulder left. He inspected it before going further.

"Well, the good news is that it appears the bleeding finally stopped on its own. The bad news is…"

"It's going to hurt like hell when you peel it off. I've got news for you, Remus; it already does. I doubt I'll notice much of a difference."

"Here, use this to bite on. Trust me, it helps."

He used a severing charm to cut up my shirt a little more and he rolled it into a tight ball.

"On three?" he asked. I nodded and stuffed the make shift gag in my mouth.

"One…"

And then he peeled the fabric off my shoulder without further warning. He didn't pull with any intended roughness, but the shock alone caused me to bite down on the gag. I glared at him.

"Sorry. I thought it would be less painful if you weren't expecting it."

I pulled the gag out. "Well we're not trying it again to see if you were right."

I may be mistaken, but I think I saw the corner of his mouth lift in a smile. He sat on the bed beside me as he filled the bowl with water. Then he dipped a rag into it and gently placed it against my shoulder. I hissed at the contact. He went to pull his hand away, but I quickly placed mine over his.

"Just do it. It needs to be done."

Our eyes glanced down to our hands before flicking back up. I looked away and let my hand fall away from his, and he went on cleaning the blood away. He had to carefully reposition my bra strap so he could fully clean the affected area. Again, I had to ignore the way his fingers felt moving over my skin. We locked eyes again for a moment, and I knew it was affecting him too. I had to look away again as I felt my eyes begin to tear up.

When he had the area mostly clean, Madam Pomfrey came through the curtain with a cart of various bottles and supplies. Remus moved aside so she could begin inspecting the wound. She asked a few questions, of which Remus or I answered. Then she handed me a bottle of pain tonic. I downed it with a grimace.

"We have magic. You'd think we'd be able to make medicine taste good."

"It's cherry flavored," she replied.

"Have I ever mention how much I hate cherries because they taste like medicine?"

She rolled her eyes. Then she uncorked a vial and poured it over the wound. Thanks to the first tonic I couldn't feel anything. When I looked down, however, there was a glowing fizz over my shoulder.

"How are the kids?" I asked, looking back up.

"They've all been tended to. I sent Messrs. Longbottom and Porter back to their dorms as they alone seemed to have very minor injuries. Miss Granger came around long enough to take a potion, and Mr. Weasley is resting."

"What about Ginny and Luna?"

"Miss Weasley is resting as well. She should be well enough to be released in the morning. As for Miss Lovegood, well…I think she could do with a few more examinations."

"Just because she views the world a little differently doesn't mean there's something wrong with her."

"Really? Then tell me, what's a Wrackspurt?"

I laughed lightly. "I have no idea, but if she's talking about them, then she's fine.

"Oh, very well then. I can release her come morning too."

"Why not now?" Remus asked.

"She's sleeping now; let her sleep."

Madam Pomfrey turned her attention back to my shoulder then. "The spell cut deep, but there doesn't appear to be any long-lasting muscle damage. You will feel the effects of it for several days, though, in the form of stiffness and severe soreness. And it will leave a scar."

"Yeah, well, it's not like I don't know what it's like to have one of them is it?"

"You're free to stay here for tonight, or, if you like, you may return to your chambers here. Professor Sinistra decided to sleep in her old rooms."

"Oh? Good, because I wasn't able to pack everything. I figured I would simply come back after term to gather it. No offense to you, Poppy, but I would rather stay in my chambers."

"I thought you might, so I brought you these. Some more pain tonic, take every four hours as needed, and a sling for your arm. Wear it at all times. You don't want to risk causing further damage."

"Thank you, Poppy."

"Come back and see me tomorrow and we'll take another look at that arm."

"I will… I guess I'll come by before I leave or something."

I stood up and prepared to leave.

"There's one more thing, Katherine. As exquisite as you may look, might I suggest a shirt before wandering the halls?"

My eyes widened in slight horror. I was still in nothing but my jeans and bra. I flicked my wand to summon a shirt I had left behind.

"Though, I must say, it is rather pretty."

"And comfortable, that's always important. I have the matching knickers too, but I'm not wearing them. I _am_ wearing some, just not them. The whole set was on sale; I couldn't help it."

My shirt arrived then, a simple button down for ease, and floated before me. I was able to slip one arm in easily, but needed assistance with the other. Once dressed I turned to find Remus still standing there. I was sure he had left, and I suddenly felt slightly embarrassed for mentioning my knickers in front of him.

"Umm… thanks again, Poppy, I will see you tomorrow."

She nodded and stepped out. She opened the curtains as she went. I watched her bustle over to check on the kids. Remus, meanwhile, was still standing there waiting for me.

"I thought I might walk you back to your rooms."

I could tell there was something on his mind, and honestly… I didn't feel like being alone at the moment.

"Yeah…alright."

Our walk was a silent one. There was something heavy in the air between us, but I didn't have a mind to put a word to what that something may be. It was strange to be in the castle at that late…or early hour. I really wasn't sure what time it was. We came across no one ad nothing; not even the Ghosts were stirring.

When we came to my room, I opened the door easily to find it in the same state I left it in. I left the door open behind me for Remus, and went towards my cupboards where I kept some tea.

"Can I get you anything to drink? Some tea perhaps?"

"A cuppa would be nice, thank you."

I heard the door close behind him as he moved into the room. Meanwhile I went about trying to make tea with one arm. My left was tied up in the sling and the tonic had completely numbed it, so even if I did move it, I couldn't tell. There was a good bit of fumbling around as I tried to do it the Muggle way.

"Would you like some help?" Remus asked gently from behind me. I was too tired to be stubborn.

"Please."

I stepped aside and allowed him to take over. He carefully went about setting everything up. Then he pulled out his wand and gave it a wave. The tea made itself. I gave him a look.

"Smart arse."

"I didn't say anything," he defended.

"It was implied."

He laughed softly and what a sweet sound it was; it made me smile. He handed me my tea and we walked over to the sofa. We sat in silence for a bit, just sipping our tea. The unnamed heaviness fell between us again. I couldn't bear the weight of it.

"So…is this where we finish our conversation from earlier?" I asked.

Remus looked up, his eyes looking tired and red again.

"What?"

"You know…before this night started… you pulled me aside at the house. You wanted to talk, but is this really the best time to finish that?"

"No. No you're right. This isn't the best time for that. I do think we need to finish that conversation, but…later. This… this is about Sirius."

My ears were probably just playing tricks on me in the late-early hour, but I swear I heard him choke on his words.

"What…what about Sirius?" I asked cautiously.

"He…he's gone, Kate."

"What do you mean, 'gone?'"

I knew what it typically meant when somebody said someone was "gone," but I refused to believe it about Sirius. Remus didn't answer right away, so after taking a sip of my tea I began to fill in the blanks.

"Gone home? Gone on a mission?"

Remus still didn't speak, but he shook his head.

"Did those idiots at the Ministry send him back to Azkaban with the Death Eaters? I swear… Dumbledore will sort it out. We know the truth; we know he was innocent. He won't spend more than a few hours there…"

"No, Kate. He's _gone_ ," Remus said pointedly.

His eyes were truly red now, and I could see the effort it was taking for him to not break down. My breathing became labored. My own eyes blurred with tears. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be true. I didn't want to believe it.

"No. No this…this isn't…You're...No!"

Remus set his cup down and moved closer to me on the sofa. I didn't realize it, but I was already crying. He tentatively placed his hand on my knee.

"No… No, I… no…"

That seemed to be all I could say. I was at a loss for words. I couldn't comprehend what was going on at the moment. I felt something bump my shoulder and I realized it was Remus'. He was crying too. I placed my hand on his knee. He leaned into my side as I leaned into his, and for a moment we just cried together.

I really couldn't say how much time had passed. Time was a meaningless thing when your heart was breaking. When you felt your world crashing around you, when you felt as though you could never be whole again, then what good was time?

You couldn't go back in time to undo what had been done. Going forward in time wouldn't bring him back either. The pain, the emptiness death left behind may become easier to handle with time, but it would always be there.

Remus and I pulled apart, but we sat in silence unable to move. Our tea turned cold. Time moved on; we did not.

"How… how did…?"

"He… he was dueling Bellatrix… near the dais. She hit him with a spell and he…he fell."

"He fell?"

"Through the veil. There…there was nothing I could do. I…I wanted to go after him, but Harry...I had to hold Harry back."

His voice was cracking again. My hand, still on his knee, squeezed on its own accord. He looked at me for a moment before reaching in his pocket and pulling out Sirius' wand.

"He…dropped this before he fell through. It's all… it's all we have left of him."

I turned my eyes away from the black wand as though it offended me. I quickly grabbed our cups and took them back to the counter. I stood there for a moment, hot angry tears boiling up, unable to decide what I should do next. I heard Remus move behind me as he stood up.

"It's late. I should go," he said dejectedly.

"Go?" I turned around to face him. "And where will you go, Remus? Back to an empty house? Down to Hogsmeade to seek a favor from Rosemertta? Back to…" _your Dora?_ I thought.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "You should stay. Like you said, it's late. Just stay. The sofa sleeps well enough. I've napped there many times. I can even transfigure a blanket for you, if you'd like."

"I…"

"Please, just stay, because I don't think I can…"

Those hot and angry tears began to fall, and I was quickly becoming hysterical. Remus moved in quickly and placed his hands on my face.

"Hey. Hey, I'm here. All right? I'm here. I'll stay…for as long as you need me. I'll stay.

He pushed the hair out of my face, and I could feel my breath even out again. His eyes locked with mine. I could see the promise in them. He would stay, for as long as I needed him. How long might that be? It could have been the lack of sleep, the shock of death, or the pain tonic…or a combination of all three, but it felt like our heads were moving closer together.

"I need to shower," I said, turning away.

His hands fell from my face as he took a step back.

"Do you…need anything?" I asked.

He shook his head slowly. "No. I'll…. I'll be all right."

In the shower, I let the water run as hot as I could bear it. The slight burn on my skin was a welcomed distraction form the aching in my chest. My brother and my support were gone. Who could I turn to now?

As I stood under the scolding water, I hoped it would wash the night away. What I wouldn't give to go back, just a few hours, to see him once again. To hear him laugh once more. To have him tell me what an idiot I was for turning away from Remus just a moment ago.

Why had I turned away? He was offering me a reason, an excuse, a distraction from the pain and I turned him down. The look in his eyes had me burning on the inside. His words kept repeating in my head, like an endless loop.

 _"I'm here. I'll stay, for as long as you need me."_

And oh how I needed him. I needed him more than air, more than life; I needed him.

I stepped out of the shower, my skin red from the heat, my arm still numb from the tonic. I dried off as best I could and slipped into some knickers I had left behind. I didn't really have any clothes to sleep in so I decided to make do with a little silk robe. I flipped my head upside down to towel dry my hair. Figured it didn't really matter it looked like now; I could fix it in a few hours. Then I left the bathroom and stepped back into my bedroom.

Remus was standing in the doorway between my bedroom and my lounge. His eyes were red again and I could tell he had cried again too.

"Are you all right?" he asked softly as I slowly walked over.

"No. I'm so not all right, Remus."

I came to a stop just before him. We were a breath away. A single tear slid down my cheek and he brushed it away with his thumb. Then we stood there for a moment, with his thumb barely touching my cheek, and suddenly I knew. We needed each other. We may both regret it in the morning, but at the moment…

I didn't care.

* * *

 **I know some of you were hoping for a different fate for Sirius, and I'm sorry to disappoint...but somethings just have to happen. I toyed with the idea of Sirius somehow surviving, but it just didn't work. Kate's focus in the battle was completely on Dolohov and Jonathan. She was fighting for her son and didn't notice anything going on around her. Also...Kate needed the final push you see here. Without Sirius to turn to for comfort she is left to turn to Remus, and they really only know one way to comfort each other. Kate knows this could lead to a very messy complication, but like she says in the end...at the moment she doesn't care.**

 **I will be dividing this story into "parts". There are two chapters left for Part 1, and then I may take a week or two off before beginning Part 2. (Hey, I'm giving you like four chapters in a single week so don't complain!)**

 **Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated. Digital tissues will be issued to all who need them.**


	21. Coffee First

**Chapter 20**

 **Coffee First**

I don't know if the pain or the snoring woke me first, but when I woke I was disoriented for some time. I couldn't remember where I was. I didn't know why my left arm was searing with pain. And for the life of me, I couldn't place where that obnoxious snoring was coming from, because I knew it wasn't me.

I rolled on to my back and looked to my right. I was met with a head of sandy hair speckled with gray.

Slowly the events of the previous night began to come back to me. Harry and Jonathan had gone to the Ministry to fight Death Eaters. I had dueled Dolohov, which explained why my shoulder was hurting. And Remus had told me that Sirius… My throat constricted suddenly.

The snoring stopped as he rolled onto his back. The sheets shifted a little exposing a scared and bare chest. I noticed something was off about my clothes too. Remus' eyes were still closed so I took a quick peek to confirm my suspicions.

Yup. Neither of us were wearing **any** clothes. The rest of the night flooded my mind. Every look, every touch, every…

"Do you mind? You're letting in a draft."

I dropped the sheet, cheeks flaming red. I couldn't bring myself to meet his gaze. So I covered my face with my hand. What did we do?

"Well…first we kissed a little, then we…"

"Stop!" I cut him off. I hadn't realized I'd spoken aloud and now I was even more mortified. "I know _what_ we did, Remus. But… Merlin, what did we do?"

This wasn't happening. Please tell me this wasn't happening. I'm not this type of person. I'm not the sort to casually "hook-up" with my ex…especially when he's likely shagging another girl. I was weak. I was weak and vulnerable, and I needed comfort. That's all. It didn't have to mean anything more than that…

But Merlin! I wanted it to mean so much more.

I sat up and pulled the sheet tight around my body to cover up.

"Oi!" Remus gasped at the sudden departure of sheet.

"Oi yourself," I groaned and grabbed my arm. Every tiny movement of my shoulder sent a flare of pain through my whole arm.

"Where's your tonic?"

"In the lounge," I groaned.

"I'll go get it for you."

"No!" I shouted. The last thing I needed was his beautifully naked body walking around. "You stay…I'll..."

"Mum?"

My whole body froze. Even Remus had the decency to look horror-struck.

"All right, Mum?" Jonathan asked, but I was too paralyzed to speak. "I… I'm coming in."

The knob on the door turned slightly, jarring me from my shock.

"NO!" I threw out my arm as though that would stop him.

"Mum?"

"I…I'm all right. I… I'm just… not decent." I grimaced and I could feel Remus' eyes boring a hole in the side of my face.

"Just… Just stay there. I'll be out…" I began looking around for my wand. "…in a moment."

Finding my wand at last I scrambled for it, upsetting my arm severely and pulling the sheets off of Remus even more. I waved it at the door, quickly closing it and casting a silencing spell over it. Then I swore…loudly…because, I swear, it felt like my arm was falling off, Jonathan was standing just outside the door, and Good Merlin! Remus was still sitting naked on my bed, all calm and collected while I was freaking out.

"Where are my clothes?" I mumbled in panic as I frantically searched the floor around me.

"Well I, for one, think that you have on a very lovely toga dress."

"This is not the time to be smart, Remus," I hissed, scooping up my knickers.

I shimmied into them, rather painfully thanks to my arm, before stepping into my pants. The bra was exponentially more difficult, and I pulled the shirt on as quickly as I could.

"Umm…Kate, that's…"

"No!" I waved my wand and cast him in silence too. "I don't have time for your smart mouth right now. Just stay here and keep quiet. I'll get rid of him as fast as I can. And for good heavens, please, put some clothes on."

Satisfied with my state at last, I stepped through the smallest hole possible and closed the door behind me. Jonathan was standing in the middle of the room with his back towards my door. He turned around the moment the door clicked shut behind me. He eyed me curiously and I did my best at an innocent smile.

"Nice hair," he said at last.

I combed a hand through my hair, or tried to at least. It was a mass of knots and tangles. Looked like it was going to be an up-do day.

"Oh shut it, and come here."

I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him over to the counter with me. I waved my wand to begin making a cup of coffee before handing him a vial of pain tonic—priorities.

"Here, open this please."

He pulled the stopper out with a pop. I downed it and chased it with a hearty gulp of coffee. Almost immediately I could feel the numbing sensation take over my arm and free me of the pain. I took another, slower sip of coffee.

"There, that's better. Now, what can I do for you, Jonathan?"

He looked at me warily before shaking his head slightly.

"Do you know where Dad is?" he asked. "I was hoping to talk to the both of you."

"Your father? No. Why would I know where he is? No. I haven't seen him. No. Sorry."

"Really…?"

"Yes, really."

"…because Madame Pomfrey said he was with you."

"She did? Well I don't know why she would say that. When did she tell you that?"

"Just a moment ago. I went by the hospital wing because I thought you might be there. But she said you'd come here and that Dad left with you."

"Right…" Crap! Now what? "Right…Right, he did. Yeah…He… He walked me back here, and then he…left. He just left."

"He…left? Well, where did he go?"

"I don't know. You know what! Why don't you go down to breakfast in the Great Hall, and I'll see about tracking him down for you. Yeah? Brilliant. Let's go!"

I tried to steer him towards the door, but he was stubborn and wouldn't move easily.

"Mum, are you all right? You're acting a bit mental."

"You know, I could go for some breakfast too. Let's go together."

"What about Dad?"

"He's…."

"I'm right here, Jonathan," Remus said as he stepped out of the bedroom.

Jonathan whipped around so fast he almost knocked me off balance. Remus was leaning on the door frame, a smirk on his lips, and arms crossed over his bare chest. I suppose I should be happy he put pants on at least.

"Dad? What are you doing in Mum's bedroom?"

"And why aren't you wearing your shirt?" I asked, pinching the bridge of my nose.

Remus looked at me incredulously. "Because…you're wearing it."

I looked down at the shirt I was wearing with wide eyes. Sure enough, it was his. I'd been in such a hurry to get dressed I wasn't paying attention to what I was putting on. Jonathan looked between the two of us, his eyes growing wide with realization.

"Oh…" Then he crinkled his nose a bit as that realization took full affect. "Oh."

"Way to go, Remus. Now you've traumatized the boy."

"Honestly, Kate, I think your atrocious lying skills were traumatizing him more. It's a wonder James didn't figure us out."

"James was a daft idiot half the time. He couldn't recognize love unless it smacked him in the face and called him an arrogant toerag."

Silence filled the room for a moment. I'd used the "L-Word." I couldn't decipher the expression on Remus' face.

"So…" Jonathan began tentatively. "Does this mean you're back together?"

"Yes."

"No."

We answered at the same time and then just stared at each other. We couldn't believe the other had answered the way they did.

"Uhmmmm… You two might want to work on that," Jonathan said.

Remus sighed and moved away from the door frame. "There's a lot we need to work on. But you wanted to talk to the two of us?"

"Yeah… It's about last night?"

"Hang on," I said before quickly swallowing the last of my coffee. "I need another cup if we're going to discuss last night. You, Remus?"

"I could go for one, sure."

"I don't know how you guys drink that stuff," Jonathan said. He's always been strictly a tea-guy.

"I blame your father."

"Me? Why me?"

"Well… your mother, really." I handed him his cup. "I'd never had a cup until she introduced me to it that one summer, and now… I can't function in the morning without it."

I fixed Jonathan a cup of tea next and the three of us sat on the couch together. Jonathan was sandwiched between us.

"So, what about last night did you want to talk about?" I asked.

Jonathan did not answer immediately, and neither did he drink his tea. I looked over at Remus. I could see he was thinking the same thing I was: this was serious. We both set our coffees down on the table before us.

"I guess…I feel like I should have tried to stop him."

"Who? Harry?" I asked.

"Yeah. I mean, I did try, but I should have tried harder. If we had just stayed here then no one would have gotten hurt…and no one would have died."

My throat tightened again at the thought of Sirius.

"Harry is very headstrong, Jonathan. I'm sure there was little anyone could have done," Remus said.

"James was the same way," I added. "Lily too. There were very few people who could stop James when he had his mind set. Euphemia, Sirius, and eventually Lily gained some control."

"But if he felt his family was threatened, then all bets were off."

"Your father and I are the same way."

"So you're not mad that we went?"

"Mad? No," Remus said.

"Do we wish that there had never been a reason for you to go? Yeah," I said.

"Are we glad that even though you went you fought bravely? Absolutely."

"Do we wish that you all had left when we told you to? Of course."

"Are we surprised that you didn't leave and, in fact, stayed to fight?" Remus asked, looking at me.

I sighed. "No," I admitted grudgingly. "Look, we're you're parents, Jonathan. We love you and we want to keep you safe, but the truth of the matter is: had you acted any differently…"

"…then you wouldn't be our Son," Remus finished.

Jonathan nodded, but I could tell there was still something bothering him.

"What else is on your mind?"

"He… he knows, doesn't he? Dolohov. He knows about you."

I nodded slowly this time. "Yeah, he figured it out."

"Because of me?"

"No!" I said quickly. "No, because of me. Because I dueled him."

"Yeah, but…how? How did he figure it out from that?"

"Well… When I managed to escape him, back in sixth year, it was with the help of my mother. He cast the killing curse at me, but she stepped in front of it. She sacrificed her life for mine. Her sacrifice created this protection spell over me."

"Like Lily's did for Harry?" he asked.

"Yes, a lot like that actually. However, Voldemort wasn't able to harm Harry at all. It's a little different for me. Because I'm as much his daughter as I was my mother's, Dolohov can't hurt me without causing the same harm to himself. So last night, when his spell hit my shoulder, it caused an identical wound to his shoulder. That's how he figured out who I was."

"So then it is my…"

"No!" I cut him off quickly. "It could have been any one of you up there dueling him and I would have done the same thing."

Jonathan nodded and turned towards Remus next.

"And he knows you're my Dad."

"Well… it's no surprise that we have similar features."

"Similar features," I muttered. "You could be brothers."

"Annnnd," he continued with a pointed look and a slight smirk my way. "He knew your mother and I were dating back then."

"Of course he was quite disappointed to discover that not only was his Muggle-loving daughter still alive, but also dating a half-blood who's Mum was a Muggle. Oh, the scandal."

"So he didn't know about the wolf back then?" Jonathan asked.

"No, but thanks to a sniveling snake, now he does."

"So, by default he now knows that I'm the son of a werewolf?"

"Yes, you are the son of a werewolf and a crazy star fanatic who never learned to view Muggles as being less than herself. You are also the greatest thing to ever happen to either of us, and there is nothing, I repeat, nothing we would change about you."

Jonathan, sensing that the conversation was becoming a little too serious, smirked and said. "You're such a Mum sometimes."

"And damn proud to be yours." I ruffled his hair and gave him a very wet, mother kiss to his forehead.

"Mummm," he whined as he pulled away and rubbed his sleeve over his head. Remus chuckled.

I leaned forward to reach for my coffee, but I grimaced and grabbed my arm instead.

"Is it hurting again already? Did you take your tonic?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, I took it. It's not so much painful as it is just…uncomfortable. I think I need my sling."

"You mean the sling that Madame Pomfrey told you to wear at all times so as to not cause further damage to your arm?"

"No. The sling I'm going to whack you upside the head with if you don't shut it."

I stood up and began heading towards my bedroom. Remus called after me.

"While you're in there, how about you give me back my shirt?"

"Why don't you come get it yourself?" I responded automatically. It took a moment for those words to fully process in my head. And when they did, I froze.

"Muuuummmm! I'm still in here, you know."

"I think there's something funny in that tonic, or maybe it just doesn't mix well with coffee."

Thankfully, Remus spared me more embarrassment by not saying anything _and_ by not following me. I did change shirts and slip into my sling, but then I tried to tame my hair too. Brushing it with one hand while it was as matted as it was, did not work. I had to resort to charming it into a messy bun. Once that was sorted, I returned to the lounge where Remus and Jonathan were still talking, and tossed Remus his shirt. No sooner had Remus finished pulling it on and there was knock at my door.

I slipped on the illusion before opening the door. Not everyone at Hogwarts knew me as Kate, and they might question a strange woman in Professor Porter's chambers. Although, not _everyone_ knew where Professor Porter's chambers were either.

"Harry," I greeted with a small smile, before I opened the door wider for him to enter and let the illusion fall once more.

He looked around and nodded at Remus and Jonathan, but he didn't say anything. When he looked back at me, I saw the pain in my heart reflected in his eyes.

"Oh, Harry," I choked out. I pulled him close with one arm and hugged him. Then I kissed the top of his head. He hugged me back with fervor.

"Sirius…" he choked.

"I know. I know, but he'll never leave us for good. He's far too stubborn for that." We pulled apart a little. "This summer we'll do something for him, alright." I brushed my hand through his hair. "I don't know where, or when, or how, but… we will do something."

Harry nodded and I discreetly rubbed my thumb over his cheek, wiping away a tear. His eyes seemed to zero in on my shoulder and he nodded his head towards it.

"You're hurt."

"It's nothing," I said with a shake of my head. "It's nothing you should worry about."

"Who did it?"

"I said don't worry about it."

"It was Dolohov," Jonathan said. He stood up and walked over. "Dolohov did it, and now he knows who she is."

They both cast me a look; the familiarity of it made me smile. I looked over at Remus and saw him smile too.

"We haven't eaten yet, Harry. Would you like to join us?" I asked.

"No thanks. I don't really feel like eating."

"I know…which is precisely why you should, and I won't take no for an answer."

Harry smiled slightly, and nodded. "Alright then. How do you get the food here?"

I looked towards Remus with a grin and called, "Binky!"

A moment later there was a pop as the old house-elf Binky appeared in my living lounge. She was much the same as when I first met her. She was wearing the traditional Hogwarts robe, her ears were long and floppy, and her eyes were wide with wonder. She looked up at me and those eyes suddenly filled with watery tears, and she smiled.

"Oh! Mistress Potter! Binky is so pleased to see you again."

"Thanks; yours is always a lovely face to see too. Oh, and I have a guest you might be interested in seeing." I pointed behind her to where Remus sat. It only took her a second to recognize him.

"Master Lupin!" she squeaked in a loud, joyful tone. Remus chuckled and held out his hands as she waddled over to him. She bowed low and kissed his hands numerous times, little squeaks of laughter trickling out every so often. Jonathan and Harry looked on in amusement.

"Oh, Master Lupin, you is as handsome as ever," she said.

"Thank you, Binky. And you are as gracious, and generous as I remember."

"Oh, Master Lupin is too kind to dear old Binky. You is too kind."

"And as usual, I am nothing when Master Lupin is around," I muttered for the boys alone. "You see, all the boys had their own…special house-elf."

"Don't tell Hermione," Harry said. "She'll go into a rant about elf rights and ask you to join Spew."

"She's already tried. I turned her down, and I still don't think she's forgiven me for that. Anyways," I turned my attention back to Remus. "Master Lupin, if you don't mind…"

He looked up and smirked. "Ah, yes. Sorry. Binky, if you could be so kind as to bring us a breakfast for four, we would appreciate it."

"Of course. Of course. Binky is happy to serve Master Lupin again. Binky shall bring you a grand breakfast, Sir."

And with another pop, Binky disappeared.


	22. Doesn't Have to Mean More

**Chapter 21**

 **Doesn't Have to Mean More**

The four of us sat down to breakfast together at the table I usually enlarged for Christmas dinner. It was a small breakfast as none of us really felt like eating much, but it was a decent breakfast. I couldn't help admiring how nice it was to have all three of them there. Then my throat constricted when my head said it should have been the _four_ of them with me.

After Remus vanished the empty plates back to the kitchen, Harry decided it was time to leave. He wanted to go to the hospital wing to see how the others were doing. I watched him wistfully; Remus noticed.

"What are you thinking, Kate?" he asked. I looked at him and pulled my lips between my teeth for a moment before answering.

"That he shouldn't be forced to spend all summer with the Dursleys again."

"He didn't. He spent half of it at Grimmauld Place," Remus reasoned.

"Only because he was attacked by Dementors and had to perform illegal magic. I really don't want his summer to be interrupted by another hearing." I heaved a sigh. "He doesn't need to be alone right now. He needs to be with someone who cares. And if that can't be me, then… I know Molly will take him in."

"And why can't it be you?"

"Besides the fact that I don't really know where I'm living at the moment? I've argued the point with Dumbledore many times, but the man won't budge."

"Do you mean 'Katherine' argued the point?"

"I…"

I hesitated. That was precisely what had happened. Katherine had always argued for Harry, but it had been a long time since Kate fought for him. Remus, in all his wisdom, knew this, and he was making his point. I could read the look in his eyes. Katherine had come about because I needed a disguise, a way to hide from my father. But he knew now; Dolohov had seen Katherine for what she was. So maybe…maybe it was time to bid her farewell.

I stood from the table abruptly.

"Where are you going?" Remus asked.

"To have a little chat with the Headmaster, about getting my nephew out of that hell-hole he calls home," I replied.

I left my rooms and began heading towards the Headmasters only to be flanked by Remus and Jonathan a moment later.

"Something tells me I need to be there to reign you in if need be," Remus said.

We walked along fairly easy. The corridors weren't too crowded at that time as most were out enjoying the sun and the break from exams. It was as we neared the Entrance Hall that we came across the largest cluster of students, but even most of them ignored our passage. Most…not all.

"Professor Porter!" a thick Irish accent called out.

Even though I wasn't using the illusion, after nearly sixteen years as Katherine Porter it was only natural that I turned around in response. I found none other than Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan in the hall, the latter of which was looking at me curiously. I stood and waited to see if he'd figure it out. It took a moment, but a cheeky grin curled over his mouth and he began to clap.

"Brilliant, Professor!"

I rolled my eyes. "To class, Mr. Finnegan."

"Classes are released for the day."

"Then to Hogsmeade," I said before turning to carry on my way.

"It's a little disturbing how much he likes you, Mum. I mean, you're literally old enough to be his mum."

"Gee thanks, Son."

"Well…he's not wrong," Remus added.

"That's enough, from the both of you. It's just a little crush. He's harmless. Besides, Jonathan, it's no different than your crush on Charity Burbage."

"I… I… _that_ was years ago. I grew out of it; he hasn't."

"A little secret, Jonathan, women never grow out of a little extra attention," Remus said.

"Wow. That's the second time you've been right today," I teased.

We didn't come across anyone else who took notice of us along the way. When we reached the stone gargoyle it was to find that the spiral staircase was already activated. Someone was already visiting Dumbledore.

"Do we go up, or…" Jonathan stopped short at the sound of footsteps coming down.

The staircase wasn't wide enough for two people, so we waited at the bottom for whoever was coming down. His hooked nose came into view first followed by his curtain of greasy black hair. His eyes scanned over us; a sneer spread over his face.

"Traveling in a pack now, are you?"

I pounced faster than he could react. With a low growl I had him pinned against the wall, wand discreetly aimed at his mid-section.

"Kate!" Remus jumped up beside us and tried to pull me back.

"I warned you, Severus," I hissed.

"They boy is fine," he replied, head nodding quickly towards Jonathan.

"The warning wasn't exclusive to Jonathan nor to Harry. What about the three who are laid up in hospital now?"

"Kate, really, you can't do this here," Remus warned softly, and I knew his eyes were darting around.

I could feel the anger boiling inside me. So much had happened this year that I wasn't able to let Leo out much. She hated being caged. And she hated it even more when those she protected were harmed in any way.

"Kate, that's enough."

Remus' voice was soft and gentle. With his hand on my arm he slowly pulled me away. Snape straightened up and smoothed out his robes.

"You are fortunate the boy is here, Potter."

"I rather think you're fortunate that Remus is here to pull be back."

His lip curled up in disgust as he began to walk away.

"A leopard protects what is hers!" I called after him.

"Kate, was that necessary?" Remus asked, looking slightly disappointed.

"Well I think Sirius would be proud, and you should be too."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't punch him in the face like I wanted to."

I turned and began walking up the stairs.

"Wow, Mum. I didn't know you were such a bad…"

"Jonathan!" I said, cutting him off.

"What? You can almost curse Snape…oh alright… _Professor_ Snape in front of me, but I can't use the word a…"

"Exactly!" I cut across him again.

"How is that even fair?"

"Because… I'm your mother."

"That makes no sense."

"If you're confused about the process, I'd be happy to…"

"Ew! Stop! You win, alright."

Remus chuckled behind us and I grinned. I loved being a Mum. Reaching the top of the staircase, I raised my hand to knock, but the door swung open before I could. I jumped a little bit. For some reason, that always got to me.

"Ah! Miss Potter," Dumbledore greeted from across the room where he was feeding Faux. "Please, come in. What can I do for you?"

I began to make my way across the room; Remus and Jonathan were behind me still.

"Oh! I see you brought Mr. Lupin and Mr. Porter along with you."

"Actually, Sir," Jonathan began. "It's Lupin."

There was an intense silence that followed. Remus looked taken aback and about ready to pass out. He quickly pulled out a chair and sat with his head in his hands.

"I mean… that is, if it's alright with you." He looked at the two of us. Remus was still sitting with his head bowed. "Dad?"

Remus lifted his head to reveal teary eyes. "Are…are you sure?"

"Yeah, I am. I don't want to hide it anymore. I'm not ashamed to be your son."

"I…I don't know what to say," Remus choked out.

I was speechless too, so I did the only thing I could think of. I took the two steps towards Jonathan and gave him a teary kiss to the top of his head.

"I am so proud of you," I murmured into his hair. Then I looked to Remus. "We shouldn't be surprised, really. He is _our_ son."

I turned my attention to Dumbledore next. "Will it be an issue?"

"Nothing that cannot be handled," the Headmaster replied. I'm almost certain that I saw tears in his eyes too. "Now, Kate," he continued pointedly. "Was there more you wished to discuss?"

"What? Oh! Yes, sorry Professor. I…I wasn't prepared for this." I took a moment to wipe my eyes and regain my composure before continuing. "I came here on behalf of Harry. After the events of last night, he shouldn't be sent to people who don't understand the pain he's feeling. He needs to be with someone who understands, someone who loves him.

"I know I've asked for this every year, but this time I'm not asking as a concerned neighbor or a Professor. I'm here as his Aunt. Harry needs to be with his family, and having a common blood-line does not make you family."

Dumbledore sighed and folded his hands together on the desk before him. He then peered at me over his glasses.

"You understand why he must return to the Dursleys."

I nodded tearfully. "I do."

"I don't," Jonathan said.

"I'll explain later," I said, turning to him momentarily before turning back to Dumbledore. "How long does he need to be there for the spell to be fortified? I know it's not all summer."

There was a slight pause before he answered, and when he did I could hardly believe it.

"I'm sorry? Can you repeat that?"

"Two weeks should be sufficient. Is that soon enough for you?"

"I…two…" I cleared my throat. "Two weeks is good."

"Then it is agreed. Harry will return to the Dursleys for two weeks, and then he may be allowed to spend the remainder of his summer…elsewhere."

"Right…yeah. Yes; that sounds good."

I was a little lost for words. I'd spent years arguing to get Harry out of the Dursleys and now…finally, it was happening. It wasn't permanent, I'm sure. Harry would likely have to return there again next year, but two weeks was a lot better than two months. At least now he'd have a time on when he could leave. That ought to make it more bearable.

"However," Dumbledore began. "Harry cannot yet know about it. He must believe he is going there to stay; he must consider it home for the magic to work."

Of course there had to be a catch to it.

"At least for a while. Once he is back there, then we may inform him of his short stay. Is this agreeable?"

I sighed. "A little less so, but…yes; it is agreeable. Thank you, Professor."

I looked over at Jonathan and Remus to indicate that it was time to go. Remus stood up, still looking confounded and mesmerized by Jonathan's proclamation.

"Oh! And, Miss Potter, before you go…" I turned back to Dumbledore; he was smiling broadly this time, and his eyes twinkled. "It appears that I once again have an open position for Astronomy."

"What about Professor Sinistra?"

"Aurora made it quite clear in her contract that she would only fill in temporarily, or, more specifically, until the end of term. Would you be interested in returning to your post as Professor?"

"I…Yes. Please, and thank you."

We left the office soon after, and my head was reeling. I was returning to Hogwarts as a Professor, Jonathan wanted to tell the world he was a Lupin, and Harry was getting to leave the Dursleys early. Ok, yes, he'd been leaving the Dursleys early for the last four years, but _this_ time it would be planned. But… where would he go? Where was I going to go for that matter?

The magic protecting Harry at Privet Drive ensured that he couldn't be found by people who wanted to hurt him; the same couldn't be said about me. I wasn't foolish enough to believe that Dolohov was going to stay in Azkaban. Now that the wizarding community knew that Voldemort had returned, then he wouldn't be holding back anymore. It was going to be an all our war, and I knew his Death Eaters would soon be free again.

So, with my secret now out to Dolohov and Peter possibly knowing where I lived, Privet Drive was no longer safe for me. And with Sirius' death the status of Grimmauld Place was in question; it wouldn't be safe for anyone there until we knew who had ownership of it. It appeared I was temporarily homeless once more.

Jonathan left us along the way to return to Gryffindor Tower and his friends. I thought Remus was going to leave too once we neared the Entrance Hall, but he didn't. Instead he followed me back to my room. In the slight awkward silence the permeated the air, I looked around the room to find that a house elf, or elves, had already come by to clean. The little buggers were such a time saver; I'd have to be sure to leave a note of thanks again.

"So…" Remus began, breaking the silence. I'd almost forgotten he was there….almost. "Can we talk now?"

I really wasn't in the mood to have my heart ripped out. "I don't know. We really don't have the best track record for talking."

"Kate," he sighed. "Please."

I sighed too before turning to face him. I really, _really_ wasn't in the mood, but his eyes looked so pleading. And something told me that if we didn't do this now, then we never would.

"Alright, let's talk. Shall we begin with last night?" I pointed towards the bedroom door in case he needed reminding. He looked a bit guilty.

Good.

After our fallout years ago, I learned that the best way to keep something like that from happening again was to protect my heart so that no one ever got close enough to do it; it was one of the reasons why I never even tried to date again. I wanted to protect my heart now, to shut him down before he could shut me down, but his earlier response of "yes" had me questioning whether or not that was the best thing to do.

"You think one night together warrants labeling us as 'back together?'" I asked.

"You don't?" he retorted.

I wanted to snap back that of course I wanted it to but I didn't expect anything from him. But he looked so hurt, and I was exhausted from all the back and forth between us.

"Honestly, Remus… I don't know what to think about us anymore. We were mostly cold during the summer, but since March we've been all over the place. I'm tired of it. You know, last night… Last night doesn't have to be more than what it was. It can just be two consenting adults who were mourning and needed comfort; with our history, it's no surprise that comfort came the way it did. It doesn't have to mean more."

I choked back tears. Perhaps if I said it enough times, then I could convince myself as well.

"Right," he said with a nod, and I thought I was going to lose my resolve. I didn't want him to agree… did I?

"We can play it like that," he continued. "If that's what you want. But quite frankly, Kate… that's not what _I_ want."

"And wat do you want, Remus? What do you want?"

There was a slight pause as he looked at me as though surprised to see that I didn't already know.

"You. I want _you_ , Kate," he said. "That's what I've been trying to tell you for the past week, but you wouldn't talk to me."

"I…I thought… What about your precious Dora?"

"My? Dora?"

"I'm not blind, Remus," I nearly shouted through my tears. "I've seen the way look at her, and everyone's seen the way she looks at you. There's something there; I know there is. And last week… I saw the two of you together in your room."

"You saw…" Then he laughed lightly, leaving me utterly confused. "What you saw, Kate, was Dora telling me to go for it with you. She was encouraging me to tell you how I feel."

"What?"

Had Sirius really been right this whole time? Had I really been that far off from the truth? It was almost too good to be true.

"Dora…she's a brilliant witch, you know. She's young and often underestimated, but she's brilliant. She's talented, a skilled fighter, and…"

"If you're trying to convince me that you're _not_ in love with her, you're doing a bang up job of it."

He smiled and carried on. "She's insightful, too, and she knew… She knew before I did, and she made me see."

"What? What did she know?"

My head was filled with a distant buzzing noise. And my heart was skipping every other beat. Remus just locked his eyes with mine, still smiling softly as though his words were relieving him of a hundred kilos. He slowly closed the distance between us; I couldn't move.

"What did she know, Remus?" I whispered softly, as he brushed a finger across my cheek.

"She knew that I loved you…that I'm _in love_ with you and have been for the last twenty years."

I closed my eyes, and breathed through my nose; still unable to move. "So you…you two…you weren't…"

"Shagging?" he asked with a slight laugh. "No."

I shook my head. "There was something there; I know there was."

"There…There was the possibility for something to be there, and I can't deny that I considered it for a bit."

Honesty. I was receiving honesty, and I opened my eyes at last to look at him.

"Maybe," he continued. "Maybe in a world where you didn't exist, she and I could have been something great. But I don't want to think of a world without you, Kate. I've already lived it, and I was miserable."

He cupped my face in his hands and brushed both thumbs over my cheeks, wiping away my falling tears.

"But you… you call her…Dora."

 _Why couldn't I just accept the fact that he was choosing me? Why couldn't I take his words of 'I love you' for what they were? Why was I continuing to doubt and question him?_

He simply laughed. "So does her father, and that simple knowledge reminds me of the age difference every time I use it. I think, subconsciously, it may have been _why_ I used it. You know… for a while, I thought you were shagging Sirius."

"What?!" I pulled back slightly in shock. "Ew! That's…that's disgusting. He's my brother."

"But not quite so ridiculous, you know. He was spending every night in your room… where you both slept. So really… you were _sleeping_ together."

"Yes…" It was my turn to laugh softly. "He sleeps in my room…as Padfoot, because after twelve years in Azkaban that's the only way he finds any sleep."

I choked out a sob as I realized I was still using the present tense for him.

"I know," Remus nodded and leaned his forehead against mine. "I know."

We stayed like that for a moment, in a quiet reverence. Until, without warning, we both looked up and we kissed. It felt like I was flying. Every part of me felt light and tingly, and I wished to go on feeling like that for days, years even. He stepped in closer, his hands curling in my hair, our bodies pressed together, and… pain flared in my arm.

"Ow," I breathed and pulled out of the kiss slightly.

He removed a hand from my hair to hover just over my arm.

"Sorry," he said.

I shook my head. "It's worth it."

And then I kissed him again. That same lightness was back in an instant. We kissed until my arm said it was enough, and Remus pulled back.

"You still need to see Madame Pomfrey," he said.

"I will, but please…just a little more?"

He chuckled and I could feel his chest vibrating with it. "How can I say no?"

This time we pulled out of the kiss together. We leaned our foreheads together again.

"Moveinwithme," he said in a rush.

"What?"

"I…" He let out an almost nervous breath. "I want you to move in with me. You and Jonathan of course. And maybe…maybe Harry can come too after his time with the Dursleys. You'd like that…wouldn't you?"

"Yeah…very mush so. But…are you sure?"

He nodded. "We lived together all last summer, and for the last three months."

"Yes, but… Sirius was there too."

"Please, Kate. I…I don't want to spend another moment without you. I love you; please say you'll move in with me. We…we can find another place if you like, a bigger place, a nicer place…"

I shook my head against his. "No. The cottage will be perfect. You know I never needed much, as long as you were there."

"So you'll…"

"Yes. I will. Because I love you too."

He smiled and we kissed again. This time the pain became too much to ignore.

"Come on," he said, still smiling. "Take your tonic and let's get you back to Madame Pomfrey."

I nodded, but I didn't want to pull away from him.

 **End Part 1**

 **Eeeeeeeep! (maybe? yeah?)**

 **I have been working up to this moment for a looooong time, and at times, it felt like it would never get here. I do hope it lives up to expectations. Please, tell me what you think. Loved it? Hated it? Thought it was meh?**

 **So this is the end of Part 1. I may take a week or two before posting the next chapter. It won't be long. Kate and Remus do not end here. We still have 2 school years left to cover, and I have so many things in store for them. I'm excited. I hope you are too.**


	23. Interlude: A New Normal

**Hi yawl! Yup...I'm baaaaaack! I hope you enjoy this little interlude. It came to me about half-way through one of the new chapters, and I wanted to share it. It takes us back to Kate in her school days, and I feel it kind of sets the mood for the remainder of the story. I'm thinking about posting the next full chapter tomorrow; we'll see how it goes. (It's my birthday (and Sirius'), so I may be busy with dinner and a movie.)**

* * *

 **Part 2**

 **Interlude:**

 **A New Normal**

 _ **24 May 1977**_

I took what was becoming my new usual seat between Remus and Sirius and across from James and Lily. I'd been back at school for a little over two weeks now, and things were far from the way I wanted them. Normal.

I wanted to blend in like I used to. I didn't want everyone to know my name. I didn't want to pass someone in the hall, have them see me, and have them whisper behind their hand to their friend before they both looked back at me. The looks they gave me were different depending on what house they were in.

The Gryffindors looked at me with pride and an almost congratulatory look as though to say, "Yeah, she's one of ours." The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were usually a mix of awe and wonder and mild loathing, leaning mostly to the former. The Slytherins, however, all looked at me with extreme loathing and often provided a few snide comments whenever they saw me.

Word had spread through the house of snakes that I was really Persephone Dolohov, daughter of the notorious Antonin Dolohov a vicious Death Eater and one of Voldemort's most loyal followers. It was also known that I was a great disappointment, a Muggle lover, and responsible for my own mother's death…so they said. I was also being held accountable for Mulciber and Rosier no longer being at school, never mind the fact that they left on their own accord before they could be expelled.

I didn't want to be known for that. I didn't want to be known at all.

As I took my seat at the breakfast table, I sat as low as I possibly could. James and Sirius were laughing about Merlin only knows what, while Lily and Remus were deep in conversation. Remus' thumb traced over the back of my hand as he held it. If there's one thing I was grateful for, it was Remus.

He didn't ask questions, though I knew he wanted to. He quickly shut Peter down when he tried to ask. And whenever he heard any kind of slur towards me he was the first to react; he delivered a particular nasty boil hex to Avery just the other day. (Flitwick had been standing right there but he was "looking the other way" and Remus had cast the spell silently.) So despite the Slytherins' persistence, Remus got away with it. Moreover, Remus never missed a moment to let me know he was there, even if it was as simple as rubbing his thumb over my hand.

"Kitty-Kate!"

"Don't call me that, Black," I said with a roll of my eyes.

"Well, you weren't answering to Leo," Sirius replied. "Anyway… Petie was talking to you."

"Oh? Sorry, Pete. I…" I let my voice fade out. I'd zoned out…again. It seemed to happen quite a lot. Yet another thing that wasn't….normal.

"'S okay," he said with a shrug of his shoulder like it was no big deal. "I was just asking how the porridge was today."

"Why would I know?"

The next few seconds that passed were a strange few. Our little group fell completely silent. Remus, instead of rubbing my hand, squeezed it lightly. They were all watching me with curious, concerned eyes as I scooped another spoonful of eggs into my mouth.

"Because," Peter began. "You're…"

Suddenly the eggs in my mouth were no longer eggs, but a gritty mush.

"…eating it."

I slowly lowered my eyes to the table before me. I wholeheartedly expected to see a plate of eggs and bacon with a slice of toast on the side. To my utter horror though, all I found was a bowl of gritty porridge…plain, without even a hint of cinnamon.

The spoon fell from my hand as though trapped in a freezing charm and clattered to the table, shooting up the porridge it was holding. I took in a few deep breaths, hoping to steer off the sick that was rising. A low, deep humming filled my ears and my head began to spin. I knew it was no good.

I was on my feet and halfway down the table before they knew what was happening. I ignored their calls as I made a mad-dash for the nearest toilet, a hand pressed firmly against my mouth. Upon finding one, I slammed the stall door shut behind me and bent over the bowl to forcefully expel the vile monstrosity I'd unknowingly consumed. I went as far as shoving my fingers down my throat to ensure that I'd gotten every last drop of it, for I wanted nothing to do with it.

When the violent contractions of my stomach became nothing more than dry heaves, I flushed it all away. Then I sat with my back to the stall wall, knees to my chest, and hands buried deep in my hair. I rocked slowly as I cried alone. Images of my capture flashed through my head in broken segments. I'd found, in the time since I'd escaped, that there was no real way to fight the images. I simply had to dig in and wait for them to fade. "Digging in" usually consisted of digging my fingers into my hair and pulling until the pain overcame the images. These were the sort of things James didn't, _couldn't_ know about, and the things Remus just seemed to know and understand.

By the time the images began to fade enough to function and the pain in my head was just a dull throb, we were well into first period. But I didn't care. I clamored to my feet, bracing myself against the stall as my knees nearly buckled beneath my weight. Then I wobbled out to the sinks and turned the cold faucet on.

I splashed my face a few times before chancing a look in the mirror. The whites of my eyes were almost completely red, but that was to be expected. I turned my head slightly to the side and ran a finger along the scar that now graced my jaw-line. Thanks to a bit of healing magic, it no longer hurt to touch, but I knew it would always be there.

I was unaware of the room's second occupant until I saw the reflection of their movement in the bottom corner of my mirror. I pulled a towel from the wall to dry my hands and face before turning around to face a rather solemn looking Professor McGonagall.

Neither of us spoke for a while. She had been sitting on the windowsill, my schoolbag at her feet, so I knew she had heard most (if not everything) that had gone on in the stall. She didn't ask if I was alright. She didn't ask to know what set me off. She simply stood there, head held high, back straight, and hands crossed at the wrist before her. Her gaze was deep and penetrating, like she was watching the images that still flickered in the back of my mind. And for some reason, I found myself divulging what happened to her even though I hated talking about it.

"I had porridge. It wasn't very good porridge, mind you. It was plain, unadorned, tasteless, and cold… But it's all she'd bring me. Every day… a single bowl of porridge."

I paused to swipe at the tears that had begun to fall again.

"I tried to make it last, to stretch it out, only having a few spoons at a time. But it never seemed to be enough…until it was. She… She said it was my favorite. If it was, it's not now. I hate porridge."

I wiped at my eyes again before locking my gaze with hers.

"Care to hazard a guess at what I had for breakfast just now?"

Her eyes fluttered closed and she bowed her head slightly.

"Yeah…" I said, choking back a sob. "The worst part of is, though, is that I didn't even know… I didn't realize… I thought I was eating eggs and toast, until Peter called it out and I had to…"

I waved my hand to the toilet, knowing she could piece together the rest.

"I…I'm so sick of this. I… I'm ready to move beyond all of this. When? When will I be through with it? When will I have my nights back when I'm not plagued by reoccurring images? When…When will things just go back to how they were? When will things just be normal again?"

My voice had steadily risen until I was nearly shouting my questions at her, but she didn't respond the way you'd think a Professor would respond to being shouted at by a student. She didn't raise her voice back at me. She didn't demand an apology or try to reprimand me. She simply continued to stand there…straight backed, wrists crossed, and gaze locked on mine.

"They won't, Miss Potter," she said very plainly, but not without emotion.

"Things will never return to what they once were."

Her words had my tears stopping at the surface. She wasn't trying to sugarcoat her answer or tell me that it was all going to be all right and that I just had to give it some time. No. She was being honest with me, straight forward, almost as though I was her peer and not her mentee.

"They cannot, nor should they, Miss Potter, for you are not the same girl you were before the kidnapping. Neither are you the same girl as when the Order found you.

"We are in a constant state of change. Everything we do, every decision we make, every action that is done by us or to us causes us to change. Most of the time these changes are so minute we cannot recognize them, but occasionally we come across something so momentous that the change it creates is sudden and off-putting. It upsets our balance, but we cannot let it defeat us, Miss Potter. You… you are a cat, and a cat always lands on her feet. You must simply create your new normal."

Something about her speech was riveting. It stirred inside me, renewing my strength and propelling me forward. I wiped at my eyes with both hands and nodded.

"Right… A new normal… where do I begin?"

"I wish I could answer that for you, Miss Potter, but I cannot." She sounded more sympathetic then, like she truly wanted to help but couldn't.

"You can start, I suspect, by taking the rest of the day to compose yourself." She held out my bag to me, and I took it with a slow shake of my head.

"Thanks, Professor, but I…I don't think that will do. I… I think it will only serve to do the opposite of what I want. I don't want any special treatment."

"Very well then. I believe you are missing Herbology right now?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Skipping class for any reason is unacceptable behavior, Miss Potter. I shall see you Friday night at seven sharp for your detention."

My lips twitched into a very slight smile. "Yes, Professor."

She gave a curt nod and headed towards the exit. "Oh, and Miss Potter, let's not make this detention thing your new normal. You are much better than that."

With those final words she left. I stayed only a moment more before heading to class myself.


	24. New Beginnings

**Whelp...here we go. It's my birthday so here's my gift to you. (It's Sirius' bday too, and if he was still alive he'd be 58 today!)**

* * *

 **Chapter 22**

 **New Beginnings**

 _ **22 June 1996**_

Remus paced around the little cottage frantically, cleaning as he went. While waiting at the train station to pick up Jonathan, Molly—having already been informed that he and Kate were getting back together and that Kate and Jonathan were moving in with him—had suggested to Remus that he send Jonathan over to the Burrow so that he and Kate could have some time to sort things out.

Jonathan and Remus had both agreed; Jonathan had agreed a little more enthusiastically. Remus thought that Jonathan's presence would make Kate more at ease, but he also knew it was a good idea for him and Kate to have the time alone.

Now, Remus was left in a frantic panic trying to make sure the cottage was perfect. He was nervous, really nervous. Like… a hundred lacewing flies buzzing around in his stomach, nervous. It had been a week since he and Kate agreed to get back together, and as much as he wanted this he _really_ didn't want to muck it up again.

As the hours ticked on while he waited for her to arrive, he couldn't help but wonder: what if something happened to her on her way there? It was a ridiculous notion, he knew. She was apparating, and she was a brilliant witch who never had trouble with apparition. But…what if she decided to go somewhere else first and something happened to her there? Or what if she decided not to come at all?

"She wouldn't do that," Remus said aloud to himself.

 _"But what if she did?"_ his inner doubt argued.

"No! Get it together, Lupin."

The room was filled with a gentle buzzing noise and Remus whipped his head around towards the door. The perimeter alarm had been triggered; someone was approaching. Remus drew his wand and stepped out onto the porch.

Kate stood on the other side of the protective threshold, unable to move closer. She looked tired and perhaps a little nervous herself, but she was beautiful. Remus almost rushed forward and broke the protective charm, but she had her wand ready too and he knew that if he did rush to her, she wouldn't hesitate to hex him.

"You once said I gave you the greatest gift anyone could give. What was it?" Remus asked, moving forward slowly.

Kate's lips spread into a soft smile as she recalled that particular memory.

"It was my seventeenth birthday, and you took me to the Room of Requirement. You gave me the stars; you showed me skies I had never seen before, and I showed you the moon."

Remus lowered his wand and joined her outside the barrier.

"That was the moment I knew I loved you, but I was too afraid to say it."

"And I knew I loved you when you said to hell with James, let's do this. And then you gave me one of the best snoggings to date."

She laughed softly, and he smiled. He kissed her forehead and pulled her in close. He loved how her head fit so perfectly in the curve of his neck. As cliché as it sounds, they were like to halves which fit seamlessly together to make a whole. He heard her let out a content sigh as she melted deeper into him. He noticed, however, that she only hugged him back with her right arm.

"Is your arm still bothering you? Did you tell Madame Pomfrey about it?"

"It's fine," she said. "My body just doesn't heal as fast anymore, you know?"

He did know. He knew all too well actually. Every month the transformations seemed to take more out of him.

"Come on, let's get you inside." Remus let his hand slide down her good arm until he could entwine his fingers with hers.

"When did you put up the wards?" Kate asked as Remus led her through the barrier?

"This week, then Mad-Eye came by and added the perimeter alarm. Every Order member is getting it. Though, I did have to adjust the volume level a bit."

"Let me guess, he had it set to obnoxiously loud and annoying?"

"Something like that." Remus smiled.

"Where's Jonathan?"

"Molly thought it would be good for Jonathan to spend the night there so that we might have time to sort things out."

"Oh! Yeah." Kate nodded. "Yeah, that's good."

Kate sighed heavily as she sat on the sofa and leaned her head back. Remus was once again struck with how tired she looked. This wasn't the reunion Remus was expecting. Then again…he didn't really know what he was expecting; this was new territory for the both of them… But he was pretty sure this wasn't it.

Remus took a seat beside her. "Are you all right? Can I get you anything?"

She shook her head. "No. I'm okay. I'm just…tired. There wasn't much to do today. A lot of spare time meant a lot of time to think. Thinking meant thinking about Sirius. It makes for a long day."

She swallowed hard against the threatening tears. Then, to his delight, she leaned into his side. With a small smile, he moved his arm around her shoulders and she settled into him more. This was a little more like what he was expecting.

They sat like that for a while, nestled into each other. Remus gently stroked her hair and placed the occasional kiss to her head. He swore he could hear her breathing grow deeper almost like she was nodding off. But he didn't mind. He missed these moments, perhaps the most

"I had to tell McGonagall," she said quietly. "She didn't know. She only just returned yesterday."

"Where was she?"

"St. Mungo's. She took five stunners to the chest during Harry's Astronomy practical."

"Five stunners? Wow! I had no idea."

"Yeah, well… the _Daily Prophet_ wouldn't have reported it, would they?" she said bitterly. Remus knew it wasn't directed at him.

"I've never seen her cry before," Kate continued. "But she cried for him."

She moved her arm and Remus knew it was so she could wipe away her tears. He hugged her a little closer and kissed her head again.

"He wouldn't want to see you like this." Remus tried consoling her. It didn't quite work the way he wanted it to.

"No. He'd _want_ to be here," she snapped back.

There was a slight pause before she sat up and looked at him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean… I shouldn't have said it like that."

Remus tried to hide his hurt with a smile. "It's true though."

Kate frowned, so Remus thought, _what would Sirius do?_ The answer was obvious. Humor.

"He'd want to be right here." Remus ran his hand through the small space between them. His fingers brushed against her side in the process, and she jumped and laughed a little.

"Oh! What's this?" Remus asked, though he knew the answer. Kate's eyes grew wide as she knew what he was thinking.

"No. No, please don'…"

Her pleas gave way to laughter as Remus started tickling her. She squirmed and tried to break free, but she couldn't. After a good few minutes of that, Remus finally relented. He helped her sit up right again. She was breathless and her hair was disarrayed. She was beautiful, he thought. As he watched her, she turned somber once more.

"Remus, I… I have to ask. Are you sure about this? … About us?"

His throat tightened. "W—why? Are you having doubts?" He pulled back a slightly.

"No, not doubts." She paused. "I don't know… Maybe doubts?"

If his throat was tight before, it was completely constricted now. A part of him wanted to pull away more, but he was frozen.

"I love you, I do. You have to know that. It's just… we've tried this before and it fell apart, and I… I can't survive another fall like that. And this time… it wouldn't just be us that got hurt in the fall. I know we kind of talked about this a week ago and I was good with it, but then you left…"

Remus opened his mouth to defend his actions, but Kate charged right on so he snapped it shut again.

"I know why you left. You had to obviously; you couldn't continue to sleep in my bed while I was at school… No matter how much we may have wanted to."

"Why not? You slept in my bed for most of seventh year."

"That was different, and you know why I had to."

Remus smiled. He couldn't deny that his seventeen year old self had very much enjoyed it when his girlfriend had crawled into his bed every night, despite the reasons why she needed to.

"I guess, what I'm trying to get at," she continued. "I just want to make sure that this is something we both truly want, before we get to a point where we can't turn back without serious repercussions, particularly on Jonathan's behalf."

Remus was silently thoughtful for a moment. She had a valid point. If things didn't work out, for whatever reason, then Jonathan would suffer from the fallout too. He didn't want that, but he did want her. He sighed and stood up.

"Come with me," he said as he held out his hand. "I want to show you what else I've been working on this week."

He led her to the bedroom where he opened several drawers and the wardrobe doors, revealing all of their clothes hanging side by side. Her clothes were separated by sleeve length and color, just the way she liked them. To anyone else it may have been a simple gesture, but Remus knew that to Kate it would mean a great deal more. When he looked back at her saw her hands covering her mouth and her eyes pooling with unshed tears, he knew he was right.

Remus took both of her hands in his.

"I would tell you every day that I want this, if it would make you feel better, but it's more than that. I _need_ you here…in my life and in my arms. You and Jonathan. You give my life meaning and purpose."

He paused to brush away her tears.

"We know where we went wrong before; we stopped talking. I promise to talk to you every day, and tell you just how much I love you. If we do that, then we can't go wrong."

Kate nodded her head and leaned into him.

"I… I need this…need you…too. I love you, Remus; nothing could ever change that. But…what about the pack?"

He sighed. "I made my stand with the Order at the Ministry. I can never go back to the pack. I've already told Dumbledore."

Kate nodded again and Remus cupped her face in his hands. Then he both gave and received a very satisfying kiss.

"How… how are we going to tell Jonathan?" she asked.

 **XXX**

It was actually much easier to tell Jonathan than Kate seemed to think. The next morning, Jonathan was dropped off by Arthur on his way to work. Remus met them at the door, and then he and Jonathan took a walk together.

They meandered through the forest surrounding the cottage. Remus strengthened and fortified the spells as they went. Remus kept the conversation light before finally broaching the subject that was needed. When he did get around to it, he couldn't help but think that the situation was as comical as it was nerve-racking. Really, he was asking his _son_ for permission to date his _mum_.

Jonathan simply rolled his eyes, clapped Remus on the back, and said, "Go for it, Dad."

Remus smiled and they continued walking. After a few short steps, Jonathan turned to Remus with a grave look and added. "Just know, that _if_ she gets hurt…" He trailed off, but his message was clear.

"Duly noted," Remus said.

Back in the house, Kate was waiting and trying not to appear anxious. Remus gave her the slightest of nods. Her relief was instantaneous.

"I made us a small breakfast," she said.

She smiled nervously as she tried to hide her fears. Jonathan, of course, saw through it and remarked upon it. Kate responded with an exasperated eye roll and a witty remark of her own. Then they both laughed as though this was nothing out of the ordinary.

Meanwhile, Remus was mesmerized. He was in awe that this was to be his life now, his…new normal. He would get to wake up every morning to the most beautiful and the most talented witch he had ever known. He would get to share breakfast and laughs with her and his son. He would get to be a part of their lives, and they would be a part of his. They would get to be a proper family.

Remus smiled at the thought. When Kate looked his way again, he smiled even more. Her eyes searched his, and like the days of old they read the truth there. She smiled a little wider too and Remus knew she understood.

"You know… you can kiss her in front of me, Dad. It's alright."

Remus needed no further convincing. He happily kissed her, and she responded.

"Oi! I said kiss her, not snog her face off!"

"Oh shove off!" Kate said. "We were barely even kissing. If you want to see a proper snogging…"

Kate wrapped her arms around Remus' neck while Jonathan mumbled something and walked off. So much for having breakfast together. The thought barely passed Remus' mind before Kate drew him in for another kiss.

He could get used to this sort of life.

 **XXX**

The next few days only seemed to get better. Each morning he woke up beside her and kissed her before leaving the warmth of _their_ bed. _Their_ bed. That was such a lovely thought it often made him kiss her again.

The three of them went to Privet Drive together on their second day as a family. (The first day, Kate spent making a list of everything that was needed at the cottage, from groceries to cook ware.) While they were in Surrey, Harry came by and helped them, pack. Kate was insistent upon doing it the Muggle way as much as possible especially downstairs, because she was sure she was going to be visited by the many nosey neighbors who wanted to know where she was all last summer. She told them she went on holiday in America to see some old school mates.

As a result of the many distractions and the slow method (and because she seemed to have so much stuff! Really, who needed four frying pans of the same size?) Packing was more than a single day's work. They went back every day that first week and one of the next.

Not every moment was made of smiles and laughter. On more than one occasion, Remus caught Kate with teary eyes. The most notable time was when he caught her tucked away in the spare room in a pool of tears clutching a Queen shirt she'd bought for Sirius a few years back. Remus walked in and sat beside her.

"I…I… I'm fi—fine. Really," she sobbed. "I… I just… Argh!" She wiped her eyes. "This is so stupid. He only wore this like one time, maybe two. So why… Why am I so upset?"

"It's not stupid, Kate. You miss him, as do I. It's only been two weeks. It's normal."

Kate nodded and wiped her eyes again. "Go back to packing. I'll… I'll be down soon."

"Are you sure? I can sit with you."

"As much as I may like that, there's still too much left to pack. Go on; I'll be fine. I promise."

"Alright, if you insist." She nodded and he stood up. "I love you."

"And I love you," she replied.

He kissed her softly before leaving her be. A short while later, Kate returned to the packing. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun, her eyes were slightly tinted, and she was wearing the Queen shirt herself.

On their last day on Privet Drive, Kate arranged for a moving truck. It was to "keep up appearances," as she said. The estate agent also came by the house for a tour. Kate was a little teary-eyed again when she handed over the keys; this time she claimed it had nothing to do with Sirius. She cheered up a bit by the time they left though.

Petunia Dursley was out pruning the front flower beds, no doubt trying to eavesdrop on the neighbors. When she looked up and saw Remus standing across the street, her eyes grew wide like tea saucers, and her face paled greatly.

"She recognizes you from the platform at King's Cross," Harry said.

"She… Oh…" Kate, or rather Katherine's mouth formed a little "oh" shape as Harry's explanation sunk in.

Remus had, of course, informed Kate that he and a few other Order members (Arthur, Tonks, and Mad-Eye) had warned the Dursleys that they would be monitoring Harry's stay at Privet Drive. A terrifying and simply frightful encounter such as that was sure to be remembered.

"Do you think she… Yep. She knows."

Kate had been about to ask ' _Do you think she knows about me now too?'_ But at the very moment the words were about to leave her mouth, Petunia looked Kate's way and her eyes grew even wider and her face paler. Petunia quickly hurried inside after that. One could only hope that she might have learned her lesson on eavesdropping, but it's unlikely.

"Will you be all right?" Kate asked Harry. She knew that the knowledge that they had been living across the street from a witch this whole time would not sit well with the Dursleys.

"Yeah. I'll just stick to my room and avoid them like usual," Harry replied. "It will only be for a few days more. It _will_ only be for a few days more?"

"Yes," Kate said adamantly. She had told Harry while they were packing that he would only have to spend two weeks with the Dursleys this year before leaving. She then gave him the option of coming to stay with her, Remus, and Jonathan or going to the Burrow. He asked to do both, making his stay with her first.

"If I have to come get you myself, I will," she added.

"Now, be good, Harry. We'll see you this weekend," Remus said, clapping him on the shoulder. Kate gave him a quick kiss on the head, and Jonathan simply said, _'See you later.'_ Then all three of them climbed into the moving truck with the driver, and they left Privet Drive.


	25. All I Need

**Chapter 23**

 **All I Need**

 _ **5 July 1996**_

"Hey, Mum, when's Harry supposed to get here?" Jonathan asked as he walked into the living room.

I looked up from the book I was reading, while my hand continued to comb through Remus' hair as his head lay in my lap.

"I'm not sure," I replied. "Dumbledore said he was going to pick him up at eleven, but then he had to…borrow him for something. He wasn't sure how long it would take."

"Borrow him?" Jonathan raised an eyebrow in a manner very much like his father. "You have no idea what he wants with him, do you?"

"Of course I do. I'm just not telling you."

"No she doesn't," Remus murmured, half asleep.

"Oi!" I poked him in the arm. "You're supposed to be on my side."

"Right. Sorry," he apologized. "No she doesn't."

I shoved his arm and rolled my eyes as he and Jonathan chuckled. Suddenly there was an obnoxious hoot from behind me. I jumped, dropping my book and upsetting a very content Remus. I looked over my shoulder and found a Hogwarts school trunk with a bird cage sitting on top, and inside the cage was a white snowy owl.

"Hedwig!" Jonathan exclaimed.

Hedwig and I glared at each other for a moment.

"Mum…when you asked Harry to stay with us, did you forget that Hedwig would come with him?"

I turned back around and picked up my book. "It…might have slipped my mind."

Jonathan grinned before standing up to fetch Hedwig from her cage. She didn't fly over and attack me like I half expected her to, but she did eye me the whole time Jonathan walked by with her. She even turned her head in that freakish owl way; I'm convinced it was solely for the purpose of unnerving me.

"What do you have against Hedwig, Mum?"

"I don't have anything against her."

"It's the avian species in general," Remus replied.

"Cats and birds aren't known for their friendly relations," I explained.

"Neither is a cat and a mouse…" Jonathan paused. "…or a dog for that matter," he added hastily.

"Yes, and Sirius and I often fought like cats and dogs." I purposefully ignored his insinuation about Peter.

"What about Dad?"

Remus grinned. "I'm a superior canine."

I snorted. "Keep telling yourself that, Love."

He furrowed his brow in confusion. "You told me that."

"I did not."

"Did so. Back in sixth year. You and Sirius were arguing about what was better, the cat or the dog, and Peter…"

"…pointed out that you were a canine too," I finished for him. "I remember now. And I said you were a superior canine like the leopard was the superior feline. I had yet to discover _just how_ superior you were." I whispered the last bit seductively.

"Eww, Mum. I'm right here, you know." Jonathan stood up with Hedwig resting on his arm. With a roll of his eyes, he took Hedwig and Harry's trunk to his bedroom. I looked at Remus.

"So… You wanna show me some of those superior skills of yours?"

He cocked his brow. "Now? We have a house guest coming over."

"We have Harry coming over, and his trunk only just arrived which means they only just left Privet Drive. And…" I looked over my shoulder to ensure that Jonathan was still in his room.

"Dumbledore was going to use Harry to try and convince ole Sluggy into coming back to Hogwarts. So you know we have at least an hour."

Remus nodded.

"So… are you up for it?"

He smirked. "I'm not yet, but I'm sure you can convince me."

I smirked too before setting my book back down and dragging him to his feet and off to our bedroom.

 _ **Twenty-five minutes later**_

"Mmmm…. That was nice."

"Nice? All that and all I get is a nice?"

I shrugged a shoulder. "We're out of practice."

"Shouldn't that make it more like the best ever and not just…nice?"

"Not when you can still remember what it used to be."

Remus frowned slightly and I laughed. "Don't worry sweetheart. A woman hits her prime in her thirties, so we'll have plenty of time to get it back."

I kissed his cheek before rolling out of bed and getting dressed.

"Kate, that's my shirt again."

"I know," I said with a smile. Then I pulled the neck of the shirt up around my nose and inhaled deeply. "I love being immersed in your scent."

I walked around to his side of the bed to give him another kiss. "Rest, my dear. I know you want to."

"Harry…"

"Will be here when you wake in the morning. Sleep."

"Alright…" he yawned. "I'll sleep, but… I won't rest until you're here beside me again."

I smiled and kissed his lips softly once more. "Then I'll be sure to hurry back."

He nodded, but I could tell he was already half asleep.

I went back out to the sofa and picked up my book. I finished the chapter I was on plus two more before I began to feel the effects of the late hour. I was contemplating on whether I should try napping on the sofa or unpacking a little more, when I felt the perimeter alarm go off.

I quickly checked the foe glass and the spectroscope, both were a requirement for all Order members by Mad-Eye. The spectroscope was silent, but the foe glass was cloudy with indistinct figures. The foe glass was always cloudy. So long as the figures weren't coming into focus, I wasn't worried; thankfully, the figures remained as indistinct as ever. Nevertheless, I grabbed my wand before heading outside.

The waxing Gibbous moon was shrouded in dark clouds, making it difficult to see very far. Slowly, two figures emerged from the wood. The taller and the older of the two had a long white beard tied together with a piece of twine. The other had short black hair that stood up at odd angles; I immediately wanted to try and tame it like I had so often before.

I locked my eyes on Dumbledore and asked him my question. Satisfied with the answer, I quickly stepped forward and wrapped my arms around Harry. After a brief exchange Dumbledore turned on the spot and Harry and I headed inside.

Harry looked around the open room slowly. The only other magical house he'd been in was the Burrow, and the Cottage was very different. It was a good deal smaller for one, and usually less packed, though now there were boxes stacked all over the place.

"Don't mind the boxes. I'm still trying to figure out where everything's going to go. I didn't realize I had so much crap, and I don't need half of it here. I didn't need half of it there."

"Er—what are you going to do with it then?"

I shrugged a shoulder. "I don't know. Put it in storage somewhere, sell it… donate it. It's a good reason to go through everything."

"Yeah and it's an excuse to finally throw those out." He pointed to a corner where a shelf had already been erected, housing his and Jonathan's handmade crafts and ceramic hands.

"Oh no, Harry. Those are a must-save-keepsake. Face it. Your artwork will adorn my shelves for as long as I live. You know… I may take a page from ole Walburga and place a permanent sticking charm on them."

Harry chuckled, albeit hesitantly.

"Then we'd just toss out the shelf, Mum," Jonathan said, to which Harry laughed a little louder.

"Watch it, or I'll toss you out. Are you hungry Harry?"

"Er—yeah, a bit." His stomach gave a rather loud growl, and Jonathan laughed.

"More than a 'bit' by the sound of it," Jonathan said with a laugh.

I smiled at the two of them. "Come into the kitchen, Harry, and I'll make you a sandwich."

"Oh! Can I have one too, Mum?"

While I made them each a turkey and cheese on rye sliced diagonally with mayonnaise, lettuce, and tomato, they chatted easily. For a moment I was reminded of days long ago when Harry would frequent my house during the summer holidays. When they both were finished, I herded them off to bed. I leaned in for the good night kiss until Jonathan's protest stopped me short.

"We're sixteen, Mum… well, Harry's sixteen and I'm nearly seventeen. We don't need goodnight kisses."

"Well, that's not what you said last night when you asked me to tuck you in and read you a bedtime story."

"I did not!" His cheeks turned bright red and Harry laughed. "I didn't, Harry, I swear. You know I didn't."

"Why would your Mum make something like that up, John-John?" Harry teased, using his old nickname for him. They walked into their room and shut the door with laughter.

I could still hear them minutes later as I made the short trek to mine Remus's room. Now, our room was surrounded in a silencing charm, so it effectively cut off their laughter and it hid Remus' snoring. The moment I slipped off my jeans and crawled into bed, Remus rolled over and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me snugly into his body.

 **XXX**

Remus and I were sitting on the sofa with our coffee and flipping through the _Daily Prophet_ when then boys finally emerged from their room. They both collapsed into a couple of chairs with eyes half closed.

"Well good morning, boys. Tell me, did either of you make it to bed before the rising dawn?" I asked.

"Er—"

"We never did," Remus said.

"That's because you guys were idiots. They have a little more sense."

"Gee, thanks Mum."

"As I recall," Remus went on. "You spent many a late night up with us or out stargazing."

"That's because I was an idiot in love."

"Was?" he questioned with a laugh.

"Oi! Play nice."

"Ow! Don't poke me. You're nails are like claws."

"You would know, wouldn't you?"

Such a comment was a risky move so close to the full moon. Remus' moods were all over the place and sometimes quite unpredictable. This morning, however, he was in a playful mood because he laughed full and heartily. And it made my heart soar.

"Anything interesting in the _Prophet_ , Dad?" You could practically hear Jonathan's eyes rolling.

Remus gave a little cough and looked away. I watched, amused, as his cheeks colored lightly, he was embarrassed at being caught flirting by his son.

"Nothing out of the ordinary," he replied. "Don't stay out after dark. How to protect against the _Imperious Curse_. One hundred facts you never knew about the Chosen One." He finished with a coy smirk in Harry's direction.

"Wha—what?" Harry asked; Remus only smiled wider. He was trying to keep things light, but Jonathan wasn't having it.

"Any more attacks? Anyone missing?"

Just like that the light atmosphere was gone. There was a moment of silence in which Remus looked at Jonathan and his smile faded.

"No…No one we know."

It's a damn shame _that_ is the basis for good news these days.

"Can I see it?" Jonathan asked.

Remus sighed reluctantly, and held the paper out towards Jonathan. Before he could lay hands on it though, I snatched it away.

"No."

"Mum!"

"There's no need," I said, rising to my feet. "You know all you need to know about Harry. Now, are you boys hungry? Oh, that's a silly question. Of course you are. I'm going to start breakfast. Would you like some more coffee, Dear?"

Remus looked up at me and cocked a brow. "No thanks; I'm good."

"Mum, please, I want…"

"I said no, Jonathan. Now let it go."

"Fine! I'll just look at Harry's copy."

"Er—"

I whipped out my wand and summoned Harry's copy from his room before Jonathan could take a step.

"You don't mind, do you, Harry?" I asked.

"Er—"

I looked at him.

"—no Ma'am." He gulped.

I smiled and sent both copies up in flames. Then I took Remus' empty cup and went into the kitchen. I could hear Jonathan plop back into his chair, and I could feel him glaring at the back of my head.

There was enough gloom outside the window, I didn't want any of it to filter inside the house. It had been a rough week, with the bridge collapsing and Death Eaters tearing up the West Country. I was worried about Molly and the kids, and for Potter's Place, but thank Merlin they were all right. Then there was the murders of Amelia Bones and Emmeline Vance. The loss of Vance hit the Order hard. So can you really blame me for not wanting my son to dwell on the continued attacks? I just wanted him to focus on his studies and complete his final year at Hogwarts while we handled the big, the bad, and the scary.

Remus' fingers danced lightly across my skin as he moved my hair aside, and he placed a light kiss to the nape of my neck while his arm slipped around my waist. Immediately, I could feel the weight of stress lifting off my shoulders. I leaned back into his chest while flipping the eggs.

"All right?" he murmured.

"Yeah," I nodded. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize to me."

I sighed and glanced over towards the lounge. Jonathan and Harry were huddled together talking.

"We were no different when we were their age."

"That doesn't really help, you know."

"I know," he admitted with a nod.

I spun in his arms and placed my hands to his chest. "Do you know what does help?"

He cocked a brow and I slowly rose to my feet to kiss him lightly on the lips.

"Mmm, that does make me feel better."

I grinned. "That's not what I was talking about."

I dropped back to my feet and stepped back slightly.

"Boys," I called towards the lounge. "Breakfast is ready." They quickly got to their feet.

Remus chuckled. "Food works too."

"Usually does."

Jonathan and Harry entered with a low laugh while Remus fixed our plates. Jonathan nudged me on the shoulder.

"Sorry, Mum," he muttered.

"I'm sorry too." I returned the nudge. Then I slid an arm around his shoulder and kissed his head. "I love you, now get your breakfast before Harry and your dad eat it all."

All through breakfast, we had a nice light conversation that steered well away from the depressing outside world; it was quite nice. About halfway through our meal, Hedwig arrived with Harry's O.W.L. results. Overall I was pleased. He made an O in Defense, no surprises there, but only and A in Astronomy. I found it hard to be disappointed, considering that was the night that the Hag decided to try and sack Hagrid (while the exam was in progress mind you) and all the kids saw McGonagall take five stunners to the chest. I'm not sure if I could have managed an O under those circumstances…okay, I probably would have, but still…

After Hedwig dropped off his letter, she and I engaged in another staring contest until Harry sent her away. I had to once again explain that I didn't have anything against Hedwig personally…I just wasn't fond of owls, or any bird for that matter, and they weren't fond of me.

"So, I have an announcement," I said towards the end of breakfast.

"Oh God," Jonathan moaned.

"What?"

"You're… you're not…" His eyes flicked between me and Remus quickly.

"Not what?"

"Please tell me you're not… _pregnant_ ," he whispered softly, "already?"

"What? No."

Remus dropped his fork and I turned towards him.

"No," I said again. "And I can say that with great certainty."

"Oh thank Merlin! You had me worried there, Mum."

Remus looked a bit relieved too. I decided I'd deal with that later.

"What is the announcement then?" Harry asked.

"What? Oh, yes that. Well…" I took a deep breath. "I have been conferring with Dumbledore, and we have decided…well I decided and he agreed…that… Katherine Porter will not be returning to Hogwarts this September."

"What!"

"Why?"

"You're one of the best, if not _the_ best Professors there."

"Please don't leave."

Harry and Jonathan erupted into arguments and protests against my announcement.

"Wow… I'm… flattered." And truly I was. "But you didn't let me finish. Katherine will not be returning, because…Kate Potter will be joining the staff."

"Oh."

There was a silent pause.

"So, are you doing away with the illusion?" Harry asked.

I nodded. "Yes, I… I think Katherine served her purpose as well as she could for as long as she could. I'm not completely finished with her just yet, I mean… We have a buyer for the house in Surrey and the Agent knows me as Katherine. We're set to close on it this coming week though, so once I've received the check for that then… I can let her go for good."

There was another pause.

"Cool. Can Harry and I go outside?"

"Uhmm…" I was a bit startled by the non-reaction I seemed to be getting from Jonathan and Remus was being oddly silent. "Yeah… sure. Just stay within the barriers, and… No magic, Jonathan!"

I had to raise my voice for the last bit as he and Harry had already made it halfway to the door. I turned my attention to Remus then. He was eyeing his empty plate with a furrowed brow.

"You're oddly quiet on the matter. Are you upset?" I asked.

"No, I'm…" He hesitated as though searching for the right word. "Curious. Why didn't you mention you were considering this to me?" For the first time he allowed his hurt to show upon his face.

"If I told you I was considering giving up the illusion for good, what would you have done?"

"I would have encouraged you, told you I thought it was a brilliant idea, offered to help."

"And that's precisely why I didn't tell you. Because I had to make this decision myself. I had to be certain that I was doing it because _I_ wanted to, because _I_ thought it was best. I didn't want to run the risk of doing it for you. Do you understand?"

"Yeah… I get it. So…how do you feel about it then?"

"Honestly?"

He nodded.

"Scared. I mean, I… I've been Katherine Porter for fifteen years now. I was only Persephone for ten and Kate for ten after that. But with Katherine…"

"She's been your longest persona."

"Yeah. It's not just the amount of time I've been with her though. I… I'm afraid of losing her strength. Yes…in the end the illusion became more trouble to maintain then what it was worth, with all the headaches and such, but still…"

"Well, for what it's worth, I don't think Katherine was your strongest persona. I think she pulled all her strength from Kate. And even if I'm wrong, just because you drop a name and an illusion, doesn't mean you drop the strength too. I'm proud of you, Kate." Then he kissed the back of my hand as though to show it.

"Come on, I'll help you clean up."

"Help me? Don't you just want to do it for me?"

"Not really no."

I laughed as we both grabbed a few plates and took them to the sink. Before long I was elbow deep…and nose deep…in suds.

"Why is it that we can't seem to wash the dishes without getting in a water fight?" I asked.

Remus just chuckled and wrapped his arms around my waist form behind.

"It's your fault, you know."

"My fault? How?"

"If you weren't so adorable with soap on your nose, then I wouldn't feel the need to put it there."

I tried to glare at him over my shoulder, but he tickled my side making it virtually impossible to keep a straight face.

A short while later, the dishes were all cleaned, dried, and put away and Remus and I were back on the sofa together.

"Can I ask you to clarify something for me?" I asked as I leaned into his side.

"Uh—sure. What's on your mind?"

"Earlier, at breakfast, when I was about to make my announcement and Jonathan assumed…"

I could feel him tense behind me as he took in a sharp intake of air. Nonetheless I pushed on.

"Would it be so bad if I was pregnant?"

As I anticipated, there as a pause before he answered, somewhat stiffly.

"I thought you…"

"I'm not," I said quickly. He sounded nervous so I sat up and turned to face him. He _looked_ like he was trying not to show just how nervous he was.

"I'm not. I promise. I… I'm just curious. Would it be so bad?"

He sighed deeply. "I don't think it would be a…bad thing per say. I just… I don't think it would be very good right now… a very good time, that is. The war is picking up again, and I think it's going to be worse this time around. People already know what Voldemort's capable of, and they already fear him. I'm…I'm not sure that it would be fair to bring a child into that, and… we haven't really discussed it."

It was my turn to pause before replying.

"You're right. We haven't discussed it yet, and…maybe now's not the best time for that either, not when both of our emotions are so erratic. We have to consider, though, that we're not as young as we used to be. _If_ it's something we want to do…we don't have a lot of time left to do it in. Our bodies…well _my_ body, won't allow it forever."

"Is it something you want?"

"I… I don't know," I replied honestly. "But I do know, that it's not something I need. I won't ask for a child, Remus; I won't even ask for a ring this time. What we have here, with each other, with Jonathan…with Harry, it's enough. You're all I need."

He smiled and his relief was evident.

"You're all I need as well." Then he leaned forward and kissed me gently.


	26. Days of Summer

**Chapter 24**

 **Days of Summer**

 _ **9 July 1996**_

My heart was hammering in my chest. Blood was pounding in my ears. My limbs quivered like gelatin, not out of pleasure but fear. I was ashamed of it yes, but I couldn't deny it and I couldn't stop it. I was in fear for my life.

The cracking and breaking of bones made me flinch as his cries of anguish echoed through the small cavern. Then suddenly there was this haunting silence followed by a low snarl. I looked down, with my very human eyes, at my _very_ _**human**_ hands and swore softly.

I was such an idiot! What made me think this was a good idea? I should have listened to Remus and changed the moment we got here, but no. I insisted on waiting and my stubborn ass continued to insist even when the process had begun. Now I was trapped in an underground cavern with a fully materialized werewolf. My own panic and fear—yes fear of the beast that only seconds ago was the man I was so hopelessly in love with—were getting in the way of me safely transforming into a far less appetizing black leopard.

The angry snarls of a hungry wolf were getting much closer than I ever wanted them to. I recalled to mind the solemn mantra and the hours of meditation I underwent to call upon the leopard inside. I remembered with vivid detail what it was like to see through her eyes, and hear through her ears, and feel with her paws. And slowly, effortlessly, and painlessly I shifted. For the first time in my life, I was struck with how truly unfair the difference between the two transformations really was.

It's amazing how quickly the calming nature of the Leopard takes over. One moment I feel like I'm about to hyperventilate as a human, and the next I'm stretching my paws and yawning lazily. That's when the long furry shout comes around the corner. His teeth are barred in a snarl, ears pinned against his head as his dark eyes meet my yellow ones.

The Wolf paused mid turn, his back haunches still around the corner. He sniffed the air and the ground before inching towards me. Then he gave a fierce growl that would have sent any creature running. But not me… I was stubborn. You could almost hear his confusion in his growl.

 _"Human."_

 _"Do I look like a human to you?"_

 _"Smell her. Want her."_

 _"Well, you're quite…primal._ 'Me wolf. Me hungry.' _"_

Apparently he didn't like that. He growled threateningly and crouched low like he was preparing to fight. I was hoping we could have avoided fighting, but if he spent his time trying to catch me then he wasn't harming Remus.

 _"Alright then…show me how tough you are, wolfie."_

I took off sprinting down one of the tunnels, his large paws crunched in the dirt behind me.

 _ **11 July 1996**_

I arrived at the Burrow with legs that still shook and eyes that were heavy with sleep. The crow of the rooster beckoned the rising sun as it slowly peered over the horizon. And I made my way down the drive to the front door alone. I'd left Remus at home in bed; in all likelihood, he was asleep before I made it to the bedroom door.

"Katherine!" Molly greeted me at the door with a hug, much to Arthur's dismay.

"Molly, you've got to ask the question."

"It's me Arthur," I said.

"That's just what an imposter would say."

I smiled wearily. "When we first met, it was because our sons made their train compartment explode, and we were both willing to let the other child take credit for it, but in all reality they were equally responsible. So a friendship was forged in the fires of mischief."

"Are you satisfied, Arthur?" Molly asked as she led me over.

"No. Anyone of those people on the platform could know that."

Really, he had a point. So I slipped into the illusion.

"I suppose polyjuice can't do that. Sorry 'bout that Katherine."

"It's alright; Remus would have…"

I stopped short when I noticed Tonks sitting at the table. I'd only just noticed her because she looked nothing like her usual self. Her shoulders were slumped, her hair was stringy and mousy-brown (not the bright, vibrant pink I was used to), and her cheeks were shrunken and hallow. I'd only noticed her when she moved; she looked up at the sound of Remus' name and her dull eyes locked with mine.

I tried to smile. "Hi, Tonks."

She looked away quickly and rose to her feet. "Thanks for the tea Molly, but I should go."

"Please, you don't have to leave just because I showed up."

"No. I'm…" She couldn't say it. "I have to go." And then she left out the back door.

I tried not to let the hurt show, but I couldn't fight the sting that came to my eyes. Tonks and I hadn't really talked since the Ministry Battle. I knew Remus thought I was being ridiculous, but I felt certain it was because he chose me. He insisted that she had encouraged it, and that she was fine with the two of us being together. But… if she was so fine with it, then why did she flee at the sight of me?

"Would you like some tea? Katherine?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes. Thank you, Molly." I took the seat Tonks had vacated only moments ago.

"How is everything? How's Remus?" Arthur asked.

"He's fine. He's at home, sleeping."

"That looks like something you should be doing," Molly said.

"I couldn't sleep now if I wanted to." I didn't mean for my voice to sound as haunted as it did, but I couldn't shake the image of Remus' transformation, nor the sound.

"How… did… Did something happen last night?"

I shook my head. "No… And yes. I…." My hands shook as I rubbed them over my face.

"I…I've never been there before… Never even seen the Wolf but the one time two years ago when he... when he was at Hogwarts. I… I knew it wasn't easy. I knew it was painful; I saw the evidence of it every day, but I… I never _knew_.

"I love Remus…more than I can say. I'd do anything for him. I'd go anywhere for him, and I want everything for him. You know, when you love someone like that, you never want to see them in pain, and when they hurt, you hurt.

"Last night… we were both hurting, and I…" I swiped at my tears. "It kills me to know that there's nothing I can do for him. I can be there for him, I can bandage his wounds afterwards, and I can run with him all night. But in that moment of transformation, that one singular moment that seems to stretch on forever…I'm completely helpless. I can't take that pain form him no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I _want_ to…I can't. And that kills me."

"I'm guessing it's safe to assume that you haven't told him this?" Molly said.

"No. I can't tell him any of this. I would only make him feel worse about it all. I just… I had to tell someone."

Molly nodded and pat my hand. "You can always tell us anything, Katherine."

"Thanks." I was very grateful to have them as friends. "Oh! And, if you don't mind, it's… It's Kate now."

 _ **20 July 1996**_

We held the memorial for Sirius at the Burrow. I wanted to host it at the cottage, but there really was no room for the whole Weasley clan, especially since Miss Delacour was staying with them; she was getting to know the family since she and Bill were now engaged. The memorial was just a simple dinner and story exchange. Although, Fred and George did supply a few whizzing fireworks.

Despite being invited, Tonks did not come.

"I'm sure she's just busy with work," Remus said. "Or the Order. She'd be here if she could."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Or she knew I'd be here and decided to come because of it."

"Kate, don't be like that."

"Like what, Remus?"

"She's your friend."

"Yeah? I thought so too, but now I'm not so sure. But you know what, I'm done. I'm done caring about it anymore. I thought we could be adults about this and be civil at least. But if she wants to act like a little girl and sulk about it, then so be it."

"Kate…"

"Are you two arguing?" Jonathan asked.

"No!" We both said.

"We're just…discussing a difference of opinion," I said.

"Well… could you discuss it a little softer because it sounds like you're arguing at your best friend's memorial," Jonathan said pointedly before walking away.

"Kate," Remus began softly.

"I don't mean to be cruel, Remus, but... it hurts." I choked back tears.

"I know." He pulled me close, and I wrapped my arms around him as he kissed my head. "Just… don't give up on her, alright?"

I sighed and nodded. "Alright."

After a pleasant dinner and a few comical stories, Remus, Jonathan, Harry, and I returned to the cottage for a private burial. Traditionally, one is buried with their wand. In Sirius' case, however, there was no body left behind to burry. So we simply dug a small grave and buried his wand. I thought he might like to be buried in Godric's Hollow near James, but for safety purposes we did it in the back yard near the forest line.

My birthday passed without fanfare; just the way I liked it these days. Though, Remus and the boys did manage to make me a very lovely dinner.

We spent Harry's birthday at the Burrow, where we received some upsetting news. Mr. Ollivander was missing, his shop deserted. No one seemed to know if he left on his own accord or if he was kidnapped.

Two days later, after receiving their Hogwarts book lists, we took the kids to Diagon Ally. We went on a Saturday when Arthur was off. Remus, however, was sent on a mission for the Order (not to the wolves) and could not make it.

 _ **3 August 1996**_

Hagrid was waiting for us outside the Leaky Cauldron, as extra security for Harry. Together we passed through into a dark and desolate ally. Many of the shops were boarded up or just plain empty. And there were new stalls along the road selling "amulets" to protect against dark creatures.

"This place gives me the creeps now," I said. "Molly, I think we should get out of here as fast as we can. If we divide into teams we can move faster."

Molly looked unsure but Arthur agreed with me.

"I know Harry needs new robes."

"I'd like some new dress robes," Hermione said.

"And Ron could use some new ones, too," Molly said. "Oh, alright. Two of us can take them to Madam Malkin's, and the others can go to Flourish and Blotts. Which would you like?"

"I should go to Malkin's. If I go to the book store, I'm likely to begin shopping for myself. We'll meet up at the Twins."

With that being said, Hagrid and I escorted the lot down the road while Molly and Arthur took Ginny. At first glance the shop appeared to be empty; Madam Malkin was nowhere in sight, but then we heard a voice behind a rack.

"I told you, Mother, I'm perfectly capable of shopping by myself. I'm not a child."

"Oh boy," I muttered under my breath. I glanced sideways at Hermione and the boys, the boys in particular, and gave them a warning look that said _"Don't cause trouble."_

"She's quite right. None of us should be out on our own. It has nothing to do with being a child," Madam Malkin said.

"Ow! Watch where you're putting those pins, woman."

A moment later, Draco Malfoy stepped out and stepped in front of a three-way mirror. He didn't seem to notice us, and I hoped it would stay that way. But like James and Snape, Harry and Draco had a sixth sense about when the other was near. Draco's frown deepened when he did notice Harry in the mirror.

"If you're wondering what that smell is, Mother, a Mudblood just walked in."

So much for not causing trouble. Madam Malkin gasped and Harry and Ron pulled out their wands.

"There's no need for such language," Madam Malkin said, but Draco paid her no mind.

"As did a Packie."

Madam Malkin gasped even louder and stumbled back a few steps clutching her chest. Meanwhile, Jonathan whipped out his wand. I quickly stepped in front of the boys to block their view.

"You twat! I'll make you pay for that," Jonathan fumed.

"She's a professor," Hermione said.

"She's not mine," Draco retorted.

"Yes, you see, Miss Granger, not everyone makes the necessary O.W.L. to seek a N.E.W.T. in Astronomy," I said.

"How dare you speak of my son in such a manner," Narcissa Malfoy said, appearing out from behind the same rack her son and Madam Malkin had.

"Oh, you're quite mistaken, Narcissa. I didn't mention your son at all."

"Madams, please," Madam Malkin pleaded. "And put those wands away boys. I won't stand to have them drawn in my shop."

"She's hardly a Madam, my lady, not with the bedfellow she keeps," Narcissa said.

Jonathan growled and I had to put a hand on his shoulder to refrain him.

"And how is your bedfellow these days? Is dear Lucious keeping that sorry excuse of a mind?"

"How dare you speak about my father like that, you filthy Packie!"

"Don't bother, Draco. Packies like her aren't worth the time."

"I don't think I want these robes anymore, Mother."

"No, I think not. Now that I've seen the sort of business she keeps, I think we'd be better off with Twilfitt and Tattings. And let this serve as a reminder. If you lie with dogs, you wake with fleas."

The two of them headed for the door. Draco made it a point to bump roughly into Ron's shoulder and push him aside.

"That may be, Narcissa," I said turning around to watch them leave. "But my dog keeps me howling… _all night_." I emphasized, and by the look on her face, I knew I had struck a nerve.

"Mum!" Jonathan said, sounding both amused and disgusted.

"Please don't tell you father I called him a dog."

The kids all laughed a little, and the boys put their wands away at last.

"So it's true then?" Madam Malkin asked.

"What is?" I asked, turning towards the squat little woman.

"That you…you fornicate with wolves?" She sounded appalled and I was taken aback by the look of disgust on her normally kind face.

"Uh… _wolf_ ," I emphasized. "Just the one, thank you. Now, Harry and Ron are in need of some new school robes and…"

"Get. Out."

"I…I beg your pardon?"

"I said, get out. Now. I do not want you in my shop."

"I…" I was shocked. The woman standing before me, kicking me out of her shop, was not the same woman I'd been going to for years. It couldn't be.

"Madam, I came here for my robes when I was in school, and you have been fitting my son for years. "

She took a few steps away from us, as though suddenly afraid she was going to catch a contagion.

"He's one of them, too, I bet."

"If by 'one of them' you mean…" Jonathan began but Madam Malkin cut across him.

"Out! The both of you. Get out before I report you to the Ministry for being a menace. We do not fit your kind here!"

She spat the words with a hatred I had never known before. I could take someone like the Malfoys or my own father spitting insults at me; they were pretty much just evil. But to have someone as nice and non-hostile as Madam Malkin usually was, shouting insults at me and refusing to serve me was quite unfamiliar territory. In the end, Jonathan was the one who ended up pulling me outside.

"Everything alrigh' in ther? Thought I heard shoutin'," Hagrid said as we stepped out.

"You did," Jonathan replied. "She kicked us out."

"Who did?"

"Madam Malkin."

"What for?"

"She said she won't fit… _our kind_ here. It's because of…" Jonathan stopped short. He couldn't say it. I didn't want to say it either.

"It's because of Remus," I said.

"Blimey, Kate. Sorry 'bout that. Do yer wan' me ta go in ther and talk ta her? Set her straight?"

I smiled fondly, and a bit teary-eyed. "Thanks, Hagrid. But that won't be necessary."

The door opened again behind us and Harry, Ron, and Hermione came out.

"Where are your robes?" I asked.

Ron and Hermione both looked at Harry, who appeared a little smug.

"Harry told Madam Malkin," Hermione began, "that if she wasn't good enough to fit…your kind, then she wasn't good enough to fit…the chosen one."

"It was brilliant," Ron said proudly.

I was hit with a strong wave of emotion and my eyes watered even more.

"Harry…"

"What? It has to come with some perks."

I chuckled and wiped at the few tears that wanted to fall despite the effort I put in to prevent them.

"Com one. Let's get to the shop then."

I remained rather somber the rest of the day; though, I hid it well. I really didn't come out of it until Remus returned home two days later. He was just in time for the moon. He cut it rather close actually, and I was almost worried he wouldn't make it.

We retreated back to the cavern he'd created to pass the night. It was no easier to watch, or rather _hear_ the transformation than it had been the first time. I still felt utterly distraught that I couldn't make the transformation easier. I, of course, didn't tell him this, and I most certainly didn't tell him about my encounter with the Malfoys or Madam Malkin's reaction.

 _ **12 August 1996**_

I don't think any parent is ever ready for the day their child becomes an adult in the eyes of the law. That was certainly the case for me on the morning of the twelfth. I woke up earlier than Jonathan, no surprises there, and earlier than Remus—Harry was spending some time at the Burrow. Instead of lying awake and listening to Remus snore, I went into the lounge and flipped through an old photo album of Jonathan. When Remus discovered me an hour later, I was waist deep in a pile of tissues.

Jonathan's reaction to waking up that morning however, was to cast every menial spell that he could simply _because_ he could. And, of course, he wanted to go by the Ministry to take his Apparition Test first thing.

We held a party for him… at the Burrow. The Twins closed up shop for the day so that they could be there. Tonks came by for a moment, but it was a moment I was inside doing something and I completely missed her. Lee Jordan and Katie Bell came by too that's when I discovered that Jonathan and Katie were no longer dating and everyone knew _but_ me. I suppose that explains his lack of wanting to see her this summer…

Lyall came as well, and this was our first interaction since before the Quidditch World Cup. I must say, it went much better. There was an awkward moment where we didn't know if we should hug or shake hands, and we ended up doing a rather odd combination of both.

No birthday party is complete without presents. From Lyall he got a practical Ghoul Detection Kit, complete with a detailed list of advanced spells used to combat ghouls. The twins made him open their gift in secret; I still have no idea what they got him. Molly and Arthur gave him an old broom servicing kit…for which he had no broom. Then Molly handed me a gift.

It was a plaque that read:

 **Congratulations! You survived.**

It had a picture on it of a young witch chasing after a toddler, then a slightly older witch chasing after an older child, then an even older witch and an older child until at last the witch was reclining back and drinking a whole bottle of wine while the "child" was dressed in a suit and going to work.

I laughed loudly and wiped at my eyes. "That seems about right."

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny had each gotten Jonathan something from the twin's shop. Then at last it came down to me and Remus. As was tradition, Remus passed down his pocket watch that had once been gifted to him. We found out from Lyall, that Jonathan was now the fifth generation to claim ownership of the watch.

"Alright, this is the last one," I said. "It's from me and your father. And Harry helped a little too."

I revealed a long, narrow package lying in wait.

"No…" Jonathan whispered in a quiet awe. "It can't be."

But it was. He opened the box to find a Comet 290.

"My own broom! Finally! You know, Mum, this would have come in handy six years ago when I tried out for the house team."

"Yeah? Well six years ago I feared that you'd sneak out at night and fly your broom around Surrey. At least now, _when_ you do, you won't be in a Muggle dense town."

"And," Remus added pointedly. "This is only under the explicit agreement that you _won't_ fly it around at night."

"Yeah, yeah. Alright! Sure. Thanks, Mum! Thanks, Dad. Anyone up for a game of Quidditch now?"

All the kids jumped up from the table.

Later that night, as we were preparing to leave and Remus was gathering all our things, Jonathan pulled me aside.

"Mum… I want to become an Animagus."


	27. Essays and Leaves

**Sorry for the late update, and the lack of one last week (it was Thanksgiving), but...better late than never, right? Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 25**

 **Essays and Leaves**

 _ **25 August 1996**_

I was in my room packing my trunk and Remus was away on another mission, when Jonathan cornered me.

"What are you doing?" he asked

"I'm packing for my return to Hogwarts tomorrow. I have some things to take care of before term starts."

"But Dad's not back yet."

"He will be."

"If he's not?"

"Then you'll go to the Burrow. I've already cleared it with Molly. But he will be back. You have to believe that, Jonathan."

"I guess I just struggle with it a little more than you do."

"I've had more practice with it I guess. Now, I know you didn't come in here to ask a question that had an obvious answer. What's on your mind?"

I should have known it was a ploy. I realized my mistake as soon as the words left my mouth and that slow grin spread across his face.

"Ah. So you figured it out, did ya?" Then he turned serious. "I meant what I said about becoming an Animagus, Mum."

"Why?" I asked with a sigh.

"What?"

"Why do you want to become an Animagus? Give me one good reason that has nothing to do with your father being a werewolf."

"I… Wait, isn't that why _you_ became one?"

"In part yes. But I was only thirteen. I was young and ignorant to the dangers involved. Things could have gone terribly wrong."

"I know. That's why I'm coming to you now, when I'm seventeen. I thought you'd appreciate that, because I want to do this."

"I still haven't heard a reason why."

"I… Yeah, I guess Dad does have a part in it. A very minor part, though. Mostly…mostly it's you."

"Me?"

"Yes. You, Mum." He sighed and sat on the bed. "I know you think I just decided this out of the blue, but I didn't. I've thought about this for a long time."

"How long of a time?" I asked as I sat beside him.

"A _long_ time. Do you remember when I found out you could change into a leopard? I used to crawl around the house pretending I could change into an animal too."

I laughed. "I remember. You were a different animal every time…a cat, a dog…"

"…Dragons and griffins." He laughed too. "I used to think it was the coolest thing ever and I was convinced that one day I'd grow up and be able to do it too. Then I started Hogwarts and discovered that becoming an Animagus wasn't something one simply _did_. You had to be good, great even; work hard at it.

"So, I… I did. I put in extra effort, extra time into Transfiguration. I studied it more than any other class. When the other kids practiced flying, I studied. I let some things take precedence after a while, but I always kept my Transfiguration grade up. I made an O in it, and McGonagall says I have a great talent for it."

"That's high praise from her."

"Yeah, I know. The original reason why I started working so hard slipped to the back of my mind, but it was always there. Then, this summer… You've spent the last two moons with Dad, and I've seen how much it takes out of you and I want to help; I want to make it easier for you…for the both of you.

"So yeah, Dad's a part of it, but you're the main inspiration. If I could help you, that would be great, but that's not the reason why. I… I just want to be like you, Mum, because truthfully you being an Animagus is still one of the coolest things ever."

"Jonathan, I… I had no idea. That doesn't really help the tough guy image though, does it?"

"What, thinking your Mum is cool? Not really no." He huffed a laugh.

"Your father won't want you there, you know," I said seriously.

"He doesn't really want you there either, but that doesn't stop you."

"I don't know if _I'd_ want you there."

He raised an eyebrow. "Well, that's hardly fair."

"It doesn't have to be fair. Look, it's one thing to know what happens, to understand the process and to accept it, and to deal with the results of it. It's quite another to actually witness it. To watch someone you love go through something like that, it's… it's almost unbearable. It's not the running around all night that's taxing."

"I can handle it, Mum."

"I thought I could too."

"Well…fine. Even if you and Dad decide not to have me there…whatever, you know. That doesn't change the fact that this is something I want to do. I thought you would appreciate the fact that I waited until I was of age, and that I came to you first instead of McGonagall."

"I do appreciate that, Jonathan; it shows great maturity on your part. Just… give me a little time to consider it alright?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Yeah alright."

"Good." I kissed his forehead. "Now, why don't you…"

Just then the perimeter alarm went off and Jonathan leapt from the bed with an exclamation of "Dad!" I quickly hurried after him, with wand at the ready, just in case. But it was Remus, and my relief was unmeasurable.

 **XXX**

Having Remus back for the night only seemed to make leaving the next day even harder. The summer had been great, despite all the reports of deaths, or disappearances in the _Profit_ and despite the occasional Order mission. Having Remus in my life made the darkness seem…less dark.

It was easier to make the transition from Professor Porter to Professor Potter than I thought it would be. Dumbledore opted not to mention me at the Welcoming Feast. Word of my appearance had already begun to spread at the end of last term however, so most of my old students already knew who I was. And the first years didn't know any different any way.

Word of Jonathan's desire to use his father's sur-name and of who his father was spread quickly too, especially through the Slytherin house. I heard the snide comments and saw the disgusted looks, and they made me want to hex the perpetrators on his behalf. Jonathan, however, took it all in stride as though the words meant nothing to him. I couldn't begin to say how proud I was. He definitely displayed the maturity that was needed to successfully complete the Animagus process…more maturity than we displayed at age thirteen anyways.

 _ **6 September 1996**_

"G'morning, Professor."

"Good morning. Mr. Finnegan."

"You look as lovely as ever."

"Give it a rest, Seamus," Ginny said in exasperation.

"Never," he replied.

I smiled. "I must say, that was a very nice O.W.L., Mr. Finnegan. Your score was almost as high as mine."

"Oh no, Professor. I'm sure you must've had a perfect score."

"And then some. Professor Sinistra _really_ liked me."

"I can' really blame her on that. Would you like to sit an' have breakfast with me—us, with us I mean? Oi! You, first year, scram,"

"Keep your seat Mr. Lovett," I said to the first year boy. "I appreciate the offer, Mr. Finnegan, but I'm on my way to my son, and this book is really heavy. So, if you'll excuse me, I'll be on my way. Mr. Thomas, Ginny." I nodded my head towards each of them before moving down the Gryffindor table to where Jonathan sat with Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

"Mum! What's that?"

"This is called a book, Jonathan." He gave me a dead glare.

"It looks ancient."

"Well said, Mr. Weasley," I said as I moved aside the platters of food to set the book down. "Now, I was up all night in the library looking for this. So if anything happens to it, Madam Pince will come for my head and I will give her yours instead. Understood?"

"No," Jonathan replied. "Why my head?"

"Because, this is for you." I pushed the book his way.

"Again, I ask, what is this? I know it's a book so don't give me that again."

I grinned. That was precisely what I was going to say. Harry laughed.

"This is your first step."

"My first…." His eyes grew wide as he realized what I was saying. "You're going to instruct me?"

I glanced sideways at Ron and Hermione, unsure how much they knew.

"It's cool. They know I want to become an Animagus."

"Of course they do." I really wasn't surprised. "Yes, Jonathan. After careful consideration and much deliberation with Professor McGonagall, in which we delved into great detail your Transfiguration grade, I have decided that yes I will instruct you in how to become an Animagus."

His face lit up with excitement.

"Wicked," said Ron.

"Wait, you talked to McGonagall about my Transfiguration grade?"

" _Professor_ McGonagall, and yes of course I did. Now, I know you gave a very lovely speech before start of term about how I was the coolest Mum ever…"

Ron and Harry both chuckled and Jonathan's cheeks tinted.

"Shove it," he said.

"…But I still had to confer with Minerva on the matter. Now…" I tapped my fingers on the book. "This little gem was quite the life saver back when I underwent the process. Course, I had to read most of it by night under James' cloak as I wasn't able to check it out then. You will be able to read it whenever you like."

"You want me to read that? Which part?"

I grinned.

"Surely not the whole thing."

I grinned wider. "You'll do more than just read it, Jonathan. You are to write an essay using the material in this book as a starting point. You're going to outline, in detail, every step in the Animagus process with particular attention to everything that can go wrong and how to, if able, counteract the mishap."

His eyes widened a little in fear. "How…how long of an essay?"

"There is no set length, just as long as you think necessary to cover what you think is enough detail."

He looked a little more fearful. "When is the essay due?"

"There is no set date; take as long as you need. However, we will go no further until you have submitted the essay and I have reviewed it and found there to be sufficient enough detail. And I do expect you and you alone to write the essay; no one is to write if for you, and trust me, I will know. That being said, should you have a question about one of the steps or mishaps, then Professor McGonagall and I will be available to answer.

"Furthermore, I wholly expect you to keep up your grades throughout the process. The moment they slip, I will halt our progress until such a time as I see your grades improved, and I don't care what step we are on at the time. Do I make myself clear?"

"Perfectly," he said with a gulp.

"Brilliant! I do look forward to this." I stood to leave. "Oh, and I received a message from your father last night. He's…going away again."

"Already? He just got home."

"Two weeks ago, Jonathan, and we're not there with him now. Anyway, he may be difficult to get in touch with for a while. I just wanted you to know." I smiled and did my best to make it believable. Truth be told, I hated Remus going on missions, but our numbers in the Order were few. We didn't have the luxury of opting out, not if we wanted to win this war.

 **XXX**

Jonathan turned in five rolls of parchment an impressive two weeks later. Perhaps more impressive though, was the amount of detail he provided. I was thoroughly impressed. I thought perhaps the essay would have scared him off, but he was more dedicated than I originally thought.

 _ **26 September 1996**_

Before the next full moon, Jonathan came by my rooms where I had an array of various foods and drinks and a few Mandrake leaves. The first step in the Animagus process was you had to keep a Mandrake leaf in your mouth from full moon to full moon. If you took it out for anything or if it fell out, you had to start over at the next moon.

I remember one of the hardest things about the whole process, was adjusting to the way things tasted with a Mandrake leaf in your mouth. And, frankly, learning how not to swallow it. So I decided to set up a trial run for Jonathan.

"Ugh! That's disgusting!" He promptly spat out the bit of chicken and leaf.

I tried not to laugh. "I know. It's one of the longest months you will ever live through."

"Can't I just fast? Or go on a liquid diet?"

"Well… try the juice and see."

Jonathan reached for another leaf, and after a minute or two of trying to secure it he reached for a cup of juice. The result was much the same.

"Fasting it is," he said with a grimace.

"If that was a viable option, I would certainly help you achieve it. But it is not. You cannot fast for twenty-eight days; I'm sorry."

"Then how do you do it?"

"Very carefully. I found it easiest to stick it to the inside of my cheek, and eat slowly. Take small bites. You will, in all likelihood, eat less and lose weight, though, Sirius somehow, managed to gain weight. The weirdo seemed to enjoy the way the leaf made things taste."

"Well… dogs are notorious for eating their own…waste."

I laughed loudly.

We continued for another thirty minutes or so. I picked up a leaf and tried demonstrating. I fared no better than Jonathan had, much to his amusement.

"Alright," I said nearly choking still. "It's getting late. You need to get to the tower and I need to get ready for class."

I reached for my wand and began to clear away our mess.

"Hey, Mum?"

"Yes, Jonathan?"

"Thanks for this, for agreeing to do this I mean. I don't think I've said that yet."

"You haven't. And you're welcome."

"Also, I was wondering….have you heard from Dad recently?"

I froze for a moment. And I had to immediately squash the tears that rushed to the surface.

"You haven't, have you?"

"No. I haven't, but he's all right."

"How do you know?"

"Because I… I just know. I'd know if something was wrong."

"You'd just…know?"

"Yes, and I've spoken to Dumbledore." That was a lie. Truth is I tried to speak to Dumbledore, but he was away at the moment.

"And Dumbledore said he was all right?"

"Yes. Your father is fine, Jonathan. I know you worry about him. I do too, but he's fine. He's a very talented wizard, and he's very good with his defensive magic. Trust me. He's fine."

We had to keep believing that.


	28. A Frosty Trip

**Chapter 26**

 **A Frosty Trip**

 _ **12 October 1996**_

 _…I wish I there was more I could say. I wish instead of mere words on paper, I could be there to wrap you in my arms. Just know that I am well and I am safe…as safe as can be at least. And know that I love you and I long for the day I see you again. The thought of seeing you is all that keeps me going._

 _All my love,_

 ** _Remus_**

I re-read Remus' letter for the third time that morning. It had been delivered not by owl, but by McGonagall through Dumbledore, through…another Order member, most likely Tonks. And it was the first bit of news I'd heard from him since he left on his mission, five weeks ago. I wasn't even sure how long ago he'd written it. I wished I could send him a letter in response, but I knew that was next to impossible.

I looked across the Great Hall down the Gryffindor table. Jonathan was reading a similar letter. As though he knew I was watching him, he looked back at me and smiled. I returned the gesture. His plate, I noticed, was still mostly full. He'd had the Mandrake leaf in for nearly two weeks now, but I knew he was still having a hard time adjusting to it.

I read the letter again for good measure before folding it and tucking it away for safe keeping.

It was the first Hogsmeade weekend of term, and it was cold and sleeting. It was miserable. If I didn't need some new quills and chocolate, I would have stayed snug in the castle. But, as it was, I did need them…the chocolate more so than the quills. So I headed down to the wintery village alongside the students.

As soon as I was through the gates, I apparated a little closer to the village. I went by Honeydukes first and stocked up in attempt to beat the crowd. I left just as Harry, Ron, and Hermione were entering. I made my way down the High Street, passed a boarded up Zonko's, to Scribbulus Ink Supply.

I was tucked behind a shelf examining some new refined parchment when it happened. A couple of students were an aisle a head of me and didn't know I was behind them. I'd like to think, that _if_ they knew then they wouldn't have said what they did.

"I like Professor Potter; she's nice."

I smiled. I recognized the voice as one of my third year Ravenclaws.

"I know…but you shouldn't. She's a Packie."

My smile vanished instantly. That was his older brother speaking.

"What's that?"

"It means… it means she likes wolves."

"I like wolves too. Am I a Packie then?"

"Are you really that thick? Not _wolves_ , werewolves."

"Oh…" The younger brother sounded disappointed. "But why? They're so…"

I decided I'd heard enough, and I really didn't want to hear exactly what they thought of werewolves. It was pretty clear already. So I grabbed the parchment I was looking at, and my self-grading quills, and made for the front counter. Of course, that meant heading up the aisle they were on. When they saw me they both froze with mouths ajar and eyes wide.

I smiled at them. "Good morning, Messers Cole."

"G—good morning, Professor."

"Are you enjoying your first trip to Hogsmeade?"

The youngest brother nodded. "Yes, Professor."

"Good. Make sure your brother takes you by Honeydukes. They have the best chocolate bars there."

I gave another smile and moved on.

"She still seems nice, even if she is a Packie," the youngest whispered.

I wish I could say that was all that happened, but as I was paying for my items, the clerk recognized me and gave me a look that clearly said she thought I was beneath her.

My experience in Scribbulus left me feeling a little down. I was missing Remus something terrible. And since I couldn't curl up next to him by a fire, I just wanted to get back to the castle and re-read his letter again while making a big dent in my newly purchased chocolate supply. As I was making my way back up the High Street, I noticed some commotion in the front of the Three Broomsticks. It took me a moment to realize who it was, until I saw the mop of untidy hair.

Harry had Mundungus pinned against the wall while Ron and Hermione tried to talk him down. Before I could get there to see what was going on, Mundungus had fled.

"COME BACK, YOU THIEVING—!" Harry shouted as he spun around looking for him.

"There's no point," said a familiar voice.

I looked around and saw Tonks standing off to the side. She looked as listless and dull as she had last time I saw her. She didn't appear to notice me either, because she didn't immediately turn and flee.

"Mundungus will probably be in London by now. There's no point yelling," she said.

"He's nicked Sirius' stuff."

"Yes, but still…"

"What's this about Sirius' stuff?" I asked, walking over. Four heads turned my way.

"Kate! Mundungus went back into Grimmauld Place and he nicked Sirius' things! Nicked them!"

I put a hand on Harry's shoulder. "Look, Harry, I understand why this upsets you—I don't like it any more than you do," I cut over him. "But Sirius…he hated everything in that house. He wouldn't care if everything was nicked from it."

"Yes, but Mundungus…"

"Is on our side, but… I will see to Mundungus. You three, go on inside where it's warm and dry."

They nodded and left, Harry more grudgingly than the others. When I turned around I was surprised to find that Tonks was still there. We were both silent for a moment, neither of us knowing how to break the tension apparently. Finally, I smiled.

"Hey. How have you been?"

The answer was obvious in her appearance, but she didn't say as much.

"All right. You?"

"Yeah… Yeah, I've been well too. I…"

"Sorry… I have to go."

The she turned and started walking away. I stood, frozen and hurt, for a moment and watched her. Then something inside me just snapped; I was tired of her running away.

"No. No!" I started after her. "No, you don't get to walk away this time. Tonks… Tonks!"

I was calling her name and I knew she heard me. People were starting to stare but she wouldn't acknowledge me. So I did something a little risky with and Auror.

I turned on the spot and apparated just in front of her. She collided with me straight on and I could feel her reaching for her wand as she started falling. I quickly grabbed both of her shoulders to steady her before pulling her off to the side between two buildings.

"Merlin, Kate! Are you daft! I could have cursed you!"

"Then do it. Go on! Maybe it will make you feel better?"

"What are you on about?"

"What am I…?" I huffed incredulously and shook my head. When I looked at her closely though, she did seem confused, like she didn't know why I was so upset. At least she wasn't running away.

"Look, I'm sorry alright?" I said. "We knew…we knew one of us was going to get hurt in the end. I'm glad it wasn't me, but I hate that it was you. And I don't what to be those girls that let a silly boy come between them."

"You think this is about Remus?"

"Well I'm damned if I know what else it could be."

"I haven't been avoiding you because of him."

"But you do admit to avoiding me? Good. At least I know it's not all in my head, like Remus seems to think it is. So then… what is this about if not him?"

"I… I thought it was what you wanted. Look, don't get me wrong, Remus is a decent bloke. And, yeah, it hurts a little, but I told him to tell you how he felt. He and I never stood a chance against the two of you. A blind man could have seen that, and I'dve been daft to try.

"Did you know, that every time we went on a mission together he spent half the time talking about you, and the other half about Jonathan?"

"He didn't?" I asked in a half laugh-half sob. "That git."

Tonks laughed a little too, and I saw that her eyes had clouded as well.

"That's what I tired telling myself," she said "But it didn't really stick, because…"

"…Because it's Remus," I finished for her. "He flashes those puppy dog eyes and you forget why you were ever mad at him to begin with."

She nodded and we let a moment of silence pass.

"So… this isn't weird for you?" she asked.

"No. Is it for you?"

"Not like I thought it would be."

"Good, because I miss my friend."

"I kind of miss mine too." She paused for a beat before adding. "You don't know where I might find her by chance? She's fit, quirky, a bit of a nutter, but she's a good Mum."

I laughed. "Sorry, kid, you're stuck with me. And if you thought she was a nutter, you've got a whole new world of trouble now."

She laughed a little. "I guess I'll take my chances."

"Good. Are you free now? I could use a friend."

"Yeah, sure. We can step into the Three Broomsticks if you like."

"I was thinking more like the Hog's Head."

She gave me a funny look.

"Abe's less likely to turn his nose up at a Packie."

Her eyes widened and her hair turned red. "No! Who said that? I'll box 'em good."

"Come on; I'll tell you all about it."

We turned and began making our way towards the pub on the edge of town.

"Do you really think I'm fit?" I asked.

"Please. If I were a bloke, I'd definitely want to bang ya."

Tonks and I spent a good long while in the pub. I could slowly see the color come back to her cheeks. We generally stayed away from talking about Remus; though, she did ask if I received the letter he sent, and she waited while I wrote quick one back. I never thought I'd get a chance to write him.

I was among the last to make it back to the castle; night was beginning to set in. There was a strange buzz floating in the air, and murmurs spreading through the Great Hall. I'd already ate in the Hog's head though, so I went straight back to my rooms.

"Where have you been?" Jonathan rounded on me the moment I walked through the doors.

"Sorry. Did I miss my curfew?" I had to hold back my laughter as he sounded like he had a cotton ball in his mouth.

"Katie's been cursed!"

"What?"

"Katie's been cursed! She picked something up at the Three Broomsticks, a package of sorts. She was supposed to deliver it but she opened it and now she's been cursed," he blurted out in a rush, his cheeks flushed.

"Whoa, slow down, Jonathan."

He took a deep breath and repeated what he just said.

"It's bad, Mum; it's _really_ bad. They don't know if…" His voice faded out and his eyes glazed over.

"Oh, Jonathan. I…I'm so sorry."

I set my bags down and pulled him in for a hug. He held me tight and I felt his shoulders shake.

"No one knew where you were, Mum. Harry said you said something about seeing to Mundungus, and… and…Katie was cursed in Hogsmeade. If they can get to a pure-blood here then what would they do to you there?"

"Oh, Jonathan," I pulled back to arm's length. "Look at me. I'm right here, alright? I'm here and I'm fine. No one got to me."

"I see that." He rolled his eyes and tried to put on an air of nonchalance. "So then…where were you?"

"I was in the Hog's Head with Tonks."

"Oh. So then…so you made up then?"

"Yeah we did. She was avoiding me, and you can tell you father that she did admit to avoiding me, because she thought I wanted it or that I'd find it weird because she was almost 'the other girl' or some ridiculous notion like that. Turns out, she also felt a little guilty for Sirius' death and thought I'd blame her. That's why she didn't come to the memorial."

"That's almost as ridiculous as the first thing you said."

"That's what I told her."

"I'm glad you two made up; maybe now you'll stop moping about it."

"Me too. She also volunteered to deliver a letter to your father for me. If you'd like to write one too, I'll see if she can meet me at the gates tomorrow."

"Yeah. Yeah, I do."

"Right. Now, tell me more about Katie. Is she in the hospital wing?"

"I don't know," he shrugged a shoulder, eyes clouding over again. "They said they were going to move her to Sr. Mungo's."

"Well, let's go see if she's still here. If not, we'll stop by Professor McGonagall's and see if she can tell us anything new."

Jonathan nodded and quickly wiped at his eyes. I knew then, that his feelings for Katie were probably still more than just friendly, but that he couldn't say otherwise for whatever reason.

McGonagall couldn't tell us much of anything, unfortunately, and it quickly became clear that Katie wouldn't be returning for some time. Two weeks after she was cursed, Harry had to replace her on the Quidditch team.

Meanwhile, Jonathan's quest to become an Animagus continued. The second step in the process consisted of taking the saliva steeped leaf and placing it in a clear crystal phial that had been struck with the rays of the full moon. Then you had to add a single strand of one of your hairs, a teaspoon full of dew that had been untouched by the sunlight or human feet for seven days, and the chrysalis of a Death's-head Hawk Mouth. The phial was then to be placed in dark and quiet place where it would remain undisturbed until the first lightning storm.

The whole step, however, depended on the night of the full moon being a clear, cloudless night. If the moon's rays were blocked then the Mandrake leaf process had to be started over. When the full moon came around…it was a cloudy night, so Jonathan had to endure another month of Mandrake-Mouth.

October gave way to November, and there was no word from Remus. I saw Tonks since Hogsmeade, and she assured me that she had delivered the letters about a week after our first meeting. But then Remus went underground again. Meanwhile the Daily Prophet continued to report nothing but more deaths and disappearances, both wizard and Muggle alike. The Order was losing ground. And the sinking feeling in my chest was all too familiar. Despite all that, I did my best to hang on to hope; if not for me then for Jonathan and Harry. A little bit of hope was what we needed.


	29. Romantic Getaway

**Chapter 27**

 **Romantic Getaway**

 _ **22 November 1996**_

I knocked on the door before stepping into the warm office. "You wanted to see me, Professor?"

McGonagall looked up from her paperwork. "Yes, this is for you," she said, holding out a small letter. "Miss Tonks brought it by earlier for you, but you were in class."

My heart swelled with joy. If it was a letter delivered by Tonks, then it was most likely the long awaited letter from…

"It's from Remus!"

"I figured as much," McGonagall said dryly as she returned to her grading.

Meanwhile, I took a seat in a nearby chair and read over his words. It began with the typical "I love you" and "I miss you." The middle was filled with a few things that made me blush reading them and yearn to act upon them. But the end…

"I don't believe this."

"Hmm?"

I read over his words again, just to make sure I'd read them correctly.

"I don't believe this!" I leapt to my feet.

"If you don't enlighten me, then I cannot shed light on the situation," McGonagall said.

I looked over at her as she continued to work; I'd nearly forgotten I was in her office.

"He…Remus says he'll be in Hogsmeade next weekend."

"I see… Well, it looks like you're do for a visit as well." She smiled.

"Really? That… that would be amazing, but, I can't. I have rounds next weekend."

Ever since the attack on Katie Bell, security around the castle had been increased. We Professors were now patrolling the halls through the night. We took shifts each weekend.

"I'll see that they are covered for you."

"Oh, would you? That's… that's amazing. Thank you, Professor."

"You won't be getting out of them entirely, you know? You'll simply trade weekends with someone."

"Oh of course! I'll take someone's rounds this weekend, if they want. I'll even patrol the next two after."

"Just one will suffice. So, you and Mr. Lupin are…good then?"

"We're a bit more than that, I think. He's turned me into a giddy schoolgirl with a crush…but with a few more _adult_ tendencies."

"Good, because it's nice to see you happy again."

"I was happy before."

"Yes, but this is different. It's… a deeper happiness. You're a good match for each other; I've always thought so. He brings out the best in you, as you do for him. That's the way it should be. There'll be a ring on that finger before long."

"I wouldn't hold your breath on that one, Professor. Last time I argued for a ring and a family and it tore us apart. I thought I needed it to show him how much I loved him, to show the world how much… But this time… it doesn't matter what the world thinks. I love him and he knows it, and there's nothing I need to do, or say, or wear to make him see it. A piece of metal can't make me love him more, and the absence of one won't make me love him less."

"Still… I'd be surprised if there wasn't one there by year's end. How are Jonathan's studies coming?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Well, I think. He's on his second attempt with the leaf still, but the full moon is Monday. We're hoping for a clear sky. If not though, he's already said he'll wait until after the holidays to begin again; he needs a break from the taste."

"Smart boy."

"Tell me about it. I wish we'd been as much. We were so eager to get to the next phase, that we all went home with the leaf still in and realized we couldn't eat any of the food. So we all agreed to take it out start over when we got back. That was two weeks of Mandrake Mouth for nowt. Well… I'll let you get back to your grading. Thanks again for this."

I held up the letter in a wave before leaving her office.

 _ **30 November 1996**_

Hair, combed and cooperative: check. Clothes, cozy and comfortable yet flattering: check. Teeth, free of food and breath minty fresh: check and check. Lastly, overnight bag packed with a few changes of clothes including some to sleep in (not that I was planning to use those much) and all the necessary toiletries: check, check, and check.

It was finally here. After waiting, possibly the longest week, my weekend with Remus in Hogsmeade was finally here. With a final check in the mirror, I grabbed my cloak, scarf and gloves, and my bag and headed down to the Entrance Hall to meet Professor Flitwick. I may have been among everyone's favorite professor, or at least I was, but I still lacked some of the perks of being a Head of House. This year, that included the updates to the new security wards around the grounds. Only the Heads of House, Dumbledore, and Poppy had clearance to lower them.

When I arrived at the Entrance Hall, Professor Flitwick wasn't there yet. So I popped into the Great Hall to see if Jonathan was there. I'd been trying to track him down to see if he wanted to walk down to the gate with us, but so far he'd been rather elusive since the full moon. Which, by the way, was on a cloudless night allowing Jonathan to move on to the next phase: his daily mediations at sunrise and sunset. I found Jonathan at last at the Gryffindor table surrounded by an array of food where he was amorously shoveling it in his mouth.

"You know you'll get sick if you eat all of that," I said.

"Don' care," he said thickly with a mouthful. I eyed him reproachfully and he swallowed. "Sorry. But do you realize how long it's been since I've been able to eat and actually taste my food?"

"Oh…about fifty-six days or so?"

"Precisely!" he said after doing the math in his head. Then he shoveled another few spoons in his mouth. I pinched my eyes closed to avoid looking at the monstrosity.

"Right. Well, I just came to see if you wanted to come down to the gate with me to see your father, but…I see that you're busy."

"'Orry 'um…"

"Save it, Jonathan. Don't talk with your mouth full and chew with it shut. Despite popular belief, you are never too old to be grounded by your Mum."

He grinned and swallowed. "That's what Mums like to think."

I did my best to cock an eyebrow, but it wasn't as affective as Remus' and both eyebrows rose instead. Jonathan laughed and shook his head.

"I'd love to come down and see Dad, but… I don't really fancy watching they two of you make goo-goo eyes at each other until I leave."

"We do not make goo-goo eyes at each other."

"Yeah…you do. But anyways, tell him I said hi. Maybe I'll come down on Sunday and meet you then?"

"I'm sure he'd love that. Well, I see Professor Flitwick waiting for me now; I'll see you later. Don't forget to do your daily meditations."

"Amato Animo Animato Animagus. I got it. Bye, Mum."

I waved bye as he shoveled yet another spoonful in his mouth.

Flitwick was waiting for me in the hall, and after wrapping up with scarf and gloves we set off at a quick trot. The wind was a bitter blast against the exposed skin of our face, and our pace quickened ever so slightly. As we neared the gate, the beautiful vision of a tall, lanky frame came into sight. I would known the outline of his body anywhere, but in case there was any doubt, Leo could smell him in the air.

"He's really here," I breathed. "I… wait… Who's that with him?"

"It appears to be the Headmaster."

Flitwick was right; it was Dumbledore. That was plain to see the closer we got.

"Should we hold back, do you think? I mean, they may be discussing Order business. Remus' latest mission and all."

"So openly though?" he asked.

"True," I said and we carried on.

As we grew nearer it became evident that they were indeed talking about Order business, as our ears filled with a ringing buzz. Professor Flitwick and I looked at each other before slowing our pace slightly. Then all at once the charm was lifted and the buzzing stopped.

"Hmm, so that's what the muffalito charm feels like," I said, rubbing my ear as though I had gotten too much water in it during a shower.

"Sorry, we were just…" Remus began but I cut him off with a raised hand.

"Stop. Perhaps it's best if I don't know all the details. You're here, clearly alive, and all four limbs appear to be intact."

"Complete with all nineteen digits."

"Good…wait, what?"

"I'm joking. I have all twenty." He smiled.

"Not funny, Mr. Lupin."

"On the contrary. Teasing you is always fun."

"Watch it, or I'll head back up to the castle."

"No you won't."

I wanted to retort, but Dumbledore chuckling reminded me that we weren't alone…yet.

"Ah, to be young and in love," the Headmaster said.

"Those were the days," Flitwick added.

"You know, I don't think we've ever heard of those days for you before. I'm sure there's a story or two there," I said, trying to turn the focus away from me and Remus.

"Oh there is, Miss Potter, but that is for another day I believe. I'm sure the last thing you want right now is to be held up by a story from one of us."

"Indeed," Dumbledore said. "But, I was on my way down for a drink if either of you care to join me."

"Oh not today, Albus. I promised Minerva it would be a quick trip for me, and I dare say these two have other plans," Flitwick said as he pointed towards me and Remus. I could feel my cheeks growing hot despite the cold air.

"Ah yes, I'm sure. Very well then. A good day to you all."

With that, Dumbledore turned and headed on his way. Professor Flitwick bobbled along after him. The moment the two of them rounded the corner, Remus pounced on me pulling my lips to his in a searing kiss.

"I've wanted to do that for ages," his said, lips still brushing against mine.

"I know. Me too." I could feel the familiar prick of tears behind my eyes.

"Jonathan didn't want to come down?"

"He's currently shoveling food in his mouth like it's a dying commodity. And he said he didn't want to watch us make goo-goo eyes at each other. He says 'hi' though."

"Goo-goo eyes, huh? He has a point. Come on, let's get out of the snow." He kissed me again before apparating us away.

We arrived in a chilled room and Remus quickly flicked his wand toward the hearth where the fire roared to life again. Then he promptly turned his attention, and his lips, back to me. He kissed me with such fervor that his teeth scraped against my bottom lip. I couldn't stop the small moan I made as my gloved hands gripped his cloak tighter. I wanted more of him, all of him. I didn't realize I was crying until the tear made its way down my cheek and mingled with our kiss.

"I'm sorry. Are you all right?" he asked, bare thumbs rubbing over my cheeks and his breathing heavy.

I nodded and kissed his palm. "I'm fine. I'm just… I'm so happy you're here. I've missed you, Remus."

"I've missed you too. More than I thought was possible."

We kissed again, but gentler this time.

"Where is 'here', by the way?" I asked as I took a step back to remove my gloves and scarf.

"The Hog's Head," he replied taking my cloak and hanging it with his on the wall.

"The perfect place for romantic getaway."

"It worked for us before."

"That it did." I smiled, recalling the memory. "We told McGonagall we were going home for the break, and we told our parents we were staying at the castle."

"I can't believe she bought that when all the others stayed behind."

I laughed. "As I've gotten to know her better over the last few years, I am certain that she knew _exactly_ what we were doing."

"And she let us go anyway?"

I shrugged. "We were eighteen, together for nearly a year-and-a-half; I think she was glad we were decent enough to take if off campus. Besides, she was always a big supporter of us. She says we're a good match."

"I knew I had good reason to like her."

"So, why the Hog's Head again? Why not take us home?"

Remus shrugged sheepishly. "Honestly? Because I came in last night to be nearer to you. And I figured…Abe's still less likely to judge us."

The way he looked at me, I suddenly knew that _he_ knew everything I'd been trying to keep from him. I sighed and cast my eyes downward.

"Tonks told you, didn't she?"

"She did. As happy as I am that you two are talking again, I wish that you would have told me, Kate."

"How? When? To what purpose, Remus? They're just words." Even as the words left my mouth, I could feel my throat constricting. And I knew Remus could tell.

"Maybe, but some words carry a sting of their own."

"What do you want me to say, Remus? Do you want to hear that you were right? That once people found out about you, about us, then they started treating me differently? Do you want me to tell you how much it sucked to be thrown out of a shop simply because of whom I chose to love? Do you want to know of all the whispers I've heard in the corridors when the students didn't know I was around? Or of how it pains me to watch them struggle with their belief in me because they think I'm a pretty cool professor, but as a person they simply see me as a Packie they're not supposed to like?

"Because, yeah, it sucks and it hurts…more than I thought I would and more than I want it to. But get this, Remus, because I won't keep repeating myself: I. Still. Don't. Care. I don't care what people say about me. I don't care what the world thinks of me. I don't need their approval or their consent to love you. The only people whose opinions matter to me, the only people who could make me question this relationship are Jonathan, Harry, and you, Remus. Now I know how they feel about us, so please, _please_ tell me you're still good with this."

In the span of a single heartbeat Remus had closed the distance between us. He cradled me to him, kissed my forehead, and wiped away every tear I didn't know was falling. Then he kissed me a hundred times over and told me he loved me for each kiss.

Despite the rocky start, we managed to salvage the rest of our weekend together and had a very pleasurable evening. My insistence of not caring what the world thought of me was nothing new. Remus had heard the argument time and time again the first go-around. But now it felt like something between us shifted; I'm not sure what it was. Maybe my words finally sunk in, but in the course of those twenty-four hours, Remus and I connected in a way we never had before.


	30. A Very Marry Christmas

**Chapter 28**

 **A Very Marry Christmas**

 _ **18 December 1996**_

I was swirling and twirling. My stomach was twisting and knotting, and threatening to spill over. Flashes of various fireplaces swam before my vision until at last my feet landed on solid ground in a familiar sitting room.

"Kate! You're here!" Molly said, coming over.

I stumbled over to the nearest empty seat and crumpled into it, hand pressed firmly to my stomach. It still felt like it was spinning and threatening to spill.

"Kate? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Molly," I said, breathing deeply through my nose. "My stomach has just been a little unsettled today. I think I ate something at Slughorn's party last night that's not sitting with me. That, or I over indulged. There, all good now."

I smiled and stood up to hug her neck.

"Thank you for letting us stay here," I said.

"Oh, of course. You are always welcome here."

"Hey, Kate," Arthur greeted as he came over. I took a moment to hug him as well.

"I'll take your bag up for you. You'll be staying in my room," Bill said.

"Thank you. Where's Jonathan?"

"Outside with the boys," Molly replied.

"Any word from Remus yet?" Arthur asked.

"No, but he plans on being here by Christmas. He had to have an emergency meeting with his contact in the pack. I don't know all the details, but he thought it best for us not to be alone."

Now, let me explain a bit. Back in November, Remus and I took some time to talk, really talk, about his mission for the Oder. He was _not_ back with the wolves, but he was still working in close proximity with them. Apparently there was this one bloke, an old friend/acquaintance from the first war: Michael.

Remus was working with Michael all last year trying to persuade him to come to the Order. Well, apparently, Michael met a nice young Muggle and fell in love. We all know how love can touch the heart. So, Michael has been working as a spy for the Order and Remus has been his handler. Remus has had no direct contact with the pack, but it's still been a very precarious situation. So my nerves have been on high alert since I was informed of Remus' current situation and unknown arrival time for Christmas.

"Well," Molly began, drawing me from my thoughts. "You're all welcome to stay as long as you like. Jonathan is bunking in with Ron and Harry, Fleur with Ginny, and Bill is in with Fred and George. So you and Remus will have the room to yourself."

"Now," she continued. "Dinner should be nearly ready. Are you hungry?"

"For your cooking? Always," I said. "I'll go fetch the boys."

Later that night, Molly, Arthur, Fleur, Bill, and I were sitting around talking; the others had gone to bed. Bill and Arthur were discussing the war against Molly's wishes. Fleur was trying to discuss her wedding with Molly and me, but Molly kept trying to get Arthur and Bill to talk about something else. And I was lost in my longing for Remus. I had really been looking forward to seeing him for a few weeks. I was trying really hard not to let my disappointment over his absence show, but I think everyone already knew.

Suddenly the perimeter alarm went off. Arthur and Bill stopped talking instantly and leapt to their feet with wands drawn. We girls were right behind them. A couple of us rushed to the front door while the rest went to the back. I stood with Bill and Fleur at the back.

"There's nothing our way." Arthur said.

"We have one here," Bill replied.

There was one solitary figure approaching with hands raised above his head. One tall, lanky figure.

"'Oo is eet?" Fleur asked at the same time I opened the door and stepped out.

"Kate!"

I ignored Bill and sniffed the air, and I smelled the sweetest scent.

"It's Remus," I said before running out into the snow to meet him.

From the way I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him you'd think it had been a lot longer than two weeks since I last saw him. Then again he hugged me with as much vigor as I gave, even lifting me off the ground and spinning me around. In his arms, it was much easier to ignore the way my stomach plummeted when he spun me.

"Oh, Kate, I've missed you too love, but you should wait for positive identification."

"I did. I could smell you. You have a very distinct smell: pine and mint chocolate."

He chuckled and set me on my feet before kissing me passionately.

"Come on, let's get you inside where it's warm. Jonathan went up not long ago, so maybe he's still awake." I linked my fingers with his and tried to pull him inside.

"No wait. There's something I have to do first." He said pulling me back to him.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you too."

"No, Kate, please…let me finish. I love you, more than anything else, and I've been such an idiot in the past. I don't want to be that same idiot. I know you said that this is enough for you, that what we have is enough and that you don't need more. But why settle for just enough when you can have everything?"

"Being with you, Remus, would never be 'settling', and don't ever let me hear you say that again."

"But, Kate…"

"No buts, Remus. I mean it. Now come on; it's cold out."

"Marry me," he blurted out as I tried tugging him to the house again.

"Wha—what?"

He smiled, clearly amused at my elegant response.

"I love you, Kate. I love you, and I want you to have everything you deserve, everything you've dreamed of. So please…"

I watched in amazement as the snow began to fall around us and he went down on one knee in the already packed layer of it. He reached into the pocket of his cloak and pulled out a tiny box. It was a little rough around the edges as though it had seen a few years, but when he opened it to reveal a small diamond ring, I saw nothing else.

"Will you, Persephone Kate Potter, marry me?"

I was shaking, not from the cold but from glee. When I looked into his eyes, I saw that same glee reflected back at me. I wanted to shout my response for all to hear, but words were failing me at the moment. So I did the only thing I could. I nodded tearfully and stuck out my left hand. The simple action was enough for him and he slid the ring on my finger. Then he stood and swept me into his arms for another long kiss.

"You will eventually have to say something, you know," he teased.

"Yes. Yes, Remus; I will. And I can't believe you used my full name." I slapped his arm playfully.

 **XXX**

 _ **Meanwhile, Inside the Burrow**_

Molly Weasley tried to mind her own business. Truly she did. But her best friend had been out in the cold for longer than one should be without the proper weather wear. What's more, it had begun snowing again.

"What could possibly be taking them so long?" she asked.

"Mum, don't…"

"Molly, dear really. Let them…"

"Oh! Arthur! Come quickly…"

Arthur and Bill rushed over, with wands ready, faster than Molly could finish her sentence. But what they found was not a horde of Death Eaters like they nearly expected. Instead, they saw Remus bent on one knee.

"Well, it's about bloody time," the eldest Weasley said.

"Oh, Arthur!" Molly squeaked tearfully.

"'Ee is proposin' in dee snow? Oh 'ow romantic," Fleur cooed while Bill wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"My proposal wasn't so bad; was it?" he asked.

"'Oo mean once you stopped fumbling wit' dee ring? No. It was perfect."

 **XXX**

I could hardly believe it, and I found myself staring at the diamond on my hand as often as I could. The ring had once belonged to Remus' mother, Hope. I can only imagine how much convincing it took for Lyall to part with it. Jonathan and Harry were both happy for us, but being very boyish about it. Fleur offered to share some of her tips and bridal magazines with me. But Molly was simply ecstatic. I truly think she may have been more excited than I was; I was mostly still in shock.

Molly immediately started talking about planning a lavish affair. She, of course, offered to host it at the Burrow and said we could shoot for late June or Early July. Fleur found this very upsetting since she and Bill were planning their wedding at the Burrow for early August. Molly even suggested that we could have a double wedding. I had to squash that idea very quickly before Fleur could let that Veela temper fly.

In all honesty, none of Molly's ideas sounded very appealing to me, and I could see Remus physically blanching at some of the more lavish ones. I just wanted something quick and simple. I didn't want to make a big fuss over it; I never did.

Lily and James had a nice simple wedding with just their close friends and family in attendance in Godric's Hollow with Father Tom presiding over the ceremony, and it was breath taking. That's the sort of wedding I wanted. And I knew Remus would be more comfortable that way. I tried to tell Molly this on several occasions over the following week, but she just wouldn't hear it.

So Remus and I took matters into our own hands.

 _ **25 December 1996**_

I woke early on Christmas Day and just laid in bed trying to sort out my thoughts while Remus had yet to stir. I say I woke early, but really I barely slept. My twisting and knotting stomach from Slughorn's party had yet to subside. If anything it had gotten worse, and I couldn't figure out why.

Then, about halfway through the night, it suddenly hit me what _could_ be the cause. I didn't want to believe it. I tried to convince myself that couldn't possibly be the case, but then I started to put the pieces together. As I did, _that_ became a very strong possibility.

Of course, I still didn't know for sure…but I knew I had to tell Remus.

The mattress shifted beside me as Remus rolled over and draped his arm around me.

"Hmm, good morning," he whispered before kissing my cheek. "Have you been up long?"

"Not long, no," I lied with a small smile.

I knew I needed to tell him my theory; that wasn't the question. The question was how? When? Was now the right time?

"I couldn't sleep much either," he said.

"Really?"

"Yes. Too excited." He gave me another quick kiss to the cheek. "Come on, we should get up and get going before we miss our window."

He rolled out of bed and began gathering his clothes.

"Remus, I…"

"You stay here and get dressed. I'll go wake the boys and we'll meet you downstairs."

"Remus, there's something I need to tell you."

"Well, can it wait? We have to hurry if we want to leave before Molly wakes."

I hesitated only for a second, but that was enough.

"That's what I thought. I love you; I'll see you soon." He gave me another quick kiss, this time on the lips, and left.

I fell flat on my back on the bed. He was right though; we had to hurry if we were going to beat Molly.

About fifteen minutes later, I descended the stairs of the Burrow. Remus, Jonathan, and Harry were waiting for me in the sitting room. Remus' face lit up in a giant smile when he saw me, but Jonathan and Harry still looked half asleep. All three of them were dressed sharply in their dress robes; Remus even sported new second-hand robes for the occasion (he refused to let me buy him all new ones).

"Mum? Whuz all this ah…?" Jonathan asked, but he cut himself off mid-yawn.

I didn't answer him. Instead, I asked Remus, "Has she…?"

"No. There's been no sign of her. Do you have the…?"

"Yes. And you got the…?"

"Yes."

"What are you two going on about?" Jonathan asked. Again we didn't answer him.

"What about Tom?" Remus asked.

"He's meeting us there," I replied as I reached up to straighten his tie. For a moment the twisting in my stomach became more of a flutter. We were really going through with this.

"Tom?" Harry asked, sounding a little worried.

"An old family friend," I said. "Come on, grab your cloaks; its cold outside." I already had mine on hiding my new winter cream dress.

"Right. Care to tell us where we're going now?" Jonathan asked.

"Not yet," Remus said.

Then with a quick kiss to my head, he turned and ushered the boys out the front door. What I didn't realize was that at the moment we left the house, Molly left her bedroom. We had just made it to the outer edge of the barrier when she came running out into the snow.

"Now where do you lot think you're going?"

Remus and I sighed and shared a look.

"And we were so close," he said.

"We still are. Go; I'll deal with Molly and meet you there."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, go on. I'll be right behind you. I promise."

He paused a moment to take my face in his hands and kiss me softly. Then he grabbed the boys by the hand and spun them into nothingness.

"What's going on? Where did he take them? And where are you going all dressed up?" Molly asked with a slight huff-n-puff.

I sighed and turned around to face her. Her cheeks were flushed and she was in nothing warmer than her dressing robe.

"To the chapel in Ottery St. Catchpole," I replied.

"Wha—why?"

"Because… I tried telling you several times last week, Molly. I don't want a double wedding with Fleur. I don't want my own ceremony in June. I'm too old for something grand. We just want something simple and fast. I love you, Molly; you're my dearest friend, but Remus and I have to do what is right for us. And this is something we should have done ages ago."

"But… you'll need a priest, and I know Reverend John is away for the holidays," she tried arguing.

"Yes, but Father Ton from Godric's Hollow has agreed to do it. He wed Lily and James so he's familiar with the situation."

"Well…well… you'll need a witness."

"Jonathan will stand for me, and Harry for Remus."

I could see the fight leave her eyes as it was replaced with hurt.

"We wanted to ask you and Arthur, Molly; really, we did. But you wouldn't hear of anything less than a grand celebration. And that's not what either of us want. Please, try to understand, Molly. This is what we want to do."

"I… I didn't realize a small ceremony was so important to you. I thought… I thought you were just trying to be modest."

"I'm not. I wasn't."

"Oh… Oh alright then. Go on. Who am I to make a bride late for her own wedding?"

"Well, it's not like they can start without me."

She smiled. "Still, you don't want to keep the boy waiting too long."

"Thank you…for everything." I hugged her neck tightly, a sudden and almost overwhelming burst of happiness washing over me. Then I took a step back, turned and apparated to the chapel in the snowy village.

 **XXX**

The moment her best friend apparated away, Molly rushed back into the warmth of her burrow. But she took no time to relish in the warmth because there was no time to waste. She quickly summoned a pot and wooden spoon and banged loudly on the pot's bottom.

"UP! UP!" she yelled through the silent house. "THERE'S NO TIME TO WASTE! QUICKLY NOW!"

She continued to beat on the pot as she ascended the stairs. Her husband and eldest son were the first to appear with wands in hand. Then came her daughter and twin boys, followed by her youngest son. Last, but not least was the lovely and beautiful Fleur Delacour.

"Whuz goin' on?"

"Molly, dear, what is it? What's happened?"

"Muumm, why all the noise?"

"Dis is most uncivilized."

"Where's Harry and Jonathan?"

"They're already at the chapel. They're getting married," Molly said hurriedly.

"Wait… Silver Eyes is marrying the Chosen One?"

"But they're cousins… aren't they?"

"Yeah, and I thought he had a thing for Ginny."

"What!" Ginny exclaimed. "Who?"

"Oh never mind that," Molly said. "We've no time. We must hurry. Kate and Remus are getting married now! Everyone come quickly! No—as you are, Fleur! We've no time for proper dress."

"But I am 'orrible…"

"You're as lovely as ever, Sweetheart," Bill cooed, leading his fiancé down the stairs.

"Where to, Molly?" Arthur asked, pulling his cloak over his pajamas.

"They're not far. The little chapel in town. But we must hurry."

"Take Ginny and go. I'll come with Ron and make sure the others follow."

Molly followed his instructions and quickly hurried back out into the snow. Once beyond the barrier, she took Ginny's hand firmly and apparated. Molly arrived outside the quaint chapel a second later. She could hear the 'pops' of air as the rest of her family arrived, but she wasted no time in hurrying inside.

The chapel was brightly lit, and the doors to the inner sanctuary stood wide open. At the top of the aisle, Molly could see Father Tom standing with Bible in hand. Jonathan and Harry stood near him, still rubbing the sleep out of their eyes. But a little distance away stood Kate and Remus, talking quietly amongst themselves. From their demeanor, Molly could hazard a guess at what they were discussing; she'd been meaning to say something to Kate about it herself, but the timing never seemed right and Kate always claimed she was feeling fine.

They hugged suddenly and Kate looked relieved, but at the entrance of the rest of the Weasley Clan she hurried over.

"Molly? What are you doing here?"

"We're not too late are we? Oh please say we haven't missed the ceremony."

"No—No, we haven't started yet. I…"

"Good. Good." Molly looked over her shoulder. "Come on in then and take a seat. We're just in time."

"I don't understand, Molly. I…"

"Well, you didn't think I'd let you do this without your whole family present. Did you?"

"Oh, Molly…"

Kate could say no more as she was overcome with emotion. Instead she simply leaned in for another hug.

"Thank you."

"Of course, Dearie. You look lovely by the way. Oh! And…" Molly leaned in close to whisper so that only Kate could hear. "I know of a little potion that can answer that question you have."

"How…?"

"I've been through the signs a time or two myself, you know. We can take care of it when we get back. But first…"

"Right. Thank you, Molly. Thank you everyone, for coming."

"Are you ready, Kate?" Remus asked as he placed a hand on the small of her back.

"Yes." Kate looked up at him and smiled with fresh tears in her eyes. "Yes, I am."

* * *

 **:D And a very** _merry_ **Christmas to all of you! My first Christmas chapter at Christmas! I hope it didn't disappoint. ;)**


	31. The Lupin Pack

**Chapter 29**

 **The Lupin Pack**

After exchanging vows, the entire party returned to the Burrow for presents and a Christmas dinner. Molly and Kate out did themselves with the meal they provided. There was a sweet ham, a roast chicken, potatoes and carrots, green beans and field peas, a delicious cranberry jam, and pudding enough to satisfy the sweetest tooth.

After devouring all they could, Kate and Molly disappeared upstairs while everyone else nursed their overstuffed bellies. Remus could only assume that Kate was telling Molly what she had told him before the wedding, and he tried to keep the fear from his face as he anxiously awaited their return.

"So, Remus, how do you feel?" Bill asked.

"Hmm?" Rems responded with wide eyes. "Why…why…how do you mean?"

"Geeze, Dad. Did the food addle your brain that much?"

Bill laughed while Remus did his best to smile convincingly.

"How do you feel now that you're a married man? Do you feel any different? What do I have to look forward to?" Bill asked.

"Oh," Remus smiled in earnest. This was something he could answer easily.

"Yeah, yeah I do feel different somehow," he said as he spun the gold band on his finger. "It's strange, you know. It's…" Remus struggled to describe exactly how it felt; maybe he couldn't answer it so easily.

"Right now you feel like you couldn't possible love Fleur any more than you already do, yeah?"

Bill looked to his fiancé with obvious adoration in his eyes and smiled. "Yeah, I do."

"But you will," Remus said. "In that moment, the instant those vows leave your mouth, it's like you suddenly love her ten times more; it seems impossible, but it happens."

"And then each year thereafter the feeling only intensifies," Arthur added.

Bill continued to lock eyes with Fleur as he said, "I look forward to it."

Meanwhile, Ginny made a not-so-discreet gagging motion and Fred and George made poor imitations of their eldest brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law. Harry, Jonathan, and Ron all concealed their laughter behind their hands with more success.

Remus was acutely aware of the moment Kate made her return, and he glanced over his shoulder. He could see the fear in her eyes, and what's more, the Wolf could smell it. He knew the answer even before she gave the slightest downward nod of her head. He paused for only a second before leaping to his feet and rushing to her. Molly squeezed by them and did her best to give them some semblance of privacy at the foot of the stairs, as she went about clearingthe table and trying to get the others to help her.

"What do we do, Remus?" Kate asked, and he could hear the slight tremble of her voice.

He cupped her face in both his hands and pressed his forehead against hers.

"I… I'm not sure; you'll have to guide me through it, but we will do it together. I love you, Kate. I'm yours, now and forever. We do this together."

"Are…are you scared?"

He could feel a few tears leak out of her eyes and slide under his fingers.

"Yes, a little," he said honestly. "But… But I'm excited too. I think… I think I'm more excited than scared."

"Yeah?" She pulled back to look at him, as though trying to read the truth in his eyes.

"Yeah."

She smiled tearfully. "Me too. Me too," she repeated with a laugh. Then Remus wasted no time in swooping down to kiss her.

"Are either of you going to tell us what's going on now, or do you have to carry us away to another secret ceremony?" Jonathan asked.

Kate laughed and pulled back from her husband. Remus, however, did not want to let go so he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind.

"Well, Jonathan…" Kate began. "This is something I won't be able to keep secret for very long, so I might as well tell you all now. I'm…" Kate paused and looked over shoulder.

" _We_ ," she corrected, "are having a baby."

Instantly, Molly clapped her hands together and cooed her excitement as she hurried over to hug each of them. Arthur was right behind her.

"Oh 'ow wonderful!" Fleur cooed as she gave them each a kiss on the cheek. "I adore babies and zey me. If you want me to keep 'er, any time. Any time."

Kate laughed. "Thank you, Fleur, but we have some time before we're in need of a sitter."

"Her?" Remus questioned.

"Or 'im. No matter to me. I adore zem both."

Meanwhile, as everyone offered their congratulations, Jonathan remained quiet. His silence didn't go unnoticed by his parents.

"Jonathan?" Kate said, and Remus could hear the uncertainty in her voice. He placed a hand on her shoulder in support.

"You… you mean, like…a _real_ baby?"

Kate laughed. "Yes, a real baby, Jonathan. We're not having a plastic one."

"So, I'm…I'm going to be a big brother?"

"Well, we know who the bright Lupin will be," Fred said.

"Yes, you see, you'll be the 'big brother' because you're older," George explained.

"Meanwhile he'll be the 'little brother'…"

"…or sister."

"Meh. Who wants a sister?"

"Oi!"

"Sorry, Ginny. I forget you're a girl."

"Git."

"She may be a girl, but she can still beat your sorry bums at Quidditch."

"Thanks, Harry."

Harry nodded and tried to hide the reddening of his cheeks by looking away and taking a sip of his drink.

"This calls for a toast. Arthur…"

"I'm already on it, Molly."

Arthur began rummaging through the cupboards, pulling out glasses and a dusty bottle. A moment later the glasses were being passed around.

"Molly, I can't," Kate protested.

"It's cider, Dear," Molly insisted as she pushed the glass into Kate's hand. "Arthur, will you do the honor?"

Arthur raised his glass in offering while wrapping his other arm around his wife.

"To Mr. and _Mrs_. Lupin," he began.

"Ooh! I love the sound of that already."

"And to little Baby Lupin, a great witch or wizard in the making," he finished.

"To the Lupin Pack," Jonathan said. "Hey I guess we really are making our own pack now."

Everyone chuckled and clinked their glasses with those around them while echoes of "to the Lupin Pack" resounded off the walls.

"Hey, Bill, any tips on how to be the cool older brother since these two fall short?" Jonathan asked while pointing to the twins.

"Oi—"

"—We resent that!"

Bill laughed. "Grow your hair out and get a piercing."

"No!" Kate and Molly both said.

"I thought you liked my long hair."

"I like your hair on you, not on my son. Oh perk up, Remus. You know I think the bit of gray in yours makes you appear wiser."

"Yes, Dear."

"Get used to those words, my friend," Arthur said with a clap on Remus' back.

"Er—Mum," Ginny called as she looked out the window.

"What? What is it? Oh! Oh, Arthur, look; it's Percy. Percy's coming here, and… and he has the Minister with him."

 **XXX**

"What were you three thinking?! Were you completely out of your minds? That was completely unacceptable behavior!"

"It was only mashed parsnips," Fred defended.

"Percy's being a complete git," Ginny argued.

"Yeah, and he deserves much worse than mashed parsnips on his face," George added.

"Of course he deserves worse! That's not the point!" I declared. "The point is, that you didn't stop to consider your mother's feelings at all. She hasn't heard from or seen the boy in months! Do you have any idea what that does to a Mum! Of course you don't! And I don't think any one of you have tried to figure it out!

"Now I don't for one second believe his being here today was at all genuine. Anyone but your Mum could have seen that. He was simply a pawn used by Scrimgeour to try and get at Harry."

I paused and looked over my shoulder at Harry, who was huddled in the kitchen with everyone else trying to stay out of the way.

"And we _will_ discuss what that was all about, Harry, later."

I turned back to the three Weasleys on the sofa before me.

"But he was here! For one blessed moment, he was here and she got to hold him! Then you lot went and spoiled it! You tainted the whole moment black! Now, instead of seeing this Christmas as the one where he came home, every time she looks back on it she's going to remember your bickering, and she's going to remember the way he stormed out of here, and she's going to remember the utter depression she felt when she thought her family would never be whole again.

"I hope one day you learn how to hold your tongue and just let your mum have her moment. As for today, the three of you will go outside and shovel the walk way. I want it perfectly clear, without a trace of snow or ice on it. And without your wands, thank you." I gave a flick of my wrist and all three of their wands soared into my hand. They all walked away, moaning and groaning about the unfairness of it all.

"And that was not the hormonal tirade of a pregnant lady!" I called after them. "Believe me, those are worse!"

Remus coughed. "Did you say worse?"

I looked his way and smiled apologetically. "Sorry, but yeah. Maybe this one will be better, but _that_ one," I pointed to Jonathan, "made me mean."

"It hasn't even been five hours and already I'm ' _that_ one.' Gee, thanks, Mum. And just how did I make you mean?"

"Because every time I wanted to sleep, you wanted to roll around or kick making it virtually impossible."

I took a few steps towards the kitchen when suddenly it felt like the room was moving faster than my feet.

"Whoa…"

"Kate! Are you all right?" Remus asked, grabbing hold of my arms to steady me.

"Yeah…yeah, I'm just a little light-headed all of a sudden."

"Come on, have a seat. Someone fetch her some water, quickly now. Do I need to call someone? Do you need to see a Healer?"

"It's alright, Remus. I'm fine. The feeling has passed now."

"What was it? Did something happen? Is something wrong? Maybe we should call Molly down here."

"Don't you dare; I'm fine. Really, I am. This sort of thing is normal. I just got worked up shouting at the twins…and Ginny. I expended all my air."

"You're fine? You're absolutely sure?"

"Yes."

He exhaled loudly, and I smiled fondly. I placed a hand on his cheek.

"There's so much you don't know, about what's going to happen, so much we need to discuss."

He took my hand from his cheek and kissed the palm.

"And we will."

There was a span of a few heartbeats where we just stared at each other in silence, a smile on our faces. As our fingers entwined, my fingers found the unfamiliar bond around his. The significance of what that indicated, a long forgotten dream come true and a promise, a vow, of the unimagined future that lay before us brought tears to my eyes.

"Er—did you still want the water?" Harry asked, looking down at us with eyes that said he may have just intruded upon something very personal.

I coughed to clear my throat, and Remus moved from kneeling before me to sitting beside me.

"Well, I am a bit parched," I said. "Thank you, Harry. Oh! The other day you said you wanted to talk."

"Oh, uhm, yeah…" he glanced at Remus briefly. "But I guess it doesn't matter much now. I checked the book like you suggested and it was published over fifty years ago."

His last sentence was clearly directed at Remus as I hadn't the faintest idea what it was about.

"Sorry I couldn't be of more help, Harry."

Harry shrugged a shoulder. "You've been more help than you know."

"What was that all about?" I asked after Harry walked away.

Remus sighed. "He thinks the Malfoy boy is behind the attack on Katie Bell, and he thinks Snape is helping him."

"Well there's a scary thought."

"You can't really believe there's any truth to that."

"Why not? It wouldn't be the first time a student used dark magic to attack another. You remember Avery's gang, right? The same gang that Snape was a member of. And I know you haven't forgotten what Rosier and Mulciber did."

"Of course I haven't forgotten. It still makes me sick to my stomach. He also thinks Malfoy has the mark; the boy's only sixteen."

"And? Regulus wasn't much older when he got his. It devastated Sirius when it happened. He lost all hope for his brother then. I know you want to wish things are different these days, we all do. The truth is, things _are_ different, but not in the way we want them to be."

Remus and I sat on the sofa for a while longer, while Jonathan voluntarily cleaned the kitchen and Harry and Ron went outside, likely to gloat. When they came back in a short while later, Ron appeared upset with bits of snow in his hair and Harry looked like he was trying not to laugh. Molly came down a short while after that and made straight for the kitchen to clean, only to find it already spotless.

"Oh, Jonathan," she gasped and gave him a big, teary hug.

"I just want you to remember who the favorite is since I've already been declared 'that one' by my Mum."

I rolled my eyes. I had a feeling he was going to try and milk that for all it was worth.

"Kate? Remus? What are you two still doing here?" Arthur asked as he came down the stairs. "I thought you would have snuck out for your honeymoon already."

"Oh, we weren't really planning on a honeymoon."

"What! Nonsense," Molly exclaimed coming over to us. "Every couple needs something of a honeymoon."

"Why? Everyday I'm with him it's like a honeymoon."

Jonathan groaned and gagged while Arthur chuckled.

"Still, it's your wedding night. You should at least return home for a night alone."

"Molly, are you throwing us out of your house?"

"If that's what it takes then yes."

I turned to look at Remus to find him blushing slightly.

"Well… I guess we do have a lot to talk about."

"You better do more than simply talk," Molly said.

I laughed and Remus' cheeks turned even redder. Meanwhile I could hear Jonathan still groaning in the background.

"That certainly falls on the list of things you never want to hear your parents say," Bill said.

There were murmurs of agreement from the other "kids."

"Well… alright then. I guess she's tossing us out, Remus."

"I didn't think I'd see the day when Molly Weasley refused refuge," he said.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake! You two are more than welcome to come back…after you've taken some time as husband and wife."

I couldn't help the smile that graced my lips at the word "wife." That was going to take some getting used to, but I knew I would love every minute of it.


	32. Honeymoon Hideaway

**Don't let the first sentence fool you. This chapter remains PG-13. :) Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 30**

 **Honeymoon Hideaway**

 _ **Late 25 December 1996**_

 _I moaned into his mouth and bucked my hips to meet his as his hand roamed under my blouse._

Flooing back to the cottage was rough. I spent the first hour back home sitting by the toilet. The second hour I drank water and ate crackers. The first thing on my "to-do-list" was to pick up some ginger tea. Finally, towards the end of the third hour I felt up to playing Husband and Wife.

 _The fire that was in the pit of my stomach was like a ravenous beast by the time he took of my shirt._

The thing about making love with Remus was, yeah we could do the quick and dirty and oh-so-good gig, but more often than not…he was a giant tease. He liked to take his time. He liked to get me all hot and bothered. He like bringing me to the edge and then pulling back, keeping that desirable outcome just out of reach. But then when he gave it to me, he _really_ gave it to me. So since he liked to make it last, the clothes usually came off slow and sporadically.

 _He tossed my shirt aside and I tilted my head, exposing my open neck to him. I pulled my lips between my teeth to stifle another moan as his lips found the sensitive skin and his hand grasped roughly at my bra-clad breast._

Remus also did this thing with his tongue. I can't really describe it, but it felt amazing. And he could do it anywhere: in a kiss, on my neck, while nursing a breast, and even when he was devoting his attention a little lower.

 _He did the tongue thing on my neck, and I whimpered. My hands balled up his shirt in my fists as I tried to show my desperate need for it to be removed. I wanted more of him. He shifted and began to move his focus lower. His hand moved over the smooth skin of my flat stomach, reaching for the button of my jeans. I lifted my hips in anticipation; he had great hands too._

Then he stopped…all of it. He stopped the movement of his hand. He stopped the kissing of my torso. And worst of all, he pulled back and sat up. Then he ran his delightful hands over his face.

I moaned at the abrupt departure. "Gahh, Remus. What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry, Kate, but we shouldn't be doing this."

"Doing what? Stopping? Yeah, I agree. So why don't you get back over here?"

"No… I mean, you're… You're pregnant, Kate, and I don't want to do anything to hurt the baby."

"Oh ha ha. Very funny, Mr. Lupin. Now, come on; we can still pick up where you left off."

I closed my eyes and laid my head back down, waiting for him to resume, but he never did. I opened my eyes again and propped myself up on my elbows.

"Oh my God; you're serious."

The corner of his mouth lifted in a grin. "No. I'm Remus. I thought you would have the two of us sorted by now."

"Ugh! You did not just do that. I can't believe you would bring him into this right now."

"You're the one who mentioned him by name."

"Stop! Okay, just stop! I do not want to talk or think about Sirius while I'm sitting here topless and trying to shag you."

"But I am…" he hesitated as he reconsidered his words, "…not joking, about what I said. I don't want to risk harming this baby of ours."

I felt a little sorry for laughing at him now. By the look on his face, he truly was worried that he might hurt our baby; somewhere, deep down, I knew it was more than just in _this_ instance. I sat up and placed a hand on his cheek.

"You won't. Right now the baby is barely recognizable as a baby. I guess I'm about…" I did the math quickly in my head, "…six weeks along. So it's probably no bigger than the nail on my little finger."

"Six weeks? I think your math is off. We saw each other less than a month ago."

"Right, which is when we made this baby of ours. But for medical purposes, you're pregnant two weeks before you conceive."

"That makes no sense," he said, his face winkling.

"It makes perfect sense if you understand the biology behind it."

He scoffed. "I understand the biology of it. You produce the egg; I provide the sperm. We put them together and nine months later you get a swaddled bundle of joy."

"Wow." To be honest I was little speechless. "That is a very rudimentary explanation of it. Wow. I… I just… Wow."

"I may not know all the intricate details, but my understanding is more than rudimentary," he defended. "But, really, how much more is there to it than that?"

"How much more? How much… Where's my wand?"

"Why do you need your wand?" he asked as I began looking around the bed for it. I found it lying on the table beside the bed and I scrambled to reach it. Once in hand, I gave it a little wave and a box of books appeared on the floor next to us.

"What's that?"

"Those are all my books dealing with pregnancy and the reproductive cycle of humans."

He gave me a funny look. "Why do you have so many books dealing with the same thing?"

"Why do you have so many books on defense techniques?"

"Simple, because there's a lot to know."

"Precisely. Look, when I was pregnant with Jonathan, I was terrified. I didn't know what I was doing and I felt completely alone. I denied it for the first two months; I told myself I was just ill, that it was just the stress of a darkening war and crumbling relationship. It wasn't until Lily's party that I finally admitted it to myself.

"Then all I had was Lily. I made her swear not to tell James because I knew James would tell Sirius, and then word would get back to you. And I knew word shouldn't get back to you because _I_ had to tell you, only… I was scared. I didn't know how you would react or what you'd do. And you managed to get this ridiculous notion in my head that any child of ours would come out mutated somehow or infected, even though all studies concluded otherwise because lycanthropy can only be passed via a bite _at_ the full moon. But still, you were adamant and…And this is not meant to make you feel guilty, so stop."

I paused and took a deep breath.

"The point is, I was scared and Lily didn't have the answers to my questions. So you know what we did when we didn't have the answers to something. We turned to books until we found them. And this box is the result of our collective research. Part of it, at least, the ones I found most helpful; the rest are still in storage.

"It has everything in there you could possibly want to know, and more than a few things that you don't. But this one is my favorite." I reached over the side, pulled out a book, and handed it to him.

"' _So You're Pregnant. Now What?_ '" he read aloud.

"It breaks down the pregnancy week by week. You know…how your body is changing, how the baby is growing, things you should eat, things you shouldn't, how to deal with morning sickness, even how your magic is affected by that of the baby's. And so, so much more. Too much to get into right now.

"What I'm really looking for is this." I flipped to the correct page and handed it back to him. "This is what the baby looks like at six weeks."

"This? This is what's inside you right now?" Again he scrunched up his face. "It looks like a warped fish."

I rolled my eyes. "A little, yeah, but look at this: the actual size. See how small it is? You can't hurt it with a little intimacy. In fact, the book encourages sexual intimacy between partners, especially early on. You can still do it later in the pregnancy, but it might be difficult to find a comfortable position or achieve the right angle.

"And at the end of the forty weeks, when that swaddled bundle of joy arrives, it will completely rob you of any manner of social life for about fifteen years. And you can forget about love making for the first few months because you're going to want every moment you can spare for sleep because they feed every three hours, poop every four, and cry for attention in between. So you better take advantage of the time we have."

"And you're sure it won't harm the baby if we do."

"Yes, I'm sure. The baby's magic will protect it."

"Oh thank Merlin!"

Then he tossed the book over his shoulder where it landed with a thud against the wall, all before attacking my lips once more.

"Mmm…" I pulled back slightly. "Take it slow, my Dear."

"As you wish." He grinned slowly. "Mrs. Lupin."

This time, I attacked him.

 **XXX**

The alarm went off without warning, rudely jarring us from our slumber.

"What the bloody…"

My words died in my throat as I shared a wide-eyed look with Remus. We both knew what that sound meant. Someone had passed through the outer perimeter without proper clearance.

We stumbled from the tangled heap of sheets in a rush, and quickly slipped into appropriate clothes. The sudden movement made my stomach churn, but I squashed the urge to vomit. I grabbed my wand from the table and tossed Remus his. Then we both left the bedroom.

"I'll take the back," Remus said as he was the first one out. That left the front yard for me.

Before I could take more than a step, Remus grabbed my wrist and spun me around. His lips crashed into mine, saying everything he did not dare to voice. Then he all but pushed me towards the front door and sprinted for the back himself.

Upon stepping onto the front porch, my eyes immediately caught sight of the long figure approaching the house. He stumbled a few steps, as though drunk, before collapsing to his knees…where he wobbled and toppled over face first in the snow. My maternal instincts kicked in and they wanted me to run to his aid, but I was able to push that aside.

My eyes scanned over the rest of the yard. I neither saw nor heard anything else. So I tapped into Leo using her better senses. I saw with her eyes, the lightly falling snow. I heard with her ears, the rush of wind through the trees. And I smelt with her nose, the scent of blood than made my nose sting. Still I did not move forward.

 _Homenum Revelio_ , I focused on the words, wand held aloft. The fallen man in the snow lit up, but nothing else.

 _Accio invisibility cloaks._ There was no reaction.

I tried a few more revealing and detecting spells, but the only thing that ever showed up was the man in the snow. So I determined there wasn't anyone else there. Still, I remained on guard as I approached the man. The burning in my nose and the queasy stomach grew worse the closer I got.

His clothes were frayed around the hems and roughly patched in several places, much like some of Remus' old things. With another wary look at my surroundings, I carefully rolled him on to his back. I stared down at an unfamiliar face lined with scars, some were older than others.

The scars and the tattered clothes were not what made my stomach drop and the bile arise though. It was the fresh wounds that were carved into his skin, wounds that did not merely occupy his face but his arms, his legs, and his torso too. The snow where he fell was tinted red from blood that continued to flow. I knew these kinds of markings too.

He was a werewolf.

It struck me that this might be Remus' contact in the pack, Michael. At first I was furious with him for giving away our home address, but then I reasoned that he only did it in case of an emergency. Looking at Michael's bloody form now, this was clearly an emergency of the life or death kind.

I sent a Patronus to Remus, telling him that I was okay, but that he needed to hurry his butt over here. A Patronus, by the way, that was a very lovely and very stable leopard; no more flickering half-wolf. Turns out all I had to do was confess my feelings for Remus and be true to who I really was. It's the simplest solutions sometimes that are the hardest to do.

I turned my attention to Michael and began to seal his wounds as quickly as I could. They were deep and many. He'd lost a lot of blood walking this far into the yard, and there's no telling what sort of damage apparition caused.

Suddenly, his hand reached up and grabbed my wrist. I jumped causing my wand to go off track and create another gash on his arm, but he didn't seem to notice.

"John…" he pleaded almost desperately, his eyes wide with fear.

I swallowed back my own fear. John? Was he trying to say Jonathan?

"John…" he repeated when I didn't respond. "Howell… John Howell…"

"Howell? Who…?"

It dawned on me. Howell. Hope Howell Lupin. Remus must have used his mother's maiden name as his own in the pack. Very clever.

There was the crunching of snow under rapid foot falls behind me. I whirled around with my wand ready, firing a quick stunning spell. Fortunately Remus was prepared and blocked it easily.

"Merlin, Remus!"

"Sorry; you said to hurry over."

He dropped to his knees beside me in the snow. I knew it was him because when he defended against my attack, the ring on his finger caught the light.

"Michael? Michael, can you hear me?" Remus asked, but the battered wolf was out cold again.

"He's lost a lot of blood, Remus. And look at these marks. What else could have made wounds like these but…"

"I know, but… the moon was two days ago."

"That doesn't stop some… We have some supplies in the bunker that will help. He knows you; stay here with him, and I'll go get the supplies."

"Kate, no! It's too dangerous for you to go alone."

"Either I go alone to the bunker or I stay alone with him. One of us has to go or he'll die for certain. I love you, Remus; I'll be all right."

I kissed him quickly before rising to my feet. "Get him inside."

I knew he really didn't want me to go, but he knew I was right. So I left swiftly before he could stop me.

I hurried through the woods swiftly yet quietly. Remus had an underground bunker where he went for his monthly transformations. Remus hated the idea of being locked in a cage as much as I did. So he created the bunker. It was surrounded by a Muggle repelling charm, but if they managed to stumble upon it, it looked like an abandoned hunting shack. Inside there was a small den with old furniture that had been broken and repaired numerous times, a heavy durable cabinet that housed medicinal supplies, and a series of underground tunnels that crossed and looped for the Wolf to run off some energy.

Finding my way through the forest to the bunker in the dead of night was a little tricky. It was made that much harder by the fact that I had only been there a few times. I almost swooned with glee when it felt the familiar brushing of Remus' magic, like a warm breeze across my skin. A moment later and the bunker came in sight. I hurried inside, went to the cabinet, and grabbed all the supplies I could carry inside the fold of my nightshirt.

I was making my way back through the woods when I came across someone else. Her pink hair was nearly bright enough to create its own light. I quickly drew my wand on her before she could shift her appearance to mimic mine.

"Tonks? What are you doing here?"

"Remus sent for the Order. Mad-Eye's back the cottage with him and the other bloke, Arthur and Bill are securing your wards, and I was sent to find you."

"I had to get some supplies for Michael. He was mauled by…"

"Greyback."

"Greyback?"

Tonks nodded. "That's all I got before leaving to find you. It doesn't look good, Kate; we better hurry."

And so we did, failing to take the necessary precautions in doing so. I could feel the re-enforced wards as we crossed into the yard. We sprinted across the open yard towards the house, the stench of blood growing ever stronger. Inside it was overwhelming, almost to the point of knocking me off my feet.

The sofa had been transfigured into a hospital bed, and Michael was laying on top looking unconscious once more. Mad-Eye was hovering over him, trying to mend the damage that had been done. I dumped my supplies on a nearby table.

"I grabbed everything I could," I said.

Talking had been a big mistake though. The air was so saturated with the stench of blood that when I opened my mouth to speak, I could taste it. My stomach churned violently, and I knew I was about to lose the little bit of food I had. Without any further words, I left the cottage and stepped back out into the snow, hoping the fresh air would alleviate the feeling.

It didn't.

"Kate? What's wrong?" Tonks asked as she followed me out.

"I…I'm going to be sick. I… I can't… Oh God… Quick, get me out of here."

Apparently she could sense my desperation because she quickly wrapped her arms around me and apparated us away.

 **XXX**

Apparating was no better than using the floo. The instant we landed in a quiet, dark alley I turned away from Tonks and bent over a nearby trash bin. When I stood straight a little later, I gladly accepted the offered towel.

"Feel better?" she asked.

"No," I groaned.

"Come on; my flat's not far from here."

She wrapped her arms around me again and led me down the street. We were in London, south London by the smell of it, somewhere by the docks as I could hear the horn of a ship pulling in.

She led me to an old brick building with a few loose bricks. The doors were unlocked allowing us to walk on in. We took the lift up, four or five floors. The rattling and the shaking were almost enough to make me lose my stomach again, but the stop pushed me over the edge.

"Not here; we're almost there," she said, pulling me along.

I fought the urge, but part of me wondered why. By the look and smell of it, I wouldn't have been the first to lose their stomach on the floor. At last she stopped in front of unit 520.

"Where…"

"Second door on the right."

I took off in the direction she indicated and mercifully found a toilet. When I was able to sit back against the wall again, my hands were shaking. I'd never really liked the sight of blood and thanks to Leo I've always been more sensitive to the smell of it, but I've never had such an adverse reaction to it.

Tonks walked in with a glass of water and a pack of crackers.

"Feeling better now?"

"More stable at least. Thank you."

I drank the water and nibbled slowly on the crackers.

"I suppose a congratulations is in order," she said nodding to my hand.

"Oh… yeah. Thanks."

"When did it happen?"

"Uh—this morning…or yesterday morning I guess. Christmas morning, whenever that was."

She smiled.

"It was a spur of the moment kind of thing. He proposed a week ago and we had to act quickly to keep Molly from planning a double wedding with Bill and Fleur."

Tonks laughed dryly. "I doubt Fleur would have allowed that."

"Yeah, but Molly would have pushed and there would have been a duel to the death I think."

"Not sure where I'd put my money for that one."

"Tell me about it."

"I guess another congratulations is in order. How far along are you?"

I smiled weakly. "How did you know?"

"I had a friend once who got pregnant; apparition made her queasy too. And I haven't known you to be squeamish at the sight of blood."

"About six weeks by my calculations."

"When did you find out?"

"This morning, or well…yesterday."

"Does Remus know?"

"Yeah. Yeah he knows. And he's excited; he's really excited I think. "

"Are you not?"

"No, I am, I'm just… I'm scared, Tonks. I mean, what are we doing? We're bringing a child into the middle of a war. Tonight I had the bloody body of a spy show up at my door, and Remus… Remus…" Tears threatened to spill and I quickly swiped at my eyes.

"Remus is fine, Kate. And so are you. I get that you're scared, but if any couple can figure out how to raise a child in a war, it's you and Remus and Molly and Arthur. You're going to make it through this."

Tonks moved to the floor to pull me in for a hug. As she did, the front door opened.

"Kate? Dora?"

"We're back here, Rem!" Tonks called, getting up from the floor. A moment later Remus replaced her.

"Kate! Are you…?"

"I'm fine, Remus. You?"

He swallowed roughly and leaned his forehead against mine. His body was shaking; his adrenaline was racing.

"I'll give you two a moment alone, and put on some tea. You're welcome to stay here for the night. Shall I transfigure the sofa?"

"Yes; thank you, Dora."

"Sure thing. Congrats by the way." And then she left.

"How did you know I was here?"

"Dora sent me a Patronus. Are you really all right? Why did you leave?"

"Apparently this child of ours doesn't like the smell of blood. How… How's Michael?"

Remus pinched his eyes shut and shook his head. "He didn't make it."

"Oh, Remus, I'm sorry."

I slid my arms around his neck and pulled him in for a hug. His head dropped onto my shoulder, as his began to shake.

"He met a girl, Kate. He met a Muggle and he married her, Greyback found out and he…he sent the pack on her whole family. Her mother and father, her brother, even…even her nieces and nephews. Greyback had them all killed and he made Michael watch; he was mauled when he escaped to warn me. And then you…you were gone, and I…I didn't…"

"Shh, I'm here, Remus. I'm right here." I hugged his neck tighter.

"What are we doing, Kate? What are we doing bringing a child into this?"

I couldn't help the smile and the relief that flooded me.

"We'll figure it out, Remus. If any couple can raise a child in a war, it's us. It's us," I repeated as I held him close.


	33. The Compromise

**Chapter 31**

 **The Compromise**

 _ **3 January 1997**_

I walked through the silent and empty halls alone. A few weeks ago the suits of armor were all singing Christmas carols. Now they were silent, apart from the occasional shuffling or sneezing.

I'd arrived earlier that day, flooing straight to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey was there waiting for me. She examined me, congratulated me, and gave me a few tonics to help with the morning sickness.

The morning sickness had begun a few days ago. Prior to that I was only ill when I traveled by floo or apparition. After visiting Madame Pomfrey, and swearing her to secrecy for twenty-four hours, I headed to my office to get some work done. Now I was on my way to see the Headmaster with letter in hand.

The letter was a compromise I'd made with Remus. He didn't want me returning to Hogwarts at all, but I was able to convince him that I had to, in part at least.

 _ **1 January 1997**_

 _"I have to go back, Remus," I insisted._

 _"Kate, please reconsider this. I know you dislike the idea of leaving mid-year, but you have to consider the risk," he argued back._

 _We'd been having the same argument for nearly a week now, ever since Michael showed up half-dead on our front stoop. Remus hadn't wanted to return to the cottage, and we knew we couldn't stay with Tonks or discuss everything we needed to at the Burrow. So we went away. We ended up staying at a small hotel in Northern Ireland while Harry and Jonathan stayed at the Burrow. I guess you could say we took a honeymoon after all._

 _A good bit of our time there, not all of it mind you but a good bit, was spent arguing over whether or not I should return to Hogwarts. Remus didn't think me and the baby would be safe there._

 _"You saw what Greyback did to Michael, and I can't bear to lose you the same way."_

 _"You won't, Remus. How would Greyback even get to me? Do you think he's going to attack me on the Astronomy Tower? He can't get into Hogwarts. I'll be safe there; we both will be."_

 _I placed a hand over my stomach. I wasn't showing yet, but the meaning was still there._

 _"Don't you see, Remus? He's part of the reason why I have to go back. Him and all the nay-sayers of our union. I won't let them think I didn't return because I was afraid or ashamed of us. I want to show them all who the new Professor Lupin is. I don't want our child, our children, thinking I turned away from something out of fear of what others might think of me."_

 _"Pride? You're going back because of your pride?"_

 _"Not just my pride, Remus, but yours as well. I have to go back because of_ _ **our**_ _pride."_

 _I took his hand and placed it over mine on my stomach._

In the end, a compromise had been met. I would return to finish out the school year and then I would resign and spend the time with our new expanded family. It was a good compromise, definitely one I could live with. I decided it would be best to inform Dumbledore sooner rather than later. I knew he was extremely busy this year and this would give him plenty of time to find a replacement. I had to inform him of my pregnancy anyways.

I delivered the password to the gargoyle, thanks to Poppy, and walked up the spiral staircase. I knocked on the door, but by the sound of it, I was not the first to visit the Headmaster that day. The talking ceased and the door opened to reveal Dumbledore and Snape. Snape turned his cold, dark eyes on me in a fierce scowl.

"Am I interrupting? I can come back later if need be."

"Then do so."

"Not at all, Professor Potter," Dumbledore said over Snape. "Please, come in."

Snape looked downright hateful, and I knew that he wanted nothing more than for me to leave so he could finish his argument. However, this was Dumbledore's office, not Snape's. So I pushed on.

"Actually, Sir, I'd like to be referred to as Professor Lupin now." I flashed him my left hand to show off my ring. Dumbledore smiled but Snape rolled his eyes loudly.

"Of course, of course. And my congratulations to the both of you. Minerva will be thrilled."

"Yes. Yes, I'll have to tell her that she has some divination skills. Well, anyway, that's one thing I came to tell you. This is the other."

At the sight of the letter his smile faded and his shoulders drooped.

"You're leaving?" Snape asked in a bored tone.

I eyed him suspiciously, waiting for his inevitable condescension, but he said nothing more.

"I don't want to, but…yes. Effective at the end of June."

"And there's no way I can persuade you otherwise?" Dumbledore asked.

"Not this time, no. I'm sorry, Professor. It's like I said though; I don't want you, but I _need_ to. And this has nothing to do with the war." I looked accusingly at Snape.

"Did I say it did?" he drawled.

"And don't try to either. The war could end tomorrow and I would still need to take the time off, because…" I looked back to Dumbledore with a sudden rush of emotion.

"Because, we're… We're extending our family."

The sorrow at my resignation was suddenly replaced with sparkling joy. His eyes shone bright and he smiled gleefully.

"I've already been to see Madam Pomfrey and she confirmed it. I'm about seven weeks now so we're looking at another mid-August birth."

Dumbledore chuckled and clapped his hands together. He looked rather on the verge of happy tears. Snape was mercifully keeping his disdain to himself.

"Marvelous! Splendid. Many more congratulations are due you both," Dumbledore said, rising to his feet. Many of the portraits around the room began clapping and offering their congratulations as well, and I swear I saw the Sorting Hat smile.

"May I?" Dumbledore asked as he walked around his desk with his arms held out. It took me a second to realize he was asking to touch my stomach.

"Oh…Oh yeah, of course. Though I must warn you, that it is still too early to feel anything just yet."

That didn't seem to deter him at all as he laid both hands on me.

"Motherhood: perhaps the greatest bit of magic this world has ever known, bringing forth new life into this world. Thank you for sharing this great gift with me."

When Dumbledore looked up at me over his glasses, I was certain this time. I saw his eyes glistening with tears.

"You're…you're welcome…Albus."

He smiled and nodded as he stood up once more.

"I'm sorry, Severus, but I cannot continue our discussion from earlier. Perhaps another time."

"As you wish, Headmaster."

"And see to it that Professor P…excuse me, Professor _Lupin_ returns to her quarters safely."

With that we were both dismissed. I looked at Snape and he scowled at me before turning with a swish of his cloak. I rolled my eyes and followed behind him. I was not surprised when at the bottom of the stairs he didn't stop to wait for me and instead headed off in his own direction.

It made no difference any way because I wasn't going back to my quarters. I'd sworn Madam Pomfrey to secrecy for twenty-four hours, but I knew the moment that time was up she'd run to tell everyone she could find. I had to tell them first. And I knew McGonagall would be sorely displeased if she wasn't among the firsts. So I went by her office, only she wasn't there. I knew sometimes during the holidays that she liked to spend some time in the staff room. Fortune decided to smile my way as I found not only her but also Professors Flitwick, Sprout, and Slughorn, as well many of the other staff members.

"Good! You're all here," I said.

"Kate! Come on in. We're just having one last bit of merry-making before the students arrive," Slughorn said as he ushered me into the room.

"Did you have a good Christmas?" Sprout asked.

"Exceptionally good, yes."

"Sherry?" Flitwick offered.

"Oh, no thanks. I shouldn't."

Professor McGonagall eyed me curiously. She'd never known me to turn down a glass of anything.

"On second thought, actually, I will take that glass. Thank you."

I didn't drink any of it, of course, but I used it to tap on the side and gain everyone's attention.

"Sorry, this won't take long. Yes, do I have everybody? Thanks. I… I just wanted to say a few things. First of all… it's Professor Lupin now…"

I held up my left hand and gained the expected response from everyone. McGonagall merely smirked.

"When?" she asked.

I eyed her, knowing exactly what she was getting at. Part of me wanted to say New Year's Day, just to wipe the smug look off her face. But I couldn't.

"Christmas morning," I replied.

"So…before the year's end?"

"Yes before the year's end. Now stop gloating you smug tabby. I bet you couldn't have seen this one coming, even if you borrowed one of Trelawney's crystal balls."

"What's that?" Professor Trelawney asked, popping up from behind the sofa, her magnified eyes boring into me.

"Oh! Hi, Sybill. Did you have a nice Christmas?"

"Yes. Yes, I did actually."

"Good. That's good."

"Get on with it, Kate," McGonagall said.

"Get on…? Oh! Right. _That_. Right, well the second thing I wanted to say was…" I paused a moment and dropped my voice down to a more somber volume. "I will be resigning my post as of June."

"What!"

"Why?"

"You can't!"

"Kate?"

"I know. I know it's not what you wanted to hear. It's not what I want to do really, but I have to… No… No it is; please, hear me out. I'm leaving because…come August…" My voice cracked a little.

"Come August, there will be another little pup running around."

There was a moment of silence in which I smiled before the room erupted in cheer once more. I looked to McGonagall to see her smiling and nodding her approval, a small tear on the corner of her eye.

 _ **5 January 1997**_

The students returned on Sunday. Everyone wanted fast but safe transportation, so a onetime floo connection was made. All the students flooed into the office of their Head of House. Hermione came and found me not too long after she arrived.

"Congratulations, _Professor Lupin_." She smiled brightly.

"Thank you. Who told you?"

"Ginny. It sounds like I picked the wrong Christmas at the Burrow to miss."

"Perhaps, but I am certain that your parents were glad to have you back."

"Dad especially."

"Out of curiosity, why did you miss it?"

"Because boys are stupid."

"Ah, yes, well I hate to break it to you, but they never outgrow their stupidity. They may have their moments of wisdom, but look at Remus; it took him twenty years to propose. Don't tell him I said this, but that's partly why I was so insistent upon having the wedding so soon. I didn't want to give him a chance to change his mind."

"I don't think that would have happened. A blind man could see how much you two love each other."

I smiled and nodded.

"So, how are you feeling?"

"Tired mostly. Morning sickness is so exhausting."

"Is there anything to be done for it? A spell perhaps?"

"Poppy gave me some tonics to help, but as far as a spell… No. There's nothing to be done for it. The baby surrounds itself with its own magic, so a spell won't work against it."

"But you can drink a potion because it gets in your system."

"Correct, Miss Granger. I just have to tough it out for the next six or seven weeks, then mercifully, it fades."

"Well, I'm so happy for you and for Remus. I know he'll make a great dad."

"So you've already forgotten about me too, eh, Granger?" Jonathan teased as he came in. Hermione rolled her eyes and smiled.

"As if your ego would let anyone forget you."

"He gets that from his uncles," I said.

Hermione laughed. "Well, I'm going to go freshen up on my knitting skills. Congratulations again."

"Thank you."

She gave me a quick hug before leaving, and I turned my focus to Jonathan. I could see the slight forming of bags under his eyes, as though he hadn't been sleeping well. And when I looked into his eyes, green like his father's, I could see the turmoil that lay within. He'd been worrying about us. Without a word, I held out my arms for him, and he walked into my embrace.

"I'm here; I'm all right." I pushed his hair back and kissed his forehead, an action that I had to stand on my tiptoes to do now.

"How's Dad?"

"He's fine." He pulled back and looked at me doubtfully. "Michael's death shook him for a while, but he's fine. Really, he is."

"How can you know that?"

"Because he told me as much." I showed him my hand and pointed to my ring. "We placed a protean charm on our rings. We can't say much, but a little heart let's us know that the other is safe. Two hearts will let him know that you're safe too."

I tapped my wand to my ring where two tiny hearts appeared.

"That has got to be the chessiest thing I have ever heard." Then he looked up at me and smiled. "Thanks, Mum."

"So, how was the rest of your holiday?"

He shrugged. "It stormed at the Burrow while you were gone."

"An electrical storm?"

He nodded.

"And your phial was here."

He nodded again.

"I'm sorry, Jonathan."

"But…maybe it didn't storm here, right? Maybe it's still all right?"

"Maybe. But how will you know?"

"I'll… I'll look at it and disturb it, ruining it if it didn't storm. And if it did storm and I wait for the next one, then it becomes poison. There's no way around it, is there?"

"I don't believe there is. I'm sorry."

He cursed.

"Jonathan!"

"Sorry, Mum, it's just… Now I have to start all over again."

"Yes, you will. Do you have any idea how many times I had to start over? We began the process in third year, with research. We didn't complete the transformations until the beginning of our fifth year. You've only been at this for four months, and already you're well beyond where we were in the same time frame."

"I guess… but I don't have to nick my mandrake leaves and hide them either."

"And you've got a pretty good instructor too."

He shrugged. "She's all right."

I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest. He smiled.

"You're too easy to rile up some times. Thanks, Mum. I'll go see if I can find Professor Sprout and ask her for another leaf. The moon's in two weeks, yeah? I want to be ready. Nothing's going to get in my way this time."

"That's the spirit."

"Love you, Mum."

"Love you too, Son."

* * *

 **A very lighthearted chapter, but I felt it was necessary.**


	34. Usual Standards

**Chapter 32**

 **Usual Standards**

I don't know if it had been so long since I was pregnant with Jonathan that I simply forgot how bad it was, or if perhaps this time around it was just worse, but morning sickness was kicking my bum.

Majorly.

I couldn't eat anything more than a few crackers or some dry toast. I was so hungry. But even walking by the Great Hall made me sick. Poppy's tonics did little to assuage the feeling. As such, my temper was on a very short fuse. Add to that the additional hormones and everyone was pretty much as miserable as I was.

 _ **22 January 1997**_

I looked up from the first year essays I was grading. My eyes grazed over the goblet that had been suddenly placed on my desk; it was filled with a potion that for once was not making my stomach churn at the smell of it. My eyes continued to follow up a set of black robes, down a long hooked nose, and to the black beady eyes of Snape.

"What is that?" I asked.

Snape rolled his eyes. "Even with your abysmal skills, I still thought you would recognize a potion when you saw it."

My eyes narrowed to thin slits.

"Trying to poison me? June not soon enough for you?" I pushed the goblet back his way. "I think I'll pass."

"If I wanted to poison you, you wouldn't know it was me." He pushed the goblet back across the desk. "Drink."

I sat back in my chair and gave him my full attention. "You must have hit your head harder than we thought when Harry blocked your spell." His eyes darkened dangerously. "Oh yes, I know about that. He sent you flying across the classroom and through your own desk from what I hear."

He slammed both his hands on my desk and leaned towards me, but I didn't flinch.

"That pompous, arrogant, fool can't block his mind. He'll never be as good as he thinks he is."

"Careful, Professor. You wouldn't want to under estimate a Potter…again."

He stood straight again and sneered. "I've done my part. Now, unless Dumbledore wishes me to force feed…"

"Dumbledore? Dumbledore asked you to brew this?"

"Well surely you didn't think I came here out of the kindness of my heart?"

"You'd have to have kindness there first… and a heart. Why did Dumbledore ask you to do this? What's it supposed to be?"

"It's for your… _illness_." He scowled.

"I. Am not. Ill. I'm pregnant." His scowl deepened. "And Poppy has already given me tonics."

"And they're not working."

"They work well enough. I don't need this."

I pushed the goblet his way again and stood. I meant to take the essays to a filing cabinet for safe keeping, but after only two steps I became short of breath and my knees buckled. I stumbled into a shelf, knocking a few books over, and dropping the scrolls.

"Yes. Clearly they're working wonders."

Having regained my balance and my breath, I pushed myself off the wall and took a few steps towards him.

"Am I to believe then, that you're simply the loyal puppet doing the Master's biding? Which master are you serving this time?"

"You insufferable, arrogant, pretentious…"

"Pretentious? Me?"

"Yes; you're as pretentious as your brother…"

"I know it wasn't just Rosier and Mulciber on the tower that night!" I shouted suddenly, cutting him off.

"What?"

We'd slowly been inching towards one another, but now he took a step back. And I took in a deep breath.

"I know it wasn't just Rosier and Mulciber on the tower the night they attacked me. There was a group of them. Now, you may not have been among them…I would have recognized the foul stench…but I bet damn well you knew who was, and you said nothing. Nothing. I can forgive you holding your tongue when it was simply me; I was the sister of the enemy after all. But what about Ruth, a quiet Hufflepuff? Or Janice? Emily? Brittany? Kari? Or any of the others. What did they ever do to you? What did they do to deserve such treatment?"

There was a ringing silence and a pulsing throb in my head.

"I am sure this potion will perform to your usual standards, for the same reason the Wolfsbane worked so well for Remus, because you can't brew anything to less than perfection. But I want nothing from you, Snape. So just…leave, and take that with you."

I looked away from him to swipe at the tears that had started to fall, but I could hear him doing as I asked. He took the goblet and began to leave. Then he stopped at the door.

"Knott, McNair, Carrow…" he listed about a dozen names I recognized as Slytherins that were all in school while we were. Some were older, some were younger.

"They were led by Avery. As far as I'm aware, no one was ever targeted because they deserved it. It was just a matter of convenience."

And then he left for good. He didn't try again, but the next day Madam Pomfrey came to see me. She had a new tonic for me to try that smelled remarkably similar to the one Snape made; I drank it easily. And when I was able to grace the Great Hall without getting sick, Snape and I both pretended as though his visit had never happened.

 **XXX**

February was fairly uneventful for me. The new tonic made the morning sickness more manageable, and by mid-February it faded out entirely. It felt so good to be able to eat again. I lost quite a bit of weight in January, but I began putting it back on in February.

I could feel other changes in my body begin to occur as well. I had to make a few minor adjustments to my clothes, though it still wasn't an obvious showing.

Jonathan restarted the Animagus process in January. When the full moon in February came around, it was a clear night so he proceeded on to the next step. He was now back to his daily meditations while he waited for an electrical storm. He could now feel a second heartbeat during his mediations.

With Poppy's assistance, _I_ could hear a second heartbeat too and I cried when I did.

 **XXX**

March, however, had a dark beginning.

I was in the hospital wing for my weekly checkup with Poppy and listening to the baby's heartbeat, when Slughorn rushed in. His cheeks were red and he was panting rapidly.

"Hur…hurry…b-boy, Welenby…"

"Welenby?" Poppy asked.

"Weslenby?" he looked a little confused. "You know, the Gryffindor boy. Very talented sister. Friends with Potter."

"Weasley? Ron Weasley?" I asked, sitting up and dropping the spell.

"Yes! Yes! That's the one. Quickly, he's been poisoned. In my office."

Madam Pomfrey hurried after Professor Slughorn without further hesitation. Meanwhile, I went about trying to get things ready for her. I prepared a bed and summoned the things she might need. When she returned a little while later, Professor McGonagall was with her and Ron was laid out on gurney before them. At the sight of Ron laying unresponsive, I became highly emotional. I knew I would be no help in that state, so I left to wait for Molly and Arthur.

Ron had a very unlucky birthday. He woke up, ate some chocolates laced with an old love potion, and had to be taken to Slughorn for an antidote. Slughorn cured the effects of the potion easily. Then he tried to offer Ron a pick-me-up, an old bottle of mead. It was inside the mead that Ron came in contact with the poison. Had it not been for Harry's quick actions in shoving a bezoar down his throat, then Ron might have died.

 _ **4 March 1997**_

I was being summoned to the Headmaster's. I can't remember the last time I was really summoned. I'd accompanied him back to his office a few times while we were talking, and I'd gone to see him on my own. But to be truly summoned…to have a letter drop on the table before me while I was eating, to see his old, elegant script asking to see me at my "earliest convenience"… that hadn't happened in quite some time.

I may not remember the last time I was summoned, but I do remember the first.

 _ **4 September 1971**_

 _"Huh!" I gave a little gasp and dropped the letter into my eggs as though it suddenly burned._

 _"Kate? What… Is that a letter from the Headmaster?" James asked._

 _I nodded. "He…he… he wants me to come see him…in his office."_

 _I was immediately filled with a sense of dread. What if he realized there had been some mistake? What if I wasn't meant to be at Hogwarts?_

 _"I don't even know where his office is," I said desperately, as though that would somehow get me off._

 _"It's on the third floor, behind a large griffin gargoyle. You give it the password and it reveals a staircase up to his massive office," the boy, Sirius Black, said._

 _Black was one of James' dormmates, and they were quickly becoming friends. So Black, and the other boys in the dorm, Lupin and Pettigrew, often sat with us at meals and in class._

 _"You've already been to see the Headmaster?" I asked in disbelief. What sort of friends was James making?_

 _"Sure did," he said, sounding proud. "Do you remember that Howler I got first day?"_

 _"It was awful."_

 _"It was expected after my sorting. Ole Dumbles called me up to see how I was doing. It's like that Hagrid bloke says, he's a good man, Dumbledore."_

 _"But why does he want to see me? I haven't received a Howler."_

 _"And you're not likely too, either. Mum and Dad love you," James said. His tone softened when he realized his flippant one wasn't helping. "Look, maybe it's about that…other thing you told me at the feast? Maybe he's found out something new."_

 _My eyes widened, and I looked quickly towards the other boys. They didn't know about the fire, or my hospital stay, or that I was even adopted. I caught Lupin's green eyes, but he quickly looked away._

 _"But…but how could he have?" I whispered, leaning into James. "It's been nearly two years. I… I thought they were… How?"_

 _He shrugged. "Dunno. Would you like me to come with you?"_

 _I shook my head quickly and he raised his eyebrows in question. I nodded slowly._

 _"Maybe…just to the gargoyle?"_

 _"Alright, mates, you heard the girl. We're escorting her to the Headmaster's gargoyle."_

 _"What!" I exclaimed as both James and Black jumped up. "I…I didn't mean the lot of you."_

 _"Well… look at it this way," Lupin began a little hesitantly. "Peter and I aren't escorting you; we're tagging along to make sure these two don't get into trouble while they wait for you."_

 _"We are?" Pettigrew squeaked while Black laughed._

 _"Good luck with that. Now…" He grabbed my hand and pulled me up. "Onward my fair damsel in distress."_

 _I pulled my hand from his. "I am not a damsel in distress."_

I smiled fondly at the memory as I climbed the staircase. Dumbledore, of course, hadn't summoned me to tell me I didn't belong, nor did he have any new information for me; he merely wanted to know how I was adjusting. I wondered what he could be summoning for this time. Had the pregnant hormones gone a step too far without my realizing it? Or had something happened to…

I took the last few steps up at a faster pace. And I hardly waited to be welcomed in after knocking. I just barely caught sight of a head of sandy blonde hair speckled with grey before I was wrapped in the familiar scent of mint chocolate.

"Remus." I breathed him in. "Are you all right?"

He chuckled lightly. "Fine. And you?"

"I'm… fine; I… When the Headmaster asked to see me, for a moment I thought…"

"My apologies, Professor Lupin," Dumbledore said. Remus and I pulled apart. "It was not my intention to cause you alarm."

"It's alright, Sir; I understand. So why did you ask to see me?"

"Simply for this. In light of recent events, the cursing of Miss Bell and the subsequent poisoning of young Mister Weasley, it occurs to me that Hogwarts could do with a bit of extra security. So, I have called upon a few Order members to help patrol at night. Mr. Lupin, here, is among those who have agreed to help."

I cast a curious and excited glance at Remus; he was smiling. Did this mean I would get to see him more often?

"Now, the others have homes and families to return to. However, since Mr. Lupin's family is here, I thought…" The Headmaster held up his hands and shrugged. Then he smiled.

My excitement grew a little more.

"This is under the explicit understanding that your quarters are to be treated like your home. What happens there, stays there, and it is not to be displayed about the castle."

"Oh! Of course not, Sir. I would never…we would never… We'll be completely professional about it all. You have my word."

"I know you will be. Now, if you'll both excuse me. I have some other business to attend to."

"Of course, Professor, and…thank you."

Remus and I left the large office together. His hand was on my upper back as he guided me through the door, and it spread warmth through my whole body. He was here! He was really here! I thought we were going to have to wait months to see each other, but he was here!

Apparently, he had similar thoughts, because the first secret passage we came to, he took my hand and pulled me behind the large tapestry. There, in the dark, he let his lips ravish mine. I could slowly feel myself slipping to a point of no return.

"Hmm… this…" I pulled back slightly and lit my wand. "This is precisely what Dumbledore told us not to do."

"I know, I know, but… You can't really blame me, not when you look as radiant as you do."

"Radiant? Alright, Mr. Flatterer, there's no need for all of that."

"I'm not trying to flatter you; it's the truth. You've always been beautiful, Kate, but when I saw you in the Headmaster's office a moment ago, you took my breath away, quite literally. And now, here you are, with tussled hair and red cheeks…"

"My cheeks are red because you just snogged me in a secret passage like we were sixteen."

"Yeah I did. And I'm about to do it again."

He did just that and I did nothing to stop him. I relished in the feel of him pressed against me. I beckoned him closer as I pawed desperately at his cloak. I was hungry for more of him, and that's when I knew I had to do the impossible.

I pulled back again.

"We can't do this here."

"What do you say we take this back to our quarters then?" he proposed suggestively.

"Abs… Actually, I've got a better idea."

"Hmm… then I can't wait."

I kissed him quickly before smoothing out my hair and peeking around the tapestry.

"It's clear; come on."

Remus was straightening his robes and his hair, _oops_ , when he left the passage way.

"How do I look?"

"Like you're worthy of another snogging, but I really can't kiss you right now."

"Why not?"

"Because…" I eyed him hungrily. "I won't be able to stop myself a third time."

He smirked proudly. "Glad to know I still have this effect on you."

"Mmm-hmm," I agreed. "I want to be eighty and still not be able to keep my hands off of you. So… How long have you known about this?" I asked as we began walking.

"Only long enough to pack a few things and get here."

"And Jonathan?"

"Doesn't know yet. I didn't want to risk him spoiling it for you, or taunting you with it more likely. Why are you taking me to the hospital wing?"

"You'll see," I said with a grin.

"Professor Lupin," Ron said, sitting up in bed.

"Good evening, Mr. Weasley," I replied.

"Oh! Er—yeah…"

"Oh? I think that was meant for you."

"How very astute of you," Remus said. "How are you feeling, Ron?"

"Er—All right, you know. Bored."

"Oh? Eager to get back to class already? I'd be happy to speak to Madam Pomfrey for you," I said.

"No! Arrrgh," he moaned rather unconvincingly. "Best to stay here until she releases me. Just to be safe, you know."

"Ah, yes, of course."

Ron nodded and made a great show of lying down in pain. Although, why his leg seemed to be hurting so much, I'm not sure.

"Did I hear my name? Oh, Kate, Remus, how can I help you?"

"Hi, Poppy. Can you do for him what you do for me?"

For just a second she seemed confused, and then she smiled.

"Take a bed."

I grabbed Remus' hand and eagerly pulled him back a few beds. While Poppy pulled the curtains to, I sat on the bed and pulled my blouse up to my chest.

"Wow, you're… Wow."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I gave Remus the warning eye.

"Beautiful. You're beautiful. Very beautiful. Like always."

I smiled. "And I have a pregnant bump."

"A very small bump. Hardly noticeable at all."

"But you acknowledge there is a bump?" I frowned.

"What bump?" he asked with wide, pleading eyes.

"Oh stop messing with the boy," Poppy said as she came back around the curtain.

I laughed. "But it's so much fun."

Remus rolled his eyes and relaxed in his seat. "Fun for you maybe."

Madam Pomfrey began spreading a cool cream over my bump.

"Wand," she directed at Remus. He handed it over with a puzzled expression, and she rubbed some of the cream on the tip of his wand. Then she did the same to mine.

"Now, place it on her abdomen and say, 'audire.'"

Remus and I said the word together, Remus with a little more apprehension than me. Our ears were suddenly filled with a whooshing sound as though the wind was rushing by us. Then all at once everything around us was muted and we heard only one distinct sound.

Lub-dub.

Lub-dub.

Remus still looked confused, and I watched as that confusion was wiped away.

"Is that… is that…?" He covered his mouth with his other hand. His eyes glistened with tears. I nodded.

"That's our baby." I had tears in my own eyes.

"You were right. This…this is better."

He took my hand and squeezed it. And the two of us sat there, listening to our baby's heartbeat.

 _ **10 March 1997**_

I'd been waking up in Hogwarts next to Remus for nearly a week now, and it was amazing. The morning of his birthday was perhaps the best, as it was the first birthday we'd spent together in nearly eighteen years… And we had a little extra surprise.

Remus moaned as he moved closer to me. He placed light kisses on the back of my neck and shoulder. I smiled at the contact before rolling over to meet his lips with mine.

"Good morning," he said with a moan, his hands running down my back.

"Happy Birthday," I replied, leaning in to give him another kiss.

"Hmm… So it is, isn't it? In that case…"

He kissed me deeply and slowly. Then he rolled me onto my back before making his way down. He stopped just below my navel to kiss the bump.

"Good morning, my little Starlight."

"Starlight?" I questioned.

"Well, moonlight doesn't really reflect positive images for me, but the stars have always reminded me of you. It seemed appropriate."

"You better hope this is a girl then, because I doubt a son will want to be called Starlight."

He laughed, sweet and low. It was a sound that usually made my heart soar. This time, it did something else as well.

"Oh!" I placed hand on my stomach.

"What? What is it?" He sat up in a panic.

"Relax, Remus. Nothing is wrong. Just… give me your hand and talk to the baby again."

I took his hand and pulled him back down. He looked hesitant.

"Trust me, please. Just talk to the baby."

I placed his hand on my stomach as he began talking again. It didn't take long for that same feeling to occur. And Remus' eyes lit up as he felt it too.

"It appears this baby of ours likes the sound of your voice as much as I do."

"Oh? Is that so my little Starlight? Are you saying hi to your Daddy?"

The baby kicked again and Remus chuckled.

"Best. Birthday. Ever," he said, smiling up at me.

"Hmm… I bet so. But, ohh… You're going to have to help me sit up now. This position is starting to hurt my back."

As the week progressed, I could see the usual physical signs of the approaching moon, but Remus' temperament was very different. Between listening to the baby's heartbeat and feeling the baby move, Remus' spirits remained high. In fact, I'd never seen him so jubilant before a full moon. And in the excitement of having him around and watching him bond with our unborn child, I didn't stop to ask what he was doing for the moon. It wasn't until we received a visitor at our suites one night just before the moon that the unasked question was answered.

 _ **15 March 1997**_

Remus and I were just sitting down for dinner in our suites when there was a knock on my door. I opened it only to have the smile instantly wiped from my face. Snape was standing there with his usual scowl and holding a rather large goblet.

"Ah! Severus, thank you," Remus said as he came up beside me and accepted the goblet.

I recognized the smell as soon I got a whiff of it: Wolfsbane. Fortunately the urge to be sick at every foul smell had passed, otherwise I probably wouldn't have eaten dinner.

"Another one of Dumbledore's requests?" I asked.

"More like another one of his…inconveniences," he replied.

"You're usual standards, I presume? Because I _will_ know."

His lips twitched but he said nothing before he turned to leave.

"What was that all about?" Remus asked, wiping the last bit of foam from his lips.

I smiled. "Nothing. It was nothing."

Remus looked skeptical. "Still think he'll try to poison me with the potion?"

"Nope. Not anymore."

"Oh? And why the change of heart?"

Remus, of course, didn't know about the potion that Snape may or may not have, but most likely did, make for me that eased my morning sickness. And he wasn't going to know about it either.

"Because," I smirked. "He knows that if he did, then he'd have to face my wrath. And he knows he can't contend with that. Now, come on, eat before I eat it all."

* * *

 **Yes. There it is. A new chapter. It feels like it's been forever. Sorry to keep you waiting, but thank you all so much or understanding. And thank you for all the well wishes for my husband. He is back home and back at work, as am I. And I'm back to writing again. I tried, but I just couldn't do it in the hospital. I spent all day watching Law and Order, Psych, and CSI marathons on tv.**

 **As always, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think!**


	35. Beneath the Surface

**Chapter 33**

 **Beneath the Surface**

 _ **4 April 1997**_

The Great Hall was abuzz with idle chatter from both student and Professor alike. Suddenly a great streak of lightening flashed violently across the enchanted ceiling, followed immediately by several other smaller flashes. Soon after there was a thunderous boom that shook the windows. It was looking like it would be quite the storm.

Dumbledore raised his wand and silenced the ceiling. Most of those present in the hall turned their attention back to their food and idle chatter. But for myself, Jonathan, and those interested in Jonathan's progress, we rose to our feet with a bubbling excitement. It was time. Jonathan looked up at the staff table to make sure I was on my way too before he began leaving the Great Hall with Harry, Ron, and Hermione in tow.

"Kate," McGonagall said.

"I'm coming. I just… The baby is still hungry." I wrapped my sandwich in a napkin and grabbed my drink before following after her. We met the others in the Entrance Hall.

"Eww, Mum, what is that?" Jonathan pinched his nose and took a step back.

"It's called a sandwich, Jonathan," I waved it briefly in the air. "And it's my dinner." I took another bite.

"I think he means the smell," Ron clarified, the same look of disgust on his face.

"Oh! That's probably the pickled egg and radish sauce you're smelling. They really make it…"

"…Revolting?" Jonathan suggested.

I gave him a scathing look. "You wouldn't be so critical of my dieting choices if you were pregnant and your back felt as though you were gaining a stone a day."

"Well… I'm not, so I am critical."

"I really don't think we have time for this."

"I'm inclined to agree with Miss Granger," McGonagall said. "Where is your potion, Mr. Lupin?"

"It's in a dark, quiet place that no one can access but me. It really wasn't hard to find…if you know what to ask for."

"The Room of Requirement!" Hermione said as though it was obvious.

"Well done, Miss Granger. Fifty points to Gryffindor for your keenness."

Both Hermione and McGonagall gave Jonathan a severe look; he merely shrugged in response.

"It was worth a shot," he said. "Follow me, and please, Mum, keep that sandwich away from me."

I fell to the back as we began ascending the stairs. I really didn't see what the big deal was. The pickled egg and radish sauce really gave the sandwich that pizazz it needed. We met Remus on the seventh floor corridor just outside the Room of Requirement. Clearly he already knew where Jonathan hid his potion.

"Are you ready?" he asked. Jonathan looked to me before answering.

"If Mum's finished her sandwich."

I was just wiping the last crumbs from my mouth with my napkin, when he said as much and looked my way. I smiled and vanished the napkin. Remus, knowingly, held out a few breath mints. And Jonathan took a deep breath.

"I know you're all eager to see if I succeed, but if you don't mind, I'd like to finish this with just Mum."

"We'll come for you when we're ready for you to see," I said.

Jonathan called the room up and inside was not what I was expecting. I thought it would just be a simple room with a table holding his potion. Silly me. Jonathan called forth a dark forest. Complete with a trodden earth beneath my feet and thick gangly branches that blocked the moon light. It was authentic enough to awaken the Leopard within. Leo wanted to run and hunt, but I had to remind her that we were pregnant and that a transformation was not safe in our state.

There was a table, though; at least I had that right. It was small and round, and it held a small crystal phial. The potion inside looked to be the ideal viscosity. Jonathan and I approached the table together.

"Any last words of advice?" he asked.

"Drink it quickly and all at once. It's going to taste something foul so it's best to get it done in one go. Don't be afraid. It will hurt. Your bones will break as they shift to a new shape. Don't resist them; let them move. The pain is only temporary. And remember… I love you and I'm proud of you."

He rolled his eyes at the last part before grabbing the phial.

"I love you too, Mum." Then he tilted his head back and downed the potion.

 **XXX**

I stepped back into the hall, hands clasped over my mouth, and eyes teary.

"Kate!" Remus quickly rushed forward, assuming something terrible. But I was smiling. "Jonathan?"

"He's fine," I said through my tears. "He's alright. Go on and see him," I ushered to the others but held Remus back.

"What is it? What aren't you telling me?"

"Remus…he's… he's _our_ son. You have to remember that. He's brilliant and he's our son."

He was still confused, but when we walked in it became all too evident. The four legged creature ran around the others showing off its prowess. It had a long, straight tail, black silky fur, and pointed ears.

"He's a…"

"…Wolf," Remus finished. "He's a wolf."

"He's a _black_ wolf, akin to the red wolf instead of the grey. He's a perfect blend of the two of us. He has my coloring and you're… He's more canine than feline, yes, but we knew that already, didn't we?"

I tried to reassure him, but I could see it on his face. One of his greatest fears had come to fruition. It was all there; the fear, the shame, and dare I say it, the disappointment. Jonathan was a wolf like his father.

I wasn't the only one to spot the look in Remus' eyes. As Jonathan's Animagus form caught sight of Remus, his demeanor quickly became that of a wounded dog. His ears dropped. His wagging tail stilled, and he gave a lonely, wounded whimper. The shock was enough to force him to change back.

The room was deathly quiet before Jonathan let out a near heart-breaking plea.

"Dad?"

The grief in Jonathan's voice was enough to snap Remus from his sullen thoughts. He shook his head and looked at Jonathan as though truly seeing him for the first time. Then he took the two steps forward and wrapped his arms tightly around him.

"My son. My son," he whispered, his shoulders shaking lightly as he did.

 _ **20 May 1997**_

It had been a long day in my office. I had several rolls of parchment from nearly every class to grade, and a review assessment for my fifth and seventh years. My back was killing me, and I was sure there were needles in my feet. The first thing I did upon entering my quarters, is sit on the soft sofa and prop my feet in Remus' lap. He cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Please," I replied. "My feet are dying. It's a very long walk from my office to here."

He sighed before removing my shoes and mercifully began rubbing my feet. I let out a soft moan as I laid my head back.

"Oh, those hands of yours are pure magic, Remus."

"Yeah? These hands used to be used in _other_ ways."

I bit my lip. "I remember."

"I miss those days," he said lowly.

I bit my lip harder. "I miss them too."

He slowly moved his hands from my feet and up my leg, kneading the muscles as he went.

"You know… when I accepted the patrol mission here, I thought it'd come with more….intimacy."

"Mr. Lupin! Did you accept the post just to have sex with me?"

"No. Not _just_. But I did think it would be one of the perks."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I do want to, it's just… I'm so sore all the time, or tired, or…hungry."

He chuckled.

"And then I… I don't… I don't _feel_ sexy."

"What! Are you mad? You are the sexiest witch in the castle, and Minerva provides quite the competition."

I gave him the eye.

"It's true. She's strong, talented, fierce, and… I like my women older."

"You did not just… Unbelievable! I'm not that much older than you."

"Eight months. That's more than half a year."

"You know… I was considering letting you take me, but after that… no way." I pushed him off of me and sat up.

"I'm sorry. I love you."

"I love you too, but it's too late now. Besides, we have important matters to discuss."

"Like what?"

"Like…. Where we're going to live come June."

"Oh…" He sat up straight, his light-hearted mood gone.

"Now, I know you have ties to the cottage and if you tell me it's safe to raise our baby there, then I'll trust you; we'll make it work. But I also know, that you haven't been back there for more than a few hours since Christmas. You tell me, Remus."

"Nothing has happened there since Michael, but neither one of us have been there for it to happen. I… I won't risk the welfare of our child there. If Greyback is watching it still… He's not stepping a foot near our child."

I nodded. "Alright then. The cottage is out. That means we have to find a new place."

He ran his hands over his face and sighed heavily. That's when I pulled out a large envelope.

"I had to break out Katherine's old contacts," I said. "I wrote to my estate agent in Surrey, and told him that my husband and I were looking for a home to call our own."

He raised our brow in interest.

"I told him we wanted something with more isolation, something in the country, and that we wanted either a good cellar, a forest, or both.

He smiled and nodded.

"And I told him we wanted something with enough room to host family gatherings. Jonathan… As hard as it is to say, Jonathan is almost done with school, and though it is years away, I expect grandbabies."

He laughed. "That's, ah… Wow. I haven't even thought of that."

"And then there's Harry and Ginny too…"

"Wait? What?"

"Yeah, they're together now. Finally. She's fancied him since his first year, and he's been pining after her all year. You saw them at Christmas, right?"

"I was a little preoccupied with someone else at Christmas. So, what did the estate agent find? If anything?"

"I don't know. That's what this is." I held up the envelope again.

"You haven't gone through it yet?"

"No. I thought we could pick out our home together. I asked for floorplans and pictures, since I'm away at work and we need something as soon as school lets out."

"Well," he sighed. "Let's have a look then."

We didn't pick a home right away. It took a few weeks to go over the options and narrow the list. I'd set up a post box for the correspondences, and Tonks checked it regularly for me. When we had a few options we wanted to see firsthand, Remus went with Tonks, on her days off, to check them out.

The weeks passed quickly, and by the time I began issuing exams we had our final list of three houses. One was in Somerset, one in Devon, and the other in Cornwall. We were going to see them together at the start of summer.

 _ **14 June 1997**_

I stood at the base of the Astronomy Tower looking up and contemplating on whether or not I could climb it, when a familiar voice called out to me.

"Professor Dumbledore, how are you this evening?" I asked

"Well but weary," the aged Headmaster said. "How are you and the baby?"

"Oh, I'm afraid that list is far too long to cover now, not the least of which is weary…but well."

He smiled.

"I was wishing to look from the tower once more before I leave, but I'm not so sure I could make the climb. I'm so…eager to meet this baby of mine, and to have control of my body back."

I placed my hands on what felt like an over large belly.

"What brings you to the Astronomy Tower tonight?" I asked.

Dumbledore remained silent for a moment, and he looked as though he was deciding how to answer. He settled for something vague and unsettling

"Personal business. You need not concern yourself with it."

"Concern myself?"

At that moment I heard footsteps, and I looked up to see Harry round the distant corner. He seemed to draw back slightly when he saw the two of us together. Dumbledore showed no surprise at seeing him there, but I suddenly found myself enraged. I knew the two of them had been meeting in secret all year, about what I only had assumptions. It was almost everything I could do to hold back my anger.

"Sir." The sudden change in my tone grabbed Dumbledore's full attention. "We haven't always agreed on certain matters, especially when they concerned a certain person…" My eyes flicked briefly over his shoulder to Harry. "Nevertheless, I have always trusted you, respected your decision even when I didn't agree.

"But know this, whatever you are doing with _my_ nephew, it had better be damn worth it. And you better be taking good care of him. Because if I discover he has been in any sort of danger… I won't care that you are Albus Dumbledore, mentor and friend; I will defend him with everything I have."

He smiled sadly. "Lily would be pleased to know that you have always been there for Harry. But even you must realize, Kate, that he will have to stand alone one day."

"No. He will never stand alone. He will always have us, his family to support him. Family isn't all about blood you know; we can choose. He has always been a part of mine. I may not have been able to give him the same magical concealment that Petunia gave, but he would have had so much more with me."

He sighed deeply. "Perhaps you are right. Perhaps I was wrong to deny you that right. I am truly sorry for the pain I've caused you these years."

I was surprised into silence by his words. I never expected for him to admit he might have been wrong.

Though Harry had fallen back and slowed his pace when he saw us, he still continued to approach. He looked cautiously between me and Dumbledore. I pushed back my anger and smiled brightly at Harry.

"Harry! Good evening. How did your exams go?"

He shrugged a shoulder, still slightly on edge. "Alright I suppose. How…How are you?"

"Tired. And sore. That's the norm these days however. I was just telling Professor Dumbledore, here, that I wanted to climb the tower and view the stars…but I don't think my feet will carry me. Perhaps I'll just return to my quarters for a small nap instead. That sounds quite lovely actually. I'll see you later, Harry. Professor."

I nodded to Dumbledore, and he returned my nod before I moved on. I paused at the corner and looked back only to see that he and Harry had climbed the tower together.

I returned to my quarters just as Remus was about to head out on patrol. He asked if I wanted to join him, but I told him I was far too tired. So I slept…and I woke a few hours later. I only woke because the baby became restless.

This was nothing out of the ordinary. Jonathan was constantly awake and kicking every time I wanted to sleep; this baby was the same. There were two tricks to calm it usually, and that was walking or having Remus talk to it; my voice alone wasn't enough. So I paced my quarters for a bit since Remus was still out. After two turns in my quarters, however, I decided I wanted a change of scenery.

So I grabbed my professor's robes, knowing it was quite chill in the castle at night no matter what time of year it was, and I left the safety of my room.

"You know, I don't think Remus would like you being out alone," Tonks said as I closed the door behind me.

"Well, you're free to walk with me, because this baby is not sleeping tonight," I said.

We walked and talked for a bit. It was nice to have the company, and the walk performed its task admirably. The baby was soon asleep once more. The problem now, though, was that _I_ was awake. I had Tonks drop me off on the floor where my office was, so I could grade a few exams; I never took my work back to my quarters. She was reluctant to leave me, but I insisted that I would be fine.

I was halfway through the third exam when something suddenly felt… off. Something made the hair on the back of my neck stand up, and Leo was prancing anxiously beneath the surface. I listened carefully… Were those…footsteps?

Several Oder members were patrolling the halls. Maybe it was one of them.

No. This… This _felt_ different. I sniffed the air and that's when I caught it. There was a scent vaguely familiar to me. It almost smelled like… Remus, but with a bitter bite to it. I made to step out and check the corridor for what might be going on, and that's when he stepped into my office. I knew him at once by the many wanted posters around Hogsmeade.

Greyback.


	36. Greyback

**Chapter 34**

 **Greyback**

Fenrir Greyback, the notorious and ruthless werewolf, stood in my office not ten feet from me. I discreetly tried to pinch myself just to make sure I hadn't fallen asleep while grading. Or, better yet, perhaps I was still back in my quarters asleep and I would soon wake to find Remus lying beside me, or just coming to bed after patrol. Oh how I wished for either scenario, but neither were true.

Greyback was in my office.

I could see his nostrils flare as he sniffed the air. It was with great horror that I realized he could smell Remus on me. And I was nauseated when I realized I could smell _him_ on Remus; that was why it seemed so familiar at first. I could feel my stomach churning violently as my dinner threatened to resurface. Had it not been for Leo's protective instincts kicking in and creating a keen awareness of my surroundings, I'm not sure I would have held it together the way I did.

We were locked in a stare down as I assessed my options for an escape. He was blocking the exit to the corridor, so that way was out. The entrance to the classroom was about halfway between us. I could make a run for it though there, but I'd have to traverse a maze of desks and chairs in the dark. Or there was my library behind me. It was easily assessable, but small with no way to escape and a door that was far too capable of being knocked down by a raging lunatic.

I suppose the only real option was the classroom. I knew I couldn't simply run for it; he was bigger, stronger, and in my current state of thirty weeks pregnant, he was faster. I eyed the two book cases that stood on either side of him. As much as I hated the idea of potentially ruining what was on them, I knew it was either them or me.

He started to move towards me, and I flicked my wand bringing both cases toppling down on top of him. I could hear him growl viciously as he shoved the shelves aside. Meanwhile, I ducked into the classroom. He was right behind me. I flung chairs and desks his way, in part to slow him down and I was hoping the noise would draw the attention of someone on patrol. From the noises emanating from the corridor, however, it seemed those on patrol had their own problems to deal with.

I had just reached the door when he grabbed the back of my robe. I scrambled for the clasp as it tightened around my neck. I began choking and gasping for air before I finally released it. The force of my sudden freedom sent me stumbling into the wall before me. I threw my arms out to catch myself, but my wrist bent in a way it shouldn't and my arm buckled. My stomach caught me instead. I knew Greyback was still pursuing me; I could sense him getting ready to strike but this time I had no escape.

"NOOO!"

Suddenly there was a pair of hands on my shoulders and a body pressed against my back. I knew at once it wasn't Greyback because whoever it was they were shielding my from Greyback's attack. I could hear his claw-like hand come down, but instead of tearing through my clothes they tore through those of my shield. Still, I was slammed forward by the force, and my head bounced off the cold stone.

My dalliance with the wall was only temporary; I was quickly pulled back and pushed aside. I spun in time to see Bill fighting off Greyback. After pushing him back with a series of wand strikes, Bill turned to me.

"Go! Get out of here!" he said before he had to turn back to the fight. Greyback was coming for more.

I didn't leave. I couldn't. I looked around, frozen by the scene before me. There was fighting everywhere. It wasn't just Greyback in the castle; there were Death Eaters too. How did they even get in? I caught sight of Remus fighting a Carrow in the distance and I wanted to go to him. I was pulled back once more.

"Kate, no!" Tonks said. "You shouldn't be here. Get to safety now!"

"I… I can't… I…" I looked to where Remus was still fighting.

"He'll be all right. I'll protect him. But he can't know you're here; he won't think straight."

She was right. I knew that my presence would not only put me at risk, but Remus and our baby as well. I nodded.

Suddenly Bill fell and Tonks jumped forward to fight Greyback.

"Go! Warn Pomfrey!"

I didn't wait a moment more; I turned and fled. I ran as fast as my swollen feet would carry me. I skidded dangerously around the corners, my belly throwing me off my balance. When I reached the straightway leading to the hospital ward, I ran at top speed. I flung the doors open ahead of me with my wand.

"POPPY! POPPY!" I called.

The medi-witch made her appearance a moment later, hair down in loose curls and night robe on.

"Good lord, child what… Kate?" She rushed over. "What happened? Did you fall?"

"No, I…" I shook my head, making the room spin. "Grey…" _back_ … "Death…" _Eaters_ …

"Grey death?"

I was becoming disoriented and I was sorely out of breath.

"No…"

"Come one, Kate, have a lie down."

"No… no I…"

She led me to one of the beds, and when she pushed down on my shoulders lightly, I was incapable of resisting. She grabbed my good wrist, and I knew she was checking my pulse. My head was still spinning, but I knew I had to fight it. I had to warn her.

"Your heart is racing. What happened?"

"D…d…d…"

She shoved a vial in my hand. "Here, drink this."

"No." I shook my head again, a mistake. "I don't… can't sleep…not until…"

"Kate, you have to calm down. You don't want to induce labor this early."

"No…sleep."

"Fine, you stubborn cat. Drink this one; it won't make you drowsy, I promise." She shoved another bottle in my hand. "Drink, Kate."

I felt the effects of the tonic immediately. My head stopped spinning, and my breathing evened out.

"Now, tell me… What happened?"

"Death Eaters… in the castle."

"What?"

I nodded again, this time without the dizziness. "I don't know how they got in. they're fighting near the Astronomy Tower. Greyback was with them; he… he attacked Bill."

She gasped. "Is he..?"

"I… I don't know. He…He fell and there… There was blood everywhere, Poppy."

"And you…? Did Greyback attack you?"

"No, he didn't, because Bill… Bill blocked him. These…these wounds are from the wall; I ran into it. Oh, God! Poppy, the baby! I ran into a wall!"

"Shh, shhh, calm down, Kate; don't go and undo the tonic I just gave you." She gently rolled up my blouse and began examining both the wound and the stomach in whole. It was several nail-biting seconds later before she leaned back and lowered my shirt.

"It's all right, Kate. It's just a skin abrasion."

She moved on to my wrist, which was now slightly swollen and hurt when she touched it.

"It's not broken, but I do believe it's sprained."

She examined my head last. She flashed her wand in my eyes and made me follow her finger.

"Any dizziness?" she asked.

"Not now. Not since the potion."

"Hmm…We'll keep an eye on that, but your other wounds are superficial. They are easily healed with a bit of magic. At this stage in you pregnancy, however, I'd prefer to use as little magic on you as possible.

"That's fine, Poppy. Just wrap them up."

A short while later my scrapes were cleaned and bandaged, and my wrist was wrapped firmly. Once that was done, Poppy immediately began making preparations for any injured that were sure to come, including making a salve for Bill. She refused to let me help in any way and threatened to put me to sleep if I didn't cooperate. So I was forced to wait with nothing to distract me from my worries.

"Oh!"

"What? What is it?" I jumped up and turned away from the door to find Poppy standing at a window, an orange glow behind her.

"Is that…? Oh! It is. Oh no!

There was a fire on the grounds, a massive fire that was consuming Hagrid's hut.

"Look, look! There he is, and he's got Fang."

I sighed in relief before I caught sight of something far worse. "Poppy… Poppy, look to the sky."

In the corner of our vantage point, we could barely see it, but it was unmistakable. A large green skull with a serpent protruding from the mouth. The Dark Mark.

"Who…?"

"Remus!"

"Kate, no!"

I turned to flee; if there was any chance Remus had fallen I had to get to him, but Poppy stopped me. She tried restraining me as I fought against her, nearly hysterical, until the hospital doors opened. Tonks led the way with Jonathan and Remus quickly behind her. Bill was supported between them, bloody and unconscious. Hermione, Luna, Ron, and Neville filed in; Neville with a slight limp. And McGonagall came last, floating Flitwick before her.

"Is he…?" Poppy began.

"He's alive," Tonks answered.

Poppy's sigh of relief was short lived as she set to work, directing the injured.

"Place Mr. Weasley here. Clean his wounds, staunch the blood, and apply this directly. And Filius?"

"Alive, but unconscious as well," McGonagall said.

"There then. And you, Mr. Longbottom?"

"It's just an ankle," he replied.

"Take the usual tonic and a bed; I'll be with you when I can."

Poppy then took over cleaning Bill's face from Tonks and Hermione. I had to stand back as the smell sill burned my nose and made my stomach churn. Even from my distance, however, I could see the damage. His face was almost unrecognizable from the scratches he now bore.

"Mum?"

I turned away from Bill to focus on my son and husband. They looked weary, but unscathed. They looked at me too; their eyes quickly grazing over my wounds.

"Kate!" Remus hurried over. "What are you doing here? What happened?"

"I'm fine. I'm all right. They're superficial."

"But what happened? How did you get them?"

"I… I was in my office…"

"What? When?"

Before I could answer, thankfully, the hospital doors opened again. This time Ginny led Harry in. For the smallest second, I saw James and Lily standing hand in hand. The image was broken as Hermione jumped up and ran to hug Harry. Remus and I moved towards him as well.

"Are you all right, Harry?" Remus asked.

"I'm fine. How's Bill?"

Neither of us knew how to answer. I looked over my shoulder and saw that Poppy had cleared all the blood away finally. She was now applying the salve.

"Can't you use a spell to heal them?" Harry asked.

"No charm will work on these," Poppy replied. "I've tried everything I know. There is no cure for a werewolf bite."

"But's it's not a full moon," Ron said desperately. "Greyback hadn't transformed, so he won't be a… a real…?" He turned and looked up at Remus.

"No, I don't think Bill will be a true werewolf."

"Think?" I said, then added firmly. "He won't. Lycanthropy can only be passed _via_ a bite _at_ the full moon."

"But that doesn't mean there won't be some contamination," Remus continued. "Those are still cursed wounds. They'll never fully heal, and… and he might have some wolven characteristics."

"Like what?" Ginny asked.

"He'll like his steaks on the rare side and have a heightened sense of smell and hearing. Nothing more," I said. "Remus is just being a tad dramatic."

"Dumbledore might know something that'd work," Ron said. "Where is he? Bill fought those maniacs on Dumbledore's orders; Dumbledore owes him. He can't leave him in this state."

"Ron," Ginny began. "Dumbledore's dead."

 **XXX**

It seemed impossible. Dumbledore was dead, and Snape was the one who killed him. Snape, the man Remus and Dumbledore himself both tried to convince me to trust, the man who concocted a potion, the _only_ potion that got me through my morning sickness had killed a friend and mentor to us all. It was unfathomable.

Almost as unfathomable as my last words to Dumbledore. At the very least they had been a warning, at most a threat. It had threatened him to take care of my nephew… _or else_! Why? Why did my last words have to be a threat? Why couldn't I have told him how much he meant to me? I should have told him how I considered him to be another father in my life, not threaten his the way I did.

In the days following the Battle of the Astronomy Tower—that's what it was being called since that's where it happened; Snape struck Dumbledore with the killing curse on the top of the tower, _my_ tower, and his body fell over the ramparts to the ground below—there was an eerie numbness across the whole castle. McGonagall had stepped up as acting Headmistress, while the arrangements were being made for Dumbledore's funeral. Apparently, McGonagall found a time-release will on Dumbledore's desk that gave explicit details on his funeral. He wished to be encased in a tomb and placed permanently on the grounds.

McGonagall gave me and Remus a couple of hours to step out and find our new home. Remus tried to argue against me going; he claimed it was too dangerous for me to be out. But I insisted that I couldn't choose a house without first walking through it and feeling it for myself. He relented so long as we took Jonathan and Tonks with us. In the end, we chose the house in Somerset.

The house itself was secluded down a long, winding lane, surrounded by open farmland, with a small vegetable garden in the back. In lieu of a cellar or a forest there was a garage that we could fortify for Remus' transformations. There was a nearby Villa where we could purchase all the necessary food and baby items we would need. It had a decent size master with and en-suite bath, and three additional bedrooms, should we ever have overnight guests.

 **XXX**

Bill stayed in Madam Pomfrey's care until the funeral. I went by to see him a few days after the attack. Fleur and Molly were there visiting too.

"Kate, how are you?" he asked.

"I'm…" Well? How could I say I was well when I was so much more than simply well? I smiled. "I'm still pregnant, and the baby and I are perfectly healthy, thanks to you."

"It was nothing," he said with a wave of his hand.

"It is most certainly not 'nothing.' It is everything to me…to Remus, and to this baby of ours."

"Kate…"

"Don't fight me on this, Bill. I'm pregnant; I promise you, I will win?"

Molly laughed and nodded, while Bill only grinned.

Fleur, on the other hand, said, "You 'ave a bit of French fire, in you. I like 'zat. Remember 'zis day, Bill. I will always win an argument, pregnant or not. Zat is ze way it is."

Bill laughed and finally relented with a nod. Then he decided to have a little fun with it. He grinned in a manner eerily similar to his twin brothers.

"If you really wish to show your gratitude… William is an excellent name."

I laughed. "So it is. Alright, if we have a son, then some part of his name will contain William or any diminutive of it."

"Billie makes a great girl's name too," he said jokingly.

"Perhaps, but we've already got a name picked out for girl, and I refuse to change it."

"What is ze name you so desire?" Fleur asked.

"That, Fleur, I cannot say for fear I'll never get to use it."

Fleur frowned.

"It's nothing personal, Fleur. We haven't even told Jonathan."

This seemed to make her feel better.

"'Ere, Kate. 'Ave my seat and stay a while."

"Thank you. I won't stay long."

"Don't be ridiculous. You and I 'ave not 'ad much time to talk. So, you are 'oping to 'ave a girl?"

"Yes, I am, very much so. I've had my two boys with Jonathan and Harry. I want to put this one in dresses."

Molly snorted. "Good luck with that. Ginny was never one for a pretty dress. She always found some way to ruin it."

"Wiz brozers like 'ers, 'oo can blame 'er?"

"Yes, Fred and George were quite the handful."

"I meant my future 'usband, Bill."

"Oi!" Bill protested.

"Shush now, Darling. Ze women are talking."

Bill seemed only slightly put out by that, but since he was still restricted to the bed, there was little he could do about it.

"Speaking of 'usbands, 'ow is yours, Kate? 'Ee seemed quite…"

"Put out? Angry? Manic?" I offered.

"…I was going to say 'displeased.'"

"What happened?" Bill asked.

"He…uh… Got a little…territorial when he found out that Greyback had been in the same room as me, let alone that he tried to attack me. But he's…he's fine now. We _settled_ it. He's actually away at the moment, closing on our new house with Tonks…who's there, as me."

Molly raised her eye brows.

"Yeah, it's weird for me too. But Remus absolutely refused to let me leave the castle again. It was hard enough to convince him to let me go the one day to view the potential houses. A second day wasn't going to happen; he's paranoid with Greyback still at large. Jonathan went with them as well, and he was enjoying himself. He kept calling her 'Mum,' much to her and my annoyance. She said the term made her feel old."

Bill laughed. "I can't imagine Tonks as a mum to anyone."

"'Ow did you and Remus 'settle' the matter with Greyback?" Fleur asked, ignoring her future husband.

"Oh!" I could feel my cheeks warm slightly at the memory. "He… He staked his claim over me. It was…aggressive, but all together…not unsatisfying."

"Kate!" Molly exclaimed.

"What? I think we all know how this," I pointed to my stomach, "happened. And frankly, I'm tired of letting this interfere with that. I am sure you and Arthur can relate."

"Oh sweet Merlin, no! POPPY!" Bill shouted and Madam Pomfrey came running. "Poppy, please, get these women out of here."

"On what grounds?" Fleur asked.

"For causing severe mental anguish. I will not sit by while you all discuss my parent's… _relations_ ," he finished with a grimace.

"Why not? I zee nozing wrong wiz it," Fleur said. "We French 'ave a very healzy apetite for love."

"Nope! This conversation is done," Molly said adamantly, standing to leave. "Rest now, Bill. I'll see you later."

I left soon after Molly did, with similar words of parting. Of course… the next time we saw each other was at Dumbledore's funeral. It was not a day that I'd easily forget. It was full of tears and bitter joy, and laden with guilt and the dark unknown.


	37. Endless Waiting

**Chapter 35**

 **Endless Waiting**

 _ **26 July 1997**_

"Kate, would you please sit down?" Molly said in exasperation.

I was pacing the length of the Burrow's kitchen and lounge. I'd been pacing the same stretch for two hours, and considering I was now at thirty-six weeks and both felt and looked like I was about to pop, that was saying something.

"Mum, just give her some more calming draught," Ginny said.

"No. She cannot 'ave more of zat for anozer 'our," Fleur defended.

"No. I don't _want_ any more that," I said. "It hasn't worked all night."

The four of us were waiting, worrying, and, in my case, pacing. The Order had gone to pick up Harry from Privet Drive for the final time. They were using six Harry decoys and flying to various safe houses before portkeying to the Burrow. Remus and Jonathan, of course, were among them and I was frantic with fear. Two of the portkeys had arrived with no one attached. This could only mean that something had gone awry.

"Where are they? They should have been here by now," I continued.

"Honestly, Kate, if you don't sit down and calm down…"

"Not until I know my boys are safe!"

"Your boys?" Molly said, highly affronted. She quickly marched over to me. "Do I need to remind you that your family are not the only ones risking their lives tonight? _My_ husband is out there as well, along with _four_ of my children, seven if you count Harry, Hermione, and Jonathan which you know I have always treated them as members of this family. I won't even being to recount what the others mean to me. I know you are pregnant; I know you are just as worried I am, but your pacing helps no-one and your worry most certainly does not help the baby. So, sit! Down!"

I promptly lowered my tush to the nearest chair.

"You're right, Molly. I'm sorry. I…"

Suddenly a blue light illuminated the back yard and I jumped from my seat and rushed outside. Harry and Hagrid had just arrived via portkey. I quickly took Harry into my arms and looked him over.

"Where are the others?" Molly asked.

"What do you mean? Hasn't anyone else made it back yet?" Harry replied. Our faces must have given us away because he quickly carried on.

"They knew. The Death Eaters knew it was tonight. They were waiting for us as soon as we took off. Four of them chased us before Voldemort showed up himself. The others, I… I don't know. I'm sorry."

"Zey knoo? 'Ow did zey know?"

"Oh, let's not worry about that now," Molly said before pulling Harry into her own arms. "Thank goodness you're all right."

"Yer wouldn' have any brandy, would yer, Molly? Fer, er— medicinal purposes?" Hagrid asked.

"Of course, just one moment." After a placing a quick kiss to the top of Harry's head, she turned and headed inside. I knew as a friend I should have followed her, but I found myself incapable of movement at the moment.

"Ron and Tonks were supposed to be here first," Ginny said quietly. "But their portkey arrived without them. Dad and Fred were to be next; you and Hagrid were actually supposed to be third. If…" Ginny paused and I could feel her eyes flick to me. "Remus and George should arrive in a few minutes."

"Was Dolohov there?" I asked, my voice shaking.

"Who?" Hagrid asked.

"Antonin Dolohov. My father. Was he there, Harry?"

"I… I'm sorry, Kate. I don't know. They were all in masks and hoods. I didn't see him, but they were everywhere. He wouldn't have known which one…of me… Jonathan was though."

"No. But he would have recognized Remus. He would have gone after him, and he would have pursued him relentlessly. Given the chance, he'd…"

I trialed off as a blue light appeared a few feet away. I covered my mouth with my hands and held my breath as it steadily grew brighter. Molly returned and stood by my side, her hand on my shoulder in comfort. The light vanished and in its place stood Remus and George, but something was wrong.

Remus was covered in blood and supporting an unconscious George. Harry quickly rushed forward and helped him carry George inside. I followed after them, despite the blood burning my nose. I moved much slower than the others though, and I had only just made it inside when Remus suddenly turned on Harry. He dragged him back into the kitchen and held him against the wall.

"Oi! Le' go of him! Le' got of Harry!" Hagrid yelled from behind me. Remus, however, ignored him.

"What creature was delivered to me the first time Harry Potter visited my office at Hogwarts?"

"What's this about?"

"Answer me!" Remus demanded with a shake. I saw his hand flinch over his wand holster, ready to draw.

"A… a grindylow, right?" Harry replied. He looked to me for clarification. "Kate was there too, or Professor Porter rather. Then we had tea together."

Remus released Harry with a sigh, but then he turned to me. I didn't even have time to get a short breath in before he pushed his lips roughly against mine.

"You all right?" he whispered, lips brushing against mine still.

"Better now," I replied.

"Jonathan?"

"He…he's not back yet."

"Right," he nodded. "Right; he's not supposed to be yet."

"Wha' was tha' about?" Hagrid asked, finally getting through the door.

Remus stepped back from me and looked back at Harry apologetically.

"Sorry about that, Harry, but I had to be sure you were you. They knew we were moving you tonight. The only ones who knew the plan were those directly involved in it. I had to make sure you weren't an imposter."

Harry nodded in understanding, though it was clear he was still a bit shaken.

"Why aren' you checkin' me an' Kate?" Hagrid asked, sounding a little offended.

"Because, you're half giant and Polyjuice potion only works on human transformation," Remus replied, to which Hagrid nodded as well. The Remus held out his hand for mine and drew me in again. "And I knew it was Kate because of her…distinct smell."

"How… lovely, dear," I said with a dramatic eye roll.

"Would you rather I say you smell like an overgrown cat?"

Remus was not being insensitive like it may have seemed. He was simply falling back on a tactic that few knew about. He tired teasing and jesting when he was truly frightened, so as to keep the truth from me. One good look in his eyes, however, and I knew all I needed to know. Dolohov had been there, and he had pursued Remus vigorously.

"At least if he was chasing me as hard as he was then he wasn't going after Jonathan," Remus said, reading my eyes in turn.

I nodded, though it was a small consolation.

"Do you think he'll be all right?" Harry asked, breaking up our moment. I followed his gaze over to the couch where Molly, Ginny, and Fleur were all bent over tending to George.

The tension in Remus' shoulders seemed to deflate in defeat. "Yes, I believe so. But… there won't be any chance of replacing his ear, not when it was cursed off the way it was."

I rubbed a hand over his arm. Suddenly there was another light in the yard. Remus rushed out the door with orders for me to stay put, orders I did not follow. I waddled down the steps and out into the night to find Hermione and Kingsley; the latter had his wand aimed at Remus' chest.

"The last words Albus Dumbledore spoke to the pair of us?" Kingsley asked.

"Harry is the best hope we have. Trust him," Remus replied. Kingsley then directed his wand towards Harry, but Reus waved him down. "It's him; I've already checked."

"We've been betrayed. They knew it was tonight. Someone must have told."

"No!" Harry said firmly. "No one in the Order gave it away."

"Harry," Remus began but Harry cut him off.

"They couldn't have. They didn't know there would be seven of me. They didn't know which one was really me until the end. If one of us told, then why only give half the plan?"

"What do you mean they didn't know until the end? How could they have figured it out?" I asked.

"I…I'm not sure. But Voldemort showed up just before we reached Tonks' parents place, and he knew it was me."

"How? What did you do? How did they recognize you?" Remus asked.

"I… I'm not sure. They were all over us; it was chaos. They got…Hedwig…" He swallowed roughly and I could see the pain he was trying desperately to hide.

"Then I… I saw Stan Shunpike, you know, the conductor of the Knight Bus. He doesn't know what he's doing. He's imperiused; I saw it. So I disarmed him and they just…fell back. Then Voldemort showed up; they must have summoned him."

"Wait. You disarmed Shunpike?" Remus asked. "Harry, the time for disarming is past. If you're not ready to kill, then at least stun."

"If I'd stunned him and he fell, it would have been the same as killing him!" Harry defended.

"He's right Remus," I said.

"Kate," Remus sighed, still clearly frustrated.

"It would have been no different than if I had left Dolohov to die in that fire. You didn't ridicule me then for my decision, so don't ridicule Harry now for his."

"But you were only…"

"Seventeen. The same age Harry is; a bit older in fact. And I had been held for a month and tortured almost daily. I had every reason, every right to leave him, but I didn't."

"Even with all that he's done since?"

"I didn't regret my decision then, and I can't regret it now. As much as I may wish him dead, it doesn't mean I have to be the one to do it, then nor now."

"But I do," Harry said softly. Remus and I quickly looked at him, startled by his statement.

"Harry?" Hermione asked, voice quivering slightly.

"That's what all this is about isn't it? That's why Voldemort wants to kill me so bad? Because of some stupid prophesy that he put stock in: _neither can live while the other survives_. Now I have to be the one to kill him.

"And I will," he added adamantly.

"Harry, don't…" I began but stopped short. Don't what? Harry waited for me to continue silently, but he seemed to know that I couldn't.

"I will do what needs to be done," he said firmly, looking at me. Then he turned to Remus and added, "But I won't blast innocent people out of my way to do so."

Then he stalked off towards the house. I turned to Remus, with tears clouding my eyes.

"He's too young for this; he shouldn't have to… He bears the weight of the world on his shoulders as though alone."

"But he isn't alone," Hermione said. "And I'll… I'll make sure he knows that, Professor. I promise." Then she followed after him leaving Kingsley, Remus, and me alone in the dark.

Remus pulled me to his chest and kissed my forehead, as I wept.

"Were are the others?" Kingsley asked.

I felt Remus shake his head on top of mine. "Not here; it's just us. Ron and Tonks, Fred and Arthur, they haven't made it yet. George… George is inside. He lost an ear, curtesy of Snape."

"Snape?" I pulled back and wiped my eyes. "Snape was after you too?"

"Better me than Jonathan."

"Perhaps, but we have no shortage of enemies out there who wish us and our children dead."

He took my face between his hands and pressed his forehead against mine.

"He'll be all right. We'll all…"

"Remus," Kingsley called. He pointed to the fence where two figures had arrived.

"Arthur!" I rushed forward.

"Kate, no!" Remus grabbed my arm as Fred rushed to meet us.

"Where's George? What's happened to him?" he asked franticly.

"Inside," I replied.

"Wait! Arthur, who…" Kingsley tried stopping him but Arthur forced his way inside.

"I'll prove who I am, Kingsley, after I've seen my son, now back off if you know what's good for you!" His voice carried across the yard. Remus and Kingsley turned to me as though looking for an explanation.

"You saw the look in their eyes as well as I did, Remus. They already knew something was wrong with George. As a father, I know you can understand the desire to tend to your family first."

"How did they know George was injured though?" Kingsley asked. I shrugged my shoulders, not having an answer for that.

"Fred," Hermione said, suddenly rejoining us in the yard. "Fred must have known. It's a… twin thing; I've read about it. It's said that twins share a special bond, that even when they're miles apart they can still sense when the other is in danger."

"There you have it," I said. And since I could see that he was about to protest, I carried on. "One thing you need to know about Miss Granger, Kingsley, if you don't already, is that she knows a good deal more than most."

"And she's nearly always right," Remus added.

"Nearly?" Hermione asked, taking offense.

"Well, there was that one time when you thought I was helping Sirius break into the castle and that I was out to kill Harry."

"Oh! ... Right." She looked genuinely disappointed. "Sorry about that, but all the facts were not presented to me at the time. I made the best, logical decision from those that were."

Remus smiled faintly. "And rightly so."

"She's also quite a capable duelist," Kingsley said. "You were impressive tonight, Hermione. You'd make a good Auror when you've completed your studies. Hell, you'd make a good Auror now."

Hermione beamed at the praise, but it was short lived. We were still the only ones in the yard. Six of our members were still unaccounted for. We all turned our eyes to the sky, but it remained unmoving.

Kingsley took up my mantel of pacing while the rest of us stood watch. Every sound, every whisper of wind made us turn and look, hoping to see our comrades soon. Harry and Ginny joined us silently after some time. As Harry stood beside me, I glanced down to see his fingers entwined with Ginny's. A glimmer of hope began to stir within me. If they could just hold out until the end of this war, they could bring each other so much happiness.

"It's them!" Hermione suddenly shouted.

I looked around quickly to see Ron and Tonks come to a skidding halt across the lawn. Hermione seemed to launch herself at Ron, while Tonks staggered her way over to me and Remus. She gave us each a great hug, before pulling back.

"He deserves that, Hermione; he really does," Tonks said. "He was brilliant up there. Stunned a Death Eater right in the face."

"You did?" Hermione shrieked.

"Always the tone of surprise," he replied, shrugging out of her embrace.

"What happened? Why did you miss your portkey?" I asked Tonks.

"My dear old Aunt. Bellatrix. She wants me dead; pursued us the whole way. I wish I could say I got her, but we did injure Rodolphus. Then, when we arrived at Muriel's, she started fussing over us. We only just escaped her."

"So, are we the last ones back then?" Ron asked.

"No. We're still waiting on…" Ginny began but she paused as she glanced over at me and Remus.

"We're waiting for Bill and Jonathan, and Mad-Eye and Mundungus," Remus finished as he placed his hands on my shoulders.

"I'll go tell Mum and Dad you're back," Ginny said.

As she hurried away, Kingsley decided to leave as well. He was already late getting back to Downing Street. Remus promised to send him word once he had it. Then we resumed our silent waiting. Every minute that passed felt like an hour. Jonathan and Bill should have been back long before now. All I could see was some unknown Death Eater casting a curse at Jonathan and him falling to the ground below. I cried silently while Remus held me from behind. I didn't even notice when Molly, Arthur, and Fleur joined us.

Then suddenly there was an ethereal wailing as a thestral broke through the barriers above. It landed a few feet away. I let out a cry of relief as Jonathan dismounted on his own. Then, mercifully, the first thing he did was come to me, wrap his arms around me, and lay his head on my shoulder.

"It's all right, Mum. I'm all right," he whispered against my tears.

I pulled him back to look him over, and I was pleased to see that he was unharmed.

"What kept you?" Fleur asked quietly.

"Mad-Eye's dead," Bill announced solemnly.

"What?" I looked into Jonathan's eyes for confirmation.

"How?" Harry asked.

"You-Know-Who did it himself," Bill replied. "Jonathan and I saw the whole thing; we were flying in the same direction. You-Know-Who went straight for Mad-Eye and Dung disapperated as soon as he saw him. Mad-Eye took the killing curse straight to the face and he fell. There was nothing we could do to stop it. Nothing."

We all stood in a stunned silence for a moment. It was hard to believe, and harder to accept. Alastor Moody, old Grizzly was dead. We made our way inside where Bill went straight to the kitchen cupboard. He pulled out glasses and a bottle of firewhisky, and pumpkin juice for me. We each raised our glasses in a toast to the fallen warrior.

"So, Mundungus fled?" Remus asked quietly, his brow raised.

Bill nodded solemnly. "I thought about that too, on the way over here. They seemed to be waiting for us, didn't they? But they didn't know the whole plan. It was Dung's idea, remember. I don't think it was him. I think Dung was just doing what he does best, and saved his own skin."

"He could be playing both sides," Jonathan suggested.

"No," Harry insisted. "I trust everyone in the Order. If we start turning on each other, and doubting each other's loyalty, then we've already lost this war."

Remus looked at Harry, and I knew he wanted to comment again on Harry's willingness to trust endlessly. Instead, he simply downed the rest of his firewhisky and placed the empty glass on the table. Then he turned to Bill.

"There's work to be done. I can ask Kingsley if you wish to stay with your family."

"No," Bill said. "I'll go with you."

"Go where?" Fleur asked.

"To find Mad-Eye's body," Remus responded.

"What? Now? Can't it wait?" Molly asked.

"You mean wait and let a Death Eater find it first? No. We should do it now."

Remus gave me a simple kiss to the forehead before hugging Jonathan. "Make sure your mother gets home safely."

"I will, but you do the same."

Bill, too, said his goodbyes to his parents, but Fleur and I followed them out the door. I was not going to settle for a mere kiss on the head.

"Why does it have to be you?" I whispered, as my arms hung around Remus' neck.

"Because right now, Arthur needs to be with his family."

I pulled back, tears in my eyes. "We need you too, Remus." I placed my hands on my belly. "I can't do this without you. Not again."

"You won't. I promise. I'll be there every step of the way."

"And I'll make sure he keeps that promise," Bill said, as he and Fleur joined us, holding hands and looking somber.

I nodded, finally relenting that they had to go.

"And you," I said, jabbing Remus in the chest with a finger. "You make sure Bill keeps his promise to marry this girl in a week."

Remus smiled and nodded. Then, with a prating kiss that left me breathless and in tears, they departed. I silently followed Fleur back inside where Jonathan met me.

"Come on, Mum. I should get you home. Dad will be a while. You should at least try to get some rest."

"I won't be able to."

"Humor me then, please. Or I'll get Fleur to force you."

"You know I will do zis," she said.

I did know. So, Jonathan and I made our goodbyes as well, and returned home. Where we continued on with what had become a long night of endless waiting.


End file.
